Crappy situation vent

  1. You have chosen to ignore posts from pinkkittie27. Show pinkkittie27's posts

    Re: Crappy situation vent

    cosmo- normally, I'd agree about the OOT thing, but the B+G are probably assuming she'll stay with her family and spend time with her family at the wedding. And that's no big deal, unless she has a really terrible relationship with her family. As the OP noted that many family members are looking forward to seeing her there, I doubt that's the case.
    Now, if she were a friend and travelling a great distance, would have to stay at a hotel, and wouldn't know anyone at the wedding, then I'd think a guest would be necessary. But here I think the real issue isn't that she can't bear to go alone, it's that all the other cousins have a date so she wants one too. But as I said, it's not the prom. At very few weddings is every single solitary couple out on the dance floor at the same time while the singles stand alone staring at their feet near the punch bowl. People mingle, some people don't dance, some people dance with their friends or family members while their SO's chat with other people. It's a party. Unless she gets stuck at the kid's table I think she'd be just fine going alone.
     
  2. You have chosen to ignore posts from joyadams. Show joyadams's posts

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    1)  I agree with pinkkittie27 in that the cousin is a family member, and there are other family members she can spend time with. BUT...

    2)  Even if she were a friend, traveling a great distance, and had to stay at a hotel, there would be nothing wrong if the B&G only extended the invitation to her. ***People travel alone ALL the time. Young and old. Business people have to do it ALL the time. We all know that every B&G has to draw the line somewhere due ONLY to financial reasons. Because if we had all the money in the world, we would invite everyone we knew and liked:) But, this is the real world, and with todays economy, I don't blame them.
    We have to draw the line ALL the time with our finances, no? If you say no, then I'm sure you're either very rich or in debt up to your ears.

    3)  All the "rules" such as needing to invite out of towners ALONG with a guest, etc. is the reason why couples begin their marriage already in debt. I think it's absolutely ridiculous. People need to stop thinking about themselves, and honor the Bride and Groom. Isn't that what you'd want?
     
  3. You have chosen to ignore posts from WhirledPeasPlease. Show WhirledPeasPlease's posts

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    Lucy, we obviously lead parallel lives. Laughing

    See, because she's family I'd give her someone to talk to. I definitely don't talk to my family at family gatherings. Hey look, there's drunk Uncle R feeling up cousin's friend. Or angry Aunt S screaming at the delivery kid. Or grandma telling a few of us that she doesn't love us and never will. 

    If her family is anything like mine, I'd definitely give her someone to talk to. 

    And traveling alone s u cks. You only do it if you have to...in this case, the cousin could decline and not have to. 

    The thing is, she's in a relationship. I get not inviting single people with a date--we didn't--but if someone is in a serious relationship, then that's a giant middle finger at them and their partner. 
     
  4. You have chosen to ignore posts from pinkkittie27. Show pinkkittie27's posts

    Re: Crappy situation vent

    WPP- I don't think it's a giant middle finger. It would depend on how long they'd been dating, if they were living together, if they had any kids together, there are a lot fo variables there. If they were cohabitating and had a kid, yeah, that's a huge oversight. But if they'd been dating for a year, not so much.

    But again, I agree with Joy. I just had to travel to the west coast last week for business to a trade show full of people I didn't know and my only co-worker there was off doing board member activities. I don't think my boss would have let me bring DH if I had explained I wanted someone to talk to and travel with.
    I ended up having a great time all by myself and I met a lot great people.

    and if someone really cannot stand their family, they're free to not attend family functions. it's not like having a date will make it so that you don't have to interact with your family at all. no one likes to be a human shield.
     
  5. You have chosen to ignore posts from rysmom. Show rysmom's posts

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    I know the B & G really have nothing to say about it.  They aren't paying.  My cousin has a great relationship with the family.  It is just that we are very different from the other cousins.  Think Gleek vs Popular and beautiful.  We're the gleek's.  My DH and I and I am sure my Bro and wife will be having a lot of fun with my cousin at the wedding (decided to go anyway).

    Cosmo - If you recall a conversation we had a while ago...You went to school with either the Groom's dad or my other uncle.  BM (groom's dad) KM (cousins dad). I think it was KM.
     
  6. You have chosen to ignore posts from rysmom. Show rysmom's posts

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    They are pretty much living together as far as I know.  Funny, my mom gets to bring her SO.  Must be an age thing.
     
  7. You have chosen to ignore posts from pinkkittie27. Show pinkkittie27's posts

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    geeks vs. popular? is this a wedding or high school? it's rare that a family doesn't have a black sheep or two. and from my experience the black sheep never feels like they fit in, whether they have a date or not. I never let being the only one with a mohawk and tattoos keep me from having fun with my family. And while I wish my cousins were more into Star Wars than Sex and the City, I can have a good time with them anyways.
     
  8. You have chosen to ignore posts from Dad10. Show Dad10's posts

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    As a dad, I have to say, when planning my daughter's wedding, if we were aware a family member was in a relationship, we allowed them to bring a guest. A lot of emotions flare up during weddings, people can feel hurt, upset, and confused even when we think they shouldn't. I preferred to avoid that and allowed someone with a known boyfriend or girlfriend to bring their person. Yes, weddings are about celebrating the love between the bride and the groom, but, the traditional way we celebrate it is by getting dressed up for a night of dinner and dancing. It is a romantic atmosphere, and because of that, a boyfriend or girlfriend of a wedding guest should be allowed to come. Finances should be planned accordingly to accomodate this.
     
  9. You have chosen to ignore posts from Dad10. Show Dad10's posts

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    In Response to Re: Crappy situation vent:
    geeks vs. popular? is this a wedding or high school? it's rare that a family doesn't have a black sheep or two. and from my experience the black sheep never feels like they fit in, whether they have a date or not. I never let being the only one with a mohawk and tattoos keep me from having fun with my family. And while I wish my cousins were more into Star Wars than Sex and the City, I can have a good time with them anyways.
    Posted by pinkkittie27



    Pink, it is great that you can still have a good time with your family even though you are different. However, some family members are downright rude and clicky. Think of the biggest and rudest b i t ches you have met in life. They belong to someone's family...if it happens to be yours, going alone may not be a great time.
     
  10. You have chosen to ignore posts from ALF72. Show ALF72's posts

    Re: Crappy situation vent

    Traveling alone to a wedding and traveling alone for business [or even alone for pleasure] are competely different animals.  

    Per the update, the OP's cousin is living w/ the SO, and they still aren't invited?  And the OP's mom gets to bring her SO but the OP's cousin doesn't?  Sorry, if I were the cousin, I'd be a bit miffed too. 
     
  11. You have chosen to ignore posts from Dad10. Show Dad10's posts

    Re: Crappy situation vent

    Agree with Alf, travelling for business alone and travelling to a wedding alone are different. It is expected you will travel alone for business more often than not. 
     
  12. You have chosen to ignore posts from pinkkittie27. Show pinkkittie27's posts

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    In Response to Re: Crappy situation vent:
    In Response to Re: Crappy situation vent : Pink, it is great that you can still have a good time with your family even though you are different. However, some family members are downright rude and clicky. Think of the biggest and rudest b i t ches you have met in life. They belong to someone's family...if it happens to be yours, going alone may not be a great time.
    Posted by Dad10


    again, if family is awful, then it's best to just not go. No one likes to be a human shield, not even your spouse.
     
  13. You have chosen to ignore posts from Dad10. Show Dad10's posts

    Re: Crappy situation vent

    True, Pink. 

    Anyhow, a bit OT here, but, I am looking to cook some new flavorful quick and easy dishes. Anyone have a great recipe they would like to share?
     
  14. You have chosen to ignore posts from pinkkittie27. Show pinkkittie27's posts

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    In Response to Re: Crappy situation vent:
    Agree with Alf, travelling for business alone and travelling to a wedding alone are different. It is expected you will travel alone for business more often than not. 
    Posted by Dad10


    but why can it not be expected to travel alone to a wedding? is it because we feel out of place requesting a guest to our employers but not friends and family members?
    I just don't see the disconnect. Especially if the only reason you're going to the wedding is because you feel obligated. I wouldn't have taken the business trip is I weren't obligated.
    When my dad travels to visit family, he goes alone. Why would a wedding be different?
     
  15. You have chosen to ignore posts from pinkkittie27. Show pinkkittie27's posts

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    In Response to Re: Crappy situation vent:
    Traveling alone to a wedding and traveling alone for business [or even alone for pleasure] are competely different animals.   Per the update, the OP's cousin is living w/ the SO, and they still aren't invited?  And the OP's mom gets to bring her SO but the OP's cousin doesn't?  Sorry, if I were the cousin, I'd be a bit miffed too. 
    Posted by ALF72


    "pretty much living together" and actual cohabitation are two very different things. and if the mom is living with her SO or has been with him a long time, then maybe they felt it wasn't the same. Or maybe they cut a break for their grandma/great aunt because she's an older lady? Who are we to judge?
     
  16. You have chosen to ignore posts from ALF72. Show ALF72's posts

    Re: Crappy situation vent

    In Response to Re: Crappy situation vent:
    In Response to Re: Crappy situation vent : but why can it not be expected to travel alone to a wedding? is it because we feel out of place requesting a guest to our employers but not friends and family members? I just don't see the disconnect. Especially if the only reason you're going to the wedding is because you feel obligated. I wouldn't have taken the business trip is I weren't obligated. When my dad travels to visit family, he goes alone. Why would a wedding be different?
    Posted by pinkkittie27


    You don't have a choice about traveling for business and your employer is picking up the tab for the travel expenses.  This is not the case for a wedding. Thus, to me, they are totally different. 

    I personally have no problem w/ traveling alone, for business, pleasure or to weddings.  Some people simply cannot afford [or else it's a stretch but b/c it's family/friends they s-uck it up and don't say anything] to travel alone unless they have a companion to help defray the cost. 

    and honestly, most people do feel obligated at least a little to attend weddings that are for family and friends.  If you don't, you are one in a million. I love my friends, but sometimes it's a royal pain not to mention expensive to travel and switch planes to see them get married. I do it b/c I want to see them, but there is still an element of obligation involved.   I would feel guilty if I didn't go. 
     
  17. You have chosen to ignore posts from Peonie. Show Peonie's posts

    Re: Crappy situation vent

    Simply decline the invitation if you do not want to go alone.

     
  18. You have chosen to ignore posts from WhirledPeasPlease. Show WhirledPeasPlease's posts

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    I would say year of dating = serious relationship. Then again, you never know. My parents got engaged after six months of dating and have been married for over 30 years. 

    If my cousin invited me to a wedding when I was living with DH (before we were married) and he wasn't invited, I would be fierce wretched. 

    Sure, the cousin can decline the invitation. But the point here is the effrontery against her. It's the principle of the matter. 

    PS: Peonie, I love that bouquet in your photo!
     
  19. You have chosen to ignore posts from joyadams. Show joyadams's posts

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    Just a thought, and I don't know if anyone else brought this up.

    Has anyone ASKED if your cousin could bring someone??
    If not, why not?

    **If no one has, then speak with your cousin, and suggest he/she
    ask nicely!
     
  20. You have chosen to ignore posts from rysmom. Show rysmom's posts

    Re: Crappy situation vent

    Cousin was asked.  I suggested my Uncle be asked.  Parents are footing the bill as far as I know (and as the invitation read).  I am sure we will all have a good time.  It will be nice to be together.  I know my DH is determined to make sure my cousin is not feeling left out or like a third-wheel.
     
  21. You have chosen to ignore posts from Peonie. Show Peonie's posts

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    Thank you WPP...it is what I showed my florist to make for my girls.

    Oh, and I have a family member who is a major PITA. My Aunt and Godmother, nonetheless.

    She called me last night and yelled at me because my mom told her that I bought my dress, and she flipped out on me because I didn't invite her along. Well sorry, but you are a drunken mean lady who is only nice when you have 6+ drinks in you (serioulsy, she is so mean when she is sober). Family drama is the worst.....
     
  22. You have chosen to ignore posts from WhirledPeasPlease. Show WhirledPeasPlease's posts

    Re: Crappy situation vent

    In Response to Re: Crappy situation vent:
    Thank you WPP...it is what I showed my florist to make for my girls. Oh, and I have a family member who is a major PITA. My Aunt and Godmother, nonetheless. She called me last night and yelled at me because my mom told her that I bought my dress, and she flipped out on me because I didn't invite her along. Well sorry, but you are a drunken mean lady who is only nice when you have 6+ drinks in you (serioulsy, she is so mean when she is sober). Family drama is the worst.....
    Posted by Peonie


    Hey, we have the same aunt/godmother! 
     
  23. You have chosen to ignore posts from joyadams. Show joyadams's posts

    Re: Crappy situation vent

    Actually, I meant if your cousin asked if he/she could bring who he/she is dating:)
     
  24. You have chosen to ignore posts from rysmom. Show rysmom's posts

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    Sorry.  That was confusing.  Cousin's father asked the groom.  I suggested someone ask the father of the groom.
     
  25. You have chosen to ignore posts from joyadams. Show joyadams's posts

    Re: Crappy situation vent

    In Response to Re: Crappy situation vent:
    True, Pink.  Anyhow, a bit OT here, but, I am looking to cook some new flavorful quick and easy dishes. Anyone have a great recipe they would like to share?
    Posted by Dad10


    ***Dad10: You might get more responses if you post a "new discussion" and ask for recipes:) I don't follow recipes, so can't help you (lol). If you do, you might want to post it here: Forums  »  Lifestyle  »  Food: Recipes

    ***Thank you, pinkkittie27, for all the kudos for my comments:)

    ***Hope you enjoy the wedding, rysmom. You should post a follow-up, and let everyone know how it went.
     

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