Do I have to get a bachelorette party gift?

  1. You have chosen to ignore posts from trex509. Show trex509's posts

    Do I have to get a bachelorette party gift?

    My FI's sister is getting married over Labor Day weekend in DC (I'm a BM).  Her local friends are throwing her a bachelorette party this weekend.  It was kind of last minute and I can't travel for it, so I will not be attending.  But her friend emailed us all and said if we'd like to send presents, to send them to her address.  I guess they are doing like a lingerie party or something.

    So, do I need to send a gift?  I wasn't planning on it, but the email threw me for a loop.  I feel very uncomfortable picking out lingerie for her (we're not that close!) and I don't want to send a gift card because, frankly, we're already spending a LOT of money for this wedding.  Any thoughts?
     
  2. You have chosen to ignore posts from luvRIboy. Show luvRIboy's posts

    Re: Do I have to get a bachelorette party gift?

    I've never heard of gifts for a bachelorette...one person brought a "joke gift" to mine, and we all wore some beads, but that was about it.  If you want to send something, I'd just send a card, telling her you wish you could be there and are looking forward to seeing the pictures!
     
  3. You have chosen to ignore posts from Goodness1. Show Goodness1's posts

    Re: Do I have to get a bachelorette party gift?

    I've never heard of gifts for a bachelorette party.  I've been to 4 or 5, and NEVER gave a gift nor did I notice anyone else give a gift.  That's weird.
     
  4. You have chosen to ignore posts from pinkkittie27. Show pinkkittie27's posts

    Re: Do I have to get a bachelorette party gift?

    Never heard of anyone giving anything at bachelor/bachelorette parties except gag gifts and lap dances.
     
  5. You have chosen to ignore posts from Peonie. Show Peonie's posts

    Re: Do I have to get a bachelorette party gift?

    You girls are lucky. I have a friend, whom I'm not very close with anymore (go figure) who insisted that her MOH tell all the girls who are coming to her b-party to bring a gift. We had to bring some sort of sexy panty, etc. It was a little annoying, seeing as we paid to go to NYC for the night.
     
  6. You have chosen to ignore posts from cosmogirl. Show cosmogirl's posts

    Re: Do I have to get a bachelorette party gift?

    Well, I've never heard of bp gifts either.  Usually the attendees pay for the bride's expenses that night/weekend and that's the end of it. 

    I wouldn't give it a second thought.

     
  7. You have chosen to ignore posts from november2009. Show november2009's posts

    Re: Do I have to get a bachelorette party gift?

    Got to agree with the majority here.  I have never brought a gift to a batchelorette party.  Have contributed to the cost of party and once bought an enormous giant fake diamond ring as a gag gift but nver a real gift.  Can you ask her friend what she needs or what others are getting (so you will not duplicate their gifts of course)?  It is your future SIL so I would think you do have to send something.  My thinking on this is if you think that not giving a gift now is something that will be remembered for the next 20 years better spend the money and send the gift now.  
     
  8. You have chosen to ignore posts from Peonie. Show Peonie's posts

    Re: Do I have to get a bachelorette party gift?

    For my future bp, all I really want it a night out to dinner with my bridal party and a couple of other close friends. I don't need a night of drunken debauchery. But that's just me.
     
  9. You have chosen to ignore posts from MissWolff. Show MissWolff's posts

    Re: Do I have to get a bachelorette party gift?

    Sigh. I feel like this is a new thing....While I don't think you should have to, I personally would feel like I should make the effort since it's my future SIL.

    I'd prob send a cami and boyshort set from VS or Macy's with a gift receipt. Just something cute and girly.

    Unfortunately if you are the only one who doesn't send something....you know where I am going with this.

     
  10. You have chosen to ignore posts from framerican51008. Show framerican51008's posts

    Re: Do I have to get a bachelorette party gift?

    In Response to Re: Do I have to get a bachelorette party gift?:
    [QUOTE]You girls are lucky. I have a friend, whom I'm not very close with anymore (go figure) who insisted that her MOH tell all the girls who are coming to her b-party to bring a gift. We had to bring some sort of sexy panty, etc. It was a little annoying, seeing as we paid to go to NYC for the night.
    Posted by Peonie[/QUOTE]

    I still wouldn't do it!  No one can make you give a gift.  (Not saying you are wrong, just saying I would still show up without a gift anyway.)  I know sometimes people get gag gifts because they want to, but that should be the extent of it, in my opinion.  No one should feel obligated.
     
  11. You have chosen to ignore posts from CT-DC. Show CT-DC's posts

    Re: Do I have to get a bachelorette party gift?

    What if you sent an email to the organizer (I'm assuming that's who sent you this email?) and asked if she would like you to contribute toward taking the bride out that night?  Something like "I'm so sorry I won't be able to join the festivities, but I still would like to help you all treat her, can I send you a check for $x?

    That MIGHT head off the gift thing, because then they'll know you contributed to the night even though you weren't there.  BUT think carefully about the amount of money, because $25 might be alot more than necessary.... given if there are 10 of you there, you would only have to pay about $5 extra to pay for a $50 bride's bill and not everywhere is $50 per person!  So, hmmmm...  you can't offer to send $5 or $10 in the mail, that sounds cheap, so I guess perhaps you're back to square one.  (aren't you glad I talked myself out of my advice. lol?) That's me, helpful hannah!

    I think I'd leave it with sending a card - "wish I could be there, but I hope you have fun, I'll see you at the wedding, I can't wait to help you celebrate your wedding to (hisname)! in the fall!"
     
  12. You have chosen to ignore posts from Goodness1. Show Goodness1's posts

    Re: Do I have to get a bachelorette party gift?

    If you want, you could send a card and tell the bride to have a great time, and you'll see her at the wedding!  I wouldn't get a gift, I think that's odd.  I've never heard of anything but gag gifts at a bachelorette party.   

    I find it odd that the friend sent an e-mail saying that if anyone would want to send gifts to send them to her house.  Um?  Gifts?  For what?  I think it's a faux pas and presumptuous to even suggest that anyone "should" get a gift.

    I was invited to a bachelorette party for a very close friend of mine, but I couldn't attend.  If the organizer sent out an e-mail suggesting where to send gifts, etc., I'd be appalled and offended. 
     
  13. You have chosen to ignore posts from trex509. Show trex509's posts

    Re: Do I have to get a bachelorette party gift?

    Thanks for all the advice!  I don't think I could even get a present in the mail in time for this weekend anyway, so I'll just send her a card.  I thought it was a bit weird too, so this makes me feel better.
     
  14. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: Do I have to get a bachelorette party gift?

    I'm late to this party, no pun intended, but I have to agree.  So what if you are the only one not giving a bp gift?  Really, I know what you're getting at, but you're not attending, and bachelorette parties are not traditionally gift giving events, anyway.  I don't think anyone will notice and, if they do, they shouldn't care if you give a gift.  Definitely don't give it another worry.
     
  15. You have chosen to ignore posts from lucy7368. Show lucy7368's posts

    Re: Do I have to get a bachelorette party gift?

    I have never heard of sending a gift to a bachelorette party - especially if you're not going to be there.  Isn't the fun of gag gifts being there when it's opened?  Why send a gag gift in the mail?

    I actually think the panty idea is kind fun, but only if:
    a) It somehow goes with the theme of the evening (it would be weird if your bachelorette were, say, a Red Sox game).
    b)  It's totally optional.
    c)  People weren't expected to spend more than, like, $10/pair.  Because, quite honestly, whatever you are doing with panties at a bachelorette party, I'm not going to want to wear them later, so they should be as cheap as possible.
     
  16. You have chosen to ignore posts from Missy509. Show Missy509's posts

    Re: Do I have to get a bachelorette party gift?

    I have never heard of sending a gift to the bachelorette party. that is weird. and I disagree with those saying 'well, she will be your sil so you should so that she isnt't mad at you'. ummm, how about we dont cater to the greedy sil. if the sil gets mad that she did not get her a bach party gift, then she is rude and selfish and who cares what she thinks anyways. why cater to people likethat? if she isnt expecting gifts and the moh is just trying to make people bring gifts, then the sil shouldnt care anyhow and it wouldnt be an issue.
     
  17. You have chosen to ignore posts from lucy7368. Show lucy7368's posts

    Re: Do I have to get a bachelorette party gift?

    I totally agree, Missy. 
     
  18. You have chosen to ignore posts from heatherv1211. Show heatherv1211's posts

    Re: Do I have to get a bachelorette party gift?

    I have to echo others who said this is a very odd request.  If I got sexy lingerie in the mail from my FSIL I would feel very strange!  To me, the whole point of a bachelorette party is that "in-the-moment" nature of it!  I think bachelorette mail would be contrary to the whole idea.  Those kind of gag gifts need to be opened in the moment (like someone else said). 

    Re: bp gifts in general, my very closest friends gave me some funny gifts, but only after everyone else had left and there were just a few of us left. 
     
  19. You have chosen to ignore posts from downtoearth. Show downtoearth's posts

    Re: Do I have to get a bachelorette party gift?

    If there is no separate shower planned, then it makes sense and sounds like fun.

    But either way, you are under no obligation.

    Even an email saying you wish you could have been there is fine.
     
  20. You have chosen to ignore posts from Missy509. Show Missy509's posts

    Re: Do I have to get a bachelorette party gift?

    Things are getting out of hand now! So many people EXPECT gifts at engagement parties, showers, the wedding, and now bach parties? Where does it end! Enough is enough already. I am not emptying my wallet because 2 people decide to make their love legal. Some people are sickening.

    Next thing you know people will be throwing "We're home from the honeymoon" parties and including a registry. ugh. Then of course comes the baby showers after the weddings and the people who have showers for their second plus kid really irk me...
     
  21. You have chosen to ignore posts from lucy7368. Show lucy7368's posts

    Re: Do I have to get a bachelorette party gift?

    Generally, Missy, I expect gifts on a daily basis just because I allow people the honor of my glorious presence.

    Of course, I'm usually disappointed.... Undecided
     
  22. You have chosen to ignore posts from pinkkittie27. Show pinkkittie27's posts

    Re: Do I have to get a bachelorette party gift?

    Even if there isn't a separate shower, I don't think that's a good excuse to make your bachelorette party a gift-giving event.
    If you don't have a shower, you don't have one. You don't get to tack it onto another party later on so that you make up on gifts. Ick.
     
  23. You have chosen to ignore posts from trex509. Show trex509's posts

    Re: Do I have to get a bachelorette party gift?

    In Response to Re: Do I have to get a bachelorette party gift?:
    [QUOTE]Next thing you know people will be throwing "We're home from the honeymoon" parties and including a registry. ugh. Then of course comes the baby showers after the weddings and the people who have showers for their second plus kid really irk me...
    Posted by Missy509[/QUOTE]

    I was a BM for a friend last year (whom I *love*).  Being a BM can be a lot of work and it was stressful to throw the shower and all the other associated things.  After the wedding, another BM suggested that we shoudl all go to the Bride's house and decorate it for when they got back from the honeymoon.  Sweet idea, but I remember thinking "are you serious?  I thought we were done!"

    Baby showers for second babies (and on) annoy me too... but I know a lot people who disagree with me.  I kind of hate showers in general.  I know they are traditional, but I went to friend's where literally we watched her open presents for 1.5 hrs!  And they only got halfway through!  They stopped to give us a break to eat cake, so I left!  Luckily she had opened my gift in the first half.  Seriously, it was the most boring thing I've ever been to.
     
  24. You have chosen to ignore posts from pinkkittie27. Show pinkkittie27's posts

    Re: Do I have to get a bachelorette party gift?

    I hate showers too. Which is why mine was gift-free and only had 10 people there. I wish showers would just go away.


    In Response to Re: Do I have to get a bachelorette party gift?:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Do I have to get a bachelorette party gift? : I was a BM for a friend last year (whom I *love*).  Being a BM can be a lot of work and it was stressful to throw the shower and all the other associated things.  After the wedding, another BM suggested that we shoudl all go to the Bride's house and decorate it for when they got back from the honeymoon.  Sweet idea, but I remember thinking "are you serious?  I thought we were done!" Baby showers for second babies (and on) annoy me too... but I know a lot people who disagree with me.  I kind of hate showers in general.  I know they are traditional, but I went to friend's where literally we watched her open presents for 1.5 hrs!  And they only got halfway through!  They stopped to give us a break to eat cake, so I left!  Luckily she had opened my gift in the first half.  Seriously, it was the most boring thing I've ever been to.
    Posted by trex509[/QUOTE]
     
  25. You have chosen to ignore posts from Goodness1. Show Goodness1's posts

    Re: Do I have to get a bachelorette party gift?

    I hate showers, too.  They're boring for the guests, I get it.  I have to tell you, though, when people started walking out and going home in the middle of my shower as my fiance and I were opening the gifts.  That hurt a lot.

    I get that they are boring.  I get they don't care to look at other people's gifts.  I get it all.  But, you came to be with us, right?  My shower was not very long... 3 hours, which included heavy appetizers, lunch, alcohol galore, desserts, music.  It was fun, if I do say so myself.  I felt that once they had what they wanted (food and drink and their own gift opened), they left.  In the middle of everything.  Trust me, none of them leaving when unnoticed by me or my fiance.  We were saddened.

    One of those people who left early was one of my BM's, too.  She gave some excuse, but really?  I don't ask my BM's for anything (I'm honest here).  It hurt that she left early.

     

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