Cheating

  1. You have chosen to ignore posts from Goodness1. Show Goodness1's posts

    Re: Cheating

    In Response to Re: Cheating:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Cheating : Oh!  Oh!  Is his name Dougas?  Calmdown?  ;) I have a male friend who has been trying to get me to go out with him since my freshman year of college when we were both living in CA.  He broke up with his girlfriend a week after we met, despite a) the fact that I was dating his best friend (casually) and b) I specifically told him that I would not go out with him, even if he broke up with her. Ten years later, he still IMs me when he's drunk to ask why I never wanted to date him, despite the fact that I now live in Boston, and he lives in Washington (state, not D.C.). He actually did come up with my favorite ridiculous pickup line, though.  The night we met, as we were saying good night, he slipped me a sugar packet on which he had written, "Hey, you're sweet" and his phone number.  Yeah... I think we just discovered why most of my male friends are gay.
    Posted by lucy7368[/QUOTE]

    Seriously, sometimes they just can't get it through their thick skulls!! 

    After he asked me that we should "all get naked", I called him the next morning and left him the nastiest voicemail I have ever left anyone.  I was at work.  I covered the mouthpiece, so that I could raise my voice a bit.  I basically yelled, "DO NOT EVER CONTACT ME AGAIN.  YOU ARE DISGUSTING, SORRY EXCUSE FOR A HUMAN BEING".

    Yeah, he never called me back.  He did text me saying he was "sorry".  Yeah, whatever.  "You can stuff your sorry's in a sack, mister" (Seinfeld quote).
     
  2. You have chosen to ignore posts from whatawagSBNy. Show whatawagSBNy's posts

    Re: Cheating

         People who may have been open and accepting for their generation (as in, your Mom may have had gay friends or family all her life)  still rarely broadcast it  until the last 10 to 15 years.
         So she may have seen in you signs that closeted gay people she knew let slip - predominance of friends their own gender after mid teen years, open affection -  and figured,  I know how hard it was for my friends,  never hurts to let my daughter know where I stand.  As I said, nice.
     
  3. You have chosen to ignore posts from pinkkittie27. Show pinkkittie27's posts

    Re: Cheating

    My mom does have gay family members. That's why I've always known she was cool with it. That's why I was confused as to why she thought I wouldn't tell her.
    I was 17, and my group of friends was very mixed. I don't care why she thought I was, that's not the point. It's just funny to be 17 and have your mother blurt out "Who's this new person and what ever happened to Jane?!" like I'd been a real jerk for dumping my girlfriend because my mother really liked her. She didn't ask me if we'd been dating because she's already made her mind up that I MUST be gay. It was funny.
    It was funny because she was so sure and she was so wrong, as mothers are sometimes.
    Like when a parent says "I'll make your favorite meal" and then you get there and it's that meatloaf you always choked down with a fake smile.

    In Response to Re: Cheating:
    [QUOTE]     People who may have been open and accepting for their generation (as in, your Mom may have had gay friends or family all her life)  still rarely broadcast it  until the last 10 to 15 years.      So she may have seen in you signs that closeted gay people she knew let slip - predominance of friends their own gender after mid teen years, open affection -  and figured,  I know how hard it was for my friends,  never hurts to let my daughter know where I stand.  As I said, nice.
    Posted by whatawagSBNy[/QUOTE]
     
  4. You have chosen to ignore posts from GirlyGirl82. Show GirlyGirl82's posts

    Re: Cheating

    Sorry, had a busy long weekend! I saw them all over each other in the restaraunt. He ended up seeing me, and pulled me aside one day and told me the part about how he loved my friend, etc..
     
  5. You have chosen to ignore posts from pinkkittie27. Show pinkkittie27's posts

    Re: Cheating

    hmm...

    While I did say it is possible to love someone and stray, I think his reasons for telling you that is because he's trying to cover his @$$ so you won't rat him out.
    Having been there, I know that if I'd gotten busted in a such a way, I would have fessed up, not give a story to the person who busted me so that they wouldn't tell.
    When you get busted like that, and you do care about the person, it should be a wake-up call. You got sloppy and were carrying on in a public place where you should have known someone would see you. At that point, if you care anything about either person's dignity, you fess up and cease and desist. Getting in busted in public is a pretty clear sign that you have a problem and owe it to yourself and your SO to try and fix, if you care to.
    If all you can think of in that moment is saving yourself, then you're the only person you care about.


    In Response to Re: Cheating:
    [QUOTE]Sorry, had a busy long weekend! I saw them all over each other in the restaraunt. He ended up seeing me, and pulled me aside one day and told me the part about how he loved my friend, etc..
    Posted by GirlyGirl82[/QUOTE]
     
  6. You have chosen to ignore posts from ALF72. Show ALF72's posts

    Re: Cheating

    Let it go.  Nothing good ever comes of meddling in other people's personal affairs.
       
    Number one, what does 'all over each other' mean?  If he saw you in the restaurant and was really cheating, he would have excused himself then and there [as soon as he was able] and made an excuse for his behavior b/c he'd be afraid you'd tattle to his GF.  Number two, if his behavior in the restaurant was such that you did not feel an immediate need to call his GF on the phone and let her know what was going on, then chances are it wasn't all that bad.  No one cheats in a public place, or at least one where he suspects that his or his GF's friends might show up.  If he wanted to cheat he'd have done it in private or at some little hole in the wall place.  So unless you were in some out of the way dive when you saw him, or in a part of town where you would never expect to find him or your GF, just let it go. 
     
  7. You have chosen to ignore posts from cosmogirl. Show cosmogirl's posts

    Re: Cheating

    omg, I'm about to disagree with Alfie.  If it was my boyfriend, I would want to know.  I would be angry if one of my girlfriends witnessed this and didn't tell me.  Even if "all over each other" doesn't mean "lap dance", it still sounds inappropriate. 

    The poor girlfriend has 3 years in, why should she waste more years if he's a loosah. 
     
  8. You have chosen to ignore posts from WhirledPeasPlease. Show WhirledPeasPlease's posts

    Re: Cheating

    No one cheats in a public place, or at least one where he suspects that his or his GF's friends might show up.

    Stupid people might. This guy sounds dumb....I had a stupid ex-boyfriend who cheated in public. One of my friends saw him.

    Girly, you've heard different opinions and you know your friend the best; if you think she would benefit from knowing, then tell her. Three years is a long time...I wouldn't want to waste any more time with this guy.
     
  9. You have chosen to ignore posts from pinkkittie27. Show pinkkittie27's posts

    Re: Cheating

    That's my point, since he was "all over" with this girl in a place where he was seen by a friend, discretion is the last thing on his mind.
    This guy's got a problem, and someone needs to make his girflfriend aware of it.
    And although I at first didn't recommend you saying something, with these new details, I think you need to. He's making a fool out of your friend by going out in public with Miss Thingontheside and acting like he has nothing to hide.

    In Response to Re: Cheating:
    [QUOTE]Let it go.  Nothing good ever comes of meddling in other people's personal affairs.     Number one, what does 'all over each other' mean?  If he saw you in the restaurant and was really cheating, he would have excused himself then and there [as soon as he was able] and made an excuse for his behavior b/c he'd be afraid you'd tattle to his GF.  Number two, if his behavior in the restaurant was such that you did not feel an immediate need to call his GF on the phone and let her know what was going on, then chances are it wasn't all that bad.  No one cheats in a public place, or at least one where he suspects that his or his GF's friends might show up.  If he wanted to cheat he'd have done it in private or at some little hole in the wall place.  So unless you were in some out of the way dive when you saw him, or in a part of town where you would never expect to find him or your GF, just let it go. 
    Posted by ALF72[/QUOTE]
     
  10. You have chosen to ignore posts from dkb6248. Show dkb6248's posts

    Re: Cheating

    I disagree as well.  I've known several people who have cheated in public places, it's not always done in private.  It is usually the highly arrogant types that do it in public. 

    There are plenty of things besides just having sex that constitute cheating, IMO.  If I ever caught DH with another woman making out, holding hands, snuggled up with, etc. he would quickly lose a very cherished appendage.
     
  11. You have chosen to ignore posts from whatawagSBNy. Show whatawagSBNy's posts

    Re: Cheating

         I would say to the guy - I do not know what went on, and do not want to.  But think about this - I do not like being in the middle, wondering who will say something to girlfriend first.
         Then leave it up in the air.  With a not engaged, and not married, couple, I would then leave it be.  Until they have made a commitment to each other, this is up to them without the general world getting in on it.  Most guys would take this as a sign, deal with it with girlfriend  or stop messing around.  Some will just get more "careless" until in girlfriend's face, usually a sign they do not want to break up, or have a steady exclusive relationship - not ready to settle down.  People make choices.
     
  12. You have chosen to ignore posts from cicirose. Show cicirose's posts

    Re: Cheating

    This guy sounds awful. If he was doing this in public, I wonder what other things he is doing in private? If it were me I would definitely want to know one way or the other. He is making a fool out of her acting this way in public. Imagine if her boss or parents or someone else saw that, what would they think? Poor girl!
     
  13. You have chosen to ignore posts from whatawagSBNy. Show whatawagSBNy's posts

    Re: Cheating

        If he is out and doing it often, she generally know something is up.
         Age and readiness are a big part of commitment.  I have seen too many very immature relationships - clearly dating, not committed - where the woman pretty much sets a ground rule, you date me only, or we break up.  Occasionally it is the guy.  Too possessive, too early.  Making it into a friends and social universe drama helps no one.
        The girl and the guy need to learn for themselves  the difference between short term, intense, I'm  in love!  feelings, which pass in 3 months or maybe 2 years, to looking elsewhere - relationships that have run their course. 
         And the "real thing" - where in love lasts but more important, their outlook changes to one of commitment.   I think the less drama played out outside the relationship, where much is made of "oh, I've been cheated on!!!!"  and which diverts attention from the real issue of 'what relationship did we / do we really have?  Is there equal feeling?'    the better it is for the couple to focus on themselves, each other.
    Friends putting themselves in the middle often stir the pot, and actually egg-on  very counter-productive things.   Only the couple themselves  should be making these early, how committed am I?  type decisions.
     
  14. You have chosen to ignore posts from ALF72. Show ALF72's posts

    Re: Cheating

    That's why I asked Girly what "all over each other" meant. If they really were "all over each other", why the heck didn't she immediately take her cell phone out of her purse/pocket and call the GF?  I am guessing that the behavior was such that they really weren't all over each other - which to me means that they were hugging, French kissing and sitting in each other's lap.  If the behavior wasn't that bad or that it didn't really make you want to call the GF until further reflection and polling a bunch of people on  the internet, chances are it is not worth getting involved.  If I saw my best friend's DH "all over" another woman in a restaurant, I'd call her on the phone right then and there. I wouldn't need to think about it or ask other people what to do.  But I would only do that if I had incontrovertible proof that he was cheating; otherwise I'd keep mum.  Basically, unless you saw something that made you want to say 'OMG, I need to call Susie RIGHT NOW b/c  this is just WRONG', then chances are there is more to the story than Girly knows or is letting on. 
     
  15. You have chosen to ignore posts from pinkkittie27. Show pinkkittie27's posts

    Re: Cheating

    that's a good point.
    But let's say she did see them literally all over each other and didn't say anything for whatever reason. (confusion, shock, not knowing how to tell someone you saw their BF gatting handsy with a mystery woman at a restaurant, etc.)
    Shouldn't she say something now?

    In Response to Re: Cheating:
    [QUOTE]That's why I asked Girly what "all over each other" meant. If they really were "all over each other", why the heck didn't she immediately take her cell phone out of her purse/pocket and call the GF?  I am guessing that the behavior was such that they really weren't all over each other - which to me means that they were hugging, French kissing and sitting in each other's lap.  If the behavior wasn't that bad or that it didn't really make you want to call the GF until further reflection and polling a bunch of people on  the internet, chances are it is not worth getting involved.  If I saw my best friend's DH "all over" another woman in a restaurant, I'd call her on the phone right then and there. I wouldn't need to think about it or ask other people what to do.  But I would only do that if I had incontrovertible proof that he was cheating; otherwise I'd keep mum.  Basically, unless you saw something that made you want to say 'OMG, I need to call Susie RIGHT NOW b/c  this is just WRONG', then chances are there is more to the story than Girly knows or is letting on. 
    Posted by ALF72[/QUOTE]
     
  16. You have chosen to ignore posts from ALF72. Show ALF72's posts

    Re: Cheating

    If I were the GF, I'd probably be pissed that she didn't say anything earlier, so it's damned if you do and damned if you don't at this point.  What she can do is  the next time she is together w/ the GF and BF she can ask the BF how he liked Restaurant X.  If the GF doesn't know about it or the BF was hiding his outing from her, this is when it will come out. 

    Keep in mind that this is supposed to be her best friend, not just some friend.  If it really is your best friend, why would you hesitate if you saw their BF playing tonsil hockey w/ some random girl in a restaurant?  I'd snap a photo on my camera phone or at least call my friend ASAP so that she could get down to the restaurant and see for herself.  I wouldn't wait, poll people via the internet and think about what to do. 
     
  17. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: Cheating

    Meddling?  This is obviously cheating if what GG means by "all over each other" is what I mean.  I don't think it's damned if you do or don't.  I absolutely believe it's damned if you don't.  It's a matter of doing the right thing even if your friend is immature enough to let it hurt your friendship.
     
  18. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: Cheating

    GG is this really a real story?  You keep giving us little bits of relevant information one day at a time.  Why not say they were all over each other in the original post.  Frankly, it seems you're making it up as you go along.  I say this for the bit by bit way you are posting and for how ridiculous it is that you need strangers' opinions on this one.

    If it's real, search your own heart and do what you think is right.  Period.
     
  19. You have chosen to ignore posts from ALF72. Show ALF72's posts

    Re: Cheating

    I just think that if you see something and have to think about it for weeks and then poll people on the internet about what to do, then what you saw is probably not something you need to mention to your friend.  If it was, you'd have known it instantly and have known what to do.  The OP is being way too wishy washy about what she saw and thinking about what she should do. If you don't immediately have a reaction of "I have to tell Susie" about what you saw then you should probably leave it alone. 
     
  20. You have chosen to ignore posts from downtoearth. Show downtoearth's posts

    Re: Cheating

    Maybe, Alf, but perhaps the question is whether telling your friend will help her or not.  It is true that sometimes, the messanger gets shot and the stupid boyfriend gets forgiven.  So the question can be ligit. 

    Do I tell my friend and risk her anger being directed toward me?  Or do I pretend I don't know and carry a secret and much guilt in our relationship?

    But it goes back to things we cannot know.  About that I agree with you.

    GG - you know your friend, her boyfriend, their relationship and your relationship with her and them way better than we do. 

    Do the right thing as a friend.  You know what that is.
     
  21. You have chosen to ignore posts from pinkkittie27. Show pinkkittie27's posts

    Re: Cheating

    when did she say it was her best friend?

    I don't see that anywhere.

    If it were my best friend's boyfriend, I'd do the same as what you describe, but if it were the boyfriend of a friend I don't see/talk to often, I might not because how am I to know they hadn't just broken up?
    But once I'd found out they were still together, I would definately say something.

    In Response to Re: Cheating:
    [QUOTE]If I were the GF, I'd probably be pissed that she didn't say anything earlier, so it's damned if you do and damned if you don't at this point.  What she can do is  the next time she is together w/ the GF and BF she can ask the BF how he liked Restaurant X.  If the GF doesn't know about it or the BF was hiding his outing from her, this is when it will come out.  Keep in mind that this is supposed to be her best friend, not just some friend.  If it really is your best friend, why would you hesitate if you saw their BF playing tonsil hockey w/ some random girl in a restaurant?  I'd snap a photo on my camera phone or at least call my friend ASAP so that she could get down to the restaurant and see for herself.  I wouldn't wait, poll people via the internet and think about what to do. 
    Posted by ALF72[/QUOTE]
     
  22. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: Cheating

    Am I the only one sick to death of our debating this for another adult?  I feel like we're talking to a teenager.
     
  23. You have chosen to ignore posts from WhirledPeasPlease. Show WhirledPeasPlease's posts

    Re: Cheating

    Girly's been posting on here for a while, so I don't think she's making it up. Maybe just out of town for the long weekend.

    I can understand being in shock and not calling your friend immediately; I think that comes down to personality. If Girly is shy/nonconfrontational/a thinker-before-a-doer, than it makes sense that she would ruminate about it for awhile.
     
  24. You have chosen to ignore posts from whatawagSBNy. Show whatawagSBNy's posts

    Re: Cheating

    I think OP is young and perhaps should stay out of any drama.  Boyfriend and girlfriend sound like they are at a stage of growing in understanding about how relationships change over time, and need to focus on their relationship themselves. 
         People much older, or post break-up of a long term relationship have a different experience.  In teen years and very early twenties most men and women go through a period of learning to define relationships and commitments.   
         They need space to do that without spies giving information, mini-cams and cell phone reports.
          Too many people and opinions cloud things.  They cannot learn the consequences of their own actions, their need to be truthful about their own feelings, and confronting their partner's feelings and actions without amateur therapists - excuse me, well meaning friends- getting involved.
     
  25. You have chosen to ignore posts from GirlyGirl82. Show GirlyGirl82's posts

    Re: Cheating

    I posted on the internet because I have not told any mutual friends yet because I wanted to think it over first myself before making a decision to tell or not to tell. I think I should tell, but it is a matter of how exactly. It could become a he said she said game. I did not confront him at the time because I am just not into confrontations and causing scenes.

    Anyhow, regarding our age, we are 30, so I don't think we are young and immature. I have known people of all ages who have cheated.

    Sorry for the sporatic posts. I have to sneak on at work, and I was away for the weekend.
     

Share