I'm wracked with guilt!

  1. You have chosen to ignore posts from WhirledPeasPlease. Show WhirledPeasPlease's posts

    I'm wracked with guilt!

    We have six weddings this year, including ours. We went to one in May about 7 hours away and we're invited to a wedding every weekend in October (except Halloween)! One's in Florida and the others are in upstate NY, 7-10 hour drives.

    I just had to tell my friend with the longest upstate NY drive that we can't make it, and I feel soooooo bad. She came to my wedding in July, but my husband and I just don't have the time to take off work to make the trip. The one wedding we're going to in October is the weekend after hers, and there's no way we could it two weekends in a row. I wish we could make it (and the other two weddings in Oct) and she's really disappointed, trying to come up with creative traveling ideas for us to do it. 

    I know that the invitation is just an invitation, not a summons, but I'm bummed that we can't go. Cry I wish I could teleport. And I wish we got as much vacation time as they do in Europe. 
     
  2. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: I'm wracked with guilt!

    WPP, I've known you awhile now and know you are a lovely person.  I truly wish you wouldn't be guilt ridden over this because life is like this and it's not anyone's fault.  You can't be everywhere at once, finances and time are limited.  Of course, you are disappointed, but please don't add insult to injury to yourself by adding crushing guilt.

    You are right, it's an invitation.  Friends understand the overextended lives of their friends.  You can't be everywhere you want to be and real friends will never hold it against you.  There's no reason to make yourself feel worse than merely disappointed you can't make it.

    OK, Hon?  Have a nice glass of wine and chill.  I'm sure you'll catch up with your friends sometime after the wedding and life will be perfectly wonderful with them as it's always been.

    P.S.  Your friend is sweet to try to come up with ideas.  However, I'm sure she knows that no matter what you really can't make it.  She just wants you to know how much she'll miss you.  That's really nice, and I'm sure she'd be heartbroken to know that her efforts to make you know you feel welcome are adding to your guilt...so just don't let it.  Take it for how she means it and no more.
     
  3. You have chosen to ignore posts from pinkkittie27. Show pinkkittie27's posts

    Re: I'm wracked with guilt!

    Don't feel guilty WPP! It's just bad luck.
    It's sweet that your friend really wants you there, and I hope she knows that you really wish you could make it. She must also know it's not your fault.
    Sometimes when you're dealt a bad hand, you have to fold and cut your losses. Such is life. I'm so sorry you're going through this.
     
  4. You have chosen to ignore posts from cosmogirl. Show cosmogirl's posts

    Re: I'm wracked with guilt!

    Is it that you both just can't be away, or  you don't have paid time off?

    Could you go without DH and stay with another friend there, so you would split the cost of the room? 

    Really, you could take one day off, Friday, drive up, and then drive back Sunday.  It would be tiring, but at least you could be there.  Maybe share driving with another friend from this area.  Don't know why you couldn't take one day off...

    But, don't feel bad.  I was sad that a couple we are very close to couldn't make it to our wedding, but I didn't even miss them that day.  Too busy!  So, I'm sure your friend will be the same. 


     
  5. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: I'm wracked with guilt!

    cos is right - not that she needs me to say that, though.  :)  This is a bit extreme, but analogous to her point.  I thought I'd miss my grandmother so much the whole day that it might be secretly ruined (never told a soul I worried about it, though). She had been my BEST friend from the day I was born, and she passed away six months before the wedding.  I miss her all the time, think of picking up the phone every day to say hi, cry to think she never saw our puppy or shared in the daily happenings with housebreaking, etc.  But, on my wedding day I was thoroughly enjoying everyone who was there, not terribly missing those who weren't.  Not that I didn't give it ANY thought, but it didn't dominate the day like I thought it would.

    How much more true will it be for this couple with friends who just couldn't make it to their wedding?  Like pinkie said, it's just bad luck, bad timing.  It happens.
     
  6. You have chosen to ignore posts from Goodness1. Show Goodness1's posts

    Re: I'm wracked with guilt!

    WPP, I know exactly how you feel.  It's so hard with so many upcoming weddings, having the honor of being invited to them, and feeling the guilt when you cannot attend them!  It's really tough.  A friend of mine got married a couple weeks ago (she's a bm in my wedding), and I couldn't go.  It broke my heart.  It was something that she and I spoke about for a long time, and she understood. 

    I know how hard it is to try and get time off from work.  I can only say that from experience.  I even had a difficult time getting time off from work for my OWN wedding!!!  That was hard. 

    I think you did the best you can, you talked to your friend.  I'm sorry you're going through this.
     
  7. You have chosen to ignore posts from SilverFestiva. Show SilverFestiva's posts

    Re: I'm wracked with guilt!

    I flew out to Ohio for a friend's wedding last August, got there Saturday about 2 hours before the wedding and left at 6AM on Sunday to return to Boston. Totally NOT worth it. I was dead tired, didn't stay long at their wedding at all, knew NO ONE and sort of wish I'd saved the money and given them a better gift.

    A year later, they did not make the trip to my wedding. No big deal!

     
  8. You have chosen to ignore posts from dkb6248. Show dkb6248's posts

    Re: I'm wracked with guilt!

    I don't know where upstate you are going, but you can always try Cape Air flights.  I sometimes fly up to Maine for Thanksgiving since I have to be back at work on Friday...it is usually only about $15 or $20 more than what I would spend on gas.  Just a thought, or for future trips.

    http://www.flycapeair.com

    Either way, don't fret.
     
  9. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: I'm wracked with guilt!

    ams, that's a great story to share.  So many of us "good girls" do way too much to "be nice" when it just doesn't make sense.  It takes an experience like that to teach us what is reasonable and what isn't and redefines our idea of what it takes to be a "good person."  Your Ohio experience is worth shouting from the rooftops here with all these well intentioned yet naive girls who think they have to go to unreasonable lengths to be good people and decent friends.  Life doesn't always work out the way we hope, but it does move on every time, and of all people, your friends will understand a lot better than we give them credit for.
     
  10. You have chosen to ignore posts from WhirledPeasPlease. Show WhirledPeasPlease's posts

    Re: I'm wracked with guilt!

    Thanks, everyone. I wish I could make all of the weddings, but it's just not realistic.

    DH and I kind of have crazy jobs. Even if I took unpaid time off, I still couldn't take time off, you know what I mean? Like, there's too much going on and the boss won't allow a day of not being here. Can't afford a flight right now, either. And I'm the only one in this area, so there isn't anyone to travel with.

    My friend understands; she's been to enough weddings and is now planning her own so she's fully apprised of difficulties involved. I moved away from everyone too, so this is just a result of being in a different state.

    It would be crazy to go; if I left right after work I wouldn't get to Buffalo until 4 am, and that would be without traffic. The wedding is at 1 pm the next day and I would barely be there for 24 hours. Totally not worth it, like A-M said.

    It was great to see my friend and her fiance at my wedding, and I'm really glad they were able to make it.
     
  11. You have chosen to ignore posts from lucy7368. Show lucy7368's posts

    Re: I'm wracked with guilt!

    Why didn't you just tell all your friends to plan their weddings on your timetable?  Would make life much easier.  Cool

    Anyway - did you know that Ben & Jerry's makes a Whirled Peas ice cream?  You'll feel better.

    Also, my kitty is nuzzling the keyboard, so I'm pretty sure he wants to say hi.
     
  12. You have chosen to ignore posts from WhirledPeasPlease. Show WhirledPeasPlease's posts

    Re: I'm wracked with guilt!

    Oooh, what's involved in the Whirled Peas ice cream??
     
  13. You have chosen to ignore posts from lucy7368. Show lucy7368's posts

    Re: I'm wracked with guilt!

    In Response to Re: I'm wracked with guilt!:
    [QUOTE]Oooh, what's involved in the Whirled Peas ice cream??
    Posted by WhirledPeasPlease[/QUOTE]

    Well, there are peas, and they've been whirled.... Wink

    Ok, it's Caramel and sweet cream ice cream swirled with fudge peace signs and toffee cookie pieces.  Also, I'm a dork, because it's actually called Imagine Whirled Peace.  I read it wrong.
     
  14. You have chosen to ignore posts from pinkkittie27. Show pinkkittie27's posts

    Re: I'm wracked with guilt!

    I can testify that this flavor is very delicious, I bought it once or twice. Most of the profits from it go towards Fair Trade

    In Response to Re: I'm wracked with guilt!:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: I'm wracked with guilt! : Well, there are peas, and they've been whirled.... Ok, it's Caramel and sweet cream ice cream swirled with fudge peace signs and toffee cookie pieces.  Also, I'm a dork, because it's actually called Imagine Whirled Peace.  I read it wrong.
    Posted by lucy7368[/QUOTE]
     
  15. You have chosen to ignore posts from dkb6248. Show dkb6248's posts

    Re: I'm wracked with guilt!

    Close enough.  It sounds delicious.
     
  16. You have chosen to ignore posts from WhirledPeasPlease. Show WhirledPeasPlease's posts

    Re: I'm wracked with guilt!

    WHAT??!! Whirled Peas stands for world peace??? You jest!

    I'll look into this. MMMM caramel.
     
  17. You have chosen to ignore posts from cosmogirl. Show cosmogirl's posts

    Re: I'm wracked with guilt!

    wpp, it's okay!  Think of all the weddings you've been to and how much time you've actually spent with the bride and groom that day! 

    Much better to plan a time when you can have a real visit and enjoy each other's company! 

    I have a gf who lives in Rochester NY, and we meet in Albany (or Saratoga if we're feeling flush...) for an overnight.  It's fun and there are tons of inexpensive chain hotels near the Albany Airport....
     
  18. You have chosen to ignore posts from ash. Show ash's posts

    Re: I'm wracked with guilt!

    Aww, WPP, probably nothing to say to alleviate you guilt, but I totally feel your pain.
     

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