Ditching the MOH??

  1. You have chosen to ignore posts from NYEBride2010. Show NYEBride2010's posts

    Ditching the MOH??

    Okay ladies, time to stir things up a bit.  I have a friend who is the MOH in a wedding in 3 weeks.  She was just on vaca and comes back to a need to talk email from the bride.  She calls the Bride to have the bride tell her she doesn't want her to be MOH anymore.  Bride feels that their friendship isn't what it was (which is true) and that she hasn't fulfilled her duties (not totally true).  The MOH was very supportive, lives on N. Shore (bride is on S.S), helped plan and coordinate shower but was on vacation when Bride decided she wanted her bachelorette.  Now one of the BM and friend used to be friends but no longer are so needless to say, there have been tiffs with those two that have had to be figured out by the bride. 

    I feel that it's an important decision and could be dealt with after to keep the peace but also see why she did it (not that I think it's right, friend is really hurt).  I think the bride should have been more selective when choosing as this is the last thing you want to happen.

    So what do you all think?  What would you do in that situation?
     
  2. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: Ditching the MOH??

    She chose someone to be her MOH that she used to be closer to than she is now.  Regrets for her decision for mostly that reason, a reason known to the bride before she made her choice, are unfortunate but not anything a gracious person would act on.

    Now, if it was over the vacation/party thing, I'm confused and can't comment because I don't understand your description of what happened or what the problem was.
     
  3. You have chosen to ignore posts from Peonie. Show Peonie's posts

    Re: Ditching the MOH??

    First of all, for the bride to kick her MOH out of the wedding three weeks prior is selfish and irrational. She had plenty of time to think of this friendship, and plenty of time to talk to your friend. Also, I can't standwhen brides get all dramatic when someone can't attend their bachelorette parties. I understand she is the MOH, but if she knew she was going to be on vacation, than it is the brides own fault for trying to blame her MOH for not being there.

    I think your friend needs to talk to her friend (the bride), and try to work this out. No one needs this kind of stress and drama 3 weeks before a wedding. Maybe they can work on their differences after the event. However, if there is going to be bitterness and this will make the day unpleasant, than maybe it is best that your friend not be in attendance.

    But I don't think your friend did anything wrong.

    Also, the bride should not be the one to mend the other BM's and MOH's friendship. She has enough going on. And no where does it say that everyone in the bridal party has to get a long. They just need to act like grown, mature woman, and be civil towards each other for one day. Everyone is capable of that. I hope.
     
  4. You have chosen to ignore posts from NYEBride2010. Show NYEBride2010's posts

    Re: Ditching the MOH??

    I'll clarify the vacation thing.  The bride and bridal party had a few dates available for the bachelorette and about 1 Bm couldn't make it to each date.  Plus some extra friends of the bride were invited.  The Bride decided on the date (the only date MOH couldn't go) so they had an argument over that prior to this decision.  Plus the BM that didn't get along with the MOH insisted that the MOH participate financially in the bachelorette....which MOH didn't agree with.  So I think that played into it in some twisted way by the bride.  The bride also had asked the MOH a year ago right after she got engaged.  I think that maybe during the bachelorette, MOH may have been bashed a bit for not being there (despite bride choosing the date) and that's what may have lead to this decision. I don't agree with it because I think it is, as Peonie said, irrational and selfish, but the bride, wasn't thinking logically when choosing her bridal party. 
     
  5. You have chosen to ignore posts from WhirledPeasPlease. Show WhirledPeasPlease's posts

    Re: Ditching the MOH??

    The bride sounds like a real C-U-Next-Tuesday. 

    I don't see why the MOH should contribute financially to the bachelorette party when she wasn't going. Actually, I don't see anything the MOH did wrong. The bride knew she couldn't make it on that date and scheduled the party anyway. She helped with the shower, which isn't even mandatory. What duties are there other than showing up and wearing a dress?

    It sounds like the MOH dodged a bullet. If this is how the bride is going to be three weeks before the wedding, who knows what kind of crazy serum she'll take the day of. I feel bad for the MOH, but mostly because she was friends with this nutjob in the first place. 
     
  6. You have chosen to ignore posts from ALF72. Show ALF72's posts

    Re: Ditching the MOH??

    I think the bride is a beyotch.  She chose the MOH.  She knows the friendship ins't waht it used to be.  Who cares if the MOH decides to go on vacation 'when the bride decided she wanted her bachelorette'.  The bride doesn't get to decide "I want a bachelorette and you guys need to hop to it on my schedule". If the BMs decide they want to throw her one, great. If someone is not available when said bachelorette occurs, oh well.  The woman was not required to replan her vacation so that she could go on the bachelorette.  Many people don't even have bachelorette parties. 

    It's 3 weeks out to the wedding.  A gracious bride [and one who wasn't raised by wolves] would have kept her mouth shut, let your friend be the MOH and then let   the friendship fade naturally.  
     
  7. You have chosen to ignore posts from ajuly09. Show ajuly09's posts

    Re: Ditching the MOH??

    My only comment is that reading this made me feel like I was watching an episode of bridezillas. 
     
  8. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: Ditching the MOH??

    NYE, thanks for clarifying.  I don't know if I had PMS brain or what, but I couldn't figure it out!

    Huh.  Well, no one can be two places at once.  What did the bride expect?  She chose someone she wasn't close with anymore to be her MOH and then held it against her when she chose a bach party date that conflicted with the MOH's vacation plans.  I don't think she was upset she didn't go, actually.  Sounds very much to me like it was a passive aggressive way to get her to NOT be there and give the bride an excuse to fire her.  NICE.  She should have chosen someone else to begin with, but since she didn't she didn't want to live with her choice and set her up to be a "bad MOH."
     
  9. You have chosen to ignore posts from NYEBride2010. Show NYEBride2010's posts

    Re: Ditching the MOH??

    Alf, that was my feeling too.  I got a voicemail yesterday from my friend crying and I was hoping that was the speech I could give her...unfortunately it wasn't.  Bride and I have never seen eye to eye but as a Bride myself I though this was truly low.  She could have sucked it up and dealt but my bet is that the other BM who used to be friends with MOH and me squirmed her way into the MOH position since she was the one complaining about MOH not contributing financially to the bachelorette (agreed, no need that friend needed to contribute). 

    Ajuly, seriously could probably send the story line to them and find some girls who would love to act it out. lol.

    Guess this is just another lesson in how a bride should NOT act.  It also makes me really glad I stuck with my guns to have family members as bridesmaids.
     
  10. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: Ditching the MOH??

    I feel for her DH.
     
  11. You have chosen to ignore posts from pinkkittie27. Show pinkkittie27's posts

    Re: Ditching the MOH??

    ugh, I'm sorry for your friend and I'm sorry that there's nothing that can be done to remedy the situation. I can only agree that it sounds like the bride chose poorly- especially if she didn't take into consideration the fact that her MOH and one of the other BMs don't get a long. Missing the bachelorette party is not a BFD and to hold it against her for not paying a share when she couldn't even attend is just beyond the pale.

    I would also agree that it sounds like the other BMs were poisoning the bride against your friend. And that's just middle-school antics that have no place in adult circles.


    Perhaps the bride will realize what a carppy thing she did after it's all said and done, but it would take a lot of apologizing for me to let something like that slide.

     
  12. You have chosen to ignore posts from laryan. Show laryan's posts

    Re: Ditching the MOH??

    i think ditching the MOH 3 weeks before the wedding is selfish & rude...especially after the MOH has "invested money" in the wedding, via the shower, gifts, attire, etc...i think it would be proper for the bride to reimburse for the costs this "former MOH" has spent..

    although I'm not sure if the bride is acting rationally...stress may be setting in...

    just my 2 cents..
     
  13. You have chosen to ignore posts from poppy609. Show poppy609's posts

    Re: Ditching the MOH??

    I was going to say what Laryan said - nice how AFTER the MOH has bought the dress, shoes, contributed to the shower and whatever else... she gets ditched. 

    I was curious - did she get ditched completely, or demoted to a BM?
     
  14. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: Ditching the MOH??

    I wonder if she could sue the bride for her dress, shoes, etc.  Not that I would if I were her or that I'm even suggesting it really, just curious if it could stand in court.
     
  15. You have chosen to ignore posts from pinkkittie27. Show pinkkittie27's posts

    Re: Ditching the MOH??

    In Response to Re: Ditching the MOH??:
    I wonder if she could sue the bride for her dress, shoes, etc.  Not that I would if I were her or that I'm even suggesting it really, just curious if it could stand in court.
    Posted by kargiver


    it's probably been done! Ooooh, we should start a wedding court!!! Any and all issues with vendors, family, bridal parties, etc. settled by an impartial jury: us.

    I think she'd be better off keeping the shoes, but trying to sell or return the dress. Whatever she spent on the shower is gone, but at least now she won't have to pay for hair, nails, makeup, wedding gift or anything else.
     
  16. You have chosen to ignore posts from lucy7368. Show lucy7368's posts

    Re: Ditching the MOH??

    In Response to Re: Ditching the MOH??:
    I wonder if she could sue the bride for her dress, shoes, etc.  Not that I would if I were her or that I'm even suggesting it really, just curious if it could stand in court.
    Posted by kargiver


    Yes, it could.  Innocent
     
  17. You have chosen to ignore posts from cosmogirl. Show cosmogirl's posts

    Re: Ditching the MOH??

    How old is this bride - 14?

    What a little bee-atch.

    Tell your friend to get on these boards so we can all cheer her up and tell her she has done NOTHING wrong. 

    MOH deserves to get kicked out of a wedding that's 3 weeks away when she (1) sleeps with the groom (2) yells at the MOB or (3) makes guests fill out their own thank-you note envelopes at the shower.

    The bride has obviously missed the point of the show "Bridezillas".  It's meant to highlight extraordinarily bad behavior; it's not a "how to".

    Thank god she found out before she wrote the check for the wedding present.

    Tell her to burn the dress in a bonfire on the beach while drinking cosmopolitans and dancing in a circle. 

    Why are women such idiots?  Really! 
     
  18. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: Ditching the MOH??

    Bridezillas not a "how to" - cos, I'm glad I wasn't sipping coffee when I got to that part, LOL!!!
     
  19. You have chosen to ignore posts from pinkkittie27. Show pinkkittie27's posts

    Re: Ditching the MOH??

    In Response to Re: Ditching the MOH??:
    or (3) makes guests fill out their own thank-you note envelopes at the shower. Posted by cosmogirl


    LOL!
     
  20. You have chosen to ignore posts from NYEBride2010. Show NYEBride2010's posts

    Re: Ditching the MOH??

    In Response to Re: Ditching the MOH??:
    How old is this bride - 14? What a little bee-atch. Tell your friend to get on these boards so we can all cheer her up and tell her she has done NOTHING wrong.  MOH deserves to get kicked out of a wedding that's 3 weeks away when she (1) sleeps with the groom (2) yells at the MOB or (3) makes guests fill out their own thank-you note envelopes at the shower. The bride has obviously missed the point of the show "Bridezillas".  It's meant to highlight extraordinarily bad behavior; it's not a "how to". Thank god she found out before she wrote the check for the wedding present. Tell her to burn the dress in a bonfire on the beach while drinking cosmopolitans and dancing in a circle.  Why are women such idiots?  Really! 
    Posted by cosmogirl


    Seriously, agree with Kar, would have spit coffee all over the computer while reading this!  Wicked funny! 

    I will send the good vibes to my friend from you all!

    They were good friends when the bride asked ex-MOH to be the MOH but the bad BM soured the friendship and I think she was jealous she wasn't asked to be MOH so weaseled her way to get the Bride to doubt MOH's loyalty and excitement about the wedding. 

    Anyways, this was out of character for the bride (even though I don't like her) but I think my friend is way better off.  She is going to ask the bride to pay for the dress...she was supposed to drive down today for a dress fitting. Hopefully she will be able to get the money or I told her she can sell it online.

    Thanks for the laughs. 
     
  21. You have chosen to ignore posts from framerican51008. Show framerican51008's posts

    Re: Ditching the MOH??

    I have to say that I personally agonized over un-asking a BM to be in my wedding, so I do think there could be more to the story.  (I didn't end up asking her to step down.)

    That being said, it's ridiculous to do so 3 weeks before the wedding.  At that point, what's done is done.  Unless the MOH did something truly awful (see Cosmo's post above), I can't see why she suddenly isn't worthy of being MOH.  Is she still going to be invited??  Will she go?

    The BM that I was unsure of didn't end up coming to my bachelorette party.  She says she was sick, but I know that bach parties aren't really her thing.  I was a little annoyed, but that's about it.  I knew how she was when I asked her to be in my wedding.  Can't expect her to change for me.

     
  22. You have chosen to ignore posts from Peonie. Show Peonie's posts

    Re: Ditching the MOH??

    If a bride kicked me out of her wedding three weeks prior, you bet her @$$, she would be paying for my dress, shoes, and anything else I had to buy for her wedding.
     
  23. You have chosen to ignore posts from WhirledPeasPlease. Show WhirledPeasPlease's posts

    Re: Ditching the MOH??

    If this bride is selfish and childish enough to kick out the MOH three weeks before the wedding, I don't see her agreeing to pay for dress, shoes, etc. 

    You should tell the MOH to sleep with the groom. Tongue outSurprised
     
  24. You have chosen to ignore posts from NYEBride2010. Show NYEBride2010's posts

    Re: Ditching the MOH??

    Fram, the only other thing I didn't mention is that bride had originally chosen a J. Crew dress and MOH bought it tried it on and told the bride that it didn't work for her....she is tall, busty and curvy, where the rest of the bridal party looks like 14yr old boys (aka skinny, flat and short).  She felt really self-conscious in it and told the bride that.  The bride ended up changing the dress, kept the color, and held that against the MOH a few times, saying she had to give up her dream dress for her Bm's because of the MOH.  Why she didn't let her choose a different dress and keep that dress for the others, I don't know (as many do) but that's the biggest thing that they fought about and like I said bride has reminded MOH about numerous times.  If that was such a big deal, then she maybe should have taken it back then since she wanted that dress so bad and maybe would have saved all the drama of this week. 

    Also the bachelorette party wasn't a typical bach party...it was a girls weekend down the cape as the bride wanted.  I guess there was a stripper that came to the hotel other bm planned that) but MOH wouldn't be one to seek out a stripper and bride wouldn't have either. 
     
  25. You have chosen to ignore posts from cosmogirl. Show cosmogirl's posts

    Re: Ditching the MOH??

    NYE, this just gives more evidence to her Bridezilla ways.

    I love my girlfriends with all my heart.  I would do anything to make them happy. 

    If I had a "dream" BM dress that looked bad on my MOH, (or that my MOH THOUGHT looked bad on her), it wouldn't be a dream dress anymore. 

    Poor MOH. I'd like to buy her a cosmo. 
     

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