Did you have a "B List?"

  1. You have chosen to ignore posts from bostonslp. Show bostonslp's posts

    Did you have a "B List?"

    If so, how was it handled?

    Initially, my fiance and I created a B list thinking that we would hear back much sooner than we had. 
    We were not able to invite everyone because we have a small venue - plus, my FMIL invited TWICE the amount that I told her, saying that half would not come.  (The reality was that some of those are coming.  The other reality is that 3 of her friend who were not invited with guests are briniging guests...a whole other story)
    Anyway, I didn't want to go over the number even more inviting people that I really wanted to be there because I was so worried about the numbers. 

    Now that we are 25 days before the wedding and our numbers are low.  The group of people that I did not invite are the ladies from my old job who I remain very close with. 
    Do I invite them now or is it just too late?
     
  2. You have chosen to ignore posts from lizinboston. Show lizinboston's posts

    Re: Did you have a "B List?"

    How low are your numbers?  If you don't think it would hurt the ladies from your old job (them knowing you didn't invite them in the first place), then I say go for it!


























     
  3. You have chosen to ignore posts from lizinboston. Show lizinboston's posts

    Re: Did you have a "B List?"

    Whoa, why is there a huge gap??
     
  4. You have chosen to ignore posts from Dreamer-6-19. Show Dreamer-6-19's posts

    Re: Did you have a "B List?"

    If you really want them to go, then I would invite them!  Since it is getting close to the date, maybe just explain to them that you needed to invite family before extending the invite to work friends.  If they are close friends, they should be understanding and not hold it against you.  I think its better to get an invite late than never.  I bet they will be excited to attend your special day! 
     
  5. You have chosen to ignore posts from easydoesit2. Show easydoesit2's posts

    Re: Did you have a "B List?"

    No.  People may be invited or not, but no one should feel they were invited to get the count up, or because they weren't important enough in the first palce, especially 3 weeks before.  Rejoice in your lower numbers and the savings that come from them.  Just hope that your numbers aren't low because people intend to come but have not responded.
     
  6. You have chosen to ignore posts from trex509. Show trex509's posts

    Re: Did you have a "B List?"

    Hmmm... if I got a wedding invitation 3 weeks out, I would know it was a last minute thing and I didn't make the first cut.  Depending on my relationship to the person, I might be annoyed.  So if you do decide to invite more people, I would definitely say something to them like dreamer said.

    I had a very close friend who was pregnant and I thought it was funny she wasn't having a baby shower.  Then I got an invitation to the shower about a week before the event!  Not enough time to shop for a present and I really felt offended by it.  Turns out her mom had forgot to invite her friends and she made her send the invites out at the last minute.  I know these things happen, but it still doesn't feel good when you are on the receiving end.
     
  7. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: Did you have a "B List?"

    We didn't have a formal B list, but I did invite a couple of people at the last minute.  It was not about having seats open up, it was about my having made a huge mistake not inviting them (long, irrelavent story).  They understood the issues and didn't hold it against us.  One came, and one couldn't for having unbreakable plans.  It was sad.  I really messed up.

    Anyway, if I ever get invited to a wedding at the last minute I'll understand the B list thing.  Sometimes venues have limits, people almost always have $$ limits, and not everyone can make the first cut.  The line has to be drawn somewhere.  Sometimes I'll be ahead of that line, and sometimes I won't.  Big deal.
     
  8. You have chosen to ignore posts from cicirose. Show cicirose's posts

    Re: Did you have a "B List?"

    We are going to have this problem too but we already decided that we will not send out "B" list invitations. I would be pretty offended if someone did that to me - I would rather be told that it's a small family affair and then be invited to celebrate after the fact as a group in another setting (BBQ or something like that). Like Trex, I was invited very late to a baby shower because the host "forgot" to include former co-workers. She also "forgot" to inform us that the baby was born early and the location was changed. Maybe I'm just bitter about that which is why I would never do it.

    If you do decide to invite the group, I'd definitely word it like Dreamer said. Good luck!!!

     
  9. You have chosen to ignore posts from pinkkittie27. Show pinkkittie27's posts

    Re: Did you have a "B List?"

    I agree with dreamer. I didn't have a B-list because we trying to keep numbers as low as possible, but if you've got the budget and want them to be there, invite them!
    If they ask why, tell them you were obligated to invite family first, they'll understand. Family does come first at an event like this.
    Chances are they'll just be happy to be invited and won't go asking questions anyways.

    In Response to Re: Did you have a "B List?":
    [QUOTE]If you really want them to go, then I would invite them!  Since it is getting close to the date, maybe just explain to them that you needed to invite family before extending the invite to work friends.  If they are close friends, they should be understanding and not hold it against you.  I think its better to get an invite late than never.  I bet they will be excited to attend your special day! 
    Posted by Dreamer-6-19[/QUOTE]
     
  10. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: Did you have a "B List?"

    Everyone's entitled to be offended, but I honestly don't understand why?  Budgets are tight, and it's just a fact of life that sometimes you're not the absolute closest people to the bride and groom but they still really care about you and want you to come if possible.  If a couple declines and that allows more of their friends, people they would have wanted to be on the A list if money, space, whatever, allowed, why not happily accept the invitation?  Of course, an invitation is just that, and anyone is free to accept or decline for whatever reason, but I just don't understand the offensive part of this.
     
  11. You have chosen to ignore posts from pinkkittie27. Show pinkkittie27's posts

    Re: Did you have a "B List?"

    I don't get it either.

    Response to Re: Did you have a "B List?":
    [QUOTE]Everyone's entitled to be offended, but I honestly don't understand why?  Budgets are tight, and it's just a fact of life that sometimes you're not the absolute closest people to the bride and groom but they still really care about you and want you to come if possible.  If a couple declines and that allows more of their friends, people they would have wanted to be on the A list if money, space, whatever, allowed, why not happily accept the invitation?  Of course, an invitation is just that, and anyone is free to accept or decline for whatever reason, but I just don't understand the offensive part of this.
    Posted by kargiver[/QUOTE]
     
  12. You have chosen to ignore posts from cicirose. Show cicirose's posts

    Re: Did you have a "B List?"

    I think people's level of offense would be directly related to how the situation was presented to them. So, just be careful with the wording. Again, I think Dreamer said it perfectly.

    I'm just being honest saying I was offended when it was presented to me that I (and the group I was included in) was not important enough for them to remember to invite us.
     
  13. You have chosen to ignore posts from Goodness1. Show Goodness1's posts

    Re: Did you have a "B List?"

    I actually thought of doing this, too.  Inviting some people with guests (who weren't invited with guests) or inviting those we never initially invited as a lot of our RSVP's came back with a "not able to attend". 

    I quickly changed my mind when I realized how I'd feel if I got a wedding invitation 2 weeks before a wedding KNOWING that I was never initially invited. 

    Not just that, I don't want "b" list people there.  Ha, ha.

     
  14. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: Did you have a "B List?"

    cici, you can be offended - you have every right.  I just was saying I don't understand why.  Usually, if someone is offended by something that doesn't offend me I can at least see what about the situation offends them.  In this case, I just don't get it. 

    But, I don't have to get it for it to be right or true for you. :)
     
  15. You have chosen to ignore posts from tibird. Show tibird's posts

    Re: Did you have a "B List?"

    We didn't have a B-list.  We were lucky enough that our numbers all worked out.  However DH remembered, oh, 10 days before the wedding about a couple that he really wanted to invite.  It wasn't a B list thing, but with everything going on in the past year, they slipped his mind.
    I told him they may be hurt to be invited last minute, but he was sure they'd be hurt if not invited at all.  We agreed to get in touch & invite them, but there was no time to mail an invitation.  I looked over & there my DH was, typing an email to invite them!!  I nearly choked as I tried explaining that this situation warranted a very humble phone call to explain things.. silly boy!  Luckily, he has great friends, they seemed very understanding & actually adjusted other plans so that they could come for the ceremony & part of the reception. 
    My point is that if you are close with them, explain & invite them.  They may have other plans, but they should understand the situation.
     
  16. You have chosen to ignore posts from framerican51008. Show framerican51008's posts

    Re: Did you have a "B List?"

    We didn't have a B list.  Way too complicated!

    If you present the situation to your old co-workers in the right way, they will understand, so go ahead and invite them!  (But don't procrastinate or they will have plans!)
     
  17. You have chosen to ignore posts from pinkkittie27. Show pinkkittie27's posts

    Re: Did you have a "B List?"

    I don't know, I'm cognizent of the fact that my friends, especially ones I don't see that often, have family members and closer friends that are further up the priority line than me when it comes to planning their wedding.
    I'd like to go, but if they can't fit me, I get it and it's cool.
    If a lot of people they felt they had to put on the A list can't make it, so they send me and invite, I'd just be happy I could share their day. I'd only turn them down if I would have not wanted/been able to go if I'd been ont he A list.
    Being offended that I don't come before other people in my friends' life just seems weird to me. Wedding money doesn't grow on trees, and I understand that it's hard deciding who does and does not make the cut.
     
  18. You have chosen to ignore posts from ash. Show ash's posts

    Re: Did you have a "B List?"

    Just so you know, it is perfectly acceptable to send a wedding invitation 4 weeks before the wedding.  You are at 25.  I don't think anyone is going to notice.

    Invite away.
     
  19. You have chosen to ignore posts from trex509. Show trex509's posts

    Re: Did you have a "B List?"

    The offended feeling was an emotional response, not a logical one.  Sure we all understand logically why you might get invited late, but when the invite comes in the mail so close to the event, the emotional response is one of hurt feelings.  At least, that is how I felt when it happened for the baby shower!  If you had asked me before it happened, I probably would have said no big deal.
     
  20. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: Did you have a "B List?"

    My emotional response would be happy I got to go, after all.   And, of course, I am as prone to illogical emotional responses as anyone else.  I'm just well aware of where I stand with my whole gamut of friends - some I'm closer to than others.  I'd be on the A list with some, B list for others, and probably wouldn't make either cut for some, too.  Their wedding wouldn't be the moment I discovered how close we "really are."
     
  21. You have chosen to ignore posts from pinkkittie27. Show pinkkittie27's posts

    Re: Did you have a "B List?"

    Well put.

    In Response to Re: Did you have a "B List?":
    [QUOTE]My emotional response would be happy I got to go, after all.   And, of course, I am as prone to illogical emotional responses as anyone else.  I'm just well aware of where I stand with my whole gamut of friends - some I'm closer to than others.  I'd be on the A list with some, B list for others, and probably wouldn't make either cut for some, too.  Their wedding wouldn't be the moment I discovered how close we "really are."
    Posted by kargiver[/QUOTE]
     
  22. You have chosen to ignore posts from lucy7368. Show lucy7368's posts

    Re: Did you have a "B List?"

    I once was invited to a wedding less than a week in advance.  I didn't have any other important plans for that evening, so I went.  I was a little offended until I realized that the invitations had actually probably gone out before we became friends.  I didn't have time to get her a gift, but I contributed to the office gift (and did all the planning, collecting, and buying), so I wasn't that worried about it.

    If you talk to them about it, I would think it's not a big deal. 
     
  23. You have chosen to ignore posts from whatawagSBNy. Show whatawagSBNy's posts

    Re: Did you have a "B List?"

        There is nothing wrong with an invitation issued at 3 to 4 weeks before a wedding.  If you have a prior commitment, you honor it.  Otherwise, you want to go or you don't.
         I do not see why people examine  things so closely for possible reasons to take offense.
          Okay, someone sends you an invitation that says, we have three dinners going into the garbage because of late RSVP's, and figured you are as good as a garbage disposal -  so take offense, there is no interpretation but a nasty one. 
        But automatically assuming that it is offensive because you received an invite at a month BW?  Especially when you are local enough not to need time to plan airline tickets etc.?  You may well be taking offense where none is meant - which is as great a breach of etiquette as A B C D listing.

         Part of being a grown up person is realizing that people make decisions for complex reasons.  Letting a perceived maybe possible  sleight  cause you to turn down a wedding invitation means you probably should never have been invited.
        True and loving friends and family actually place sharing a milestone celebration  above a sleight like not passing through a doorway first.  Putting one's ego first reveals a not very nice character trait.    Isn't it best to  treat any invite for it's best possible nice intention?     Bottom line is, they want you to attend their wedding.
     
  24. You have chosen to ignore posts from pinkkittie27. Show pinkkittie27's posts

    Re: Did you have a "B List?"

    Also very well put.

    In Response to Re: Did you have a "B List?":
    [QUOTE]   Part of being a grown up person is realizing that people make decisions for complex reasons.  Letting a perceived maybe possible  sleight  cause you to turn down a wedding invitation means you probably should never have been invited.     True and loving friends and family actually place sharing a milestone celebration  above a sleight like not passing through a doorway first.  Putting one's ego first reveals a not very nice character trait.    Isn't it best to  treat any invite for it's best possible nice intention?     Bottom line is, they want you to attend their wedding.
    Posted by whatawagSBNy[/QUOTE]
     
  25. You have chosen to ignore posts from cicirose. Show cicirose's posts

    Re: Did you have a "B List?"

    In Response to Re: Did you have a "B List?":
    [QUOTE]    There is nothing wrong with an invitation issued at 3 to 4 weeks before a wedding.  If you have a prior commitment, you honor it.  Otherwise, you want to go or you don't.      I do not see why people examine  things so closely for possible reasons to take offense.       Okay, someone sends you an invitation that says, we have three dinners going into the garbage because of late RSVP's, and figured you are as good as a garbage disposal -  so take offense, there is no interpretation but a nasty one.      Posted by whatawagSBNy[/QUOTE]

    I'm not sure if people will be offended because they are looking for possible reasons to take offense. I think in some situations, the way the late invitation is handled can be offensive. You would be surprised by how many people will issue an email or verbal invitation, flat out saying that they have room still available, would you like to come? To me, that is rude and offensive.
     

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