Guests having marital problems

  1. You have chosen to ignore posts from ALF72. Show ALF72's posts

    Re: Guests having marital problems

    I am at a loss as to why the OP feels the need to 'apologize' for the fact that her happy occasion caused unhappiness or dissention in her cousin's family.  Why would you need to write an apology for your cousin for being the picture of happiness on your wedding weekend, and inconveniencing them w/ attneding a  wedding?  Wedding invitations are merely that - invitations - not command appearances. They chose to attend so any inconvenience that they experienced was of their own volition. 

    The husband was just being a jerk.  What is there for YOU to apologize for?

    I think Kar's point was that you were assuming that you had some pretty awesome powers if you thought that YOU caused problems in this family.  It sounds like they have some pretty deepseated problems that had nothing to do w/ you or your wedding. For you to think you caused the problems or could somehow have prevented them is  pretty narcissistic.  That's my take on it anyway.
     
  2. You have chosen to ignore posts from redflatshoe. Show redflatshoe's posts

    Re: Guests having marital problems

    In Response to Re: Guests having marital problems:
    [QUOTE]Ok - no matter what side of the pond you're from here's the rundown: He's a jerk She's an enabler Their kids probably will have committment issues in 10 years and YOU need to stay the h3ll out of it. They made a spectacle of themselves at your wedding. you don't need to apologize for ANYTHING. Leave it all alone. This post reminded me of that Two A$$holes skit on SNL..."Hey Babe, babe you wanna ruin a wedding, huh babe?" "um....ya" "Cool"
    Posted by venforknot[/QUOTE]

    Yeah, I know that now.  My parents were surprised by their bahavior too. My parents offered to "talk" to my cousin to check if she is in distress. 

    Besides, who would take relationship advice from someone who's married for 3 weeks and no kids?  Nobody.
     
  3. You have chosen to ignore posts from redflatshoe. Show redflatshoe's posts

    Re: Guests having marital problems

    In Response to Re: Guests having marital problems:
    [QUOTE]I am at a loss as to why the OP feels the need to 'apologize' for the fact that her happy occasion caused unhappiness or dissention in her cousin's family.  Why would you need to write an apology for your cousin for being the picture of happiness on your wedding weekend, and inconveniencing them w/ attneding a  wedding?  Wedding invitations are merely that - invitations - not command appearances. They chose to attend so any inconvenience that they experienced was of their own volition.  The husband was just being a jerk.  What is there for YOU to apologize for? I think Kar's point was that you were assuming that you had some pretty awesome powers if you thought that YOU caused problems in this family.  It sounds like they have some pretty deepseated problems that had nothing to do w/ you or your wedding. For you to think you caused the problems or could somehow have prevented them is  pretty narcissistic.  That's my take on it anyway.
    Posted by ALF72[/QUOTE]


    'I' did not cause them stress, I was asking if the wedding events caused them stress: financial, social, cultural miscommunication, unmet expectations, exhaustion from 18 hour flight with 2 kids.  Do any of these could cause stress and fighting? - YES!  You and Kar are just blatantly calling my concern as narcissism. 

    There is not enough info from my post to assume they have deepseated problems.  I was with them for 3 days, I didn't jump to that conclusion. 
     
  4. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: Guests having marital problems

    In Response to Re: Guests having marital problems:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Guests having marital problems : What? Is this your way of saying I'm a terrible person Kar.  It would be helpful if you were direct with your opinions.
    Posted by redflatshoe[/QUOTE]

    No, I don't think you're a terrible person.  I think that you have an inflated view of how much power you have in people's lives if you thought for one moment that their behavior could be your fault.  Pointing it out to you is a GIFT because it frees you to just live your life and not be unduly concerned about power you don't actually have to cause things like this to happen.

    I thought it was direct enough; I apologize if it was vague at all.  As directly as possible, the world does not revolve around you.   Thinking it does does NOT make you a bad person.  It makes you a slave to rumination about every word you say and every thing you do.

    Do you know how I know?  Because I used to do that myself.  Then, my best friend informed me as I did you that people do not hang on my every word nor does my behavior impact anyone nearly as much as I imagine it does.  He told me that the world does not revolve around me and THANK GOD it doesn't.  He FREED me from a life of constant concern and worry over my thinking I had a lot more power over those around me than I did.  Who did I think I was to think everything on earth is MY FAULT?  

    The quote from House is what that meant.  I thought it would speak for itself.

    Best,
    ~kar

    ETA:  I think of my friend with a thankful spirit every time I consider ruminating over something that can't possibly be my fault.  I'll always be in his debt for his having told me what he did.  In my estimation, I'm paying it forward by giving you the same lesson.  Take it for whatever you think it's worth.  And, yes, "your wedding's fault" and "your fault" are the same thing, one is just a more passive way of expressing it.
     
  5. You have chosen to ignore posts from redflatshoe. Show redflatshoe's posts

    Re: Guests having marital problems

    In Response to Re: Guests having marital problems:
    [QUOTE]Yes, your concerns are narcissistic.  I am blatantly sayin that.  You are concerned [apparently] that YOU, by virtue of scheduling a wedding and related activities, and inviting your cousin and family, somehow stressed them out. If they didn't think they could handle an 18 hour flight w/ 2 kids or to spend the money to get there, and to deal with any related irritation that travel always entails, they should have declined the invitation. If they took a trip to a resort someplace and they threw the same hissy fits when they were there, would the manager at the resort feel compelled to write an 'apology' for the fact that their travel to the resort somehow caused 'stress" to the family? Um, no, he'd just be glad to see the back of them when they left. Why on earth do you think YOU or your wedding or anything else related to you caused their and their children's bad behavior, or that a written apology or any apology from you to them was due?  It's a bizarre question.  Who cares if they had a bad weekend, had a bad flight, or are having marital difficulties?  Normal people get over it in short order, paste a smile on and behave like pleasant people for the duration of whatever event they are attending.  Couples who are having marital difficulties either attend family events separately or, if they all go as a family, behave like polite civilized people and put on a good front.  It's certainly not for you to stick your nose in it unless your cousin invites you in to comment on the state of her marriage.  Get you parents a crate of wine for putting up w/ these nutters and call it a day.   
    Posted by ALF72[/QUOTE]


    WOW!  I didn't know I hit so many buttons with you people.  Why are you so angry? 

    All I did was ask a question but you all responded with insults.  Then got very angry.  Take a chill pill.
     
  6. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: Guests having marital problems

    Ironically enough, if I had thought you were a "terrible person," not willing to respond as I did to the narcissitic lesson (that was much more embarrassing to hear face to face, by the way), I'd not have bothered sharing it with you.  As it was, I expected you to be mature and open to learning something about yourself that while it might be uncomfortable to process can only improve your life if you give it a chance.

    We all have narcissistic qualities that aren't pretty.  All of us.  Processing that and letting some things go that aren't ours to carry around is a good thing for everyone.  I'm not angry, and from what I know of WPP and ALF (we go back 5+ years) they aren't either.  We wouldn't ALL see the same thing if it weren't there.

    And, it's too bad you saw our posts as insulting.  Sometimes friends tell us things about ourselves we don't want to hear, but they aren't insults.  You'd be wise to learn the difference.
     
  7. You have chosen to ignore posts from ALF72. Show ALF72's posts

    Re: Guests having marital problems

    Whatev.

    So did you ever decide what you were getting as a gift for your parents? Or was that bit merely thrown in as a ruse to cover the fact that you really just wanted to vent about your cousin and her family causing a scene at your wedding. Which, if you had simply vented about that, you probably would have gotten quite a bit of commiseration from other posters.  Instead, you just baffled everyone w/ weird concerns about apology notes for other people's bad behavior.   
     
  8. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: Guests having marital problems

    In Response to Re: Guests having marital problems:
    [QUOTE]Whatev. .. if you had simply vented about that, you probably would have gotten quite a bit of commiseration from other posters.  Instead, you just baffled everyone w/ weird concerns about apology notes for other people's bad behavior.   
    Posted by ALF72[/QUOTE]

    LOL, ALF!!!  Very well said.

     
  9. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: Guests having marital problems

    I don't know everything about you.  What I do know is you're ready to accept blame for someone else's problems.  That's unfortunate, and, yes, I know from personal experience how that can negatively affect your life.  If you don't appreciate the effort that no less than 4 of the people that you solicited for advice put into elevating you from the muck and mire of feeling responsible for other people's bad behavior, so be it.  Stay right where you are; it's no burden on me.
     
  10. You have chosen to ignore posts from redflatshoe. Show redflatshoe's posts

    Re: Guests having marital problems

    In Response to Re: Guests having marital problems:
    [QUOTE]Whatev. So did you ever decide what you were getting as a gift for your parents? Or was that bit merely thrown in as a ruse to cover the fact that you really just wanted to vent about your cousin and her family causing a scene at your wedding. Which, if you had simply vented about that, you probably would have gotten quite a bit of commiseration from other posters.  Instead, you just baffled everyone w/ weird concerns about apology notes for other people's bad behavior.   
    Posted by ALF72[/QUOTE]

    I got my parents a weekend trip to Martha's Vineyard. 

    Again, why are you so upset?  I'm a femmy gay man not a woman. So, I don't know how to translate angry woman responses. 
     
  11. You have chosen to ignore posts from WhirledPeasPlease. Show WhirledPeasPlease's posts

    Re: Guests having marital problems

    Yeah, no one's angry, I think you're just getting different reactions than what you were expecting.

    I don't think I've ever read an angry post from ALF or Kar. After years of reading each other's posts, it seems to me that as an attorney, ALF tends toward the analytical, breaking a question into the logical and rational and Kar has deep maternal instincts, so she focuses on the emotional and personal aspects of a problem. Different communication styles, but I've always thought that both are very clear.

    Maybe part of this is that you're from a different culture. I think because Americans and Brits share a language, people assume that there isn't a cultural gap. I've never been to the UK, but of the many Brits I've encountered, it seems that declarations are often stated as a question, "Wow, that's one saucy woman, isn't she?" So maybe this is your way of venting and we're seeing a question where there isn't one.

    Or maybe it's the narcissim thing. I don't know, but either way let this go and use it as a funny anecdote for holidays. If it makes you feel better, my uncle wore his "fancy jeans" (recently washed) and work boots to my wedding and my aunt told me that my wedding didn't count because it didn't take place in a church. Oh, family.
     
  12. You have chosen to ignore posts from ALF72. Show ALF72's posts

    Re: Guests having marital problems

    I'm not upset. You asked a stupid question and then gave bizarre responses to people's replies.  You quoted me several times and asked follow up questions. I answered them. I think the whole 'language barrier' issue about being British is a red herring. There is no misunderstanding here that I can see; just backtracking when you didn't get the response you wanted.

    But I can see that you are the type who needs to have last word, so have at it. 
     
  13. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: Guests having marital problems

    Yeah, while we often communicate similar ideas, ALF's style is far wittier than mine, LOL.
     
  14. You have chosen to ignore posts from Leila32. Show Leila32's posts

    Re: Guests having marital problems

    Heading home now...have a great weekend everyone!  Good luck tomorrow!

    Wink

     
  15. You have chosen to ignore posts from redflatshoe. Show redflatshoe's posts

    Re: Guests having marital problems

    In Response to Re: Guests having marital problems:
    [QUOTE]She’s not British, there is no language barrier, only a large pile of bs.   Do I have a hard time communicating with you all? If you're going to lie, at lease hide your old posts.   In every other post you’ve represented yourself as an Asian woman, yet suddenly you’re a British gay guy?   I don’t think any of the responses are angry or insulting and everyone who responded seemed to come to the same conclusion. As far as I can tell, the only thing insulting I’ve seen in this post is where you referred to yourself as a c**t. As far as I can tell, this is a BS post from someone looking for attention (Kar – maybe its Heisinberg!).   I must admit, it has been amusing reading the responses, namely Alf’s.
    Posted by Leila32[/QUOTE]

    Fine I'm an HK femmy.

    You can read other people's profiles and posts? Things you learn from cyberstalkers.  And thanks for the "hide" tip, I don't use my Boston.com account much.  How does it feel to venture into cyberbullying?
     
  16. You have chosen to ignore posts from redflatshoe. Show redflatshoe's posts

    Re: Guests having marital problems

    In Response to Re: Guests having marital problems:
    [QUOTE]Ironically enough, if I had thought you were a "terrible person," not willing to respond as I did to the narcissitic lesson (that was much more embarrassing to hear face to face , by the way), I'd not have bothered sharing it with you.  As it was, I expected you to be mature and open to learning something about yourself that while it might be uncomfortable to process can only improve your life if you give it a chance. We all have narcissistic qualities that aren't pretty.  All of us.  Processing that and letting some things go that aren't ours to carry around is a good thing for everyone.  I'm not angry, and from what I know of WPP and ALF (we go back 5+ years) they aren't either.  We wouldn't ALL see the same thing if it weren't there. And, it's too bad you saw our posts as insulting.  Sometimes friends tell us things about ourselves we don't want to hear, but they aren't insults.  You'd be wise to learn the difference.
    Posted by kargiver[/QUOTE]

    Great, you three are friends.  Only if you have met person, help move a couch or visit each other at the hosital.  If not, internet friends do not count.  

    Word of advice, tone down on the TMI.  It is a little off-putting.

    The only poster that had good advice was the one with the hampster profile photo.
     
  17. You have chosen to ignore posts from EnjoyEverySandwich. Show EnjoyEverySandwich's posts

    Re: Guests having marital problems

    In Response to Re: Guests having marital problems:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Guests having marital problems : Great, you three are friends.  Only if you have met person, help move a couch or visit each other at the hosital.  If not, internet friends do not count.   Word of advice, tone down on the TMI.  It is a little off-putting. The only poster that had good advice was the one with the hampster profile photo.
    Posted by redflatshoe[/QUOTE]


    Hey, thanks a lot!  I thought I gave you some nice advice -- 'course, it was back on page 1 of this silly forum, so who remembers?  :-)


     
  18. You have chosen to ignore posts from kinga9. Show kinga9's posts

    Re: Guests having marital problems

    I read the OP and thought to myself, "every wedding has drama, no matter what the size or impact" and the fact that this was originally stated as a question (still not sure what the actual question is) seemed more to me like the drama seeking women I unfortunately have in my life. Ironic since you're a male. It seemed completely ridiculous to recount a story like this, as if you were asking us to feel bad for you. On the flip side, you want it to seem like you're a martyr for putting up with this on your (GASP!) wedding day and a hero for offering to apologize, and then pay their expenses for traveling. (this is where I give props to Kar for pointing out your narcissism) You don't need strangers (internet "friends") to justify your actions...or to vent about the fact that your family is dysfunctional. I guarantee every past bride on here has a horror story or two about family drama at their weddings but keeps those stories to themselves.

    All in all, no one wants to hear a "poor me" story...everyone has one, it's just not broadcast to the entire world unless you're on Oprah.

    Next time you want guidance for what to do in a situation like this
     
  19. You have chosen to ignore posts from ALF72. Show ALF72's posts

    Re: Guests having marital problems

    In Response to Re: Guests having marital problems:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Guests having marital problems : WOW!  I didn't know I hit so many buttons with you people.  Why are you so angry?  All I did was ask a question but you all responded with insults.  Then got very angry.  Take a chill pill.
    Posted by redflatshoe[/QUOTE]


    FYI, I did not delete the post where I used the term narcissistic. I don't see anything wrong w/ that post so am at a loss as to why it was deleted.  How is saying 'you are being narcissistic" any different than "you are being silly"?  It's not a cuss word. OP must have complained to the mods.  Give me a break.  fortunately, my entire post is quoted by redflatshoe. 

    Looks like Leila's post where she says that in other posts the OP claims to be an Asian woman was also deleted for some unknown reason.  Didn't see anything there that violated the terms of use either.

    And mods, if you really want to focus on the terms of use, you'd check out the OP's use of the word C_ __ T in the first post.  Several people found the use of that offensive. I now find it particularly offensive since the OP claims to be a man. 

    Anyway, this is my deleted post copied from the OPs quoted bit, but modified to comply precisely w/ the terms of use: 

    Yes, your concerns are reminiscent of that Greek youth who died b/c he could not look away from his own image.  I am blatantly saying that.  You are concerned [apparently] that YOU, by virtue of scheduling a wedding and related activities, and inviting your cousin and family, somehow stressed them out. If they didn't think they could handle an 18 hour flight w/ 2 kids or to spend the money to get there, and to deal with any related irritation that travel always entails, they should have declined the invitation. If they took a trip to a resort someplace and they threw the same hissy fits when they were there, would the manager at the resort feel compelled to write an 'apology' for the fact that their travel to the resort somehow caused 'stress" to the family? Um, no, he'd just be glad to see the back of them when they left. Why on earth do you think YOU or your wedding or anything else related to you caused their and their children's bad behavior, or that a written apology or any apology from you to them was due?  It's a bizarre question.  Who cares if they had a bad weekend, had a bad flight, or are having marital difficulties?  Normal people get over it in short order, paste a smile on and behave like pleasant people for the duration of whatever event they are attending.  Couples who are having marital difficulties either attend family events separately or, if they all go as a family, behave like polite civilized people and put on a good front.  It's certainly not for you to stick your nose in it unless your cousin invites you in to comment on the state of her marriage.  Get you parents a crate of wine for putting up w/ these nutters and call it a day.
     
  20. You have chosen to ignore posts from reindeergirl. Show reindeergirl's posts

    Re: Guests having marital problems

    1) Mazol Tov on your wedding. May you and your beloved have many happy decades together.

    2) There are indeed regional interpretations of the C word in England. My Mum was from outside of Bath. There, it did mean a**hole. Not so in other parts of the island.

    3) There's a popular cheese here in the States. However, you have to be careful of using its name in Sweden. It means the C-word.

    4) Weddings can be really stressful. I took my dog and locked us in my bedroom on my wedding day. I had cold feet. Only Mum telling me "Look, you can always get divorced," got me to the alter. Doggie was under the Chupah with me, comforting me in her own doggie way.

    5) Anyone who disrupts one of the most important days in a bride's life IS a c***. Shame on that husband.

    6) LW - No apologies. That indicates a lack of self-esteem if you are not the one to blame. You aren't the one to blame.

    7) For the next family events, tell your family you need them to circle the wagons (around you), and insist that your cousin's husband stay home.
     
  21. You have chosen to ignore posts from pinkkittie27. Show pinkkittie27's posts

    Re: Guests having marital problems

    jeez, it's gotten uptight around here.

    you're not a narcissist. A person with narcissistic personality disorder rarely worries about what effect their actions may have on others.
    Terms like narcissist and bipolar should not be thrown around. These are clinical terms that should be left to real doctors, not the ones on TV.
     
  22. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: Guests having marital problems

    There's "narcissist" in the non-clinical sense, generally overused (admittedly) to mean self-centered, and then there's NPD.  Who said the OP has NPD?  Not me.  My BIL truly does, by the way, and it's a nightmare that doesn't end.  No one accsued the OP of the disorder descibed in perfect detail in the book linked below.  The thing with NPD is that the sufferer (and I use that word loosely because HE isn't the one that suffers with it) behaves in such a terrible manner that I toy with the idea that he's demon possessed.  Of course, the self-centeredness of the OP regarding thinking anyone's bad behavior that has nothing to do with him could be his fault is NOT NPD...it's narcissistic with a little n.  And, we all have narcissistic (aka, self-centered) traits - it's a human nature thing.


    And, by the way, that House quote wasn't diagnosing someone with NPD, either, it was saying the exact thing this OP needed to hear, that assuming you and your life has more influence (for good or bad) over anyone else only hurts you.  That's no more saying someone has NPD than saying that person thinks he can fly.

    And, yeah, you pushed a button accusing us of tossing around NPD willy nilly.  The thought of my BIL actually makes my mouth go dry, my hands clammy and shaky, gives me an anxiety rash, and makes me nauseous.  Dealing with him in person has brought on actual vomiting/migraine.  I'd NEVER accuse anyone of having NPD knowing so little about them.  And, I hope any knowledge you have of NPD wasn't gained from personal experience because I like you, and personal experience with anyone with this disorder for real is the absolute worst experience you can have for knowing another human being short of being a victim of a violent crime.  And, there is pro to that over dealing with someone with NPD.  The violent crime stops happening.

    Getting up in arms about the use of "narcissistic" to mean "NPD" instead of the more causal meaning of "self-centered" is like getting defensive about sad people saying they're depressed.  We all have times we feel depressed even if we don't have clinically diagnosed depression just as we all have narcissistic thoughts and reactions even though the vast majority of people do not have NPD, thankfully, and no one gets up in arms about someone tossing the word depression around because people get what they mean by the casual usage of the word.
     
  23. You have chosen to ignore posts from venforknot. Show venforknot's posts

    Re: Guests having marital problems

    In Response to Re: Guests having marital problems:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Guests having marital problems : Yeah, I know that now.  My parents were surprised by their bahavior too. My parents offered to "talk" to my cousin to check if she is in distress.  Besides, who would take relationship advice from someone who's married for 3 weeks and no kids?  Nobody.
    Posted by redflatshoe[/QUOTE]

    Actually a lot of people might, but probably not the personalities you're describing here.  Sometimes it's good to get the outside perspective on a relationship though, especially from someone who isn't in the same situation. but still, my guess is they both already know there's a lot not right with them. Or they're so self-absorbed they don't know and/or care. Just focus on the good of your wedding day. That's good of your parents. hopefully she's ok, but my guess is that it's an all around crappy marriage. :-/
     
  24. You have chosen to ignore posts from pinkkittie27. Show pinkkittie27's posts

    Re: Guests having marital problems

    In Response to Re: Guests having marital problems:
    [QUOTE]There's "narcissist" in the non-clinical sense, generally overused (admittedly) to mean self-centered, and then there's NPD.  Who said the OP has NPD?  Not me.  My BIL truly does, by the way, and it's a nightmare that doesn't end.  No one accsued the OP of the disorder descibed in perfect detail in the book linked below.  The thing with NPD is that the sufferer (and I use that word loosely because HE isn't the one that suffers with it) behaves in such a terrible manner that I toy with the idea that he's demon possessed.   Of course , the self-centeredness of the OP regarding thinking anyone's bad behavior that has nothing to do with him could be his fault is NOT NPD...it's narcissistic with a little n.  And, we all have narcissistic (aka, self-centered) traits - it's a human nature thing. The Wizard of Oz and Other Narcissists And, by the way, that House quote wasn't diagnosing someone with NPD, either, it was saying the exact thing this OP needed to hear, that assuming you and your life has more influence (for good or bad) over anyone else only hurts you.  That's no more saying someone has NPD than saying that person thinks he can fly. And, yeah, you pushed a button accusing us of tossing around NPD willy nilly.  The thought of my BIL actually makes my mouth go dry, my hands clammy and shaky, gives me an anxiety rash, and makes me nauseous.  Dealing with him in person has brought on actual vomiting/migraine.  I'd NEVER accuse anyone of having NPD knowing so little about them.  And, I hope any knowledge you have of NPD wasn't gained from personal experience because I like you, and personal experience with anyone with this disorder for real is the absolute worst experience you can have for knowing another human being short of being a victim of a violent crime.  And, there is pro to that over dealing with someone with NPD.  The violent crime stops happening. Getting up in arms about the use of "narcissistic" to mean "NPD" instead of the more causal meaning of "self-centered" is like getting defensive about sad people saying they're depressed.  We all have times we feel depressed even if we don't have clinically diagnosed depression just as we all have narcissistic thoughts and reactions even though the vast majority of people do not have NPD, thankfully, and no one gets up in arms about someone tossing the word depression around because people get what they mean by the casual usage of the word.
    Posted by kargiver[/QUOTE]

    Things have gotten uptight around here.

    It pushed a button with me to see people here throw out the word bipolar when I know and love people suffering from disroders in that spectrum, you don't see me unloading on them about it. And, for the record, people do get upset when the word depression is thrown around. Plus, when doctors, even TV ones, use phrases like "the technical term is..." it implies a great deal. But that's beside the point.

    It's not narcissistic to worry that your wedding might inconvenience, add unwanted stress or upset someone. It's natural. People who don't worry about how their wedding affects other people are bridezillas.
    There are nicer ways to say what you wanted to say.
    OP thought maybe the wedding added stress to an already-faltering marriage. It probably did. The point is that it's not OP's fault, OP didn't do anything wrong, and although OP is nice to try and extend a olive branch, it's really not necessary. If OP wanted to vent and framed it poorly, big deal.

    I hate seeing this place be so clique-y that the old posters gang up on the new ones over little things. It's ridiculous. This board should be welcoming.

    All apologies for any pushed buttons.

     
  25. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: Guests having marital problems

    the House quote was of a personal conversation about a friend/lover having repeated problems because she thinks she has more power over others than she really does, not a diagnosis of a patient.  It was perfectly apropos.  

    The OP wasn't concerned about inconveniencing people by the wedding.  He/she was concerned that the marital problems and unruly children of a family at the wedding was his/her fault.  Big difference.

    And, I suffered with major depression and I don't go getting all mad when people say "depressed."

    In my opinion, the OP was exhibiting a passive "the world revolves around me" attitude, and said so.  Others agreed.  That's not clique behavior even though the OP accused us of agreeing because "great, we're friends."

    I'm disappointed you'd think we agreed and ganged up on the OP because of some hs clique mentality, Pink.  And, I'm surprised, actually, that you don't see that it's a good, nice thing to tell someone they don't actually have the power to mess up people's lives like that.  
     
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