Maybe this new question will eliminate some tension in the other discussions.

To make a long story short, I was engaged 6 years ago. Thankfully, before any legal documents were signed, we called it off with 2 months to go. Unfortunately we did have our bridal shower, but we made sure that every gift was returned to it's rightful owner after calling it quits.

Fast forward to today. Engaged, happier then ever, found the perfect soulmate..yadadada. BUT I feel strongly against having another shower. My fiance and I (is there a shorter way to say finace on here? I'm new to the lingo...) live together and have a pretty good to start to our home goods so I don't feel that we need to register for every typical newly engaged gift (please no more comments about registries ;-) which would traditionally warrent both a shower and a wedding. Most of all, I think I would feel slightly embarassed by the fact that I would be having ANOTHER shower and I feel somewhat rude because the family from my side would be invited again. My fiance wants me to do whatever I feel is right, but rightfully so reminds me that my past should not interfere with my present.

So...do I, or don't I?

We abbreviate fiance with FI and once you are married DH (for dear husband I think!).  Hope that helps!  :)

I think if you don't feel like doing another shower, you definitely don't have to.  But, if this is your FI's first marriage, then his family may feel like they want to celebrate with you too.  You could do something like a bridal luncheon (not a shower!) to celebrate or you could do a theme type shower.  I like recipe showers where everyone is asked to bring a family recipe to share with the new couple or even a wine shower or some other type.   You never throw your own shower, so I would say if someone offers, tell them you have everything you need and suggest whatever alternative you like.  Or, just decline.

I think that there is nothing wrong with celebrating again, and even registering again if you want to.  Most likely people will want to buy you gifts, so you might get a bunch anyway!  If you don't register, as someone pointed out on the registry thread, you might end up with some really thoughtful, surprising gifts.

you definitely don't have to have a shower if you don't want one. I had a gift-free shower that my MOH planned with my mom, it was just a chance for my closest friends and family to have fun lunch together and take a break from planning.

same thing with registries- if you don't want one, don't have one. if you want one, go for it.

p.s. cute puppy!

Thank you both, good thoughts for each end of the spectrum. It is FI's first marriage, and I know his sisters (who are BMs) are asking, so I have some thinking to do.

Thanks, this picture is from the first day we got her...she's gotten cuter and cuter everyday!

You don't have to have a shower, but neither should you automatically feel too guilty to have one because you had one before and were wise enough to call off the wedding.  You returned the gifts so it's pretty much like it never happened.  I'm SURE your friends would love the opportunity to give you the full fledged celebration your getting married deserves including a shower.  Do you think you should be punished because you got engaged and it didn't work out? Whether you do or not, I can bet that your friends want no part of punishing you for that by withholding the joy of a shower from you, your mom, other close family and other friends.

I didn't want a shower because I didn't think I needed the gifts, but my FSIL and MOH were disappointed...very disappointed.  They would have let it go, respecting my wishes, but they wanted with every fiber of their being to throw me a party.  I'm glad I let them.  It was small - maybe 15 close family members and friends.  And, we all had a great time; it's a special memory for all of us.

That being said, if you truly just hate the idea of a shower, don't have one!  It's yoru party to have...or not.

Do you know if your family and friends are planning on throwing you a shower? Is there anything you need, like new sheets or a really cool kitchen gadget you've bee eyeing? Maybe you could make a small, secret registry online and if it turns out that your family throws you a shower and asks where you're registered, your BMs (bridesmaids; can also be best man in context) can tell people where to look.

It must have taken a lot of strength and been emotionally difficult for you to call off your first wedding. But it was the right thing to do and like kar said, you don't have to punish yourself for getting married to the right person! If your friends want to throw you a shower, let them, and enjoy being a bride :)

Also, your puppy is super adorable!

I felt the exact same way when I got married the second time. While I didn't have a shower the first time (we eloped), by the second, I was older and had an established household. I really didn't want a shower or any kind of registry. But my MIL really wanted to throw me a party, so I agreed. I know she enjoyed the opportunity to show me off to her friends (her DS is her only child) and her friends liked supporting her child as she had done for theirs over the years. And, even tho I said 'no presents' I received a lot. Most of which I gave away  b/c I didn't need them. So my advice, give people some idea of what to get you b/c they will probably want to bring gifts. As an example....my SIL and brother love to travel so they asked people to give them things related to travel. They got really cool travel books, frames & albums, travel sized supplies and even notes with people's personal travel tips and favorite spots.

Shorty is right, people want to celebrate with you and part of their celebration of your impending nuptuals is throwing you a party and giving you gifts.  Informing those people who are so eager to celebrate your good news with a party and gifts that they can't do that just doesn't seem more right to me than graciously accepting it.

In Response to Re: bridal shower...again:


I'm going through that myself. I feel kinda bad about having a shower, but my MiL really wants to throw one for me for DF's side of the family in Michigan. She actually came up with a great idea--a cooking demonstration/party, with DF invited. I feel much better about this than getting a traditional shower again. Maybe you could put the word out about what kind of celebration you'd be comfortable with.

Thank you for all the great comments/pieces of advice. I talked it over with my MOH and agreed that a small, intimate, "Midwestern-style" shower will be it (she's from the midwest) with close friends. Something simple, and all the BMs can get to know each other since most are scattered around the country. I feel much better about doing it this way, thank you!!!

I'm happy you talked with her about it and agreed to have a celebration that you'll all enjoy! 

(Try to put the past where it belongs, in the past, and don't let it put a damper on today.  That mistake is long behind you, you learned from it, and other than the good lessons, let it all go.  Enjoy this engagement with your whole self.)

I second the idea of a recipe shower.  I got married for the first time in my early 40's and didn't need all the gifts.  One of my friends threw me a recipe shower and later put it all together in a book, and it's one of my favorite cookbooks!  I have nice memories of the party every time I cook out of it.

1.  You called the wedding off with 2 months to go.
2.  You returned the shower gifts you had received.

kinga9, they should name a holiday for you!  Don't be embarrassed - not only did you do nothing wrong, you should give lessons in doing the RIGHT things.  If only more brides had the nerve to listen to their gut and call things off before the wedding........

So, feel free to let your friends throw you a shower if you want one.  If you don't want one, for whatever reason, then politely decline their offer.  It's up to you.

Very best wishes!

I 100% agree - she deserves a medal for preveting a divorce and handling the mistaken engagment with top notch class.

Great big thanks you right now, plus a VERY RED face :-) I really appreciate this, I should come to these forums more often! It was a very hard thing to do, but I always told myself that a broken engagement is better than a divorce! I guess my mother taught me well...

The more I look back on what I cook these days, the more I think I need the recipe shower! I'm stuck in the Italian food rut at the moment!