Controversial Subject - as requested - dressing the extended wedding party

  1. You have chosen to ignore posts from downtoearth. Show downtoearth's posts

    Controversial Subject - as requested - dressing the extended wedding party

    My friend is the Mother of the Bride.  The wedding is scheduled for October 2010. The Bride has decided her colors are black and orange w the bridesmaids in black, and her centerpieces are pumpkins - but it is not to be a Halloween themed wedding.

    Bride informed her Mother that she (the Mother) would have to wear black.  Mother was thinking more in terms of copper or beautiful browns. 

    Before you say what you would do in this case, please identify yourself as to which character in wedding planning you most identify with - the bride or the mother.  (As most of you know, I tend to take the Mothers' side in general.) 
     
  2. You have chosen to ignore posts from lizinboston. Show lizinboston's posts

    Re: Controversial Subject - as requested - dressing the extended wedding party

    Well...I think black and orange is going to look riduculous, and very halloweeny.

    I identify with the bride, and I say that she has absolutely no right to tell her mother what she has to wear. I would never do that to my own mother.

    This wedding is going to look downright silly, she will regret her wedding photos one day.
     
  3. You have chosen to ignore posts from ALF72. Show ALF72's posts

    Re: Controversial Subject - as requested - dressing the extended wedding party

    I identify w/ the bride.

    I think the bride is being ridiculous. I would never dream of telling my mom what color to wear.  I chose the BM dresses and that was it.  Once you start dictating what people other than the bridal party are wearing, you definitely stray into 'Zilla territory.  Never mind that in this case her wedding photos are going to look ridiculous.  I hope no one is even slightly overweight b/c they are going to all look like pumpkins in those colors. 
     
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    Re: Controversial Subject - as requested - dressing the extended wedding party

    In Response to Re: Controversial Subject - as requested - dressing the extended wedding party:
    I identify w/ the bride. I think the bride is being ridiculous. I would never dream of telling my mom what color to wear.  I chose the BM dresses and that was it.  Once you start dictating what people other than the bridal party are wearing, you definitely stray into 'Zilla territory.  Never mind that in this case her wedding photos are going to look ridiculous.  I hope no one is even slightly overweight b/c they are going to all look like pumpkins in those colors. 
    Posted by ALF72


    more like jack-o-lanterns...
     
  5. You have chosen to ignore posts from downtoearth. Show downtoearth's posts

    Re: Controversial Subject - as requested - dressing the extended wedding party

    I would not have chosen it - but I think the orange flowers and such COULD be done very artistically for a fall theme - but we'll see.

    As for the Mother - I don't know.  I would probably drop it and do what bride told me, but if the bride asked my opinion, I'd tell her to let her Mother wear what she wanted. 
     
  6. You have chosen to ignore posts from wendy98. Show wendy98's posts

    Re: Controversial Subject - as requested - dressing the extended wedding party

    The Bride has decided her colors are black and orange w the bridesmaids in black, and her centerpieces are pumpkins

    Alf the bridesmaids will be in black the centerpieces will be pumpkins, hence the orange.  I doubt that anyone will look horrible unless they don't look good in black.

    I identify with the bride, but I think she is being crazy.  I showed my Mom and my MIL my dress and the bridesmaids dresses and said have at it.  I wanted them to be comfortable, and they know how to dress themselves.  I did end up giving them a lot of guidance but I was ok with that, and the only color I didn't want them to wear was black but neither of them have a lot of black in their wardrobe so I didn't think  they would wear black anyway.

    I think a nice brown or better yet copper would be fabulous.
     
  7. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: Controversial Subject - as requested - dressing the extended wedding party

    I identify with the bride (as you know, AB, but any newbies might not).

    I believe it's hurtful for the bride to insist on any particular color for either mother's dress.  This is the mothers' time to dress up, feel and look their absolute best, and (for my mom, anyway) show off all the hard work they did all year to look fabulous.  To steal ANY PART of that experience away by restricting their dress color, style, whatever, is overstepping their bounds and ruining an otherwise priceless experience for the moms.

    It's ridiculous and painful.  Why do any brides do this to their moms??????

    ~kar

    P.S.  As for the colors, I don't think it will look Halloween-ish unless she goes overboard with black and orange decorations.  Pumpkins with black dresses aren't bad IMO.
     
  8. You have chosen to ignore posts from jasmine09. Show jasmine09's posts

    Re: Controversial Subject - as requested - dressing the extended wedding party

    I don't think her color scheme is inherently doomed (even though it's not one I'd pick).  And I identify with the bride.  But like all above, I think it is out of line to dictate a color to the mother. 

    ...I confess I felt a pang of dissapointment when it was suggested that my husband's mother wear the same color as the bridesmaids.  But I never would have said anything to her about it.  In the end she chose a different color (without my intervention).  The only color stipulation we gave her came from my husband, who requested that she not wear black.
     
  9. You have chosen to ignore posts from lucy7368. Show lucy7368's posts

    Re: Controversial Subject - as requested - dressing the extended wedding party

    Am I allowed to identify with the guests? 

    I can't imagine having a black and orange themed wedding in October - with pumpkins - without everyone thinking "Halloween."  She may, repeat, may have better luck in September or November.

    But that's not really the question.  The MOB should wear something that she feels comfortable in.  Also, and I could be wrong about this, but I thought the MOB and MOG weren't supposed to match the BMs?  (Unless, of course, one of them is a BM.)  I wouldn't tell my mother what to wear to my wedding unless she chose something that would clash horribly with my colors.  And, even then, I would give her options.
     
  10. You have chosen to ignore posts from pinkkittie27. Show pinkkittie27's posts

    Re: Controversial Subject - as requested - dressing the extended wedding party

    I don't identify with that bride. But I can't say I identify with the mother either, I haven't been in that position.

    My wedding colors were blue and white. My mother wore sage green. I told her, and MIL they could wear whatever pleased them, as I wasn't making my bridesmaids pose for the family photos, so I wasn't the least bit concerned about how her green dress would look next to the blue dresses. Her dress looked lovely next to my white dress and the tuxes on DH and my stepfather.
    My mothe probably wouldn't have minded wearing blue if I'd asked her, but I can't imagine telling my mother what to wear.
     
  11. You have chosen to ignore posts from downtoearth. Show downtoearth's posts

    Re: Controversial Subject - as requested - dressing the extended wedding party

    Orange can be quite lovely - especially in Fall - see some really pretty and elegant bouquets here.

    http://www.perfect-wedding-day.com/bridal-bouquet-pictures-orange.html#
     
  12. You have chosen to ignore posts from pinkkittie27. Show pinkkittie27's posts

    Re: Controversial Subject - as requested - dressing the extended wedding party

    I have to agree that orange and black is an odd combo choice. I just don't think they go well together. Gray, brown, white, navy- almost any other neutral goes better with orange than black.
    Don't get me wrong, I love black and I love orange. But when they're together I just think jack-o-lantern. It's like putting red and green together, people will look at it and think xmas tree.
     
  13. You have chosen to ignore posts from heatherv1211. Show heatherv1211's posts

    Re: Controversial Subject - as requested - dressing the extended wedding party

    I identify with the bride.

    I agree with Liz, Alf, Wendy, Kar, Jasmine, Lucy, and Pink.
     
  14. You have chosen to ignore posts from lucy7368. Show lucy7368's posts

    Re: Controversial Subject - as requested - dressing the extended wedding party

    In Response to Re: Controversial Subject - as requested - dressing the extended wedding party:
    Don't get me wrong, I love black and I love orange. But when they're together I just think jack-o-lantern. It's like putting red and green together, people will look at it and think xmas tree.
    Posted by pinkkittie27


    That is EXACTLY what I was thinking.  If I have a December wedding, my colors are red and green, and there are wreaths everywhere, who ISN'T going to think "ooh, a Christmas wedding!"?
     
  15. You have chosen to ignore posts from pingo. Show pingo's posts

    Re: Controversial Subject - as requested - dressing the extended wedding party

    I like orange and I like black. Black for wearing and orange for decorating. Unless one is of an ethnic race with dark skin - orange will wash out most people and make them look sick.

    Happy Halloween!
     
  16. You have chosen to ignore posts from pinkkittie27. Show pinkkittie27's posts

    Re: Controversial Subject - as requested - dressing the extended wedding party

    exactly, the mental association is already ingrained in our brains.

    In Response to Re: Controversial Subject - as requested - dressing the extended wedding party:
    In Response to Re: Controversial Subject - as requested - dressing the extended wedding party : That is EXACTLY what I was thinking.  If I have a December wedding, my colors are red and green, and there are wreaths everywhere, who ISN'T going to think "ooh, a Christmas wedding!"?
    Posted by lucy7368

     
  17. You have chosen to ignore posts from lizinboston. Show lizinboston's posts

    Re: Controversial Subject - as requested - dressing the extended wedding party

    I think orange would go much better against brown...IMO.
     
  18. You have chosen to ignore posts from lizinboston. Show lizinboston's posts

    Re: Controversial Subject - as requested - dressing the extended wedding party

    Way back when I was going to put my girls in black, I talked to a florist who adviced me against using orange or yellow bouquets.

    "If you use an orange bouquet your girls will look like jack-o-lanterns, if you use yellow bouquets, your girls will look like bumble-bees."

     
  19. You have chosen to ignore posts from booklover. Show booklover's posts

    Re: Controversial Subject - as requested - dressing the extended wedding party

    I'd have to say I identify more with the mother here.  I think the bride is being unreasonable and why would she want her mother to "match" the bridesmaids?  And personally, I hate to see bridesmaids in black.  It's not a funeral, people.

    In the fall, a coppery brown palette would look fantastic with orange flowers.  She's crazy for picking black and not wanting everyone to immediately identify it with Halloween.
     
  20. You have chosen to ignore posts from pinkkittie27. Show pinkkittie27's posts

    Re: Controversial Subject - as requested - dressing the extended wedding party

    I have to agree with booklover. While normally I think black BM dresses look fine, a picture where everyone but the bride is wearing black is going to look like a funeral.
     
  21. You have chosen to ignore posts from downtoearth. Show downtoearth's posts

    Re: Controversial Subject - as requested - dressing the extended wedding party


     C'mon - people have their bridesmaids in black all the time.  it's her choice and even if it wouldn't be mine, variety of tastes is fun. Black is perfectly fine and if you look at the link I posted for orange bouquets, you will see some very elegant interpretations of orange.  (Though I do agree that the colors will look suspiciously like Halloween, no matter how elegant!!) lol

    My real question is whether Mom should be told what color to wear.  I know this Mom would look super-elegant in black and she knows it too.  She just would rather have more fun by looking toward other Fall colors. 
     
  22. You have chosen to ignore posts from lucy7368. Show lucy7368's posts

    Re: Controversial Subject - as requested - dressing the extended wedding party

    In Response to Re: Controversial Subject - as requested - dressing the extended wedding party:
    My real question is whether Mom should be told what color to wear.  I know this Mom would look super-elegant in black and she knows it too.  She just would rather have more fun by looking toward other Fall colors. 
    Posted by downtoearth


    Is there a line?  I would discourage Mom from wearing any colors/styles that were unflattering.

    However, I saw an episode of Bridezillas where the Bride put her mother in a too-tight, tacky black dress insted of the perfectly lovely outfit she wanted to wear (which, I think, was navy).  That's ridiculous.
     
  23. You have chosen to ignore posts from heatherv1211. Show heatherv1211's posts

    Re: Controversial Subject - as requested - dressing the extended wedding party

    I don't think just because a dress is black it automatically looks funerial.  If it's a floor length stiff black taffeta with a high, tight collar and long fitted sleeves, yes.  A light-fabric, shimmery, off the shoulder knee length number with a v-front and back is totally different (like my girls happened to wear).
     
  24. You have chosen to ignore posts from cosmogirl. Show cosmogirl's posts

    Re: Controversial Subject - as requested - dressing the extended wedding party

    I tend to side with the parents, but in general with whoever is being more sane.

    With regard to dressing the family, I think the bride tells the MOB and MOG what her wedding colors are so that the moms can pick something that doesn't clash or that isn't the same color as the bridesmaids' dresses.

    The bride is wrong in telling the mothers what color they MUST wear.   I feel bad for this mom since she must feel terrible at having raised such a pushy daughter!  :)  (Actually, she probably is just the victim of the whole it's-my-princess-day-i-get-to-control-all-within-my-domain mentality, i.e. she's been reading The Knot.)

    The mom should try to calmly educate her daughter about this etiquette breach.  Then it's up to her to decide whether to buy black or brown. 

    P.S.  She might want to go dress shopping first.  It would be awful if she found a black dress she loves but then can't buy it because it would look like giving in.  And I personally haven't met anyone who looks good in brown!
     
  25. You have chosen to ignore posts from downtoearth. Show downtoearth's posts

    Re: Controversial Subject - as requested - dressing the extended wedding party

    In Response to Re: Controversial Subject - as requested - dressing the extended wedding party:
    In Response to Re: Controversial Subject - as requested - dressing the extended wedding party : Is there a line?  I would discourage Mom from wearing any colors/styles that were unflattering. However, I saw an episode of Bridezillas where the Bride put her mother in a too-tight, tacky black dress insted of the perfectly lovely outfit she wanted to wear (which, I think, was navy).  That's ridiculous.
    Posted by lucy7368



    Absolutely there is a line.  I think it is perfectly appropriate to tell your Mothers the degree of formality you would like to see as well as what color or colors to avoid.  

    Your Mother will look silly if she wears a formal dress and you do not.  So you must guide her on her choices.  

    But sometimes it becomes too specific, and I think we agree, that is to be avoided. 
     
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