how to include mom in the "Mr and Mrs invite you"

  1. You have chosen to ignore posts from winter09wedding. Show winter09wedding's posts

    how to include mom in the "Mr and Mrs invite you"

    Question from a friend- She would like to include her mother's name, and not subsume her under Mr. and Mrs. Dad's name... like Dad and Mom Lastname invite you....

    However, her fiance thinks that sounds too informal and recommended Mr. Dad and Mrs. Mom Lastname invite you... which she thinks sounds a little weird.

    How flexible is this etiquette rule?? Will anyone under 65 actually notice?
    Thanks!
     
  2. You have chosen to ignore posts from IsabelArcher. Show IsabelArcher's posts

    Re: how to include mom in the "Mr and Mrs invite you"

    IMHO it's the best way.  (At least everyone will know the mom's name!)  Pulled this  example off the web: There's others!  Just google contemporary wedding invitation words or something to that effect.  


    contemporary1d.gif

     
  3. You have chosen to ignore posts from FriarGirl03. Show FriarGirl03's posts

    Re: how to include mom in the "Mr and Mrs invite you"

    I did what your friend's fiance suggested, "Mrs. Mom and Mr. Dad Lastname". I also addressed the envelopes that way. I think some people were offended, judging by how they responded on the reply cards. (I had a spot for each person's name and three people put Mr & Mrs Hisname Lastname on one line. One person put "Mrs. Husband's Lastname on her own line, which was all well and good but I wasn't doing escort cards that way.)

    The etiquette rules are pretty firm on only using Mr & Mrs Hisname Lastname on formal invitations. HOWEVER, your friend has to do what is right for her. I knowingly broke the etiquette rule because it was something I felt strongly about.
     
  4. You have chosen to ignore posts from lucy7368. Show lucy7368's posts

    Re: how to include mom in the "Mr and Mrs invite you"

    I would just go with:

     Mr. and Mrs. John and Jane Smith invite you....  I feel like it flows better than Mr. John and Mrs. Jane Smith invite you.  But that's just my opinion.
     
  5. You have chosen to ignore posts from pinkkittie27. Show pinkkittie27's posts

    Re: how to include mom in the "Mr and Mrs invite you"

    I agree, Lucy. It sounds better that way.
     
  6. You have chosen to ignore posts from cosmogirl. Show cosmogirl's posts

    Re: how to include mom in the "Mr and Mrs invite you"

    Traditional naming conventions are that Mrs. Jane Smith means a divorced woman.  I would not use it.

    Either go with John and Jane Smith or Mr. John and Ms. Jane Smith (shudder).

    Unless your invites are ultra-formal, "John and Jane Smith" will be just fine.  Just omit the "Miss" or "Ms." before the bride's name.


     
  7. You have chosen to ignore posts from lucy7368. Show lucy7368's posts

    Re: how to include mom in the "Mr and Mrs invite you"

    Good point, Cosmo.  Mr. John and Mrs. Jane Smith could be interpreted as the parents being divorced, but still hosting the wedding together.
     
  8. You have chosen to ignore posts from pinkkittie27. Show pinkkittie27's posts

    Re: how to include mom in the "Mr and Mrs invite you"

    I think that's why I preferred Mr. & Mrs. John & Jane Smith, as it still had the Mr. & Mrs. together, so I'd assume they were still married.

    but you can certainly use "John & Jane Smith request the honor of your presence..." as no one should care too strongly about it.

    or you can do what I did and skip the mention of the parents' names all together.
     
  9. You have chosen to ignore posts from lucy7368. Show lucy7368's posts

    Re: how to include mom in the "Mr and Mrs invite you"

    If the parents are paying for everything, they deserve to be the ones doing the inviting. (I mean, on the invitation.  I don't mean they get control of the guest list.)

    If the bride and groom are basically paying for the wedding themselves, I agree.  There's no reason to mention the parents - even if they contributed.
     
  10. You have chosen to ignore posts from winter09wedding. Show winter09wedding's posts

    Re: how to include mom in the "Mr and Mrs invite you"

    thanks guys- this has been really helpful. When I tied the knot- we paid and therefore did the "inviting" which is why I posted for my girlfriend (totally different scenario). I didn't even think about the divorced part... that would not be good to convey in a wedding invitation!
     
  11. You have chosen to ignore posts from FriarGirl03. Show FriarGirl03's posts

    Re: how to include mom in the "Mr and Mrs invite you"

    I think if they were divorced, you would technically write "Mrs. Jane Smith and Mr. John Smith". I worried about people thinking that too, but anyone in our families know that our parents are all together. (I used the same wording for his parents. It was my parents requesting your presences at the marriage uniting me to Mr. Wonderful, son of Mr. John and Mr. Jane Wonderful.) I figured that if anyone was mistaken about whether they were married, that would be cleared up once they got to the wedding and saw both sets of parents sitting together, being introduced together and dancing together.
     
  12. You have chosen to ignore posts from poppy609. Show poppy609's posts

    Re: how to include mom in the "Mr and Mrs invite you"

    I wanted to put, "Mr. and Mrs. John and Jane Smith" on my wedding invites to the guests, but my mom saw a mock-up written this way and was HORRIFIED.  To this day she cannot explain why, but to her it was just absolutely WRONG.  Which was weird, because she and my dad divorced when I was 5 and she never got remarried, and we are estranged (mostly) from my dad, so it's not like she's huge on tradition...

    In my opinion, I like how it looks and if she hadn't freaked out so badly and totally stressed me out I would have addressed all my invites that way.  I cannot for the life of me figure out why this is wrong - technically, it is completely correct, IMO.

    Good luck toyour friend, Winter!  I don't miss the days of those little tiny decisions being SUCH an enormous deal.
     
  13. You have chosen to ignore posts from ash. Show ash's posts

    Re: how to include mom in the "Mr and Mrs invite you"

    It looks wrong because it is wrong.  Its wordy and awkward.  It's not about etiquette, its about grammar.

    If Mr. and Mrs. John Smith offends the mother of the bride, then leave off the Mr. and Mrs. and go with just first names.  If you must Mr. John and Mrs. Jane Smith is ok.  I don't agree that you need to use Ms.  Ms. is used when you don't want to indicate a person's marital status, which seems senseless here.
     
  14. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: how to include mom in the "Mr and Mrs invite you"

    I agree, ash, it's awkward.  Invitations are usually elegant, and awkwardness doesn't add much to the elegance of anything.  But, if I saw it as an invitee I wouldn't give it much of a thought beyond noticing it was an "interesting" way to name the parents.

    To the OP, there are lots of great examples, IMO, in the Sample Wording section under Help on www.invitationconsultants.com (where we got our rehearsal dinner invites).  Not only do they have different ways to address people they have vastly different wording ideas, too, for every imaginable family situation.
     
  15. You have chosen to ignore posts from downtoearth. Show downtoearth's posts

    Re: how to include mom in the "Mr and Mrs invite you"

    In Response to Re: how to include mom in the "Mr and Mrs invite you":
    It looks wrong because it is wrong.  Its wordy and awkward.  It's not about etiquette, its about grammar. If Mr. and Mrs. John Smith offends the mother of the bride , then leave off the Mr. and Mrs. and go with just first names.  If you must Mr. John and Mrs. Jane Smith is ok.  I don't agree that you need to use Ms.  Ms. is used when you don't want to indicate a person's marital status, which seems senseless here.
    Posted by ash


    haha Ash I was going to say the same thing!!
    A formal invitation is no place to question convention.  If you want to use first names, use a less formal invitation style.  The formal address does not only apply to weddings, it is a style of address that indicates the type of event (formal.) 
     
  16. You have chosen to ignore posts from downtoearth. Show downtoearth's posts

    Re: how to include mom in the

    by the way - I am "under 65." 
     
  17. You have chosen to ignore posts from pinkkittie27. Show pinkkittie27's posts

    Re: how to include mom in the "Mr and Mrs invite you"

    lucy- well I thought it went without saying that you clear the wording of the invitation with the parents before ordering. they're the only ones you risk offending if you mention or don't mention their name the way they wanted, so they're the ones you ask about it. Poppy's anecdote is a perfect example.

    At any rate- I'm the type to question convention when it comes to just about anything. No one's going to decline an invitation just because they didn't like the way you mentioned your parents- except maybe your parents.
     
  18. You have chosen to ignore posts from lucy7368. Show lucy7368's posts

    Re: how to include mom in the "Mr and Mrs invite you"

    In Response to Re: how to include mom in the "Mr and Mrs invite you":
    lucy- well I thought it went without saying that you clear the wording of the invitation with the parents before ordering. they're the only ones you risk offending if you mention or don't mention their name the way they wanted, so they're the ones you ask about it. Poppy's anecdote is a perfect example.
    Posted by pinkkittie27


    I'm not really sure what you're replying to, but I had a really long weekend, so - sorry.  :)

    I wouldn't ask my parents to approve the wording on my wedding invitations any more than I would ask them to proof read a Motion before I submit it to the judge.  But, I understand that I have a very different relationship with my parents than most people.
     
  19. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: how to include mom in the "Mr and Mrs invite you"

    You probably would run it by them if they were paying for the wedding and the invitations, therefore, would be actually theirs, not the bride and groom's.

    However, I assume there's no chance they'll be paying for your wedding and your invitations will say "lucy and lucy's man invite you..." and have nothing to do with your parents.
     
  20. You have chosen to ignore posts from lucy7368. Show lucy7368's posts

    Re: how to include mom in the "Mr and Mrs invite you"

    In Response to Re: how to include mom in the "Mr and Mrs invite you":
    You probably would run it by them if they were paying for the wedding and the invitations, therefore, would be actually theirs, not the bride and groom's. However, I assume there's no chance they'll be paying for your wedding and your invitations will say "lucy and lucy's man invite you..." and have nothing to do with your parents.
    Posted by kargiver



    Honestly, Kar, my wedding invitations may say:

    SHHHHH!  It's a SURPRISE!  Lucy and AwesomeGuy are getting married! (...but he doesn't know it yet...)  Wink

    But, yes, I think you're right.
     
  21. You have chosen to ignore posts from pinkkittie27. Show pinkkittie27's posts

    Re: how to include mom in the "Mr and Mrs invite you"

    In Response to Re: how to include mom in the "Mr and Mrs invite you":
    You probably would run it by them if they were paying for the wedding and the invitations, therefore, would be actually theirs, not the bride and groom's. However, I assume there's no chance they'll be paying for your wedding and your invitations will say "lucy and lucy's man invite you..." and have nothing to do with your parents.
    Posted by kargiver


    precisely. My mom and I worked on the wording together and just decided to put "The honor of your presence is requested..." yadda yadda yadda with no names preceeding it, after looking through contemporary wording options because we preferred it to trying to jam a whole bunch of names up on the top.
    but I ran just about everything about the wedding past my mom, not so much for approval but because I trust her opinion and taste. And also because I was 24 and had no idea what the heck I was doing.
     
Sections
Shortcuts

Share