Cheating

  1. You have chosen to ignore posts from cosmogirl. Show cosmogirl's posts

    Re: Cheating

    ash, twice in my life, I have been really close friends with a married guy.  In both cases, I later became close friends with their wives, too, but the friendship started with the guy.  One was a co-worker, the other I met thru mutual friends. 

    We will go out to dinner, maybe a RedSox or Celtics game once a year, fishing, or whatever from time to time.  There's no romantic interest.  In both cases, we have a lot of good, interesting conversations.  And in both cases, I think they enjoy/enjoyed the friendship because they can really talk about stuff, like they usually can't with their other male friends. 

    And, in both cases, their wives were 100% unbothered by it.  (It wouldn't have worked otherwise...)
     
  2. You have chosen to ignore posts from ALF72. Show ALF72's posts

    Re: Cheating

    Ash, my DH and I will each have dinner or lunch w/ friends of the opposite sex w/o each other being there.  Usually, he and our friend's SO are invited as well, but either can't make it or are somewhere else.  This may happen when one of us is traveling, or if someone has to work late. Also, I've had dinner out w/ male colleagues when we are coming back or going to an event.  It's not weird at all.  We don't sit close to each other or share a dessert, but I don't think it's weird to leave your SO at home while you socialize w/ a friend of the opposite sex. 
     
  3. You have chosen to ignore posts from whatawagSBNy. Show whatawagSBNy's posts

    Re: Cheating

    My Mom lived in an alternating room  Coed dorm at Tufts starting in 71 or 72-  no mixing within a room, but she has 2 long term friends she now sees for work occasionally also, once neighbors living on either side of her room.
         Not true everywhere, but it has been happening a long, long time now!
     
  4. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: Cheating

    Did people view it differently then, though?  Was it cutting edge or run of the mill to have dorms like that then?  I was a little kid in the 70s...
     
  5. You have chosen to ignore posts from pinkkittie27. Show pinkkittie27's posts

    Re: Cheating

    see my prior comments about obvious canoodling vs. just sitting and eating.
    Then please get over yourself.

    In Response to Re: Cheating:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Cheating :      Sounds okay for a very young teenager,  but most adults would pat someone who did that on the head   and say, it must be your bedtime, run along now.  Tell your parents I said "Hi"      Most adults realize that friends can have a social meeting without anyone "cheating",  and also realize that they do not have any reason to horn in on  others' conversations in a restaurant or other social situation,  just because they are nosy busybodies.  Totally uncalled for.      Even in old fifties Doris Day movies, the height of prudery, adults were allowed to dine in public with people other than their SO or spouses.  Time to move up a notch on the social maturity scale, to a place where adults respect one another's privacy.
    Posted by whatawagSBNy[/QUOTE]
     
  6. You have chosen to ignore posts from pinkkittie27. Show pinkkittie27's posts

    Re: Cheating

    exactly, there's canoodling and then there's sitting accross fom each other eating. There's a big difference.

    In Response to Re: Cheating:
    [QUOTE]I'd have to say, if my fiance was alerted every time I had lunch or a happy hour drink with a guy (I'm always in group situations on this one... fyi), then I'd be in trouble, too.  I think it depends on the type of situation.  It depends on how the "couple" is acting together.  If you see them out at a bar, having drinks, hugging and kissing, then yeah, it might be okay to suspect that something MIGHT be going on.  What I want to know is how the poster found out that this particular guy was "so attracted" to this other gal.  That's a red flag all in of itself, but still.  Was it hearsay?  Did he tell her himself?  Did she notice actions, and assume?  Who knows. 
    Posted by Goodness1[/QUOTE]
     
  7. You have chosen to ignore posts from pinkkittie27. Show pinkkittie27's posts

    Re: Cheating

    One of my best friends is a guy. We go out to dinner and brunch and the movies and what have you all the time. He's been on vacation with me and my family and I sleep over his house quite frequently. We've known each other since we were 8. He's like my brother.
     
  8. You have chosen to ignore posts from heatherv1211. Show heatherv1211's posts

    Re: Cheating

    One of my closest friends used to be a guy.  Well, I mean, he's STILL a guy, but we're not as close since he met his now wife.  When he started dating her, I was single.  The three of us went out a couple of times because he really wanted us to like each other.  I liked her - she seemed very sweet, funny and really crazy about him, which was great because he'd been single for a VERY long time.  Well, very quickly I found that he wasn't returning my calls as frequently and was turning down offers to get together.  It didn't take long for us to basically lose touch completely.  Then I ran into him trying on his wedding tux at Men's Warehouse!!  (I was there with my bf at the time to buy a suit).  She was there, along with his parents whom I love and have known forever.  So we all had a warm hello, and I went on my way.  We still didn't get in touch and I assumed his wedding came and went (which made me sad... I always thought we would be invited to each other's weddings). 

    We recently found each other again on facebook and he's suggested getting together - without our SOs.  I've always wondered if his wife just didn't like him being friends with me, so put a stop to it.  Either that, or when he met her she filled a place in his life in such that he didn't need me anymore.  I've never known (and never asked) but now I don't know what to make of him specifically wanting to get together just he and I...

    It can be complicated, these male-famale friendships!!
     
  9. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: Cheating

    heather, this is very dicey, as you have surmised.  In your case, I'd suggest that you tell him you'd love for the four of you to get together and connect/reconnect, but otherwise you are uncomfortable at this point with getting together alone.

    Sorry!  As you've read, I'm a total proponent of platonic friendships and believe it can be perfectly fine to go out alone.  But, in this case, I think the chances are high that his wife will have no idea (yet) about this meeting, and that's not something you want to, uh, mess around with, pardon the pun.

    It will be hard to tell your old pal that you are now too uncomfortable to go out alone with him, but I'd say you have no real choice. 
     
  10. You have chosen to ignore posts from Goodness1. Show Goodness1's posts

    Re: Cheating

    I don't do this anymore.  I used to go out for happy hour drinks with a coworker of mine from my previous company.  It was completely innocent at first, then he started having "feelings for me".  This bothered me very much, and I told him it would never happen.  Mind you, he was/is married!  I paid it no mind and we kept things social.  After a couple years, he met my then boyfriend (now fiance) and we would all go out for drinks.  He would make jokes to me every now and again about "getting together", but again (I stupidly) ignored those comments.  One night, he made his last comment to me about "all of us getting together and getting naked".  This sickened me to my stomach.  All the while, he had never been so graphic, so disgusting.  I told him to never talk to me again.  It's been over a year and a half, and he hasn't tried to get in touch with me. 

    I have to say, ever since that situation, I'm VERY gun-shy about making friends with any other man aside from my future husband and our friends who are couples. 

    If I go out with work people, I'm never alone with a man.  I'm always sure to stay in a group situation.

     
  11. You have chosen to ignore posts from pinkkittie27. Show pinkkittie27's posts

    Re: Cheating

    I don't get it when people feel threatened by their spouse's friends. DH has female friends, I have no problem with him going out for drinks with them, or what have you. I've met all his friends, I like them and I'd like to think they like me, but I know they like DH and that their friendship makes him happy, why would I want to stop that? DH knows that my friends are very important to me and that asking me to give them up is simply not an option.

    In Response to Re: Cheating:
    [QUOTE]One of my closest friends used to be a guy.  Well, I mean, he's STILL a guy, but we're not as close since he met his now wife.  When he started dating her, I was single.  The three of us went out a couple of times because he really wanted us to like each other.  I liked her - she seemed very sweet, funny and really crazy about him, which was great because he'd been single for a VERY long time.  Well, very quickly I found that he wasn't returning my calls as frequently and was turning down offers to get together.  It didn't take long for us to basically lose touch completely.  Then I ran into him trying on his wedding tux at Men's Warehouse!!  (I was there with my bf at the time to buy a suit).  She was there, along with his parents whom I love and have known forever.  So we all had a warm hello, and I went on my way.  We still didn't get in touch and I assumed his wedding came and went (which made me sad... I always thought we would be invited to each other's weddings).  We recently found each other again on facebook and he's suggested getting together - without our SOs.  I've always wondered if his wife just didn't like him being friends with me, so put a stop to it.  Either that, or when he met her she filled a place in his life in such that he didn't need me anymore.  I've never known (and never asked) but now I don't know what to make of him specifically wanting to get together just he and I... It can be complicated, these male-famale friendships!!
    Posted by heatherv1211[/QUOTE]
     
  12. You have chosen to ignore posts from lucy7368. Show lucy7368's posts

    Re: Cheating

    What I find interesting is that nearly all of my male friends are gay.  Yet, when we go out to dinner or whatever, people still think we're dating.  Of course, for nearly 10 years before I met my SO, everyone thought my best friend was my girlfried.  So, really, people will think what they want, and it doesn't matter.

    But I think what's really relevant here is - what happened to Girlygirl?
     
  13. You have chosen to ignore posts from pinkkittie27. Show pinkkittie27's posts

    Re: Cheating

    I think as we get older it's more difficult to make friends with the opposite sex sometimes. However, most people I know who have friends of the opposite sex have had these friends since high school or college and they view each other as cousins or siblings. I've certainly had a male friend or two who confessed feelings for me, and who I had to let-down gently, but they were the exception, not the rule. The guy you describe sounds like a creep. Not all men are creeps and know where to draw the line.

    In Response to Re: Cheating:
    [QUOTE]I don't do this anymore.  I used to go out for happy hour drinks with a coworker of mine from my previous company.  It was completely innocent at first, then he started having "feelings for me".  This bothered me very much, and I told him it would never happen.  Mind you, he was/is married!  I paid it no mind and we kept things social.  After a couple years, he met my then boyfriend (now fiance) and we would all go out for drinks.  He would make jokes to me every now and again about "getting together", but again (I stupidly) ignored those comments.  One night, he made his last comment to me about "all of us getting together and getting naked".  This sickened me to my stomach.  All the while, he had never been so graphic, so disgusting.  I told him to never talk to me again.  It's been over a year and a half, and he hasn't tried to get in touch with me.  I have to say, ever since that situation, I'm VERY gun-shy about making friends with any other man aside from my future husband and our friends who are couples.  If I go out with work people, I'm never alone with a man.  I'm always sure to stay in a group situation.
    Posted by Goodness1[/QUOTE]
     
  14. You have chosen to ignore posts from Goodness1. Show Goodness1's posts

    Re: Cheating

    In Response to Re: Cheating:
    [QUOTE]I think as we get older it's more difficult to make friends with the opposite sex sometimes. However, most people I know who have friends of the opposite sex have had these friends since high school or college and they view each other as cousins or siblings. I've certainly had a male friend or two who confessed feelings for me, and who I had to let-down gently, but they were the exception, not the rule. The guy you describe sounds like a creep. Not all men are creeps and know where to draw the line. In Response to Re: Cheating :
    Posted by pinkkittie27[/QUOTE]

    The situation was completely inappropriate, and it was awful that it happened.  I wasn't stupid, I knew he had feelings for me (as he would tell me all the time), but I was constantly tell him that he has to get a hold of himself, it's never going to happen, no, no, no.  Of course, all these let downs from the beginning were of the nature of, "Aw, I'm sorry, I have a boyfriend, you're married, but can we still be friends?".  Then, he started getting nasty with his comments, to the point of grossing me out.  That's when that nasty comment about us all "getting naked" happened.  I realized how absolutely disgusting he was.  After my fiance and I left him that evening, I got into the car and immediately started crying.  I felt so disgusting and I couldn't believe that such a Melrose Place situation was actually happening to me!!  I felt like I was having an outer body experience and I was watching it happen to someone else.  Coming to terms with that, and realizing that I don't want to be left alone with any guy again, has been tough to take for me.  I'm a very social person.  I like talking to people. 

    I don't think that all men are creeps.  In fact, I know most aren't.  My fiance has some really wonderful friends and they're all great people.  I like talking to them. 

    After that situation, I don't make friends with men at work.  I've had guys at work ask me to lunch (innocently), but I always have "work to catch up on".  Sounds tired and old, but I can't do it to myself.  Now, I feel that some people have an alterior motive.  Sad, I know, but I can't stop myself from thinking that now.
     
  15. You have chosen to ignore posts from pinkkittie27. Show pinkkittie27's posts

    Re: Cheating

    Ha ha ha, I know what you mean! my best friend and I are very huggy with each other. In high school people used to mistake us for lesbians all the time (including my mother) I blame my short haircut for that.
    I remember my mom taking me out to dinner, just me and her, and her asking me about it point blank (my friend and I had a fight and she thought we'd broken up) I laughed so hard I cried.
    me: "Mom, I'm not gay."
    mom: "But if you are, you know you can tell me right? I love you no matter what."
    me: "I know, but I'm not."
    mom: "If you were, you'd tell me?"
    me: "Yes, but I'm telling you I'm not."

    Then we went home and she took down the rainbow flag she'd hung outside.

    In Response to Re: Cheating:
    [QUOTE]What I find interesting is that nearly all of my male friends are gay.  Yet, when we go out to dinner or whatever, people still think we're dating.  Of course, for nearly 10 years before I met my SO, everyone thought my best friend was my girlfried.  So, really, people will think what they want, and it doesn't matter. But I think what's really relevant here is - what happened to Girlygirl?
    Posted by lucy7368[/QUOTE]
     
  16. You have chosen to ignore posts from pinkkittie27. Show pinkkittie27's posts

    Re: Cheating

    True, it's hard to break out of that mindset.

    In Response to Re: Cheating:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Cheating :  Sounds tired and old, but I can't do it to myself.  Now, I feel that some people have an alterior motive.  Sad, I know, but I can't stop myself from thinking that now.
    Posted by Goodness1[/QUOTE]
     
  17. You have chosen to ignore posts from whatawagSBNy. Show whatawagSBNy's posts

    Re: Cheating

    In Response to Re: Cheating:
    [QUOTE]Ha ha ha, I know what you mean! my best friend and I are very huggy with each other. In high school people used to mistake us for lesbians all the time (including my mother) I blame my short haircut for that. I remember my mom taking me out to dinner, just me and her, and her asking me about it point blank (my friend and I had a fight and she thought we'd broken up) I laughed so hard I cried. me: "Mom, I'm not gay." mom: "But if you are, you know you can tell me right? I love you no matter what." me: "I know, but I'm not." mom: "If you were, you'd tell me?" me: "Yes, but I'm telling you I'm not." Then we went home and she took down the rainbow flag she'd hung outside. In Response to Re: Cheating :
    Posted by pinkkittie27[/QUOTE]

         Cheers for a mother who can be open minded enough to say - you are my daughter and I love you.   You decide your personal relationships,  just know I care.
         So many people never get that wonderful a statement, something  given freely without conditions and judgement.
     
  18. You have chosen to ignore posts from cosmogirl. Show cosmogirl's posts

    Re: Cheating

    pink kitty, I really wish you wouldn't respond so harshly to waggie's posts.  We all  know you do not like her, but it's kind of tiring to see your "get over yourself" posts everytime she expresses her opinion. 

    Wouldn't it just be easier to just hit the "ignore this poster" button.  It would certainly make everything more pleasant for everyone else.

     
  19. You have chosen to ignore posts from lucy7368. Show lucy7368's posts

    Re: Cheating

    In Response to Re: Cheating:
    [QUOTE]I don't do this anymore.  I used to go out for happy hour drinks with a coworker of mine from my previous company.  It was completely innocent at first, then he started having "feelings for me".  This bothered me very much, and I told him it would never happen.  Mind you, he was/is married!  I paid it no mind and we kept things social.  After a couple years, he met my then boyfriend (now fiance) and we would all go out for drinks.  He would make jokes to me every now and again about "getting together", but again (I stupidly) ignored those comments.  One night, he made his last comment to me about "all of us getting together and getting naked".  This sickened me to my stomach.  All the while, he had never been so graphic, so disgusting.  I told him to never talk to me again.  It's been over a year and a half, and he hasn't tried to get in touch with me.  I have to say, ever since that situation, I'm VERY gun-shy about making friends with any other man aside from my future husband and our friends who are couples.  If I go out with work people, I'm never alone with a man.  I'm always sure to stay in a group situation.
    Posted by Goodness1[/QUOTE]

    Oh!  Oh!  Is his name Dougas?  Calmdown?  ;)

    I have a male friend who has been trying to get me to go out with him since my freshman year of college when we were both living in CA.  He broke up with his girlfriend a week after we met, despite a) the fact that I was dating his best friend (casually) and b) I specifically told him that I would not go out with him, even if he broke up with her.

    Ten years later, he still IMs me when he's drunk to ask why I never wanted to date him, despite the fact that I now live in Boston, and he lives in Washington (state, not D.C.).

    He actually did come up with my favorite ridiculous pickup line, though.  The night we met, as we were saying good night, he slipped me a sugar packet on which he had written, "Hey, you're sweet" and his phone number.  Cool

    Yeah... I think we just discovered why most of my male friends are gay.
     
  20. You have chosen to ignore posts from pinkkittie27. Show pinkkittie27's posts

    Re: Cheating

    right, but it was a little funny to see her slightly disappointed that there wasn't going to be a big coming out that evening. It was good for my gay friends to know that my mom was cool with it and they could come over any time they needed to.

    In Response to Re: Cheating:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Cheating :      Cheers for a mother who can be open minded enough to say - you are my daughter and I love you.   You decide your personal relationships,  just know I care.      So many people never get that wonderful a statement, something  given freely without conditions and judgement.
    Posted by whatawagSBNy[/QUOTE]
     
  21. You have chosen to ignore posts from princess-cal. Show princess-cal's posts

    Re: Cheating

    In Response to Re: Cheating:
    [QUOTE]pink kitty, I really wish you wouldn't respond so harshly to waggie's posts.  We all  know you do not like her, but it's kind of tiring to see your "get over yourself" posts everytime she expresses her opinion.  Wouldn't it just be easier to just hit the "ignore this poster" button.  It would certainly make everything more pleasant for everyone else.
    Posted by cosmogirl[/QUOTE]

    I think it had more to do with her condescending post, rather than not liking her.
     
  22. You have chosen to ignore posts from pinkkittie27. Show pinkkittie27's posts

    Re: Cheating

    Ahhh, but it's okay for her to condescend to me like she did in her reply?
    No no, cosmo. What's good for the goose is good for the gander.

    In Response to Re: Cheating:
    [QUOTE]pink kitty, I really wish you wouldn't respond so harshly to waggie's posts.  We all  know you do not like her, but it's kind of tiring to see your "get over yourself" posts everytime she expresses her opinion.  Wouldn't it just be easier to just hit the "ignore this poster" button.  It would certainly make everything more pleasant for everyone else.
    Posted by cosmogirl[/QUOTE]
     
  23. You have chosen to ignore posts from lucy7368. Show lucy7368's posts

    Re: Cheating

    PK, I really do love your mother. 

    My family is not nearly so open or accepting.  Before I met my SO, they all thought I was a lesbian, and they pretty much shunned me.  Not to mention that my 65 year-old uncle has never felt comfortable enough to tell anyone in his family that he's gay.  It makes me sad - and their attitude is one of the reasons that, when people mistake me for a lesbain, I rarely bother to correct them.
     
  24. You have chosen to ignore posts from pinkkittie27. Show pinkkittie27's posts

    Re: Cheating

    precisely, thank you.

    and it's not that I don't like wag. Disagreeing with someone doesn't make me not like them. I took issue with the tone of her reply and let her know that.
    If she wouldn't condescend, it would make things more pleasent for everyone.
    And if she doesn't like me, she can also use the ignore button.

    In Response to Re: Cheating:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Cheating : I think it had more to do with her condescending post, rather than not liking her.
    Posted by princess-cal[/QUOTE]
     
  25. You have chosen to ignore posts from pinkkittie27. Show pinkkittie27's posts

    Re: Cheating

    That's too bad. I am very thankful for my family and their open mindedness.
    It was just funny to be confronted over it by the one person who I definately would have told first if I was a lesbian. Especially the way she asked. She thought I'd broken up with my best friend because another girl had been giving me a ride home from school. So she asked me who the new person was and why I'd broken up with my best friend. So it was like she already thought she knew for sure, and I had no idea she thought that.

    In Response to Re: Cheating:
    [QUOTE]PK, I really do love your mother.  My family is not nearly so open or accepting.  Before I met my SO, they all thought I was a lesbian, and they pretty much shunned me.  Not to mention that my 65 year-old uncle has never felt comfortable enough to tell anyone in his family that he's gay.  It makes me sad - and their attitude is one of the reasons that, when people mistake me for a lesbain, I rarely bother to correct them.
    Posted by lucy7368[/QUOTE]
     
Sections
Shortcuts

Share