Re: Guests having marital problems
posted at 5/23/2011 8:50 PM EDT
In Response to Re: Guests having marital problems
[QUOTE]There's "narcissist" in the non-clinical sense, generally overused (admittedly) to mean self-centered, and then there's NPD. Who said the OP has NPD? Not me. My BIL truly does, by the way, and it's a nightmare that doesn't end. No one accsued the OP of the disorder descibed in perfect detail in the book linked below. The thing with NPD is that the sufferer (and I use that word loosely because HE isn't the one that suffers with it) behaves in such a terrible manner that I toy with the idea that he's demon possessed. Of course , the self-centeredness of the OP regarding thinking anyone's bad behavior that has nothing to do with him could be his fault is NOT NPD...it's narcissistic with a little n. And, we all have narcissistic (aka, self-centered) traits - it's a human nature thing. The Wizard of Oz and Other Narcissists And, by the way, that House quote wasn't diagnosing someone with NPD, either, it was saying the exact thing this OP needed to hear, that assuming you and your life has more influence (for good or bad) over anyone else only hurts you. That's no more saying someone has NPD than saying that person thinks he can fly. And, yeah, you pushed a button accusing us of tossing around NPD willy nilly. The thought of my BIL actually makes my mouth go dry, my hands clammy and shaky, gives me an anxiety rash, and makes me nauseous. Dealing with him in person has brought on actual vomiting/migraine. I'd NEVER accuse anyone of having NPD knowing so little about them. And, I hope any knowledge you have of NPD wasn't gained from personal experience because I like you, and personal experience with anyone with this disorder for real is the absolute worst experience you can have for knowing another human being short of being a victim of a violent crime. And, there is pro to that over dealing with someone with NPD. The violent crime stops happening. Getting up in arms about the use of "narcissistic" to mean "NPD" instead of the more causal meaning of "self-centered" is like getting defensive about sad people saying they're depressed. We all have times we feel depressed even if we don't have clinically diagnosed depression just as we all have narcissistic thoughts and reactions even though the vast majority of people do not have NPD, thankfully, and no one gets up in arms about someone tossing the word depression around because people get what they mean by the casual usage of the word.
Posted by kargiver[/QUOTE]
Things have gotten uptight around here.
It pushed a button with me to see people here throw out the word bipolar when I know and love people suffering from disroders in that spectrum, you don't see me unloading on them about it. And, for the record, people do get upset when the word depression is thrown around. Plus, when doctors, even TV ones, use phrases like "the technical term is..." it implies a great deal. But that's beside the point.
It's not narcissistic to worry that your wedding might inconvenience, add unwanted stress or upset someone. It's natural. People who don't worry about how their wedding affects other people are bridezillas.
There are nicer ways to say what you wanted to say.
OP thought maybe the wedding added stress to an already-faltering marriage. It probably did. The point is that it's not OP's fault, OP didn't do anything wrong, and although OP is nice to try and extend a olive branch, it's really not necessary. If OP wanted to vent and framed it poorly, big deal.
I hate seeing this place be so clique-y that the old posters gang up on the new ones over little things. It's ridiculous. This board should be welcoming.
All apologies for any pushed buttons.