Jack and Jill? But not invited to the wedding

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  1. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: Jack and Jill? But not invited to the wedding

    posted at 4/10/2011 9:22 AM EDT

    By all means, go and have fun!  No reason not to.  I just answered the question purely from an etiquette perspective - yes, it is technically wrong to invite people to a party that has a cover charge to help pay for the wedding and not invite them to the wedding.  But, in the grand scheme of life and your friendship, who cares?  What would be really wrong is if anyone holds it against them.
     

  2. You have chosen to ignore posts from ilovebeagles. Show ilovebeagles's posts

    Re: Jack and Jill? But not invited to the wedding

    posted at 4/17/2011 11:31 AM EDT

    I had never heard of them either! But, my husband is from CT and they have them all the time.
    If it's all guys, its called a stag and if its girls and guys - jack and jill.

    Now, this is also in addition to a bachelor party! (at least the ones my husband has been involved with)

    I have had the same arguments you guys have. 
    1. How can you invite people to a party where you ask them to donate money to pay for your wedding, that we are attending and will be giving you another gift? 
    2. It's tacky!
    3. It's unnecessary when you already had a bachelor party!  Plus, we are already paying for a tux, hotel room, wedding gift, drinks, and the bachelor party
    WHEN DOES IT END!
     

  3. You have chosen to ignore posts from plasko. Show plasko's posts

    Re: Jack and Jill? But not invited to the wedding

    posted at 4/17/2011 9:31 PM EDT

    In Response to Re: Jack and Jill? But not invited to the wedding:
    I had never heard of them either! But, my husband is from CT and they have them all the time. If it's all guys, its called a stag and if its girls and guys - jack and jill. Now, this is also in addition to a bachelor party! (at least the ones my husband has been involved with) I have had the same arguments you guys have.  1. How can you invite people to a party where you ask them to donate money to pay for your wedding, that we are attending and will be giving you another gift?  2. It's tacky! 3. It's unnecessary when you already had a bachelor party!  Plus, we are already paying for a tux, hotel room, wedding gift, drinks, and the bachelor party WHEN DOES IT END!
    Posted by ilovebeagles


    I agree with that, weddings are rip-offs for all concerned from start to finish. I would urge people who are thinking of it to just elope and send your friends and family the photos. 

     

  4. You have chosen to ignore posts from plasko. Show plasko's posts

    Re: Jack and Jill? But not invited to the wedding

    posted at 4/17/2011 9:33 PM EDT

    In Response to Re: Jack and Jill? But not invited to the wedding:
    By all means, go and have fun!  No reason not to.  I just answered the question purely from an etiquette perspective - yes, it is technically wrong to invite people to a party that has a cover charge to help pay for the wedding and not invite them to the wedding.  But, in the grand scheme of life and your friendship, who cares?  What would be really wrong is if anyone holds it against them.
    Posted by kargiver


    I do wonder though what makes you a guru on etiquette? Is this what you do for a living, work in a politicians office or something? Or is it all personal bias and interpretation as to what etiquette entails, hmmm? LOL ;)
     

  5. You have chosen to ignore posts from DivaJLA. Show DivaJLA's posts

    Re: Jack and Jill? But not invited to the wedding

    posted at 4/17/2011 11:29 PM EDT

    In Response to Re: Jack and Jill? But not invited to the wedding:
    plasko, I'm not intending to be rude by asking this, but are you by any chance from a country other than the US?  If so, that might explain some of the differences in opinion and expectations you're encountering regarding hosting etiquette.  I dated a guy from Ireland a while ago, for example, who was absolutely appalled at the idea of an open bar at weddings; it's apparently just not done there (maybe 1-2 drinks are paid for by the hosts), while here it's de rigeur for formal events.
    Posted by mezzogal1124

    I don't think that open bars are the norm. I have only attended one wedding with an open bar, all the others have been cash bar. My fiance is from Ireland and open bars aren't done there, except for maybe the cocktail hour. 

     

  6. You have chosen to ignore posts from miscricket. Show miscricket's posts

    Re: Jack and Jill? But not invited to the wedding

    posted at 4/19/2011 7:40 AM EDT

    I've been to a couple of Jack & Jills and both have been in lieu of a bridal shower..and both were loads of fun. They are what they are. I don't have a problem with it if it is done in place of a shower. After all, I would have spent money on a shower gift anyhow.

    However, inviting someone to a Jack & Jill ( or shower for that matter) who is not on the guest list for the wedding is in extremely poor taste.
     

  7. You have chosen to ignore posts from jackbu. Show jackbu's posts

    Re: Jack and Jill? But not invited to the wedding

    posted at 4/28/2011 5:25 PM EDT

    If I am not invited to the wedding, i would not go to anything else.  I especially would not lay out 20 dollars.

     

  8. You have chosen to ignore posts from redflatshoe. Show redflatshoe's posts

    Re: Jack and Jill? But not invited to the wedding

    posted at 5/14/2011 11:38 PM EDT

    Yup, I heard about this too.  I went to one 3 years ago from a couple from TX.  It is nothing more than a giftgrabbing party for broke couples.  It is a stupid tradition.
     

  9. You have chosen to ignore posts from samanthastevens. Show samanthastevens's posts

    Re: Jack and Jill? But not invited to the wedding

    posted at 5/24/2011 10:09 PM EDT

    In Response to Re: Jack and Jill? But not invited to the wedding:
    In Response to Re: Jack and Jill? But not invited to the wedding : I do wonder though what makes you a guru on etiquette? Is this what you do for a living, work in a politicians office or something? Or is it all personal bias and interpretation as to what etiquette entails, hmmm? LOL ;)
    Posted by plasko

    Ah, you haven't been around these parts long enough.  There is a core group of women here who have ruled the wedding boards for a long, long time.  They feel (especially kargiver) that they are the "etiquette queens" of the boston.com wedding boards.  Do not cross any of them, because the rest will jump to the offended "sister's" defense.  Good luck - and don't take any of them too seriously.  Their expertise comes only from their own longevity here.
     

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