dress code on reception card?

  1. You have chosen to ignore posts from octbride09. Show octbride09's posts

    dress code on reception card?

    Okay, so I'm on the fence with this. My wedding is pretty formal. The ceremony is at 2pm and the reception is a dinner. Cocktails start at 4:00pm. We are having an extended cocktail hour and dinner starts around 5:30pm-6pm. Dancing until 10-10:30pm.

    My Aunt saw my Mom's MOB outfit and was surprised it was so formal because my wedding ceremony is in the day. My mom told her the ceremony is in the day, but reception goes into the evening. My dress, bridesmaid dresses, groom & Groomsmen attire are all dressy.

    They are telling me that a wedding a formal wedding can be at any time of day. And, I saw on line something that read "The formality of the wedding is set by how the bride plans to dress. If the bride's gown has a train (cathedral, sweep, or chapel), the wedding is considered formal. The wedding is considered more formal when it is in the evening, on or after 6pm."

    My mom and sister keep saying I should put "cocktail attire" on the reception card so that people know. My group of friends tend to dress up anyway. My venue is also what I would consider formal.

    I'm wondering if I should put this on the invite or just try to spread it by word of mouth. My problem with word of mouth is if someone "doesn't get the memo".

    My mom is pretty adamant about this considering they had friends show up at my sisters wedding underdressed and left when they saw how dressy it was. We saw there gift at the end of the night, but don't remember seeing them at the wedding. My parents called them and asked them what happened and they told them.

    What do you think?
     
  2. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: dress code on reception card?

    I agree with your mom, but not strongly.  People will go by the 2:00 pm wedding time and not your attire because they have to get dressed before they see you in your dress.  I'd assume a wedding at 2:00 was not as formal as yours sounds like it is, and I'd appreciate a heads up on the reception card as to how to dress.

    That being said, we didn't have reception cards, but we included our wedding website on the insert that also had directions, a map, and hotel info.  The website had "semi-formal attire" on there for guest's convenience.

    I don't think it's in poor taste to include it on the reception card so it can only be helpful if not 100% necessary.
     
  3. You have chosen to ignore posts from pinkkittie27. Show pinkkittie27's posts

    Re: dress code on reception card?

    I think to be safe you should list the dress code, if it's important to you what your guests wear.
    IMO "cocktail attire" is confusing to some people, as technically it could be considered "informal" to some.
    You're safer with asking either "semi-formal" or "formal", as it's a more straight-forward idea of what should be worn.

     
  4. You have chosen to ignore posts from ALF72. Show ALF72's posts

    Re: dress code on reception card?

    Spread the word by word of mouth. I would think that the 'underdressed' friends would know this time around to dress up.  If not, your mom knows she needs to drop a hint about the dress code.  It sounds like everyone else already knows how to dress.  Formality of the event is generally set by the time of day, the style of the venue and the formality of the invitations.  If you have a website, you could put that information on there.  But putting a dress code on the invitations or reception card is not a good idea.  Good luck. 
     
  5. You have chosen to ignore posts from ajuly09. Show ajuly09's posts

    Re: dress code on reception card?

    In Response to Re: dress code on reception card?:
    [QUOTE]I think to be safe you should list the dress code, if it's important to you what your guests wear. IMO "cocktail attire" is confusing to some people, as technically it could be considered "informal" to some. You're safer with asking either "semi-formal" or "formal", as it's a more straight-forward idea of what should be worn.
    Posted by pinkkittie27[/QUOTE]

    these were my thoughts exactly. Cocktail attire to me means less dressy than I would normally dress to a wedding.  I think most people realize that weddings are a dressy occasion. I had an outdoor wedding and still people dressed up, i didn't notice anyone underdressed.  You should be safe though and put it on the invite if you are worried people will not dress up. Semi-formal seems more appropriate than cocktail. 
     
  6. You have chosen to ignore posts from Goodness1. Show Goodness1's posts

    Re: dress code on reception card?

    I'm in the same boat.  My ceremony is at 3pm, and the cocktail hour starts at 5pm.  I'm guessing that some people might not dress up as much being that the wedding is starting at 3pm, so I don't know what to do, either.  I know that my entire side are very formal, so I know they will dress up.  I'm mostly worried about my fiance's side of the family as they are not that formal, and may not get the message. 

    In my case, I didn't have anything put on the reception cards.  I'm hoping to "pass the word around", and note that it is "black-tie optional".  Meaning, no khakis and sneakers with polo shirts.  I would expect that to mean that the men should wear suits (not necessarily tuxes, of course), and the women, cocktail dresses. 

    That's the whole vision for our wedding, and both my groom and I hope that people dress formally.
     
  7. You have chosen to ignore posts from beniceboston. Show beniceboston's posts

    Re: dress code on reception card?

    I am a bit surprised how people dress for weddings these days... not as fancy as I would think they should be. So many women wear black dresses to weddings, I always appreciate the people who dress up and wear something that has some color to it.

    Even if you put black tie optional on the card, I don't know how many people are actually persuaded by that.

     
  8. You have chosen to ignore posts from Goodness1. Show Goodness1's posts

    Re: dress code on reception card?

    That's what's so frustrating.  I'm worried that people would actually show up in sneakers.  This is a wedding, after all!
     
  9. You have chosen to ignore posts from octbride09. Show octbride09's posts

    Re: dress code on reception card?

    In Response to Re: dress code on reception card?:
    [QUOTE]I'm in the same boat.  My ceremony is at 3pm, and the cocktail hour starts at 5pm.  I'm guessing that some people might not dress up as much being that the wedding is starting at 3pm, so I don't know what to do, either.  I know that my entire side are very formal, so I know they will dress up.  I'm mostly worried about my fiance's side of the family as they are not that formal, and may not get the message.  In my case, I didn't have anything put on the reception cards.  I'm hoping to "pass the word around", and note that it is "black-tie optional".  Meaning, no khakis and sneakers with polo shirts.  I would expect that to mean that the men should wear suits (not necessarily tuxes, of course), and the women, cocktail dresses.  That's the whole vision for our wedding, and both my groom and I hope that people dress formally.
    Posted by Goodness1[/QUOTE]

    I pretty much ALWAYS dress up for a wedding. A very nice cocktail dress from BCBG or something. I've been to about 6 weddings so far this year and the majority have been really dressy without anything written on the invitation. We have definitely invisioned our day to be formal. We had to change the timing to 2pm and reception starting at 4pm because of our venue (music outside must stop at a certain time and it's the weekend of the Topsfield Fair). I drove to the church last year and a black tie wedding was getting out. I think you really just have to get the message across to people what type of wedding it is. I hate to be  "that bride", but just because my wedding is at 2pm doesn't mean it's not formal. I had no choice when it came to getting married in a Catholic Church, therefore, my ceremony time choices were limited to the afternoon. Thanks for all your input. I think I'm going to go with putting something on the reception card. I know it's not "proper ettiquette" but I did hand write 70 thank you cards with a little note to everyone (From the ettiquette monster thread)..I guess I'm entitled an ettiquette faux pas.
     
  10. You have chosen to ignore posts from Sept2010Bride. Show Sept2010Bride's posts

    Re: dress code on reception card?

    Oct, please don't worry...I actually went to a wedding in May that was on the beach (well the ceremony at least) and the reception was at a venue that wasn't too too formal, and the bride said "beach attire" on her invites, and people still showed up in nice clothes. People should know by your venue location what kind of wedding it is!

    P.S. Where is your reception?

    P.P.S. and by 'beach attire' you think people would get all confused...like "What , we can wear out bathing suits to your wedding?" But she meant, nice sun dresses and khaki pants are OK. I forget the specific wording she used.
     
  11. You have chosen to ignore posts from Goodness1. Show Goodness1's posts

    Re: dress code on reception card?

    I don't know about anyone else, but whenever I receive a wedding invitation in the mail, my mind immediately goes to "I'm buying a nice dress" or "what can I wear that's dressy".  I have NEVER gone to a wedding under-dressed.  There's nothing worse than being THAT person, Octoberbride, so don't worry.  I'm right there with you as I might sound like "that bride", too.

    I want a formal wedding, too.  My church usually does two ceremonies per day.  One at 2pm, and one at 4pm.  I didn't want my ceremony to start at 4pm, so we had to go with the earlier choice.  Then, my mother pulled some strings, and talked to the church.  We got a 3pm time slot with no other weddings happening that day. 

    I'm getting married in October, too!
     
  12. You have chosen to ignore posts from octbride09. Show octbride09's posts

    Re: dress code on reception card?

    It's at the at Turner Hill in Ipswich, MA. The old Rice Mansion which is now a private golf club.




     
  13. You have chosen to ignore posts from jasmine09. Show jasmine09's posts

    Re: dress code on reception card?

    We put it on there, even though it is a bit of a "faux-pas".  I was actually opposed--figured the people who cared about that sort of thing would dress up anyway, and the people who don't care won't change their dress because of it.  But my husband wanted it on there--he was worried people would not realize that it was a formal affair (ceremony on a Sunday at 4 pm)--so we put it on in the end.  It didn't cause any great waves, as far as I am aware.  Most people dressed formally.  A few did not.  Life goes on. :)  
     
  14. You have chosen to ignore posts from Peonie. Show Peonie's posts

    Re: dress code on reception card?

    I am like Goodness, buy a dress for wedding's. People should know to dress up for a wedding. Unless it's a backyard bbq, you really shouldn't expect anything less. I don't, however, think people should require all men to wear tuxes, they are expensive. A nice suit is just fine.
     
  15. You have chosen to ignore posts from Goodness1. Show Goodness1's posts

    Re: dress code on reception card?

    I think every woman should have a cocktail dress, and every man should have a nice suit.  Not a tuxedo, by any means, but a suit. 

    Whenever a wedding, funeral, what have you, rolls around... you'll always have something to wear.
     
  16. You have chosen to ignore posts from octbride09. Show octbride09's posts

    Re: dress code on reception card?

    In Response to Re: dress code on reception card?:
    [QUOTE]I don't know about anyone else, but whenever I receive a wedding invitation in the mail, my mind immediately goes to "I'm buying a nice dress" or "what can I wear that's dressy".  I have NEVER gone to a wedding under-dressed.  There's nothing worse than being THAT person, Octoberbride, so don't worry.  I'm right there with you as I might sound like "that bride", too. I want a formal wedding, too.  My church usually does two ceremonies per day.  One at 2pm, and one at 4pm.  I didn't want my ceremony to start at 4pm, so we had to go with the earlier choice.  Then, my mother pulled some strings, and talked to the church.  We got a 3pm time slot with no other weddings happening that day.  I'm getting married in October, too!


    Posted by Goodness1[/QUOTE]

    Thanks for all your replies. This has become such a hot topic with my mom and sister lately insisting I put something on my reception card. My bridesmaid dresses & wedding dress scream "FORMAL" wedding. I am definitely one of those girls that LOVES dressing up at weddings. Black is usually my go to color although during summer weddings I go for color. 

    By the way, I am thinking I should show my FMIL what my mom's dress looks like. I think she should know how dressy it is. And, she can help spread the word. 

     
  17. You have chosen to ignore posts from Brighton1. Show Brighton1's posts

    Re: dress code on reception card?

    We didn't include a dress code on our reception card and, honestly, I can't tell you what a single guest was wearing.   I mattered that much!  I don't think you need to put anything in writing, maybe just word of mouth, if that. 
     
  18. You have chosen to ignore posts from LindaO1MrsO1. Show LindaO1MrsO1's posts

    Re: dress code on reception card?

    In Response to Re: dress code on reception card?:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: dress code on reception card? : Thanks for all your replies. This has become such a hot topic with my mom and sister lately insisting I put something on my reception card. My bridesmaid dresses & wedding dress scream "FORMAL" wedding. I am definitely one of those girls that LOVES dressing up at weddings. Black is usually my go to color although during summer weddings I go for color.  By the way, I am thinking I should show my FMIL what my mom's dress looks like. I think she should know how dressy it is. And, she can help spread the word. 
    Posted by octbride09[/QUOTE]
    I agree with your mom and sister on putting "Black Tie -Optional" on the reception card.  Both DH & I tend to be very dressy.  But, I am not sure for a 2 pm wedding, DH would wear a tux.  I think it is a nice "heads up" for the guests.
    You should definitely show your FMIL your mother's dress.  When our son was married last year, I spent months trying to find the "right" dress. The MOB just gave me some of the colors she might wear. But, I never saw her dress - until just before the ceremony. She wore a simple linen dress that she had actually worn out to dinner with us a few weeks previously!! I was stunned and amazed.  Thankfully, I did not wear the gorgeous Montage dress  I also had.
     
  19. You have chosen to ignore posts from Prill. Show Prill's posts

    Re: dress code on reception card?

    My mum and dad went on and on and on that we needed to put a dress code on the invite... DH and I stood our ground and didn't put it on there - figuring we were inviting adults, it was a night time reception, people would know how to dress (and in all honestly, I couldn't have cared less what people were wearing anyway). 
    So, the day rolls around and everyone (yes, including all my friends that my parents were concerned wouldn't "know how to dress appropriately") came well dressed... except for my fathers best friend who forgot to pack trousers and wore jeans.
    Oh, the irony!
     
  20. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: dress code on reception card?


    In Response to Re: dress code on reception card?:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: dress code on reception card? : Thanks for all your replies. This has become such a hot topic with my mom and sister lately insisting I put something on my reception card. My bridesmaid dresses & wedding dress scream "FORMAL" wedding. I am definitely one of those girls that LOVES dressing up at weddings. Black is usually my go to color although during summer weddings I go for color.  By the way, I am thinking I should show my FMIL what my mom's dress looks like. I think she should know how dressy it is. And, she can help spread the word. 
    Posted by octbride09[/QUOTE]

    Remember, no one will SEE your dress and such in time to get dressed to attend so if it's super important to you that people are dressed properly, put it on there.  The wedding being at 2:00 will mislead at least a few conscientious dressers.

    I love dressing up at weddings, too!  The last three weddings I attended I wore a red Anne Taylor knee-length, a floor-length formal form-fitting silver dress for a black tie, and a black cocktail dress.
     
  21. You have chosen to ignore posts from Brighton1. Show Brighton1's posts

    Re: dress code on reception card?

    I don't think "Black-tie Optional" is appropriate for a 2:00 pm wedding. 
     
  22. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: dress code on reception card?

    In Response to Re: dress code on reception card?:
    [QUOTE]I don't think "Black-tie Optional" is appropriate for a 2:00 pm wedding. 
    Posted by Brighton1[/QUOTE]

    Yup, that's why if she wants it to be that way she should put it on the reception card.  Otherwise, it's not gonna happen...that's why her mom is so adamant.
     
  23. You have chosen to ignore posts from Brighton1. Show Brighton1's posts

    Re: dress code on reception card?

    In Response to Re: dress code on reception card?:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: dress code on reception card? : Yup, that's why if she wants it to be that way she should put it on the reception card.  Otherwise, it's not gonna happen...that's why her mom is so adamant.
    Posted by kargiver[/QUOTE]

    My point was, you shouldn't expect guests to dress in black-tie attire for a 2:00 pm wedding.  Tuxes should only be worn at night (with the exception of the groomsmen, obviously).  I don't think any mention of suggested attire belongs on an invitation or even in the same envelope.  Word of mouth is the best way to go in this instance.  Guests know how to dress themselves, and if they don't, who cares? 
     
  24. You have chosen to ignore posts from pinkkittie27. Show pinkkittie27's posts

    Re: dress code on reception card?

    It is not a faux pas to put a dress code on the reception card. I've never heard that in my whole life. It's only a faux pas to have it on the actual invitation, but many modern invitations include proper attire wording nowadays anyways.

    Granted most of us know how to dress for a wedding, however, we all also frequent message boards and care about etiquette. Those who don't might not have the first idea how they should dress, and if you don't want to be answering endless questions from guests (like I did) such as "Can I wear black?" "Is knee-length okay or does it have to be full-length?" "Do I have to wear a tie?" "Are khakis okay, or does it have to be a suit?" then it's best for you to spell it out on the reception card.

    The only time I've ever heard of anyone irritated that a dress code was included on the reception card was a weddign where the bride and groom asked all of their guests to wear red. My friend had such a hard time finding a red dress she liked.
     
  25. You have chosen to ignore posts from Missy509. Show Missy509's posts

    Re: dress code on reception card?

    I would dress formal for a 2pm wedding that had a reception to follow that went into the evening. The majority of the wedding will be at night, therefore calling for formal wear. If a wedding was on a Sunday say at 11am and the reception would end before it even got dark, I would not dress informal, just that my dress would not be as fancy as it would be for a night time wedding. 

    I dont think you need to tell your guests how to dress. For most, it will be common sense. It seems the people you are worried about are your mom's friends. Judging by how fast they left last time, they probably figured it out and will be okay this time around. If you want to make sure, ask your mom to talk to them. They are her friends. She should be able to talk to her friends. Much better to do this than to state the obvious on a reception card.
     
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