Crappy situation vent

  1. You have chosen to ignore posts from Peonie. Show Peonie's posts

    Re: Crappy situation vent

    In Response to Re: Crappy situation vent:
    In Response to Re: Crappy situation vent : Hey, we have the same aunt/godmother! 
    Posted by WhirledPeasPlease


    HAHA, did your Aunt pass out at your college graduation, too?
     
  2. You have chosen to ignore posts from WhirledPeasPlease. Show WhirledPeasPlease's posts

    Re: Crappy situation vent

    In Response to Re: Crappy situation vent:
    In Response to Re: Crappy situation vent : HAHA, did your Aunt pass out at your college graduation, too?
    Posted by Peonie


    She didn't go in protest that I finished college, but her daughter didn't. Laughing

    Also, when my mom told her that DH and I were engaged, her response was, "Well, that was her goal."

    What?? W T F does that mean?
     
  3. You have chosen to ignore posts from pinkkittie27. Show pinkkittie27's posts

    Re: Crappy situation vent

    In Response to Re: Crappy situation vent:
    , the cousin can decline the invitation. But the point here is the effrontery against her. It's the principle of the matter. 
    Posted by WhirledPeasPlease


    But that's assuming this was done intentionally to make the cousin feel left out and unwelcome. If one truly feels their relations would have such intentions, it would be best to simply decline.
    Since I highly doubt this is the case, and would chalk it up to space/budget/lines being drawn/etc etc etc, I can understand being disappointed, but maybe not hurt. It's not like the invitation came with a note that said "your relationsip is not valid in our eyes". The B+G had to make the cut somewhere, and this is where the line fell.

    but if the cousin truly feels the reasoning was that her cousins are clique-y, want to make her feel left out and don't respect her relationship, I really feel it would be best to decline.
     
  4. You have chosen to ignore posts from pinkkittie27. Show pinkkittie27's posts

    Re: Crappy situation vent

    In Response to Re: Crappy situation vent:
    In Response to Re: Crappy situation vent : You don't have a choice about traveling for business and your employer is picking up the tab for the travel expenses.  This is not the case for a wedding. Thus, to me, they are totally different.  I personally have no problem w/ traveling alone, for business, pleasure or to weddings.  Some people simply cannot afford [or else it's a stretch but b/c it's family/friends they s-uck it up and don't say anything] to travel alone unless they have a companion to help defray the cost.  and honestly, most people do feel obligated at least a little to attend weddings that are for family and friends.  If you don't, you are one in a million. I love my friends, but sometimes it's a royal pain not to mention expensive to travel and switch planes to see them get married. I do it b/c I want to see them, but there is still an element of obligation involved.   I would feel guilty if I didn't go. 
    Posted by ALF72


    While having a travel companion may defray the cost of a hotel room, you'd still be buying the airline ticket, still eating out while travelling and still buying a wedding gift. It doesn't save you that much.
    And as you said, you if you truly and deeply want to attend, you s uck it up and find a way to make it work. If when push comes to shove you just can't afford it or bring yourself to go, you decline.

    I just don't see why it's unreasonable to expect a fully capable adult to travel on their own. It's an invitation, not a mandate. You're not forcing them to do anything. If they don't want to go alone, they can decline.
    Were they a minor, elderly, had a young child in tow, sick or disabled- then I'd understand. But other than that- it's 2010. Grown women do not require escorts in this country.
     
  5. You have chosen to ignore posts from trex509. Show trex509's posts

    Re: Crappy situation vent

    it is not about it being a "requirement", Pink, it is about consideration of your guests.  If you *want* your guest to attend and be comfortable attending, it is a courtesy to allow them to be happy.  Sure, the B&G don't have to do it and if it is a financial reason, of course people understand.  That doesn't mean it is fun for a guest to go to a wedding alone, especially when they have a long time significant other.

    The comparison of weddings to business trips is completely off target.  A wedding is a social event, not a business event.  And no, it is not the PROM, but it is supposed to be FUN for your guests.  Or am I wrong about that?
     
  6. You have chosen to ignore posts from cosmogirl. Show cosmogirl's posts

    Re: Crappy situation vent

    yes, pk, we understand your point of view.  You have repeated it in the ten or so rebuttal posts you've made here.  Others do not agree.  Please stop beating us to death with your opinion.  Thank you.


    Ryansmom, I wish I had my old emails, I can't quite remember who we're talking about.  Refresh my memory at cape cod 38 at g mail !



     
  7. You have chosen to ignore posts from downtoearth. Show downtoearth's posts

    Re: Crappy situation vent

    this is why bright line 'rules' don't work when assembling a guest list.
     
  8. You have chosen to ignore posts from joyadams. Show joyadams's posts

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    In Response to Re: Crappy situation vent:
    yes, pk, we understand your point of view.  You have repeated it in the ten or so rebuttal posts you've made here.  Others do not agree.  Please stop beating us to death with your opinion.  Thank you. Ryansmom, I wish I had my old emails, I can't quite remember who we're talking about.  Refresh my memory at cape cod 38 at g mail !
    Posted by cosmogirl


    I'm sorry, but this is a PUBLIC forum, and everyone is allowed to voice their opinion. And, voice it repeatedly if they choose to. I find your "wording" very offensive not only for PK, but to anyone else who might feel "shy" to voice their opinions in the first place. From what I read, she was "responding" directly to someone who responded to her. 
     
  9. You have chosen to ignore posts from ALF72. Show ALF72's posts

    Re: Crappy situation vent

    In Response to Re: Crappy situation vent:
    In Response to Re: Crappy situation vent : While having a travel companion may defray the cost of a hotel room, you'd still be buying the airline ticket, still eating out while travelling and still buying a wedding gift. It doesn't save you that much. And as you said, you if you truly and deeply want to attend, you s uck it up and find a way to make it work. If when push comes to shove you just can't afford it or bring yourself to go, you decline. I just don't see why it's unreasonable to expect a fully capable adult to travel on their own. It's an invitation, not a mandate. You're not forcing them to do anything. If they don't want to go alone, they can decline. Were they a minor, elderly, had a young child in tow, sick or disabled- then I'd understand. But other than that- it's 2010. Grown women do not require escorts in this country.
    Posted by pinkkittie27


    Trex summed it up pretty well.  However, I may decide to drive rather than fly if I have someone to split up driving.  Also, many men hate to eat alone or go to events alone too. It's not a question of a woman needing an escort or a man to 'figure it out' for them. It has zero to do w/ gender.  Some people feel weird eating alone. 

    Honestly, if I were the cousin, I'd just decline.  Not b/c I can't deal w/ not having someone there to hold my hand or dance w/ during slow songs, but b/c if she is going to treat family like this [when not treating other family members in the same fashion - OP's mom gets to bring her SO to whom she is not married or engaged remember] then I would assume they really don't care if I come or not. Family is not in the same category as friends or other guests. 

    I know you don't 'get it'.  You are never going to convince me otherwise, though, no matter how many different ways you phrase it. 
     
  10. You have chosen to ignore posts from lucy7368. Show lucy7368's posts

    Re: Crappy situation vent

    I feel like we're arguing different things here.  We've got a bunch of people saying "How unfortunate for the guest!" and a bunch of people saying, "They don't have to invite him!"

    Yes, the bride and groom have an absolute right to invite whoever they want.  If they were here, complaining about guests who want to bring a friend, we'd tell them that.  But they're not. 

    We're empathizing with someone who is the sole family member being singled out for different treatment and, as a result, is stuck with an unfortunate situation.  That doesn't meant we're maligning the bride and groom.  Obviously, she doesn't have to go.  But the point of a rant is that you want people to listen, nod, and empathize.  A rant is usually not about stating the obvious or providing solutions.

    Isn't that one of the biggest complaints women often have about their spouses?  She just wants to complain and he wants to fix? 
     
  11. You have chosen to ignore posts from WhirledPeasPlease. Show WhirledPeasPlease's posts

    Re: Crappy situation vent

    I can understand being disappointed, but maybe not hurt. It's not like the invitation came with a note that said "your relationsip is not valid in our eyes". The B+G had to make the cut somewhere, and this is where the line fell. pinkkittie27

    If the line fell on my relationship--and mine alone, as it does here--then they are saying "your relationship is not valid in our eyes." I get no kids under 18, no cousins past the second degree, etc, because those are absolute groups. But this isn't a group; it's one person singled out. 

    I think rysmom just wanted to vent about this anyway, like Lucy said. She just wrote to commiserate with us. 
     
  12. You have chosen to ignore posts from joyadams. Show joyadams's posts

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    In Response to Re: Crappy situation vent:
    I feel like we're arguing different things here.  We've got a bunch of people saying "How unfortunate for the guest!" and a bunch of people saying, "They don't have to invite him!" Yes, the bride and groom have an absolute right to invite whoever they want.  If they were here, complaining about guests who want to bring a friend, we'd tell them that.  But they're not.  We're empathizing with someone who is the sole family member being singled out for different treatment and, as a result, is stuck with an unfortunate situation.  That doesn't meant we're maligning the bride and groom.  Obviously, she doesn't have to go.  But the point of a rant is that you want people to listen, nod, and empathize.  A rant is usually not about stating the obvious or providing solutions. Isn't that one of the biggest complaints women often have about their spouses?  She just wants to complain and he wants to fix? 
    Posted by lucy7368


    Dear lucy7368:

    I agree with you that the poster wanted just to vent, and yes, in the ideal world, everyone would just empathize, etc. However, in a public forum, people will ALWAYS start to agree or disagree, and post their point of view. This happened by the third comment:) So, it's a domino effect, and others will start to post their opinions, etc., etc. And, it snowballs.

    So, it is what it is, but is it right then to publicly "embarass" someone for disagreeing? Even if they disagree over and over again? Disagreeing with ones point of view is one thing, but a personal attack is another.
     
  13. You have chosen to ignore posts from WhirledPeasPlease. Show WhirledPeasPlease's posts

    Re: Crappy situation vent

    I can understand being disappointed, but maybe not hurt. It's not like the invitation came with a note that said "your relationsip is not valid in our eyes". The B+G had to make the cut somewhere, and this is where the line fell. pinkkittie27

    If the line fell on my relationship--and mine alone, as it does here--then they are saying "your relationship is not valid in our eyes." I get no kids under 18, no cousins past the second degree, etc, because those are absolute groups. But this isn't a group; it's one person singled out. 

    I think rysmom just wanted to vent about this anyway, like Lucy said. She just wrote to commiserate with us. 
     
  14. You have chosen to ignore posts from ALF72. Show ALF72's posts

    Re: Crappy situation vent

    Pink is pretty tough. I don't think she's going to cry in her beer b/c someone didn't agree w/ her.

    You can keep on debating, Pink, I'm just not going to agree w/ you. :-) 
     
  15. You have chosen to ignore posts from lucy7368. Show lucy7368's posts

    Re: Crappy situation vent

    Joy,

    I was trying to diffuse an argument.  I have no interest in continuing it, since, from the beginning, I have agreed with everybody.

    Ooh, look!  Fresh coffee!
     
  16. You have chosen to ignore posts from cosmogirl. Show cosmogirl's posts

    Re: Crappy situation vent

    joyadams, both pk and I have been on these boards a long time and "know" each other pretty well.  We don't easily get offended by the other.  I have a bad habit of being snippy and sarcastic, and PK has a bad habit of needing to get the last word in and acting like these threads are her personal blog. 

    I mean, if you can't tell an old friend she has broccoli in her teeth, what's the point. 

    There was no offense meant -- no need to get upset. 

    Remember, we're just trying to save the world, one wedding at a time. 


     
  17. You have chosen to ignore posts from poppy609. Show poppy609's posts

    Re: Crappy situation vent

    In Response to Re: Crappy situation vent:
    However, in a public forum , people will ALWAYS start to agree or disagree, and post their point of view. This happened by the third comment:) So, it's a domino effect, and others will start to post their opinions, etc., etc. And, it snowballs.
    Posted by joyadams



    Yes, this is so true, even with topics we've debated countless times, like this one.  :)
     
  18. You have chosen to ignore posts from domino88. Show domino88's posts

    Re: Crappy situation vent

    This is an interesting debate, one that I really didn't run into when I was young and single.  Ahhh, the days.   

    In this situation, I can understand feeling slighted, but from what I've gathered it sounds to me like this particular cousin isn't close with the bride and groom, so they probably didn't even know about the significant other.  Also, the fact that the cousin's father asked the groom also tells me that since the cousin couldn't ask the groom herself, that this isn't a significant relationship for either party.  I think more time has been spent feeling hurt when a simple phone call from said cousin to b&g could have cleared this up already.  I hope it all works out.
     
  19. You have chosen to ignore posts from NorthernLghts. Show NorthernLghts's posts

    Re: Crappy situation vent

    SWOWT! :-)

     
  20. You have chosen to ignore posts from downtoearth. Show downtoearth's posts

    Re: Crappy situation vent

    Remember, we're just trying to save the world, one wedding at a time. 


    Shouldn't that be capitalized?

    Remember, we're just trying to.... Save The World, One Wedding AA Time. 
     
  21. You have chosen to ignore posts from cosmogirl. Show cosmogirl's posts

    Re: Crappy situation vent

    SWOWT!

     
  22. You have chosen to ignore posts from pinkkittie27. Show pinkkittie27's posts

    Re: Crappy situation vent

    In Response to Re: Crappy situation vent:
    In Response to Re: Crappy situation vent : Trex summed it up pretty well.  However, I may decide to drive rather than fly if I have someone to split up driving.  Also, many men hate to eat alone or go to events alone too. It's not a question of a woman needing an escort or a man to 'figure it out' for them. It has zero to do w/ gender.  Some people feel weird eating alone.  Honestly, if I were the cousin, I'd just decline.  Not b/c I can't deal w/ not having someone there to hold my hand or dance w/ during slow songs, but b/c if she is going to treat family like this [when not treating other family members in the same fashion - OP's mom gets to bring her SO to whom she is not married or engaged remember] then I would assume they really don't care if I come or not. Family is not in the same category as friends or other guests.  I know you don't 'get it'.  You are never going to convince me otherwise, though, no matter how many different ways you phrase it. 
    Posted by ALF72



    I'm sorry, but you won't be eating alone if your whole family will be there and everyone is eating dinner at the same time, and you're at a table full of other people who are eating. that's the most ridiculous excuse I've ever heard.
     
  23. You have chosen to ignore posts from pinkkittie27. Show pinkkittie27's posts

    Re: Crappy situation vent

    In Response to Re: Crappy situation vent:
    I can understand being disappointed, but maybe not hurt. It's not like the invitation came with a note that said "your relationsip is not valid in our eyes". The B+G had to make the cut somewhere, and this is where the line fell.  pinkkittie27 If the line fell on my relationship--and mine alone, as it does here--then they are saying "your relationship is not valid in our eyes." I get no kids under 18, no cousins past the second degree, etc, because those are absolute groups. But this isn't a group; it's one person singled out.  I think rysmom just wanted to vent about this anyway, like Lucy said. She just wrote to commiserate with us. 
    Posted by WhirledPeasPlease


    she may be the only cousin on that side of the family attending solo, but there may be friends, cousins from the other side, and other people invited as single.
    If she were really the only person in the entire reception arriving sans guest, then yeah, that's a little weird. But again, I doubt it.
     
  24. You have chosen to ignore posts from pinkkittie27. Show pinkkittie27's posts

    Re: Crappy situation vent

    In Response to Re: Crappy situation vent:
    This is an interesting debate, one that I really didn't run into when I was young and single.  Ahhh, the days.    In this situation, I can understand feeling slighted, but from what I've gathered it sounds to me like this particular cousin isn't close with the bride and groom, so they probably didn't even know about the significant other.  Also, the fact that the cousin's father asked the groom also tells me that since the cousin couldn't ask the groom herself, that this isn't a significant relationship for either party.   I think more time has been spent feeling hurt when a simple phone call from said cousin to b&g could have cleared this up already.   I hope it all works out.
    Posted by domino88


    yes, agreed.
     
  25. You have chosen to ignore posts from cosmogirl. Show cosmogirl's posts

    Re: Crappy situation vent

    I rest my case.
     

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