Bridesmaid Question

  1. You have chosen to ignore posts from NYEBride2010. Show NYEBride2010's posts

    Bridesmaid Question

    Hi gals,

    My sister is a BM in a wedding this weekend.  Her and the other BMs hosted the bridal shower and got the bride a gift.  She wasn't sure if she still needs to get her a gift for the wedding?  I said yes but I wanted to see what the consensus was on here.

    Thanks!
     
  2. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: Bridesmaid Question

    I'd agree  with her saying that the BM gift they gave as a group was for the bride.  She should give the couple a wedding gift.
     
  3. You have chosen to ignore posts from NYEBride2010. Show NYEBride2010's posts

    Re: Bridesmaid Question

    Thanks Kar.  I told her I would pick up something tonight for the couple when I go do my registry. 
     
  4. You have chosen to ignore posts from mezzogal1124. Show mezzogal1124's posts

    Re: Bridesmaid Question

    She should definitely buy them a wedding gift in addition to the shower gift.
     
  5. You have chosen to ignore posts from lucy7368. Show lucy7368's posts

    Re: Bridesmaid Question

    I concur.  Usually, there is a shower gift and a wedding gift.  It would be different if all of the BM pooled their money to buy wedding gifts for the couple.  Then, another wedding gift would just be too much.

    BTW, should I point out that you never need to give a gift? 
     
  6. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: Bridesmaid Question

    Of course, a gift is never obligatory, but I think the question was really, "Is the shower and wedding gift one in the same under these circumstances?"  That's not the same as "Does she have to give a wedding gift?"  The answer to both is "no," imo, but that's not to imply they are the same question.
     
  7. You have chosen to ignore posts from pinkkittie27. Show pinkkittie27's posts

    Re: Bridesmaid Question

    the shower gift doesn't count as a wedding gift. but I realize being a BM can be a big time and money commitment, so if she's already spent a ton of money, no one would expect her to buy another big gift. A nice card and a small token would be more than enough.
     
  8. You have chosen to ignore posts from framerican51008. Show framerican51008's posts

    Re: Bridesmaid Question

    I agree with Pink.  Sometimes after all of the other BM duties, buying a gift is daunting.  But in general you give a shower gift and a wedding gift if you are invited to both occasions; it doesn't matter whether you're in the bridal party or not.
     
  9. You have chosen to ignore posts from cosmogirl. Show cosmogirl's posts

    Re: Bridesmaid Question

    Yes, she should get them a wedding gift.   It doesn't have to cost a fortune. 

     
  10. You have chosen to ignore posts from downtoearth. Show downtoearth's posts

    Re: Bridesmaid Question

    And it doesn't have to be given this weekend.  There is no rush for you to 'pick up something' tonight. 
     
  11. You have chosen to ignore posts from NYEBride2010. Show NYEBride2010's posts

    Re: Bridesmaid Question

    Thanks all for the advice.  I found a beautiful picture frame at Macy's that I'm going to get for them from my sis.  Being a BM can get expensive (as I have heard, but not yet experienced) so for my college senior sister she was stressing about how broke she is also. 


    Thanks again.  :-)
     
  12. You have chosen to ignore posts from laryan. Show laryan's posts

    Re: Bridesmaid Question

    Yes, NYEbride2010, being a MOH or BM can get very expensive! when you're in college there's no money to begin with..then to have the expense of being a BM to boot...yes, she's broke.  (I remember those days all too well!)
     
  13. You have chosen to ignore posts from trex509. Show trex509's posts

    Re: Bridesmaid Question

    NYE: that is so nice of you to buy a present for your sister to give.  I think that is so sweet!
     
  14. You have chosen to ignore posts from pingo. Show pingo's posts

    Re: Bridesmaid Question

    Have the gift giving taken over?
    I think being a BM, GM, usher, reader or whatever is a gift in itself. You ask these people, because you WANT them to be there with you at your most precious moment. They may be delighted to do so, but please don't forget, lots of times they are doing YOU a favor. They will say "yes", even though they know, their CC cards will ring up.
    Asking someone to be in your marriage, is a big responsibility on your part. When our son got married, one of his best friends - who was unemployed at the time - told him, as much as he wanted to be there, he could not be part of the wedding. He could not afford it. Honesty prevail! We and the other groomsmen got together and made sure, he would be there. He has since paid everyone back, and the friendship seems to be everlasting.
    I know, this was somehow OT, but I just wanted to empathize, that one should be careful to ask for bridal responsibilities from friends. Gift giving is definitely not on of them. - Pingo

     
  15. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: Bridesmaid Question

    While a gift is never obligatory, if I could afford it I'd not think twice about being in the wedding and giving a wedding gift, hence my original advice.  However, just because my original advice did not explicitly say, "if she can afford it," that doesn't mean it wasn't implied.  That caveat applies 100% of the time so I didn't think spelling it out was necessary, and the OP did not make any mention of her meager finances; if you can't afford a gift you can't give one.

    Now, if NYE wants to remedy this by covering the wedding gift, that's nice, but not necessary.  If she can't afford any more what she's given already is, by virtue of her finances, enough.
     
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