Do I have to get a bachelorette party gift?

  1. You have chosen to ignore posts from pinkkittie27. Show pinkkittie27's posts

    Re: Do I have to get a bachelorette party gift?

    see, even though I do hate showers, I'd never leave one early unless I had a really REALLY good reason. I'd either sit through til the bitter end or send my regrets and a gift.

    In Response to Re: Do I have to get a bachelorette party gift?:
    [QUOTE]I hate showers, too.  They're boring for the guests, I get it.  I have to tell you, though, when people started walking out and going home in the middle of my shower as my fiance and I were opening the gifts.  That hurt a lot. I get that they are boring.  I get they don't care to look at other people's gifts.  I get it all.  But, you came to be with us, right?  My shower was not very long... 3 hours, which included heavy appetizers, lunch, alcohol galore, desserts, music.  It was fun, if I do say so myself.  I felt that once they had what they wanted (food and drink and their own gift opened), they left.  In the middle of everything.  Trust me, none of them leaving when unnoticed by me or my fiance.  We were saddened. One of those people who left early was one of my BM's, too.  She gave some excuse, but really?  I don't ask my BM's for anything (I'm honest here).  It hurt that she left early.
    Posted by Goodness1[/QUOTE]
     
  2. You have chosen to ignore posts from trex509. Show trex509's posts

    Re: Do I have to get a bachelorette party gift?

    3 hours for a shower is too long for me.  I left my friend's shower after about 2.5 hrs.  It was a HUGE event and it was mostly family, so I barely knew anyone there.  I talked to the bride once to say hi and once to say goodbye before I left, but she was so busy, I couldn't talk to her otherwise.  I really doubt she cared that I left.  I'm sure she understood.  It was mostly a family event, you can't really expect your friends to hang out for 3 hours with your family and watching you open presents. 

    Although, if I was a BM, I would not have left.  That's a different story.
     
  3. You have chosen to ignore posts from Goodness1. Show Goodness1's posts

    Re: Do I have to get a bachelorette party gift?

    I don't think 3 hours is long if 2 of them are spent eating and drinking.  Funny how the guests had all the time in the world for that. 

    Keep in mind, most of them who left early, didn't let me know in advance that they were leaving early.  So, there are pictures where I see them walking out and all you see in the picture is the sadness in my face.  I felt they were sneaking out. 

    If they had told me beforehand, I would've been fine.  But, I felt like they saw their opportunity to leave, and did. 

    As far as my BM goes with leaving early, yeah, still upset here.  I wouldn't do that to her or anyone, for that matter.
     
  4. You have chosen to ignore posts from whatawagSBNy. Show whatawagSBNy's posts

    Re: Do I have to get a bachelorette party gift?

         Send a gift to a non-gift giving event, and one you are not attending?  The hard part is wondering why the friend e-mailed about sending a gift to begin with.

         The sister of an old roommate  sent me an invitation to her sister's shower, which said, Sis can't be there, so we are doing a video and conference call thing.  Just run down 93 for the afternoon.
         Why would I want to drive 145 miles each way, to a shower the bride will not be at?
         Especially since  I drove to the bride's house 32 miles away in Barnet, VT last week?
         And she told me she is not hauling her 4 kids, from her 2 previous marriages and FI's previous marriage, 180 miles each way for a shower  no one should hold for a 3rd marriage, with invitees who gave gifts and shower gifts at the previous 2 weddings and are not invited to this wedding?
         I didn't ask, I was afraid she Sis would  say, "so she will have a video to watch over and over", and I would throw up.

         What are these people thinking, sending invitations like this,  or the bach party one the OP mentioned?   Present happy fools with the social manners of a duck.
     
  5. You have chosen to ignore posts from downtoearth. Show downtoearth's posts

    Re: Do I have to get a bachelorette party gift?

    In Response to Re: Do I have to get a bachelorette party gift?:
    [QUOTE]Even if there isn't a separate shower, I don't think that's a good excuse to make your bachelorette party a gift-giving event. If you don't have a shower, you don't have one. You don't get to tack it onto another party later on so that you make up on gifts. Ick.
    Posted by pinkkittie27[/QUOTE]

    can't say I agree.  Why draw such bright lines?  If the girlfriends think a lingerie shower would be a fun addition to a night out with the girls, who is to say they are wrong?  It's just a variation.  I, personally, tend to think all bachelorette parties are....well....stupid.  I dislike the very idea - but I love to party and I love my girlfriends, so maybe they are trying something less traditional.  No problem.

    However, if I were not attending, I would not send a gift.
     
  6. You have chosen to ignore posts from pinkkittie27. Show pinkkittie27's posts

    Re: Do I have to get a bachelorette party gift?

    I just just feel like saying okay to a bachelorette/shower leads to bad things like people registering for gag gifts and lingerie. It's a slippery slope I prefer not to go down.
    A bachelorette party is a bachelorette party, you give gag gifts or just chip in for a nice night out. If you don't go, you don't need to do anything.

    And FWIW, when I attended my aunt's bridal shower when I was 10 I remember quite a few of her girlfriends giving her lingerie or slightly more tame gag gifts. Those fun surprises kept the gift-opening interesting.

    In Response to Re: Do I have to get a bachelorette party gift?:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Do I have to get a bachelorette party gift? : can't say I agree.  Why draw such bright lines?  If the girlfriends think a lingerie shower would be a fun addition to a night out with the girls, who is to say they are wrong?  It's just a variation.  I, personally, tend to think all bachelorette parties are....well....stupid.  I dislike the very idea - but I love to party and I love my girlfriends, so maybe they are trying something less traditional.  No problem. However, if I were not attending, I would not send a gift.
    Posted by downtoearth[/QUOTE]
     
  7. You have chosen to ignore posts from Goodness1. Show Goodness1's posts

    Re: Do I have to get a bachelorette party gift?

    I don't even want a bachelorette party.
     
  8. You have chosen to ignore posts from lucy7368. Show lucy7368's posts

    Re: Do I have to get a bachelorette party gift?

     I feel like, it all boils down to two things:

    1.  You never NEED to send a gift.  A gift is, by definition, something given voluntarily.
    2.  It's the thought that counts, and if the thought is, "Well, I'm doing this so you won't hate me for the next fifty years," you should take the money you would have spent and go get a manicure.
     
  9. You have chosen to ignore posts from lucy7368. Show lucy7368's posts

    Re: Do I have to get a bachelorette party gift?

    In Response to Re: Do I have to get a bachelorette party gift?:
    [QUOTE] And FWIW, when I attended my aunt's bridal shower when I was 10 I remember quite a few of her girlfriends giving her lingerie or slightly more tame gag gifts. Those fun surprises kept the gift-opening interesting. In Response to Re: Do I have to get a bachelorette party gift? :
    Posted by pinkkittie27[/QUOTE]

    I attended my sister's shower when I was 12.  Most of the gifts were lingerie, although the gift that sticks out in my head is a box of recipes that my grandma gave her.  Very few people bought something off the registry.  There were lots of jokes that I had to pretend I didn't get, and fun was had by all.
     
  10. You have chosen to ignore posts from downtoearth. Show downtoearth's posts

    Re: Do I have to get a bachelorette party gift?

    In Response to Re: Do I have to get a bachelorette party gift?:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Do I have to get a bachelorette party gift? : I attended my sister's shower when I was 12.  Most of the gifts were lingerie, although the gift that sticks out in my head is a box of recipes that my grandma gave her.  Very few people bought something off the registry.  There were lots of jokes that I had to pretend I didn't get, and fun was had by all.
    Posted by lucy7368[/QUOTE]

    That is the kind of shower I like.  I dislike huge all emcompassing registries.  I also dislike bachelorette parties.  The idea of doing something for women that has always been tasteless and silly for men is backwards.  Instead, why not get rid of bachelor parties? 

    but I guess I digress.  and I'm obviously old fashioned.  And proud of it!! Laughing
     
  11. You have chosen to ignore posts from Sept2010Bride. Show Sept2010Bride's posts

    Re: Do I have to get a bachelorette party gift?

    I'm not having a bachelorette party. After going through about 6 of them, traveling to Newport, NYC, Vegas, and Nashville for different b-parties, I have seen how much they can cost. And I can tell you, at each of those b-parties, the bride got SO drunk, she was back at the hotel room by 10-11pm, and I just thought to myself, "great, I spent ALL this money, and now I am partying without the whole reason we are here"

    I really am not trying to be a debbie-downer here. I have made it very clear to my MOH (yes, I have decided to have only one now), that I only want a dinner out with my bridal party. She can extend the invite out to my other friends, and if they are not in attendance, than that is perfectly fine :)

    And, someone leaving in the middle of a shower is RUDE. How would they like it if someone had left in the middle of their shower? Why can't people just s*ck it up and celebrate the couple, for one day? I just don't understand some people. It saddens me.

    Now, if someone has to leave early, that is fine. But can't they inform the bride before the shower? "I am going to have to leave your shower early."
     
  12. You have chosen to ignore posts from trex509. Show trex509's posts

    Re: Do I have to get a bachelorette party gift?

    I don't get the destination bachelorette party.  Is that a new thing?  My friends haven't really done them (we have always done local, kind of low key stuff).  FI was invited to his FBIL's bachelor party in NYC.  We added up the costs and with travel, fancy ($$) dinner, Mets game, strip club, etc, the weekend was going to be about $1000!!  We just bought a house, so we couldn't really swing that for a weekend.  He got a big guilt trip over his decision not to go though.

    I also don't get the strip club thing for the boys.  I would NOT be comfortable with FI doing that and lucky for me, he wouldn't want it anyway.
     
  13. You have chosen to ignore posts from Sept2010Bride. Show Sept2010Bride's posts

    Re: Do I have to get a bachelorette party gift?

    Trex, HUGE PINTA is what it is. One of my friends is from Nashville, so she wanted to go down there, which is fine. But the NYC and Vegas was just ridiculous. Newport is OK, I guess, that was only one night, and it was fun. But come on girls, what is wrong with Boston??

    One of my friends from HS was in a wedding last summer, and her friend from college had all her friends DRIVE to Montreal (6 hours!) for a weekend, because her one sister wasn't 21 yet. My friend was PISSEEEDDDDD.
     
  14. You have chosen to ignore posts from trex509. Show trex509's posts

    Re: Do I have to get a bachelorette party gift?

    I don't think I could ever ask my girlfriends to spend that much to travel unless it was their idea.  Especially the BMs, knowing how much they already have to spend on the dresses and everything else for the wedding.

    And a 6 hr drive?  That's crazy!  Are some brides really that demanding and oblivious to how outrageous it is?
     
  15. You have chosen to ignore posts from Goodness1. Show Goodness1's posts

    Re: Do I have to get a bachelorette party gift?

    My fiance had a destination bachelor party.  And, of the 15 people that were invited, 12 of them went.  Most of them didn't mind the expense of flight/hotel, and the arrangements were made so far in advance, that the prices were pretty cheap for them.

    All of them said they had an amazing time. 
     
  16. You have chosen to ignore posts from ash. Show ash's posts

    Re: Do I have to get a bachelorette party gift?

    I think we all know that a bachelorette party is not a gift giving occasion.  I think this bridesmaid has just confused the idea of maybe giving some kind of small silly gift to the bride at a bachelorette party (you know, like a t-shirt that says "Bride" or a sparkly bra to wear on the outside of her clothes) with the idea that everyone gives the bride a silly gift.

    Maybe Aunt B is right, and they are conciously combining a lingerie shower with a bachelorette party.  Maybe they are just clueless and think everything associated with weddings needs to have a gift giving theme.

    In any event, no gift is required.

     
  17. You have chosen to ignore posts from whatawagSBNy. Show whatawagSBNy's posts

    Re: Do I have to get a bachelorette party gift?

    In Response to Re: Do I have to get a bachelorette party gift?:
    [QUOTE]Sigh. I feel like this is a new thing....While I don't think you should have to, I personally would feel like I should make the effort ...Unfortunately if you are the only one who doesn't send something....you know where I am going with this.
    Posted by MissWolff[/QUOTE]

         Doing something because all the other girls are doing it  didn't fly with my parents when I was 12 or 16:  they said it was childish reasoning. 
          As an adult, I do not buy into it, and generally think people who give in to such pressure and manipulation are fools.
         If the one who invited the OP gossips about her, then she is rude, for not accepting a polite decline without making an issue of it.  The original invitation, to travel to DC from Boston for a very minor celebration was ridiculous.  Mentioning the giving of a gift for what is usually not a gift giving event, is ill mannered. 

         If she and others gossip,  I would say, consider the source : wow, you don't have the approval of a rude, ill mannered person without a clue about social etiquette. 

         I wouldn't lose any sleep over it.
     
  18. You have chosen to ignore posts from pinkkittie27. Show pinkkittie27's posts

    Re: Do I have to get a bachelorette party gift?

    I had a bachelorette party, but it was no different than any other girls night out I'd had with my friends. We get dressed up and go out to dinner and then to a club. Only difference was that we told the door man it was my bachelorette party, so he let us in for free. So, we actually spent less money than we normally would for a night out.
    We danced until 2am when they turned on the lights, had some drinks and had an awesome time. I didn't have to think or talk about anything wedding related the entire night. I got to blow off steam on the dance floor.
    It was great. I had no interest in putting on a sash or a veil or a tiara that said "bride", because what for? The people I'm there with know I'm getting married soon, why do I need everyone else in the place to know it too? I don't desire that kind of attention, it's hard enough to get the guys to stay away as it is.

    It was fantastic. I totally recommend bachelorette parties to brides-to-be. They can be whatever you want them to be, from a night in doing facial masks to a big night out. It's just a chance to blow off all that wedding related stress and for one night just be you, not a bride in planning mode, just you.
     
  19. You have chosen to ignore posts from Missy509. Show Missy509's posts

    Re: Do I have to get a bachelorette party gift?

    well said pink!
     
  20. You have chosen to ignore posts from whatawagSBNy. Show whatawagSBNy's posts

    Re: Do I have to get a bachelorette party gift?

         One thing I have felt from the outside looking in many times, is that brides to be, like those newly in love, have a way of getting all wrapped up in wedding stuff, and stop relating to their women friends who are not part of couples she and FI see together.
         As a bride 2 B I enjoyed outings with other long time women friends who were planning and working, but put on the brakes for a night or a weekend to just kick back and have fun with female friends.  When it was my turn, I did as about half my friends with access to a cottage or inexpensive use of a motel/Inn rooms did, and treated them to a weekend of being lazy, within easy driving distance and with cooking an option.  So when they treated me to one of the dinners and a show out,  it was round robin, my turn had come.  Not just a bridal party thing,  not a raunchy be like the guys thing. 
         I still think that kind of a bachelorette gathering has its place.

         I also agree with those who say- doing all the nasty things in imitation of guy and frat boy traditions is no fun.  Too like "proving" women are liberated by smoking, going to strippers, drinking until sick, and randomly sleeping around.
        The equal right to lung cancer, stomach ulcers and drunk driving accidents, VD, AIDS,  and 1 night of excess which can go too far and wreck the upcoming marriage?
         No presents, no obligations, no stress of expecting a wedding party to plan or do anything but have fun along with a group of other friends, who are not wp.  Just having a good time.
     
  21. You have chosen to ignore posts from dkb6248. Show dkb6248's posts

    Re: Do I have to get a bachelorette party gift?

    In Response to Re: Do I have to get a bachelorette party gift?:
    [QUOTE]I had a bachelorette party, but it was no different than any other girls night out I'd had with my friends. We get dressed up and go out to dinner and then to a club. Only difference was that we told the door man it was my bachelorette party, so he let us in for free. So, we actually spent less money than we normally would for a night out. We danced until 2am when they turned on the lights, had some drinks and had an awesome time. I didn't have to think or talk about anything wedding related the entire night. I got to blow off steam on the dance floor. It was great. I had no interest in putting on a sash or a veil or a tiara that said "bride", because what for? The people I'm there with know I'm getting married soon, why do I need everyone else in the place to know it too? I don't desire that kind of attention, it's hard enough to get the guys to stay away as it is. It was fantastic. I totally recommend bachelorette parties to brides-to-be. They can be whatever you want them to be, from a night in doing facial masks to a big night out. It's just a chance to blow off all that wedding related stress and for one night just be you, not a bride in planning mode, just you.
    Posted by pinkkittie27[/QUOTE]

    Mine was exactly the same and it was perfect.  A bunch of girls dressed up and out on the town get more than enough unwanted attention, so why draw more to yourself?

    I hate showers too.  I didn't have one, not because I told anyone not to throw me one but my sisters were waiting for my mom to get into town.  She came in a week before the wedding, and the bachelorette party was already planned for that weekend.  I was secretly glad, but my mom was a little disappointed. 

    As for lingerie parties, I think they are fun.  Where I'm from, that is what a bridal shower is.  When I moved here, I was confused as to why people bought gifts from the wedding registry (and why sometimes the FI was present).
     
  22. You have chosen to ignore posts from heatherv1211. Show heatherv1211's posts

    Re: Do I have to get a bachelorette party gift?

    My MOTHER bought me "wedding night" lingerie for my shower!!  I was mortified, but it was very funny because my FI came running in when he heard everyone clapping and hooting (he was watching basketball in the living room), then my (F)MIL goes, "You're not wearing that for my son, are you??"  totally kidding around.  I was embarassed, but it was funny.

    In Response to Re: Do I have to get a bachelorette party gift?:
    [QUOTE] As for lingerie parties, I think they are fun.  Where I'm from, that is what a bridal shower is.  When I moved here, I was confused as to why people bought gifts from the wedding registry (and why sometimes the FI was present).
    Posted by dkb6248[/QUOTE]
     
  23. You have chosen to ignore posts from Goodness1. Show Goodness1's posts

    Re: Do I have to get a bachelorette party gift?

    In Response to Re: Do I have to get a bachelorette party gift?:
    [QUOTE]I had a bachelorette party, but it was no different than any other girls night out I'd had with my friends. We get dressed up and go out to dinner and then to a club. Only difference was that we told the door man it was my bachelorette party, so he let us in for free. So, we actually spent less money than we normally would for a night out. We danced until 2am when they turned on the lights, had some drinks and had an awesome time. I didn't have to think or talk about anything wedding related the entire night. I got to blow off steam on the dance floor. It was great. I had no interest in putting on a sash or a veil or a tiara that said "bride", because what for? The people I'm there with know I'm getting married soon, why do I need everyone else in the place to know it too? I don't desire that kind of attention, it's hard enough to get the guys to stay away as it is. It was fantastic. I totally recommend bachelorette parties to brides-to-be. They can be whatever you want them to be, from a night in doing facial masks to a big night out. It's just a chance to blow off all that wedding related stress and for one night just be you, not a bride in planning mode, just you.
    Posted by pinkkittie27[/QUOTE]

    pink, that's exactly what I want, too.  Just a fun night out with my friends that consists of dinner and cocktails.  Dancing is optional, we'll see.  I'd much rather sit around a huge table full of apps and bottles of wine and laugh all night. 

    And, I agree with the sash or crown or whatever else brides to be wear at their parties.  I don't want any of that attention, either.  It's enough that the group I'm with knows I'm getting married.
     
  24. You have chosen to ignore posts from dkb6248. Show dkb6248's posts

    Re: Do I have to get a bachelorette party gift?

    In Response to Re: Do I have to get a bachelorette party gift?:
    [QUOTE]My MOTHER bought me "wedding night" lingerie for my shower!!  I was mortified, but it was very funny because my FI came running in when he heard everyone clapping and hooting (he was watching basketball in the living room), then my (F)MIL goes, "You're not wearing that for my son, are you??"  totally kidding around.  I was embarassed, but it was funny. In Response to Re: Do I have to get a bachelorette party gift? :
    Posted by heatherv1211[/QUOTE]

    LOL!  That is too cute! 
     
  25. You have chosen to ignore posts from Peonie. Show Peonie's posts

    Re: Do I have to get a bachelorette party gift?

    I think it is ok to go away for someones bachelor(ette) party, but ONLY if everyone truly agrees to it. I went to Newport for a weekend for one of my friends and had a BLAST!
     

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