Cheating

  1. You have chosen to ignore posts from cosmogirl. Show cosmogirl's posts

    Re: Cheating

    Hold on there, girlygirl.   I just re-read your original post in light of your latest one.  What do you mean by "cheating".  I think most of us assumed you meant that they had s e x. 

    Now I'm re-reading it and it looks like they had a drink or meal together.

    He says he is completely in love with my friend, but was just super attracted to this other girl (a girl he knew not just some random girl he met out) and had to get it out of his system.

    Did he tell you this personally?  Did they meet for a drink or did they have "grilled cheese sandwiches"?

    I know I jumped to conclusions from  your earlier post, and maybe others did, too.  I wouldn't care if DH had a drink with some female friend, even if he was attracted to her, but I WOULD want to know about. 
     
  2. You have chosen to ignore posts from pinkkittie27. Show pinkkittie27's posts

    Re: Cheating

    exactly, she's your friend, you support her. That's what friends do. You also have running shoes ready for her in case she ever needs them.

    In Response to Re: Cheating:
    [QUOTE]"if your friend knowingly stays with a person who cheats, what do you think of her?" I wouldn't pay it any mind. Monogamy is not the only route to happiness and cheaters are not all evil, selfish bastards. I would give the cheater the opportunity to fix his/her mistake, but there's no way I'd let a friend be habitually cheated on unknowingly. There's just too much at risk. What she/he does with that info is their concern.
    Posted by helphelpImbeingrepressed[/QUOTE]
     
  3. You have chosen to ignore posts from pinkkittie27. Show pinkkittie27's posts

    Re: Cheating

    You saw them at a restaurant, and you know they're sleeping together how?

    In Response to Re: Cheating:
    [QUOTE]Thought I would update. My friend has been dating her bf for 3 years and they live together. The girl he is cheating with has been a friend of his. I found out because I saw bf and this girl together at a restaraunt, but I did not confront them because I did not think it was my place. I am contemplating telling my friend about it. My friend thinks everything is okay and talks about future wedding plans, etc. He tells her he loves her. Can he really love her? I don't understand guys sometimes, and if they are capable of loving their SO and having sex with someone else and having it be meaningless. It bothers me.  I think I should tell her, but thought this was a good place to sound off and look for ideas and advice before I make any rash decisions.
    Posted by GirlyGirl82[/QUOTE]
     
  4. You have chosen to ignore posts from lucy7368. Show lucy7368's posts

    Re: Cheating

    In Response to Re: Cheating:
    [QUOTE]You saw them at a restaurant, and you know they're sleeping together how? In Response to Re: Cheating :
    Posted by pinkkittie27[/QUOTE]

    Maybe it was one of those restaurants that has beds?
     
  5. You have chosen to ignore posts from ALF72. Show ALF72's posts

    Re: Cheating

    In Response to Re: Cheating:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Cheating : Maybe it was one of those restaurants that has beds?
    Posted by lucy7368[/QUOTE]

    LMAO.  Or maybe she is one of those s ushi girls who lie naked on the table covered in fish while people dine. 
     
  6. You have chosen to ignore posts from pinkkittie27. Show pinkkittie27's posts

    Re: Cheating

    well they could have been kissing or holding hands or playing footsie or cuddling I guess...

    If sharing a meal or a drink with a friend of the opposite sex is cheating, then I'm in a lot of trouble and so is DH.

    In Response to Re: Cheating:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Cheating : Maybe it was one of those restaurants that has beds?
    Posted by lucy7368[/QUOTE]
     
  7. You have chosen to ignore posts from pinkkittie27. Show pinkkittie27's posts

    Re: Cheating

    is that cheating, or is that like going to a strip show?

    In Response to Re: Cheating:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Cheating : LMAO.  Or maybe she is one of those s ushi girls who lie naked on the table covered in fish while people dine. 
    Posted by ALF72[/QUOTE]
     
  8. You have chosen to ignore posts from cosmogirl. Show cosmogirl's posts

    Re: Cheating

    Where is girlygirl.  Inquiring minds want to know.

    I might have to change my name to kelpkelpimnotcheating
     
  9. You have chosen to ignore posts from ALF72. Show ALF72's posts

    Re: Cheating

    In Response to Re: Cheating:
    [QUOTE]is that cheating , or is that like going to a strip show? In Response to Re: Cheating :
    Posted by pinkkittie27[/QUOTE]

    I guess it would depend on how much someone eats.  If there is still something covering strategic locations, it could a form of burlesque.  Way more acceptable than a strip club.  lol. 
     
  10. You have chosen to ignore posts from pinkkittie27. Show pinkkittie27's posts

    Re: Cheating

    ha ha ha, fish pasties!

    In Response to Re: Cheating:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Cheating : I guess it would depend on how much someone eats.  If there is still something covering strategic locations, it could a form of burlesque.  Way more acceptable than a strip club.  lol. 
    Posted by ALF72[/QUOTE]
     
  11. You have chosen to ignore posts from whatawagSBNy. Show whatawagSBNy's posts

    Re: Cheating

    I think this post ought to be called off on account of false advertising.  It would have died on page 1 without the word cheating.  Now it has all the excitement of "Should I tell my best friend her husband gets on the elevator every morning at the same time as his secretary."   Uh huh.  And have they been seen holding coffee cups while within the same room? 
         Or will looking through the glass partition  and seeing that he is on the phone at the same time as the head of sales and the appointment secretary  be taken as proof - Oh my God, a 3 way!
         I think I'll save my friend the trouble and cancel all her vendors for her upcoming wedding!
     
  12. You have chosen to ignore posts from pinkkittie27. Show pinkkittie27's posts

    Re: Cheating

    well, let's not be too rash. As I mentioned there are things that they could have been doing in a restaurant that one does not do with their friends.
    I just think that if I saw my friend's boyfriend at a restaurant obviously canoodling with someone, or not, I would go over and say "Funny seeing you here..."

    In Response to Re: Cheating:
    [QUOTE]I think this post ought to be called off on account of false advertising.  It would have died on page 1 without the word cheating.  Now it has all the excitement of "Should I tell my best friend her husband gets on the elevator every morning at the same time as his secretary."   Uh huh.  And have they been seen holding coffee cups while within the same room?       Or will looking through the glass partition  and seeing that he is on the phone at the same time as the head of sales and the appointment secretary  be taken as proof - Oh my God, a 3 way!      I think I'll save my friend the trouble and cancel all her vendors for her upcoming wedding!
    Posted by whatawagSBNy[/QUOTE]
     
  13. You have chosen to ignore posts from Goodness1. Show Goodness1's posts

    Re: Cheating

    I love the word canoodling.  Sounds very Us Magazine!!  He, he. 

    I agree with you, Pink.  I might've done the same thing.  If I saw a mutual friend out with someone who wasn't his/her girlfriend/boyfriend, I might say something.  OR, make sure I pass by so they see me, and mouth, "I KNOW!".  Really scare them.  Ha, ha...
     
  14. You have chosen to ignore posts from pinkkittie27. Show pinkkittie27's posts

    Re: Cheating

    Ha ha ha, I'd lay it on thick

    "Oh, funny seeing you here! What a nice surprie! Where's girlfriend'sname tonight? Who's your friend? So nice to meet you. Don't you just love it here? SO romantic! I'll be sure to tell girlfriend'sname I saw you and miss thing here, she'll be so sorry she missed it! Have a good night!"

    I also love the word canoodling, and I'm sure to use it every chance I get.

    In Response to Re: Cheating:
    [QUOTE]I love the word canoodling.  Sounds very Us Magazine!!  He, he.  I agree with you, Pink.  I might've done the same thing.  If I saw a mutual friend out with someone who wasn't his/her girlfriend/boyfriend, I might say something.  OR, make sure I pass by so they see me, and mouth, "I KNOW!".  Really scare them.  Ha, ha...
    Posted by Goodness1[/QUOTE]
     
  15. You have chosen to ignore posts from cosmogirl. Show cosmogirl's posts

    Re: Cheating

    I've been out to dinner with a male friend and had some woman come up to us and say, "Oh hello, Joe.  Where is MARY tonight?"  We're sitting at a public restaurant in his home town, next to his office, he has his wedding ring on, etc. etc.  Don't be so snarky, ....we're just friends! 

     
  16. You have chosen to ignore posts from whatawagSBNy. Show whatawagSBNy's posts

    Re: Cheating

    In Response to Re: Cheating:
    [QUOTE]Ha ha ha, I'd lay it on thick "Oh, funny seeing you here! What a nice surprie! Where's girlfriend'sname tonight? Who's your friend? So nice to meet you. Don't you just love it here? SO romantic ! I'll be sure to tell girlfriend'sname I saw you and miss thing here, she'll be so sorry she missed it! Have a good night!" I also love the word canoodling, and I'm sure to use it every chance I get. In Response to Re: Cheating :
    Posted by pinkkittie27[/QUOTE]

         Sounds okay for a very young teenager,  but most adults would pat someone who did that on the head   and say, it must be your bedtime, run along now.  Tell your parents I said "Hi"
         Most adults realize that friends can have a social meeting without anyone "cheating",  and also realize that they do not have any reason to horn in on  others' conversations in a restaurant or other social situation,  just because they are nosy busybodies.  Totally uncalled for.

         Even in old fifties Doris Day movies, the height of prudery, adults were allowed to dine in public with people other than their SO or spouses.  Time to move up a notch on the social maturity scale, to a place where adults respect one another's privacy.
     
  17. You have chosen to ignore posts from Goodness1. Show Goodness1's posts

    Re: Cheating

    I'd have to say, if my fiance was alerted every time I had lunch or a happy hour drink with a guy (I'm always in group situations on this one... fyi), then I'd be in trouble, too. 

    I think it depends on the type of situation.  It depends on how the "couple" is acting together.  If you see them out at a bar, having drinks, hugging and kissing, then yeah, it might be okay to suspect that something MIGHT be going on. 

    What I want to know is how the poster found out that this particular guy was "so attracted" to this other gal.  That's a red flag all in of itself, but still.  Was it hearsay?  Did he tell her himself?  Did she notice actions, and assume?  Who knows. 
     
  18. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: Cheating

    Yeah, it totally depends on the individual situation.  There's innocent dinner and not so innocent dinner; usually one can spot the difference.  I'd never sit staring into my friend's eyes holding his hand, for instance.  We'd be laughing and talking like the friends we are.
     
  19. You have chosen to ignore posts from ash. Show ash's posts

    Re: Cheating

    Not that I think there is anything wrong with going out for dinner/drinks with an opposite gender friend who is not your partner, but I have to tell you, I can't remember the last time I did this.  I'm surprised at how many people do this on an apparently regular basis.  Maybe its a function of my age, or that I have kids, or that I've been married for a while, but this really never happens.  I don't really know anyone that does go out only with a person of the opposite gender who is not their spouse.  I do go out with groups of girlfriends from time to time. 


    I don't think going out with a group of people, some of whom happen to be men, or even if all of them are men, are the same as going out one on one with a male, heterosexual friend.

    I just thought it was interesting.  Do people really do this as much as it sounds?  Just curious.

     
  20. You have chosen to ignore posts from whatawagSBNy. Show whatawagSBNy's posts

    Re: Cheating

         Some people never really have a lot of friends of the opposite gender who are separate from couple's socializing.

         I had a fair number of men friends who were never romantic interests before I married, though I have made only a couple of new ones in the 3 years DH and I have lived together or been married.
         Some come from traveling, some in Europe, living 3-6 months in one place, then moving on.
         Some from hobbies- I'm definitely an outdoors girl, and lots of guys like to hike, distance swim, kayak or row with 1 or a few friends, not groups.
         Some from being in the service just under 3 years.  Lots people up to 25 years my senior that I know through family.

         I still write letters, and receive them, regularly.  So when seeing an old friend, it is more awkward to do surface chit chat  with DH or their wife/companion, than just to go out some place and yak.  Correspondence over a period of years can be very intimate in terms of knowing each other, though not in a lover like way.   I know some women could never happily have a  male  roommate as a platonic friend.  Perhaps because I have a same age brother, and a large family and HUGE extended family,  the brotherly or cousinly relationship seems a natural. I still have 3 old roommates I see every 3-6 months, when they are in town, or  when I am visiting someone near them.
         DH has some Spanish and Italian speaking friends who speak only tourist phrase book English, if that.  I feel like a 3rd wheel with these and a few of his older brothers and cousins who speak English but have conversed in Italian all their lives.   He is equally left out in Saami, Finnish and Inuit.  Easier to just ignore the mate who finds something better to do than listen to a totally foreign conversation for 5 hours, and do our own thing. 
         Dh has some female friends of long standing, though fewer.  Just not as sociable all around. 
     
  21. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: Cheating

    I very rarely do dinner with a friend of the opposite sex, in fact, not since my divorce (totally unrelated, by the way).  However, I went to lunch very often with my male friends when I worked while I was dating DH and, now that I've left work having gotten married, sometimes I go visit JUST for lunch.  DH is friends with those guys and their wives and has no issue with this.
     
  22. You have chosen to ignore posts from princess-cal. Show princess-cal's posts

    Re: Cheating

    I am very close with my brother.  We work together, eat lunch together, and on occasion will go out for drinks.  One time I was in the ladies room at work and someone asked me how my bro was.  Another woman blurted out - "He's your brother?  I just thought you were having an affair with him."  Goes to show, things aren't always what they seem!
     
  23. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: Cheating

    When I was in college in the early 90s, having roommates of the opposite sex was becoming popular - no hanky panky, just someone to share the rent.  When I stayed at my friend's house for 2 summers, my parents were concerned about how it would look and if it would be safe.  I let them know that many, many ads for roommates were explicit about not caring about gender, and it was no less safe than rooming with a girl with a crazy boyfriend who stayed over all the time.

    My closest friends have been guys for as long as I can remember, and they were all totally platonic.  Then, as an engineer, there were more men than women.  We all were pretty quiet folks preferring to get coffee one on one than with a bunch of people.  So, it was very common (numerous times per afternoon) that you'd see a man and a woman of any relationship status go out for coffee with someone of the opposite sex.  No one said or, to my knowledge, even thought anything about it.  It was literally the same as if two women or two guys went as far as our office was concerned.  It was the same for lunch, too, but the fact was that lunch took more time and that time missed at the office would have to be made up at some point (time cards) so it wasn't as common, but come Friday, it was.  I never heard one rumor or caught any sideways glances about it aimed at me or anyone else even when I was going through a divorce.  The respect of the platonic relationship was untouchable where I worked, anyway.

    Things have changed since the 70s and 80s, I think, at least from my experience.  Maybe the engineering culture is different than others, though.  All I have to go on is my own experience.
     
  24. You have chosen to ignore posts from ash. Show ash's posts

    Re: Cheating

    When I was in college in the early 90s, having roommates of the opposite sex was becoming popular -

    Do you mean in college, Kar?  Because I was in my twenties and living on my own in the eighties and I had male roommates and it was not that uncommon.
     
  25. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: Cheating

    Yeah, college.  I guess it had started to change before my time, then.  You must be about 10 years older than I am.  Anyway, yeah, the point is the same.  Platonic relationships are common and acceptable for a large number of people from what I can see and have been for longer than I thought.

    Actually, my grandmother always talked about her friends being men, too.  My mom never understood it - maybe it "skips a generation."  ;)
     

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