Deceased parent in program

  1. You have chosen to ignore posts from Mo41083. Show Mo41083's posts

    Deceased parent in program

    Has anyone found a good way to list parents in a wedding program when one parent is deceased and the surviving parent is remarried?  Right now I have
    "Brides's Parents: Mr. and Mrs. Doe and Groom's Father: Mr. Smith" with no mention of the new wife or mother, then a memorial section with the groom's mother's name listed first.  I don't want to offend anyone, but FI's father's new wife is still very new to the family and isn't seen as a step-mother so I don't feel that it's right to put her in and it seems a little too sad for a wedding to put "Mr. Smith and the late Mrs. Smith".  Any ideas?  I've made sure that FI's mother will definitely be a part of the ceremony and wedding by having the JP say something about her and also having a picture with a poem on the table with the escort cards so she's definitely not forgotten.

     
  2. You have chosen to ignore posts from pinkkittie27. Show pinkkittie27's posts

    Re: Deceased parent in program

    Usually it's mentioned only in the memorial section. The parent's names are listed because they are either the hosts, or part of the ceremony.
    One cannot be a host or part of the ceremony if one is deceased.
    No one should be offended since you are making mention of her in the memorial section and having the officiant mention her by name.
     
  3. You have chosen to ignore posts from klm44. Show klm44's posts

    Re: Deceased parent in program

    My fiance's mom is deceased and we just mentioned her in the memorial section, and just listed his father under the parents section.  We got them today and it looks fine....  I was a bit nervous but I am happy with our decision!
     
  4. You have chosen to ignore posts from CT-DC. Show CT-DC's posts

    Re: Deceased parent in program

    Well, is not listing your FI's step-mother (which is what she is, no matter how recent the marriage is, or his feelings about her) going to cause a problem for FI's father or for her?  Because given that there are 4 "parents" it might be unseemly to only list 3 of them.  And hurtful, unnecessarily hurtful.  I think it might.

    To honor my then-FI's step-father, who passed away a few years before the wedding, we wrote in our programs:
    Today we remember X's step-father who touched in lives in magnficent ways. All who knew him are grateful to have known and loved him.

    His mother made a point of saying how much she appreciated her husband's mention in the program.
     
  5. You have chosen to ignore posts from kiwigal. Show kiwigal's posts

    Re: Deceased parent in program

    I agree with the others...a deceased parent is only mentioned in the memorial section of the program. As to the question of FI's step-mother, I think the kindest way to go about it is to ask FI's father how he'd like the names to be listed. He can say best if it would be hurtful not to include the stepmother's name, or may say that stepmom would not be comfortable being listed as she's new to the family. Since they're the ones affected by how things are listed in the program, why not leave it up to them? It's an important day for FI's dad, too, and I am sure he'll be emotional and thinking about his late wife as well as his new family.
     
  6. You have chosen to ignore posts from Mo41083. Show Mo41083's posts

    Re: Deceased parent in program

    Thanks!  I feel confident now in having FI's mother in the memorials section.  I'm still a little up in the air about what to do with his step-mother but I think I'll leave that up to him and his dad. I'm less worried about offending his step-mother or dad as I am about offending his mother's family who are very sensitive about the new marriage.

     
  7. You have chosen to ignore posts from cosmogirl. Show cosmogirl's posts

    Re: Deceased parent in program

    agree that the deceased mother belongs in the memorial section.

    I find it ironic that you're talking about your wedding program, where YOU are joining his family, and you're thinking about excluding your FFIL's wife, who obviously has been a family member longer than you.  I know she hasn't functioned as a stepmother, but that's her title, like it or not.  Just thought it might be worth thinking about -- be inclusionary, not exclusionary. 

     
  8. You have chosen to ignore posts from Mo41083. Show Mo41083's posts

    Re: Deceased parent in program

    Hi Cosmo, it would be so easy if FMIL had been on the scene longer than I have, but she's newer than me!  Some of FI's family have yet to meet her and they have only been married since May. 
     
  9. You have chosen to ignore posts from BE2Be. Show BE2Be's posts

    Re: Deceased parent in program

    I have to agree with Cosmo, Kiwi and others re: your step mother in the program.  My mother passed away when I was in high school and my dad subsequently remarried after I had graduated from college. While I like my step mother, and we get along, she never really served as a "mother" to me and I don't really consider her to be a "parent".  Nonetheless, I knew that it would make my dad very upset not to see her name in the program under Parents.  I put a sentence about my mother in the in memorial section of the program and listed my dad and step mom under parents of the bride. No need to create "issues" for something as insignificant to the day as the program!!
     
  10. You have chosen to ignore posts from pinkkittie27. Show pinkkittie27's posts

    Re: Deceased parent in program

    That's a good way to look at it.

    It is, after all, just a program, nothing set in stone.

    In Response to Re: Deceased parent in program:
    [QUOTE]No need to create "issues" for something as insignificant to the day as the program!!
    Posted by BE2Be[/QUOTE]
     
  11. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: Deceased parent in program

    Mo, I understand where you are coming from, but no matter how new the marriage or how little you feel related to her, she's your dad's wife as much today as she will be 20 years from now.  I believe she should be mentioned with honor with your dad, and your mother be mentioned only in the memorial portion.

    Sorry about your mom not being with you especially now.
     
  12. You have chosen to ignore posts from Mo41083. Show Mo41083's posts

    Re: Deceased parent in program

    Thanks Kar, it's actually my fiance's mother that passed away.  I'm so thankful that my mom is here to help with the planning.  I don't know what I would do without her!  We've decided on putting step-mom's name in the program. 
     
  13. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: Deceased parent in program

    In Response to Re: Deceased parent in program:
    [QUOTE]Thanks Kar, it's actually my fiance's mother that passed away.  I'm so thankful that my mom is here to help with the planning.  I don't know what I would do without her!  We've decided on putting step-mom's name in the program. 
    Posted by Mo41083[/QUOTE]

    Oh, sorry I misread that.  I'm glad you have your mom. :)

    Thanks for the update; I'm relieved you guys are doing it that way. 
     
  14. You have chosen to ignore posts from heatherv1211. Show heatherv1211's posts

    Re: Deceased parent in program

    Mo - this is totally off topic (as it seems your issue is resolved :), but I wanted to say I love your profile pic!  Is that an engagement shot?
     
  15. You have chosen to ignore posts from Mo41083. Show Mo41083's posts

    Re: Deceased parent in program

    Hi Heather!  Thanks for such a nice compliment.  It is one of our engagement pictures taken by Sierra Jackson of Sierra K Photography.  She works out of Camden, ME and her pictures are beautiful.  My fiance was referred to her through a friend at work who is from Maine and we were lucky enough to book her for our October wedding before she raised her prices.  Here's her website, she's wonderful!  http://www.sierrakphotography.com
     
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