Future Sister In Law/ Bridesmaid

  1. You have chosen to ignore posts from BostonGirl82. Show BostonGirl82's posts

    Future Sister In Law/ Bridesmaid

    My fiance has an older sister that has 3 children. We plan on having his nieces and nephew in the wedding party as flower girls and ring bearer, but I am unsure of what to do about his sister. I am not really a fan of his sister for many reasons, and we are in no way close or get along very well for that matter. He says he does not care whether she is in it or not, as they are not close either. Since we are having all her children in our wedding party, is it ok to not have her as a bridesmaid? Any thoughts?

    Why I ask is because I have two older sisters that I plan on having as bridesmaid/MOH. I also have two childhood friends who are like sisters to me, who I planned on having as bridesmaids. If I have the SIL that would make 5 bridesmaids-which was kind of the amount I would like. At the same time, I have two really close college friends who I would absolutely love to have as bridesmaids...but 7 feels like it is getting out of hand.
     
  2. You have chosen to ignore posts from pingo. Show pingo's posts

    Re: Future Sister In Law/ Bridesmaid

    Bostongirl,
    Etiquette does not require you to have your FI's sister as a BM. BM's are generally YOUR sisters or very close friends of YOURS. You have already included all her children in the bridal party - that should be more than plenty.
    Looks like both you and your FI are not very close to her anyway. So rest assured you do not need to ask her to be your BM.
     
  3. You have chosen to ignore posts from pinkkittie18. Show pinkkittie18's posts

    Re: Future Sister In Law/ Bridesmaid

    I agree 100% with pingo.

    Bostongirl, Etiquette does not require you to have your FI's sister as a BM. BM's are generally YOUR sisters or very close friends of YOURS. You have already included all her children in the bridal party - that should be more than plenty. Looks like both you and your FI are not very close to her anyway. So rest assured you do not need to ask her to be your BM.
    Posted by pingo

     
  4. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: Future Sister In Law/ Bridesmaid

    Me, too! 
     
  5. You have chosen to ignore posts from Brighton1. Show Brighton1's posts

    Re: Future Sister In Law/ Bridesmaid

    I don't think you have to ask her.  Plus, are you sure she'd want to be in your wedding anyway? 
     
  6. You have chosen to ignore posts from BostonGirl82. Show BostonGirl82's posts

    Re: Future Sister In Law/ Bridesmaid

    Unfortunately, knowing her I think she expects to be in my wedding party. I have heard her complain about not being in her cousin's wedding party, and then threaten not to go the day of. I've been dating my fiance for 6.5 years so I have watched her complain about all the family events that she doesn't get personal calls about, wedding parties she is not a part of, or if her children don't get invited, etc etc etc.

    I was hoping and thinking that having her 3 children would be a fair trade off.
     
  7. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: Future Sister In Law/ Bridesmaid

    Boston, sounds like she's a complainer in general. If you go against your will and invite her to be in your party just to make her happy, the irony will be she still won't be happy. Things won't go just the way she wants them and she'll make you and the rest of your party miserable. I'd say, let her complain about not being in your wedding, too. She'll complain anyway, no matter what you do.
     
  8. You have chosen to ignore posts from misslily. Show misslily's posts

    Re: Future Sister In Law/ Bridesmaid

    I don't think you have to have her either.  I think she'll be busy enough getting her children ready.
    Sounds like she needs to grow up a little.  What grown woman with 3 kids cares about being a bridesmaid?  Sounds like she should be at the age where she's thrilled not to be asked. :)
     
  9. You have chosen to ignore posts from framerican51008. Show framerican51008's posts

    Re: Future Sister In Law/ Bridesmaid

    I think having her kids in the wedding is a good enough gesture.  As other people have said, she sounds like a complainer and if you have her in the wedding she will just find other things to complain about.

    As far as whether to have 4 or 5 or 7, just ask whomever is closest to you and forget about the number.  Don't NOT ask someone just because it's too many or ask someone because 5 sounds nice.

    Best wishes!
     
  10. You have chosen to ignore posts from BostonGirl82. Show BostonGirl82's posts

    Re: Future Sister In Law/ Bridesmaid

    Thank you everyone. I think I needed re-assurance that I was not out of line. For some reason it was eating away at me.
     
  11. You have chosen to ignore posts from pinkkittie18. Show pinkkittie18's posts

    Re: Future Sister In Law/ Bridesmaid

    I also agree 100% with Kar.

    Boston, sounds like she's a complainer in general. If you go against your will and invite her to be in your party just to make her happy, the irony will be she still won't be happy. Things won't go just the way she wants them and she'll make you and the rest of your party miserable. I'd say, let her complain about not being in your wedding, too. She'll complain anyway, no matter what you do.
    Posted by kargiver

     
  12. You have chosen to ignore posts from WMegs5. Show WMegs5's posts

    Re: Future Sister In Law/ Bridesmaid

    Oh boy I'm obviously in the minority, but I think she should be included.  If you are totally unconfortable with that then maybe you could find another way to include her in the ceremony so she is not totally offended.  What does your fiance think?  It is his sister after all. 

    In my FI's family/friends it was automatically assumed my two FSIL would be bridesmaids.  It would have been extremely offensive if I didn't so I guess it depends on the family.  Luckily, I get along with them really well so there is no problem like for you.  Just my two cents anyway.
     
  13. You have chosen to ignore posts from helphelpImbeingrepressed. Show helphelpImbeingrepressed's posts

    Re: Future Sister In Law/ Bridesmaid

    A pity bridesmaid "appointment" will eventually become apparent to everyone involved. Don't choose anyone unless you're heart is really in it.
     
  14. You have chosen to ignore posts from pingo. Show pingo's posts

    Re: Future Sister In Law/ Bridesmaid

    Help, you said it best!
    Why include people, you really do not want in your bridal party just to make THEM happy and you yourself miserable. Besides in this case etiquette does not call for it at all.
     
  15. You have chosen to ignore posts from jag27. Show jag27's posts

    Re: Future Sister In Law/ Bridesmaid

    When we got married, I wanted my brother to be part of the wedding party, but DH wanted his brothers (which one was the BM) and two of his close friends to be in the wedding party.  Since we only wanted four groomsmen and bridesmaids, we made my brother an usher instead and his daughter was my flowergirl.

    If it is important to you to have your sisters and close friends be in the bridal party, then do that.  Your future SIL will just have to accept the fact that she is not a bridesmaids.  Anyways, I'm sure you can have help out with the wedding in another role, like a reader.
     
  16. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: Future Sister In Law/ Bridesmaid

    Oh boy I'm obviously in the minority, but I think she should be included.  If you are totally unconfortable with that then maybe you could find another way to include her in the ceremony so she is not totally offended.  What does your fiance think?  It is his sister after all.  In my FI's family/friends it was automatically assumed my two FSIL would be bridesmaids.  It would have been extremely offensive if I didn't so I guess it depends on the family.  Luckily, I get along with them really well so there is no problem like for you.  Just my two cents anyway.
    Posted by WMegs5


    What if he had 6 sisters?  They'd all have to be bridesmaids?  I don't think you'd agree with that, but even though the logistics would be easier given it being "just one," the principle is exactly the same whether it's one or six.
     
  17. You have chosen to ignore posts from lucy7368. Show lucy7368's posts

    Re: Future Sister In Law/ Bridesmaid

    In my FI's family/friends it was automatically assumed my two FSIL would be bridesmaids.  It would have been extremely offensive if I didn't so I guess it depends on the family.  Luckily, I get along with them really well so there is no problem like for you.  Just my two cents anyway.
    Posted by WMegs5


    I'm not even planning to have MY OWN sisters as bridesmaids.  I would be really irritated to learn that I was expected to have my SO's sisters.  Luckily, he has brothers - but I certainly don't expect him to have my three brothers as groomsmen, along with his two (and my four sisters as bridesmaids - Yikes!)

    ETA:  I totally forgot one of my brothers.  Ooops.  I should have said my four brothers.
     
  18. You have chosen to ignore posts from laryan. Show laryan's posts

    Re: Future Sister In Law/ Bridesmaid

    My fiance has an older sister that has 3 children. We plan on having his nieces and nephew in the wedding party as flower girls and ring bearer, but I am unsure of what to do about his sister. I am not really a fan of his sister for many reasons, and we are in no way close or get along very well for that matter. He says he does not care whether she is in it or not, as they are not close either. Since we are having all her children in our wedding party, is it ok to not have her as a bridesmaid? Any thoughts? Why I ask is because I have two older sisters that I plan on having as bridesmaid/MOH. I also have two childhood friends who are like sisters to me, who I planned on having as bridesmaids. If I have the SIL that would make 5 bridesmaids-which was kind of the amount I would like. At the same time, I have two really close college friends who I would absolutely love to have as bridesmaids...but 7 feels like it is getting out of hand.
    Posted by BostonGirl82



    its perfectly fine not to have her as a bm...just because the kids are  in the wedding, dosent mean she has to be    
     
  19. You have chosen to ignore posts from Goodness1. Show Goodness1's posts

    Re: Future Sister In Law/ Bridesmaid

    A pity bridesmaid "appointment" will eventually become apparent to everyone involved. Don't choose anyone unless you're heart is really in it.
    Posted by helphelpImbeingrepressed


    I think it's not just a matter of the bride's heart being in it.  I added someone to my wedding party who was really important to my groom and his family.  I did it for them, and was happy to.  I wouldn't have it any other way.  Just knowing that my heart was in the right place, is enough for me. 
     
  20. You have chosen to ignore posts from lucy7368. Show lucy7368's posts

    Re: Future Sister In Law/ Bridesmaid

    I think it's not just a matter of the bride's heart being in it.  I added someone to my wedding party who was really important to my groom and his family.  I did it for them, and was happy to.  I wouldn't have it any other way.  Just knowing that my heart was in the right place, is enough for me. 
    Posted by Goodness1


    I can understand that, but it sounds like the groom doesn't care if his sister is in the wedding party, either.  So, if neither the groom nor the bride wants her there, why include her?
     
  21. You have chosen to ignore posts from Goodness1. Show Goodness1's posts

    Re: Future Sister In Law/ Bridesmaid

    Got it, right.  In that case, her expectations will not be met.  Too bad that she think she's entitled or whatever.  I had a friend of mine who I was planning on asking.  When I asked her, she said, "Yeah, that's right, I better be a bridesmaid".  It was a little off-putting, but I ignored it.  If I had known that would have been her response, that might have changed my mind about asking her at all.
     
  22. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: Future Sister In Law/ Bridesmaid

    I'd guess this woman's expectations are never met.  It may be a pain to deal with her, but can you imagine BEING her?  Constantly disapointed, angry, and feeling slighted?  Ugh.  Life's too short for that business.
     
  23. You have chosen to ignore posts from Goodness1. Show Goodness1's posts

    Re: Future Sister In Law/ Bridesmaid

    I agree, kar.
     
  24. You have chosen to ignore posts from calmdown. Show calmdown's posts

    Re: Future Sister In Law/ Bridesmaid

    And I agree with Goodness
     
  25. You have chosen to ignore posts from pinkkittie18. Show pinkkittie18's posts

    Re: Future Sister In Law/ Bridesmaid

    LOL!

    That's what I think about when I'm with someone who's a total buzz kill!:
    "Oh, aren't the flowers beautiful?"
    "I hate roses."

    Wow, their life must be awesome, constantly seeing the negative side of everything and everyone. Way to inject your pessimisim into my life, thanks!

    I'd guess this woman's expectations are never met.  It may be a pain to deal with her, but can you imagine BEING her?  Constantly disapointed, angry, and feeling slighted?  Ugh.  Life's too short for that business.
    Posted by kargiver

     
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