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Guests having marital problems

  1. You have chosen to ignore posts from pinkkittie27. Show pinkkittie27's posts

    Re: Guests having marital problems

    I didn't read it that way at all. I read it as OP was thinking he/she must have done something wrong for her cousin's family to behave in such a way at the wedding. The most plausible thing could have been that they were stressed/inconvenienced/offended by the wedding or something wedding-related.
    That's not self-absorbed thinking, not even passive self-absorbed thinking. That's thinking that people are decent enough that they don't behave rudely unless they've been provoked. I'd call that naive, not narcissistic.

    So, no, I do not think it was good or nice to say what was said.

    New posters have recently been getting the 3rd degree over every little thing here. Things weren't that way when I started posting. It's only natural to get defensive when people are calling you narcissistic and saying that your questions are stupid.

    we all know that weddings can bring out the worst in people, but it usually just magnifies existing problems, so you can't prevent all of it. it could have been said as simply as that.
  2. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: Guests having marital problems

    We both call it like we see it, and we never have always seen things the same way.  We'll have to agree to disagree on everything to do with this thread.
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  4. You have chosen to ignore posts from booklover. Show booklover's posts

    Re: Guests having marital problems

    Well I must say this thread has been pretty entertaining, albeit disturbingly so.

    I can't help but wonder if the cousin's husband was passively acting out about his unspoken objection to a gay wedding.  Just a thought.

    To the OP - put this unfortunate aspect of your wedding out of your mind and stop spending any more precious energy on it.  Focus on the ones that show they love you every day.  And while you can sympathize with your cousin, she is the master of her own domain.  Leave it  be.

    Peace and happiness to you and your spouse.

  5. You have chosen to ignore posts from 2ada63d622e89774a9fdcbc90527ab8e. Show 2ada63d622e89774a9fdcbc90527ab8e's posts

    Re: Guests having marital problems

    I think booklover has really got it. Just let it go. Let your cousin manage her own marriage. You do not owe them an apology. Perhaps you can tell your parents how sorry you are that they had to put up with the bad behavior but I don't think you need to get them a gift. There was a lot of drama, sure, but just let it die down and forget about it. It's by no means the worst wedding story I ever heard ;-)

    Here's what I think happened: your cousin's husband did not want to come to the wedding because it was an expensive trip, came at an inconvenient time in terms of business and because he does not respect the institution of gay marriage. Thus, he was already resentful of making a big trip when he got there. The ceremony and reception, to him, commanded no respect, so he didn't feel he had to be on his best behavior. He may even have been acting out some lack of comfort with homosexuality, but who knows. I've seen people of various religions role their eyes and mutter when they've been roped into a church service of a religion they don't respect. Most of them have enough common sense to not attend the ceremony and just go to the reception, however. In his case, there's no excuse for his behavior. The same goes for not keeping track of the children; to him there was no more reason to keep them under control than there would be a family barbeque. For the cousin and her husband to get into an argument at the table, same thing...lack of respect for the occasion.

    Your question of "did I do anything wrong" makes me think you are quite young. I'm sure if I'd gotten married young and an argument broke out at the wedding I'd wonder that, too. I don't think you did anything wrong at all, but not everyone (darn them) is going to be comfortable with your gayness and your gay marriage. Usually when someone says "did I do anything wrong" it's about "how do I avoid having a similar problem in the future." Perhaps when you have children, if you do, and you have perhaps a Christening or an adoption party or whatever, just ask people that will really appreciate being invited. It may well be the custom in your extended family (it is in mine) to invite absolutely everyone, but you don't really have to do that. If your parents press to invite everyone because it is the culturally correct thing to do, you probably have to work that through with them. As you get older you learn how to head more problems off ahead of time through strategic planning. If you absolutely have to have these cousins at another event, try to have a couple of other relatives "babysit" them at the event.

    FWIW, I don't see any mental illness here, just obnoxiousness on the part of your cousins and lack of experience on your part.

    And, as for the C-word, just don't use it please outside your circle of friends. It does simply mean jerk in parts of the UK, sure, but you aren't posting in the UK. As an older, hetero US born female, I well remember the days when you could be called that to your face and it is the worst, most demeaning and most disrepectful term that could be used to refer to a woman. It's a very offensive word here in the states, either spoken or written. As they say: "When in Rome, do as the Romans do."

    I hope you have a very happy marriage.
  6. You have chosen to ignore posts from dkb6248. Show dkb6248's posts

    Re: Guests having marital problems

    Don't waste your time responding any longer.  OP is not a gay man, nor from the UK which she admitted and then had the post deleted.

    I remember her quite well from back when I was planning my wedding.  She used to post more often on these boards and this isn't the first time she has caused a stir (anyone remember the finance post a while back?).

    Just don't want anyone to waste their breath giving sound advice to a fake situation.

  7. You have chosen to ignore posts from 2ada63d622e89774a9fdcbc90527ab8e. Show 2ada63d622e89774a9fdcbc90527ab8e's posts

    Re: Guests having marital problems