dress code on reception card?

  1. You have chosen to ignore posts from lucy7368. Show lucy7368's posts

    Re: dress code on reception card?

    In Response to Re: dress code on reception card?:
    [QUOTE]I don't know about anyone else, but whenever I receive a wedding invitation in the mail, my mind immediately goes to "I'm buying a nice dress" or "what can I wear that's dressy".  I have NEVER gone to a wedding under-dressed. 
    Posted by Goodness1[/QUOTE]

    I am actually far more likely to show up at a wedding over-dressed than under-dressed, and I'm OK with that.

    I would really like to say that people would see you're getting married in a church and know that it's dressy, because you dress up for church.  But, alas, I do not live in the 50s.  I would put it on an insert, if you're doing one, or at the bottom of the invitation.
     
  2. You have chosen to ignore posts from Peonie. Show Peonie's posts

    Re: dress code on reception card?

    In Response to Re: dress code on reception card?:
    [QUOTE]It is not a faux pas to put a dress code on the reception card. I've never heard that in my whole life. It's only a faux pas to have it on the actual invitation, but many modern invitations include proper attire wording nowadays anyways. Granted most of us know how to dress for a wedding, however, we all also frequent message boards and care about etiquette. Those who don't might not have the first idea how they should dress, and if you don't want to be answering endless questions from guests (like I did) such as "Can I wear black?" "Is knee-length okay or does it have to be full-length?" "Do I have to wear a tie?" "Are khakis okay, or does it have to be a suit?" then it's best for you to spell it out on the reception card. The only time I've ever heard of anyone irritated that a dress code was included on the reception card was a weddign where the bride and groom asked all of their guests to wear red. My friend had such a hard time finding a red dress she liked.
    Posted by pinkkittie27[/QUOTE]

    What? Why would the bride and groom ask the guests to wear red?? That is a little un-called for, that is basically saying, "if you don't own anything red, we require you to go out and spend money on something that is." I would be pissed.
     
  3. You have chosen to ignore posts from heatherv1211. Show heatherv1211's posts

    Re: dress code on reception card?

    I would say do whatever you need to do so that this issue doesn't stress you out!  If it makes your life more peaceful to agree to what your mom and sister want, I say go for it.  I don't think it's a faux pas.  I do think it's very odd, however, that your mom's friends were so underdressed they felt the need to leave your sister's wedding.  What were they wearing??  Was it meant to be an extremey formal wedding?

     
  4. You have chosen to ignore posts from lucy7368. Show lucy7368's posts

    Re: dress code on reception card?

    In Response to Re: dress code on reception card?:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: dress code on reception card? : What? Why would the bride and groom ask the guests to wear red?? That is a little un-called for, that is basically saying, "if you don't own anything red, we require you to go out and spend money on something that is." I would be pissed.
    Posted by Peonie[/QUOTE]

    I would be sorely tempted to show up in my Hard Rock Cafe t-shirt, because that is one of very few pieces of red clothing I own.  :)
     
  5. You have chosen to ignore posts from Jessica9379. Show Jessica9379's posts

    Re: dress code on reception card?

    This might only apply to my own crazy family - but my sister put black tie on her invitations and it scared a couple of people off.  Things like, "I didn't want to rent a tux"

    People might get confused. 

    I also agree - if I saw "cocktail attire" I would think LESS formal. 
     
  6. You have chosen to ignore posts from pinkkittie27. Show pinkkittie27's posts

    Re: dress code on reception card?

    I agree. Asking guests to wear white or black makes sense, people usually own that stuff already.
    Anyways, they did it because "our pictures will look really great!" The bride wore all white and the groom wore and all-white tux. The pictures did look good, except all the forced smiles from people who had to go out and buy red dresses or button-down shirts. Ugh!

    In Response to Re: dress code on reception card?:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: dress code on reception card? : What? Why would the bride and groom ask the guests to wear red?? That is a little un-called for, that is basically saying, "if you don't own anything red, we require you to go out and spend money on something that is." I would be pissed.
    Posted by Peonie[/QUOTE]
     
  7. You have chosen to ignore posts from pinkkittie27. Show pinkkittie27's posts

    Re: dress code on reception card?

    Ha! I wish someone had done that! but seeing as though that invitation already screamed "we're control freaks" I think anyone not fitting dress code would be asked to leave.

    In Response to Re: dress code on reception card?:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: dress code on reception card? : I would be sorely tempted to show up in my Hard Rock Cafe t-shirt, because that is one of very few pieces of red clothing I own.  :)
    Posted by lucy7368[/QUOTE]
     
  8. You have chosen to ignore posts from lucy7368. Show lucy7368's posts

    Re: dress code on reception card?

    In Response to Re: dress code on reception card?:
    [QUOTE]Ha! I wish someone had done that! but seeing as though that invitation already screamed "we're control freaks" I think anyone not fitting dress code would be asked to leave. In Response to Re: dress code on reception card? :
    Posted by pinkkittie27[/QUOTE]

    It's red!  I also have red panties.  No red shoes or pants, though.  It certainly would have been interesting...
     
  9. You have chosen to ignore posts from cosmogirl. Show cosmogirl's posts

    Re: dress code on reception card?

    Sorry, it IS a faux-pas to assume that your friends and family don't know how to dress.  For an afternoon wedding with a reception to follow at a country club, men will wear suits and women will wear dresses.  

    A few people may dress less formally, but that's their problem. 

    TRUST ME when I tell you that you won't notice what anyone is wearing, (not to mention that it doesn't matter).

    Don't worry about trying to control other people, it will only add to your stress.  Relax and enjoy yourself.  Best wishes.
     
  10. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: dress code on reception card?

    In Response to Re: dress code on reception card?:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: dress code on reception card? : I am actually far more likely to show up at a wedding over-dressed than under-dressed, and I'm OK with that. I would really like to say that people would see you're getting married in a church and know that it's dressy, because you dress up for church.  But, alas, I do not live in the 50s.  I would put it on an insert, if you're doing one, or at the bottom of the invitation.
    Posted by lucy7368[/QUOTE]

    Not at the bottom of the invitation.  That's a faux pas.  On the reception card is fine.
     
  11. You have chosen to ignore posts from pinkkittie27. Show pinkkittie27's posts

    Re: dress code on reception card?

    Cosmo- It's NOT a faux-pas. Listing a dress code does not imply you think your guests don't know how to dress, instead it takes the guess-work out of it for them. Like Lucy said, we don't live in the 1950's, what used to be common knowledge isn't so commonly known anymore.
    Even the Emily Post institute suggests listing any special attire requests on the invitation for a party or an insetr for a wedding:

    What goes on the invitation?

    Obviously the usual: who is hosting, when and where the party will be held, who is being honored, and the all important RSVP info: phone number, email and date to respond by. Additionally, if the party has a theme, or you are giving an assignment (like 8 AM for a ‘round the clock’ shower), include that info on the invitation, as well as any special attire: golfing attire, garden party casual—ladies: hats welcome! "

    So, if you think your guests might assume it will be less formal because it's at 2pm, include the dress code.
    If it's not important to you, then leave well enough alone

     
  12. You have chosen to ignore posts from lucy7368. Show lucy7368's posts

    Re: dress code on reception card?

    In Response to Re: dress code on reception card?:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: dress code on reception card? : Not at the bottom of the invitation.  That's a faux pas.  On the reception card is fine.
    Posted by kargiver[/QUOTE]

    I know, but I thought she said she didn't mind committing a faux pas on this one issue.  :)
     
  13. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: dress code on reception card?

    Pink is 100% right.  The guests do not have the luxury of seeing the gown and wedding party to know how formal the wedding is before they get there.  It's impossible to know how to dress appropriately for a 2:00 wedding without it being on the reception card.
     
  14. You have chosen to ignore posts from whatawagSBNy. Show whatawagSBNy's posts

    Re: dress code on reception card?

    Specifying black tie as either required or optional is not really right for a 2 pm wedding.
        One type of tuxedo traditionally worn during a daytime function is a cutaway - a jacket with a cut on the lower front so that the vest shows, with tails, and worn with an ascot or tie, sometimes pinstripe and sometimes solid pants.  This is NOT  Black tie.  This  is considered Formal, with bride in a formal gown.
         The second is a stroller, similar to an evening tuxedo in cut, with a tie but not a black tie, may be regular or a conventional bow tie, No tails.  This is semiformal  Bride may be in a wedding gown, other very dressy long or short dress,  and women guests may wear either short or long, very dressy dresses and suits.
    This is Semi-formal day or day to evening attire,  Not black tie.

    Day wear tuxes are very often black, charcoal grey or light grey.
    Women's dressy dresses are less likely to be evening chic or sexy cocktail wear,  most often  very dressy tea length dresses or long ones, or very dressy non- business suits.  Day jewelry,  not evening chandelier sparkle.

       For any daytime, especially 2 pm in summer,  you may specify formal or semi-formal , semi-formal is the equivalent of the nighttime "tuxedo optional"  without the black tie.  An invitation to be very dressed up, suit or day tux (or evening tux if they own), women very dressy,  but many more choices of brighter and lighter colors, less evening sexy women's  wear.
    The cutaway is the equivalent of the evening black tie, rarely seen on any day guest, but often the groom, and is formal.
    Google images of cutaway  stroller  -baby  for pictures 

    A stroller, or a very dressy suit,   should be dressiest day time guest attire specified when the groom is in a cutaway or stroller or standard tux. Often in navy as well as black, and greys.
    Call it semi-formal, which excludes blazers and sports jackets,  or semi-formal attire optional,  which encourages the daytime tux jacket or dressy suit, allows others.  Daytime black tie is just plain WRONG.
     
  15. You have chosen to ignore posts from dkb6248. Show dkb6248's posts

    Re: dress code on reception card?

    Day time weddings can throw people off.  We received a ton of calls from people asking us what to wear.

    I totally noticed what people were wearing at my wedding, mostly because everyone looked so great.  DH did have one cousin there that looked a little bummy.  She was actually wearing crocs, but it didn't really bother me that day, I noticed more in the pictures.

     
  16. You have chosen to ignore posts from pinkkittie27. Show pinkkittie27's posts

    Re: dress code on reception card?

    Ugh, crocs????

    In Response to Re: dress code on reception card?:
    [QUOTE]Day time weddings can throw people off.  We received a ton of calls from people asking us what to wear. I totally noticed what people were wearing at my wedding, mostly because everyone looked so great.  DH did have one cousin there that looked a little bummy.  She was actually wearing crocs, but it didn't really bother me that day, I noticed more in the pictures.
    Posted by dkb6248[/QUOTE]
     
  17. You have chosen to ignore posts from Brighton1. Show Brighton1's posts

    Re: dress code on reception card?

    Sorry, I agree with Cosmo.  Unless it's truly a black-tie event, there shouldn't be any mention of attire, even on the reception card.  The formality of the event is based on the invitation, time of day, and venue.  

    I also agree that you won't for a second notice what you're guests are wearing.  Seriously, not something worth even thinking about, let alone stressing over.
     
  18. You have chosen to ignore posts from octbride09. Show octbride09's posts

    Re: dress code on reception card?

    Wow. I guess this is a hot topic. 

    So, I just wanted to mention a couple of things. First, I'm not so much worried about my side of the family. Generally, I think young people tend to dress up for weddings much more than then older people. I think they stick with the whole "time & stuff" that dictates what they should wear to a wedding. Truthfully, will i probably notice what people are wearing..no probably not. I didn't even remember that my Aunt wore white to my sister's wedding until i saw pictures.  At 3 of the 6 weddings we have been to there is always that 1 girl in the super inappropriate dress (too tight, too short, too much cleavage, etc.). I do think these make for things to remember and kind of laugh about (not mean laugh, but conversation starters). 

    I emailed my FMIL and commented to her about my Mom's dress. I also gave her a heads up about how dressy it is and if she could spread the word. I am providing a "general information" enclosure/reception card. And, honestly, I'm going to put something on there about the attire. My wedding is NOT black-tie optional. it's formal or semi-formal. Jacket or cocktail dress. We provided pictures of the venue on our website and blah blah blah. I am going to put something on the card. I know it's a faux pas and truthfully..don't care. I'm at "that point" where I am starting to get really stressed out with wedding planning and this is one issue that I'm sick to death of already. I would go with the word of mouth, but with a 200+ wedding I am not willing to play a game of Operator and have some people get pissed thinking it was Black Tie Optional and some thinking it was Black tie or some hearing it was wear red or whatever. 

    Like I said before, I have no choice in getting married at 2pm or the whole church thing anyway. I DO want it to be dressy and that's why I picked my venue, which in my opinion is very nice and formal. 

    I'm not tossing anyone out for not dressing in a specific way. they aren't rules or even guidelines because you can't force people to do anything. Just a suggestion. people can follow it or not. groom & guys are in black tuxes for a 2pm wedding. it's in the fall..so they aren't wearing brown or blue suits. oh well. life goes on. 


     
  19. You have chosen to ignore posts from jasmine09. Show jasmine09's posts

    Re: dress code on reception card?

    octbride--
    "formal attire" can technically mean "black or white tie", so "black tie optional" is traditionally seen as the *less formal* option between those two wordings, as far as I understand. 

    For example, see:
    http://fashion.about.com/cs/glossary/a/partydefinition.htm

    http://www.wisegeek.com/what-is-formal-attire.htm

    ...some guests, esp older guests who are attuned to these things, might read "formal attire" as a suggestion that a tuxedo is the suggested attire.


     
  20. You have chosen to ignore posts from Peonie. Show Peonie's posts

    Re: dress code on reception card?

    Went to a wedding last night in CT. It was at a function hall that I wouldn't call too formal. The ceremony was outside in the garden. Every guy that was there wore a nice suit and looked sharp. People know how to dress for weddings.
     
  21. You have chosen to ignore posts from princess-cal. Show princess-cal's posts

    Re: dress code on reception card?

    I went to a bridal shower yesterday.  The "bride to be" mentioned the dress code at the shower. I thought that was a nice way to handle it.
     
  22. You have chosen to ignore posts from WhirledPeasPlease. Show WhirledPeasPlease's posts

    Re: dress code on reception card?

    I agree with Cosmo and Brighton about keeping the attire off of the invitation (or reception card). Word of mouth is a good way to spread this kind of information. Do you have a wedding web site? You could put it on there too.
     
  23. You have chosen to ignore posts from Goodness1. Show Goodness1's posts

    Re: dress code on reception card?

    In Response to Re: dress code on reception card?:
    [QUOTE]I went to a bridal shower yesterday.  The "bride to be" mentioned the dress code at the shower. I thought that was a nice way to handle it.
    Posted by princess-cal[/QUOTE]

    That would've been perfect, if I had done it.  I'm not too worried about my side as I know how they'll dress.  My fiance's side... um, not so sure.  My FMIL is really dressing up, and FFIL is wearing a tuxedo.  I'm hoping that people will ask them how they should dress, and plan accordingly.  My wedding ceremony is at 3pm, but the cocktail hour doesn't start until 5pm, and it goes WELL into the night.  I'm hoping people dress up.  I would.  It's a wedding, after all.
     
  24. You have chosen to ignore posts from WhirledPeasPlease. Show WhirledPeasPlease's posts

    Re: dress code on reception card?

    Unless the wedding was a backyard shindig with bbq ribs, I would wear a dress and heels. Always.
     
  25. You have chosen to ignore posts from lovetoplan. Show lovetoplan's posts

    Re: dress code on reception card?

    I understand some people do not like to admit that they are incorrect, however, as a former wedding planner I can tell you it IS a faux pas to list guest's attire on the invitation or reception card.  The ONLY time this is remotely acceptable is when you are stating Black Tie or Black Tie Optional.  In those cases, you want to be very sure that you truely are having a Black Tie event as someone so kindly explained on page 2. 

    I cannot tell you how many mothers, grandmothers, aunts etc have complained to me about how rude someone was by placing the attire "requirements" on the invitation or response card.  While you may not think you are being pushy, they do, and they are tactful enough not to say something to you, but, don't be surprised if they talk about you behind your back. 

    I typically encourage brides to use a formal invitation to get the idea across that this is a formal event. 

    Definitely show your FMIL your mother's style of dress.  My own MIL wore a formal gown to my 10:30am wedding.  We're talking tight, with sequin details, floor length, the whole 9 yards.  My mother wore a tasteful tealength dress with matching jacket.  (I know you can't see me rolling my eyes but 10 years later I still am)  My MIL was pissed I hadn't had a formal/night wedding.  I had a formal day wedding - what WE wanted.  anyhoo. 

    There is always going to be someone who doesn't dress "right" but who cares.  My inlaws pick on one of my dad's best friend's because he wore a plaid shirt at my wedding.  Honestly,  didn't care.  I love him dearly and I was thrilled that he was able to be there with us.  He was comfortable and thrilled to be there too!  Anyone who can't understand that, well, that's their problem. 

    Good luck with everything and I hope your mother understands your position.
     

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