Cheating

  1. You have chosen to ignore posts from GirlyGirl82. Show GirlyGirl82's posts

    Cheating

    So I found out my friend's bf cheated. He says he is completely in love with my friend, but was just super attracted to this other girl (a girl he knew not just some random girl he met out) and had to get it out of his system.   Do you think that it is possible to be totally in love with someone, cheat, and really have it mean nothing and really be truly in love with your partner? Is this possible for a guy?
     
  2. You have chosen to ignore posts from easydoesit2. Show easydoesit2's posts

    Re: Cheating

    Sure, it's possible for a guy. Sex and love are different and distinguishable to men.  Remember what Robin Williams said, "God gave men a brain and a pe**s, but only enough blood to run one at a time."
     
  3. You have chosen to ignore posts from ALF72. Show ALF72's posts

    Re: Cheating

    Yes, I  think it's possible for men [and women] to distinguish between sex and love.  However, even if they can make this distinction, I do not think acting on those feelings is appropriate.  Feeling attraction is one thing; acting on those feelings while in a relationship with someone else is quite another.  I think your friend needs to determine, on her own, if she can forgive him and take it from there. 
     
  4. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: Cheating

    It's possible to be attracted to someone else in a physical sense, but like ALF said, acting on it is unloving in every respect to everyone involved.  Even if it's "just sex" it's damaging to all, and even if they stay together the damage is hardly ever totally repaired, and it never is if there's no repentance - an asking for forgiveness and completely turning from that behavior in the future.  "Just sex" ruins everything.  Given they are not married, I'd advise her to find someone who is faithful.

    P.S.  "Getting it out of his system," is a crock.  There is ALWAYS temptation around.  How many "cleansing" rounds of meaningless sex is ahead?  More than this once, be sure.
     
  5. You have chosen to ignore posts from lucy7368. Show lucy7368's posts

    Re: Cheating

    I'm sure it's possible.  However, if a guy has so little respect for you that he would cheat on you once, do you really want to spend the rest of your life with him?  I don't believe "once a cheater, always a cheater" is true 100% of the time.  But I do believe that a guy who cheats on a specific girl once will cheat on that same girl again, if they stay together. 

    A guy who truly loves his girfriend does not have sex with other women.  Period.
     
  6. You have chosen to ignore posts from cosmogirl. Show cosmogirl's posts

    Re: Cheating

    He's a tool.  She needs to (1) get tested for STDs and HIV and (2) kick him out.

    If he cheats once, he WILL cheat again.  If she thinks otherwise, she's a fool. 

    I'm not saying you can't or shouldn't forgive, but how can you ever trust him again, and what's a relationship with trust and respect? 
     
  7. You have chosen to ignore posts from downtoearth. Show downtoearth's posts

    Re: Cheating

    In Response to Cheating:
    So I found out my friend's bf cheated. He says he is completely in love with my friend, but was just super attracted to this other girl (a girl he knew not just some random girl he met out) and had to get it out of his system.   Do you think that it is possible to be totally in love with someone, cheat, and really have it mean nothing and really be truly in love with your partner? Is this possible for a guy?
    Posted by GirlyGirl82


    no.
     
  8. You have chosen to ignore posts from dkb6248. Show dkb6248's posts

    Re: Cheating

    I agree with other posters.  I don't, however, feel in this case that he should be forgiven.  Granted, I don't know the whole story, but the fact that his excuse is he had to get it out of his system says to me that he feels this gives him licence to cheat and it doesn't sound like he is too remorseful.

    There will always be temptation.  Will this always be his response?

    Also, cheating not only hurts people emotionally, but like Cosmo pointed out, he is putting her health at risk.
     
  9. You have chosen to ignore posts from ALF72. Show ALF72's posts

    Re: Cheating

    Love the rhyme of tool and fool, cosmo.  lol.

    FWIW, I probably would not forgive this tool.  I just think girlygirl's friend has alot of thinking to do - how long their relationship was, how much alcohol the fool had to drink, etc - before making a decision.  I'm sure we don't have all the info surrounding this situation. 
     
  10. You have chosen to ignore posts from lucy7368. Show lucy7368's posts

    Re: Cheating

    In Response to Re: Cheating:
    Love the rhyme of tool and fool, cosmo.  lol. FWIW, I probably would not forgive this tool. 
    Posted by ALF72


    You know, I might be able to forgive my boyfriend for cheating on me.  However, I would not be able to forgive my best friend for utterly disregarding my feelings and violating my trust.  Since they are the same person, it would be a huge problem.
     
  11. You have chosen to ignore posts from Goodness1. Show Goodness1's posts

    Re: Cheating

    Even if she can forgive, will she ever be able to forget?  Won't those thoughts just flash into her mind every once in a while?  I think it would drive most bananas!! 
     
  12. You have chosen to ignore posts from whatawagSBNy. Show whatawagSBNy's posts

    Re: Cheating

         Something not clear from the post - what extent of commitment does the couple have?  Engaged or just married, dump the SOB.
         I do know many couples, however, where just because they have dated mostly or only each other for a matter of months,  one person considers themselves not firmly committed,  and the other thinks, committed or not,  it is always me or he is cheating. 
         I used to know women who from the time they were 14 to 25 thought every guy they went out with more than 4-5 times who ever went out with anyone else, the guy was called cheating.  These women did a job on their own self-esteem with false expectations. 
         These guys mostly did settle down and stay with someone for a year or 2, faithfully, before marriage,  but girlfriends always judged from a point of instant commitment.  The guys wanted to be single until school, work, service commitments, etc were over, and marry  WHEN MATURE.  Dating a variety of women was part of the plan until one day they made a date with someone new, and spent time thinking - I don't want this,  I have Miss truelove and no one else will ever matter.  Then they settle down.
     
  13. You have chosen to ignore posts from helphelpImbeingrepressed. Show helphelpImbeingrepressed's posts

    Re: Cheating

    It is certainly possible, but acting on that desire without his "beloved's" knowledge and permission is hurtful behavior. People generally don't do things that hurt the ones they love.

    Love and relationships come in many forms and not everyone, either male or female, is cut out to be a happy monogamist. Good communication makes open relatiosnips, where a couple may be emotionally monogamous and sexually polygamous, possible without hurt feelings. However, if someone is in a relationship where monogamy is expected by the other partner, it's wrong to stray because it violates the trust the person had in the wanderer. That is not something you do to someone you love.
     
  14. You have chosen to ignore posts from pinkkittie27. Show pinkkittie27's posts

    Re: Cheating

    I think it's more difficult for someone who has never, and would never, cheat to understand how someone could love one person truly and yet still betray them. It's possible and it happens all the time, but it's hard to imagine it if the whole concept of infidelity disgusts you. But it is possible.

    I don't believe the "once a cheat, always a cheat" philosophy, it's just not true.

    However, I don't think love can survive an affair without a lot of forgiveness, patience, truth-searching and counseling. Wether or not the two people involved want to try and work things out is more demonstrative of love and devotion than the transgression itself.
     
  15. You have chosen to ignore posts from WhirledPeasPlease. Show WhirledPeasPlease's posts

    Re: Cheating

    The worst part of this is "get it out of his system." If he loved his girlfriend, he'd find the self-restraint that adults use.

    He loves his girlfriend, but he was willing to throw away trust, their whole relationship, and set that love aside for a night of fun?

    People like this disgust me.
     
  16. You have chosen to ignore posts from trex509. Show trex509's posts

    Re: Cheating

    The worst part of this for me is that it was a "girl he knew not just some random girl" and "he was super attracted to" her.  Does this mean the girl is still around (like one of your friends or in the same social circle?)?  If he were my BF, I'd dump him fast.  It would kill my self esteem to think that 1) he found another girl more attractive than me and 2) that if she's that attractive, he can't control himself.  It just seems destined for future problems.

    Then again, I don't think I could ever forgive cheating.  I would never be able to stop thinking about it.

    Is your friend planning to stay with this guy?

    In Response to Cheating:
    So I found out my friend's bf cheated. He says he is completely in love with my friend, but was just super attracted to this other girl (a girl he knew not just some random girl he met out) and had to get it out of his system.   Do you think that it is possible to be totally in love with someone, cheat, and really have it mean nothing and really be truly in love with your partner? Is this possible for a guy?
    Posted by GirlyGirl82

     
  17. You have chosen to ignore posts from cicirose. Show cicirose's posts

    Re: Cheating

    In Response to Re: Cheating:
    The worst part of this for me is that it was a "girl he knew not just some random girl" and "he was super attracted to" her.  Does this mean the girl is still around (like one of your friends or in the same social circle?)?  If he were my BF, I'd dump him fast.  It would kill my self esteem to think that 1) he found another girl more attractive than me and 2) that if she's that attractive, he can't control himself.  It just seems destined for future problems. Then again, I don't think I could ever forgive cheating.  I would never be able to stop thinking about it. Is your friend planning to stay with this guy? In Response to Cheating :
    Posted by trex509


    That is the part that really bothers me too. Unfortunately I had first-hand experience with this type of situation and it was not pretty. When it's with someone you know like that, it's not just a one-time thing and there are lies coming from every direction. She really needs to be careful.

    I wonder how she found out too. Was he man enough to tell her or did she find out from someone else?
     
  18. You have chosen to ignore posts from lizinboston. Show lizinboston's posts

    Re: Cheating

    I don't even know what to say to this one. I don't think there is any excuse when someone cheats. I love my FI more than anything else in this world, and can not imagine my life without him, but if he ever cheated on me, I don't know if I could spend the rest of my life with him....
     
  19. You have chosen to ignore posts from WhirledPeasPlease. Show WhirledPeasPlease's posts

    Re: Cheating

    Yeah, cheating is the one thing I couldn't deal with. I mean, if DH murdered someone I'd probably help him cover it up, but if I found out he'd cheated I'd turn him into the authorities.

    Then again, my ethical compass doesn't exactly point due north.
    Laughing
     
  20. You have chosen to ignore posts from lizinboston. Show lizinboston's posts

    Re: Cheating

    Oh good to know WPP...that puts ME in a tough spot, being your FB friend, and all!
     
  21. You have chosen to ignore posts from trex509. Show trex509's posts

    Re: Cheating

    WPP, you are SO funny!  You crack me up!
     
  22. You have chosen to ignore posts from Goodness1. Show Goodness1's posts

    Re: Cheating

    I'm like Liz.  I love my fiance more than anything.  He's my best friend, my partner.  He's an amazing person.  Literally, the BEST thing that has ever happened to me.

    But, if he ever cheated, I don't think I could be with him anymore.  I know myself well enough to KNOW that I couldn't be/stay with him.  I think the thoughts alone would drive me insane.  The deception and the act itself... sickens my stomach.
     
  23. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: Cheating

    How people excuse and minimize the effects of cheating does baffle me, too.  The thought of my or his being intimate with anyone else...can't even wrap my mind around how it would feel enough to verbalize it.  Neither of us would get over it.  Like you say, you can't forget even if you can manage to forgive.
     
  24. You have chosen to ignore posts from Goodness1. Show Goodness1's posts

    Re: Cheating

    In Response to Re: Cheating:
    How people excuse and minimize the effects of cheating does baffle me, too.  The thought of my or his being intimate with anyone else...can't even wrap my mind around how it would feel enough to verbalize it.  Neither of us would get over it.  Like you say, you can't forget even if you can manage to forgive.
    Posted by kargiver


    Kar, exactly.  I can't even put it into words of how that would feel.  All I know is that my stomach gets sick just merely thinking of it.  So, I can only imagine what the poster's friend feels like.  Who knows, maybe she can move past it.  I know a lot of people who can manage to get past it, but I wouldn't be one of them. 
     
  25. You have chosen to ignore posts from lizinboston. Show lizinboston's posts

    Re: Cheating

    As cheesy as this sounds, my life would be very different without my FI, I would be sad, depressed, alone, etc. (Please no one lecture me on that, and how I shouldn't depend on him), but I do...in so many ways. Emotionally, and in other ways, he really is my rock. BUT, if I were to found out that he was intimate with someone else, it would break me so bad, that I don't think I could ever look at him the same way again. It would completely destroy all trust I have in him, with I do 100%.

    I don't know how some people can cheat, the guilt and pain alone I would feel... I mean, how can someone do that to another human being??

     
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