Friends doubling as Vendors

  1. You have chosen to ignore posts from octbride09. Show octbride09's posts

    Friends doubling as Vendors

    Don't do it unless you absolutely trust them.

    Pro: We have a friend who is studying to be a second shooter for weddings. She does amazing work/photography. She had a really cute idea for an engagement session and took 235 amazing pictures. I have 98 favorites from that shoot. We had our "real" engagement session with our photographer and they only took 100-150 shots. We haven't seen the pictures yet.

    Con: Having friends do a service for you the day of the wedding. Not a good idea. This "friend" never responds to emails or phone calls. And, they haven't responded to attend the rehearsal dinner or the wedding. Let's just say...I've made a backup plan that is starting be the safer/better plan.

     
  2. You have chosen to ignore posts from ash. Show ash's posts

    Re: Friends doubling as Vendors

    I agree, you have to be careful.  For my daughters' Bat Mitzvahs we had a friend do the photography and another friend as the DJ (she is a professional musician who DJ's on the side).

    We treated these as business relationships and not as friendships that day.  I think it helped that they were more acquaintance friends than really good friends and so were not guests, but actually vendors.

    We signed a contract with the photographer and paid a deposit.  We did discuss a barter (my husband is a contractor and was going to do some work on her house), but decided against it in the interest of keeping everything professional.

    Our DJ was more casual about things, just because that's how she is.  But we approached it from a professional perspective and she responded professionally in return.  Its funny, she's a very casual person, always running late, kind of flightly, but when it comes to music, she's all business!
     
  3. You have chosen to ignore posts from kmt09. Show kmt09's posts

    Re: Friends doubling as Vendors

    I agree with you both.  You really need to be careful if you plan on using a friend as a vendor.  DH and I learned our lesson at our wedding.

    DH knows two DJs.  One was a friend, the other a business acquaintance.  I really wanted to go with the second option, as they only have a business relationship and I've heard great things from other people who used him for their wedding DJ.  DH wanted to give his friend the job, even though he didn't have a ton of experience doing weddings.  I let him make the call, but I probably shouldn't have.

    First off, the DJ emailed me the day before the wedding to ask me to fill out and submit all our forms (with songs, order of events, etc.) again, since his kid got a hold of them and colored all over them.  Then, the day of the wedding, he had car trouble and showed up only 15 minutes before the wedding party was introduced into the hall.  All our guests sat in silence for a good half hour.  He  butchered just about every person's name when he introduced them into the hall.  Then, when my mom went up and asked him to change up the music since nobody was dancing, he told her no and that he was told to only play "80's and Michael Jackson."  No dude, we asked for a couple Michael Jackson songs and never mentioned 80's music.  Plus, you really don't want to say no to the woman that's signing your check.

    I'm pretty easy-going so I wasn't upset, but I didn't want to say anything since it's DH's friend.  If it weren't, he most definitely would not have received full payment for his services.

     
  4. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: Friends doubling as Vendors

    Don't do it even if you really do trust them unless what they are doing for you they are 100% insisting on doing as a wedding gift to you (and you have 100% trust, AND you know their work is excellent).

    We had a long time "best" friend do our photos for $2000.  Long story short, the pictures are terrible, and the friendship is ruined (not over the pictures being bad, by the way, but over how things went down - it turned ugly).

    We had a friend DJ as a gift.  We did give him a thank you gift, the same thing we gave the best man, actually, but it was certainly not even close to payment for his hours and hours of service and great job he did.  That friendship is as strong as ever.

    The friend that DJed has been one of my dearest adulthood friends for 20 years.  That's the kind of trust you need for it to work along with it being a gift.

    ~kar
     
  5. You have chosen to ignore posts from cosmogirl. Show cosmogirl's posts

    Re: Friends doubling as Vendors

    I had a very HAPPY result.  We couldn't afford a photographer, so I asked a friend to do it.  I didn't want or need a thousand pictures, just a few momentos of the day.

    Debbie did a wonderful job!  And, as a wedding present, she made a bound book of all the pictures.  They were great.  But she is not a professional or even a semi-pro.  She just takes great pictures with a great camera. 

    But, I had 100% confidence about the outcome.  If a little voice says "this might not work out", then assume the worst.

    I had also CASUALLY asked two friends to videotape the ceremony and neither one remembered to bring the cameras.  Not a big deal but just goes to show you. 
     
  6. You have chosen to ignore posts from lizinboston. Show lizinboston's posts

    Re: Friends doubling as Vendors

    Kar, you paid $2000 for that? Oh my...I would have been livid. So sorry you had to go through that. But at least you have wonderful memories of the day :)
     
  7. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: Friends doubling as Vendors

    In Response to Re: Friends doubling as Vendors:
    Kar, you paid $2000 for that? Oh my...I would have been livid. So sorry you had to go through that. But at least you have wonderful memories of the day :)
    Posted by lizinboston


    Thanks, Liz.  It's true, and, in fact, was exactly what one of my friends who attended the wedding told me when she saw the pictures.  "At least you have your memories," I think were her exact words.  True.  And, they are beautiful.
     
  8. You have chosen to ignore posts from pinkkittie27. Show pinkkittie27's posts

    Re: Friends doubling as Vendors

    I don't have any personal experience with this, but I've read a lot of stories on OffBeatBride.com where people used their friends and things turned out wonderfully.
    I think it has more to do with how reliable your friends are and the level of service you expect. If your friend is not a pro or specialist int he job you are assigning them, adjust your expectations to reflect that.
    If they are a pro, tell them that you expect the same level of service they give their regular clients. Review their portfolio and talk to past clients of theirs before you book them, just as you would any other vendor. Most importantly, if you're going to be paying them and they are a professional at what they're going to do, have them sign a contract. This way, even if they don't come through for you and the friendship is ruine, you won't be out any money, as awful as that is to say.
     
  9. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: Friends doubling as Vendors

    It's good advice and not at all awful to say, pinkie.
     
  10. You have chosen to ignore posts from pinkkittie27. Show pinkkittie27's posts

    Re: Friends doubling as Vendors

    it felt funny to say "you might lose a friend, but at least you won't lose money"
    But if a friend really lets you down, AND they're a professional, I think it does fall to them to repair the situation, not you. A contract just makes sure they follow through with that.

    In Response to Re: Friends doubling as Vendors:
    It's good advice and not at all awful to say, pinkie.
    Posted by kargiver

     
  11. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: Friends doubling as Vendors

    Well, who can deny that losing a friend annnnnd $$$$$ doesn't add insult to injury, after all?  How many Judge Judy episodes would have never been had "friends" had contracts?
     
  12. You have chosen to ignore posts from cicirose. Show cicirose's posts

    Re: Friends doubling as Vendors

    In Response to Re: Friends doubling as Vendors:
    Well, who can deny that losing a friend annnnnd $$$$$ doesn't add insult to injury, after all?  How many Judge Judy episodes would have never been had "friends" had contracts?
    Posted by kargiver


    What a terrible situation. I hope you at least got a few nice pictures from other friends and family. Memories are lovely but $2,000 photos should be too!
     
  13. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: Friends doubling as Vendors

    In Response to Re: Friends doubling as Vendors:
    In Response to Re: Friends doubling as Vendors : What a terrible situation. I hope you at least got a few nice pictures from other friends and family. Memories are lovely but $2,000 photos should be too!
    Posted by cicirose


    Thanks, cici, you're sweet.  Yeah, sigh, do we have some nice photos.  Just not album shots, if you know what I mean...so no album.  We have very good candids from guests.  Our parents actually took some of the best ones. 
     
  14. You have chosen to ignore posts from framerican51008. Show framerican51008's posts

    Re: Friends doubling as Vendors

    The same advice applies for getting work done on your house!!!  Some of my family members hired a friend as the general contracter for the house they bought, and it has turned into such a DISASTER!  It has hurt not only their relationship with the people who actually worked on the house, but apparently also mutual friends who no longer answer phone calls, etc.  So sad.

    A cousin recorded my ceremony and she did an awesome job... but 4 months later she still has not returned the cables I need in order to hook up the camcorder so people can see the video!  Not a big deal, but a word of warning.  (Besides, no one but our parents would want to see it anyway :o)

     
  15. You have chosen to ignore posts from trex509. Show trex509's posts

    Re: Friends doubling as Vendors

    The contract is a good idea for your friend/vendor as well.  FI is a wedding videographer and we've filmed a few weddings for friends.  He always has them sign a contract, even if the value is $0.00 because he needs one for his liability insurance to be valid for the event! 
     
  16. You have chosen to ignore posts from BrideMeaghan. Show BrideMeaghan's posts

    Re: Friends doubling as Vendors

    I will say I've had my reservations, but we are on a tight budget and are also having a friend (who has done several weddings on the side) shoot ours. I hope I am not shooting myself in the foot by doing this, but she offered and her work so far has been excellent. 

    I think the friends as vendors thing can work for some people, but not necessarily for others.

    We'll see how it goes.
     
  17. You have chosen to ignore posts from octbride09. Show octbride09's posts

    Re: Friends doubling as Vendors

    I am only a few weeks away from my wedding and I honestly do not need the added stress.
     
  18. You have chosen to ignore posts from easydoesit2. Show easydoesit2's posts

    Re: Friends doubling as Vendors

    Don't do it, period.  Tell friends you want friends at your wedding, celebrating, not working that day, even if they are pros in the business.  Bottom line is that you (hopefully) will only marry once, or at least only do it up big once.  Hire vendors who are only vendors.
     
  19. You have chosen to ignore posts from pinkkittie27. Show pinkkittie27's posts

    Re: Friends doubling as Vendors

    Sorry, but if it saves you money and your friends are wlling, reliable, and good at what they do, then why not do it?
    Many brides do it and have great results. It just depends on your expectations and the character of your friends. If your friend lets you down on the day of your wedding, maybe they're not much of a friend at all. But, you need to do your research, just like you'd do with any other vendor.

    In Response to Re: Friends doubling as Vendors:
    Don't do it, period.  Tell friends you want friends at your wedding, celebrating, not working that day, even if they are pros in the business.  Bottom line is that you (hopefully) will only marry once, or at least only do it up big once.  Hire vendors who are only vendors.
    Posted by easydoesit2

     
  20. You have chosen to ignore posts from pingo. Show pingo's posts

    Re: Friends doubling as Vendors

    I am with Easy. Don't hire friends as your vendors.
    It works both ways. We are at the other end of the stick. We are General Contractors and have done a couple of homes for friends. Never again. Not worth for us to loose a friendship over. Friends often think, they can expect you to do the job for cost.  Even though my husband does give them a break by not charging his time, he still has to pay our employees. So now, when asked, my husband tells friends, he is just too busy to take on another job.
    The good old saying "leave friendship and business apart" - is as good now as it was then.

     
  21. You have chosen to ignore posts from framerican51008. Show framerican51008's posts

    Re: Friends doubling as Vendors

    In Response to Re: Friends doubling as Vendors:
    I am with Easy. Don't hire friends as your vendors. It works both ways. We are at the other end of the stick. We are General Contractors and have done a couple of homes for friends. Never again. Not worth for us to loose a friendship over. Friends often think, they can expect you to do the job for cost.  Even though my husband does give them a break by not charging his time, he still has to pay our employees. So now, when asked, my husband tells friends, he is just too busy to take on another job. The good old saying "leave friendship and business apart" - is as good now as it was then.
    Posted by pingo


    Hi Pingo!  I'm glad you posted this because I was just thinking of doing an OT post...  I hope you can share some of your insight as an insider...

    Here is what happened to my family members (long story short):  They hired their friend to be the general contracter on the house they bought.  They had a contract saying that all of the work would cost X amount and this amount was worked into their home loan.  When all was said and done, the guy wanted almost $10k more.  Not only that, but the people working under him, electrician for example, said they hadn't been paid enough and they wanted their money.  Can a contracter ask for more money like that?  Isn't it his job to make sure the electrician, etc. get paid their share? 

    I know you're not a lawyer, but I figured I'd ask for your insight as an insider.  The contracter had also asked them to open a credit card, charge some materials on it, and reimburse themselves when the rest of the loan came through.  My dad is a self-employed tradesman and he was especially horrified by that part of the story!
    Thanks!!!!
     
  22. You have chosen to ignore posts from framerican51008. Show framerican51008's posts

    Re: Friends doubling as Vendors

    Sorry to hijack!
     
  23. You have chosen to ignore posts from Rapunzel41. Show Rapunzel41's posts

    Re: Friends doubling as Vendors

    In Response to Re: Friends doubling as Vendors:
    In Response to Re: Friends doubling as Vendors : Hi Pingo!  I'm glad you posted this because I was just thinking of doing an OT post...  I hope you can share some of your insight as an insider... Here is what happened to my family members (long story short):  They hired their friend to be the general contracter on the house they bought.  They had a contract saying that all of the work would cost X amount and this amount was worked into their home loan.  When all was said and done, the guy wanted almost $10k more.  Not only that, but the people working under him, electrician for example, said they hadn't been paid enough and they wanted their money.  Can a contracter ask for more money like that?  Isn't it his job to make sure the electrician, etc. get paid their share?  I know you're not a lawyer, but I figured I'd ask for your insight as an insider.  The contracter had also asked them to open a credit card, charge some materials on it, and reimburse themselves when the rest of the loan came through.  My dad is a self-employed tradesman and he was especially horrified by that part of the story! Thanks!!!!
    Posted by framerican51008


    My company does the same type of work and as the office manager, here's what I know.

    Our construction clients sign a contract that comes with a very and clearly detailed scope of work attached.  As the contractor, we cannot charge them any more than this contract price unless they sign a change order (amendment to the original contract) for the additional costs / work - and there are change orders on pretty much EVERY job we do because of issues that arise that we were unaware of when the original scope of work was written.  Still, if we just jump ahead and proceed with the extra work, without that signed change order, we will end up eating the cost.

    As far as subcontractors being paid "enough", it's a similar situation.  The sub should have a signed contract or agreement for services with the contractor and the same situation applies here as above.  Under no circumstances should a subcontractor be contacting the homeowner for payment, because his agreement isn't with the homeowner; it's with the contractor.

    As far as purchasing materials, the way your contractor approached it was horrible!  We do sometimes give the client two choices.  (1) We can purchase the materials / appliances in question, but those purchases are billed to the client with overhead costs added to the purchase price for our time / effort in the acquisition.  (2)  The client can purchase the requested materials / appliances and we will only charge our labor for the work done on site.  Under no circumstances would we tell a client "Yeah, you have to open your own credit line and we'll refund you the costs on the back end."  That's horrible.

    I hope that answers some of your questions!
     
  24. You have chosen to ignore posts from ash. Show ash's posts

    Re: Friends doubling as Vendors

    I think you have to consider the 2 ways your friends can be vendors before you do it.

    The first is if this person is a professional vendor (actually photographs other people's weddings, or at least photographs other things for a living, for example).  In this case you have to be careful for 2 reasons.  First, and foremost--just because a person is a friend of yours, does NOT mean he is good at his job.  You really have to take this into consideration before you take someone up of their offer or contract with a friend.  The first is that if this person is doing his job as a vendor, he is really not longer a guest.  He can't really chat with friends, eat dinner, etc.  You have to deal with the fact that what you want may not be what he thinks you should do, which is probably based on experience.  Just conversations may go better with someone to whom you are not personally connected.  The opposite may also be true!  ANd I don't think you can count on getting such a service as your "gift".  This is a decision only your friend can make. 
     
    The other is if you ask a friend who is good at something (or you think is good at something), but not necessarily a professional, you have to remember that you are not paying for a professional.  This is really a crapshoot.  The video quality may not be that great or it could be fantastic.  They may not get all the pictures you want or you might get them and more.  The cake may not look perfect or it could be the best cake you've ever eaten.  Your friend may dance more than he takes pictures or chat up the guests more than he videos.  In this case, I think you just have to understand it might work out great or it might not work out at all. 

    I don't think you can make a blanket statement, do or don't.  I think, as with every vendor, service and product its buyer beware.

     
  25. You have chosen to ignore posts from ash. Show ash's posts

    Re: Friends doubling as Vendors

    And Fra's story make's my point...just because a person is your friend does not mean he is reputable or good at his job.  You should not hire someone simply because he is your friend.  If a reputable vendor happens to be your friend, that's a little different.
     
Sections
Shortcuts

Share