Name change regrets?

  1. You have chosen to ignore posts from ilovebeagles. Show ilovebeagles's posts

    Name change regrets?

    Hey ladies and gentlemen, if any

    Anyone change or not change their name and regret whatever decision they made?

    I was staunchly against changing my name for a variety of reasons at the time: professional degrees, law career, ethnicity, individuality etc. 

    So, I hyphenated, intending to use the maiden name at work, which is working out fine, and intending to use married name at home, which isnt working out so well. 

    I have to have my maiden name as part of my legal name in order to keep it at work, since I sign legal documents as part of my job. I was very adamant about keeping my maiden name at the time of the wedding. I admit, I was on a high horse 

    BUT, I spend more time correcting people, spelling my last name, explaining the hyphen or having them check under each name, to see if misfiled. I dont get emails I should since people will incorrectly put in my email address due to hyphen, no hyphen, two names. My email address is Maiden name, but this doesnt stop people from screwing it up. 

    It is constant, and half the people think they are offending me all the time by calling me whichever name, when the entire point of it was that they could call me anything and I would answer. I think ahead to having kids, and think what a nightmare that might be. But, then again, people have different last names all the time, right?

    I am now regretting my decision and wish I had just switched to DH's name. 
    Any thoughts, advice?

    Is always hard to switch the first year with all the documents, etc. or am I facing many more years of this junk?
     
  2. You have chosen to ignore posts from ALF72. Show ALF72's posts

    Re: Name change regrets?

    I wish I had kept my maiden name and just added DH's name, w/o the hyphen. 

    I don't see why adding the hyphen would cause so many problems. Is it that important to correct people?  Who are you correcting?  If correspondence is put in a different name, but it gets to you, does it really matter? I know that I and other people would try to get a rise out of opposing counsel w/ whom we had a contentious relationship by calling them by their first name in correspondence or on the phone.  [Yeah, wicked mature, but it's done all the time].  People would spell my name wrong all the time, but you know what, I just ignored it. It's possible people are just trying to be jerks.

    If it's people in your office, just have a standard refrain that you repeat or an email that you send every time they do it. It took HR almost a year to change my email address to my married name.  They did it a few months before I left.  She was just being a w-anker.  I just reminded her every month that i needed it changed.  Once I casually let drop to a partner that a client was annoyed he could not find my email or phone extension in the directory b/c my name hadn't been changed, it was amazing how fast my email and the phone directory got updated.

    You may be working w/ office politics.  Call in the big guns if that's the case.  If it's opposing counsel, chances are they are just being immature jerks.  Let it slide off your back.  :-)
     
  3. You have chosen to ignore posts from ml2620-2. Show ml2620-2's posts

    Re: Name change regrets?

    I kept my maiden name and have been very happy with my decision. I actually did plan on changing my name, but my company had a name change within a few weeks of my marriage, and I kept my name to avoid too much confusion - and then just decided I didn't want to change. Everything legal is still in my maiden name, and I don't mind a bit when friends, family, neighbors, etc. call me by my husband's name.

    Personally, I'd drop your DH's name and just go back to using your maiden name legally and professionally, which everyone already knows and spells and uses.

    Otherwise, if your name is hyphenated, then everything should still be listed under your maiden name, anything else and the doctor's office, etc. has just filed wrong. It might take some time to get everyone on the same page, but that would be true of any name change. I agree with ALF that in the legal world, people are messing with your name as subterfuge and cage rattling.
     
  4. You have chosen to ignore posts from WhirledPeasPlease. Show WhirledPeasPlease's posts

    Re: Name change regrets?

    I changed my name, and I'm glad that I did. Some obnoxious people who decided that I'm contributing to the breakdown of society by changing name pointedly call me by my maiden name, but I just don't answer until they get it right. 

    Most people automatically go to "Mr. and Mrs DH's Last Name" anyway, and one reason I changed was that I wanted us to have the same last name. I was never very attached to my last name (and the feminism argument doesn't work because it was my dad's name anyway), and I definitely traded up to DH's last name. 

    I can see how hyphenating would confuse people, because they don't know which way to go. It sounds like you want to return to your maiden name, and that it will be easier for work. How long have you been married? I think if it's less than a year, you'll have an easier time changing back. Contact the Social Security office and ask them what's involved in changing back. 
     
  5. You have chosen to ignore posts from poppy609. Show poppy609's posts

    Re: Name change regrets?

    I do think a hyphen can throw a wrench into emailing because people won't know whether to include the hyphen or not... I also think people who have to file something under your name (like at a pharmacy) might not have ever been taught whether to file under the first part of the last name, or the second (post hyphen) part, which could be frustrating. (I know this because I've been stuck behind people at CVS who are just trying to pick up a prescription and the clerk can't figure out where to look).

    How long have you been married?  I switched just to my husband's last name (about a year ago) and it's also been confusing for me, so I think it's partly just the first year being difficult (even if you've changed it they don't always get it in the system correctly).  I'd say give it a little over a year, then re-evaluate...
     
  6. You have chosen to ignore posts from pinkkittie27. Show pinkkittie27's posts

    Re: Name change regrets?

    My mom always had trouble when she had a hyphenated name. I don't think she regretted the decision, but she definitely had to deal witht he problems you describe.

    I kept my name and I'm so glad I did. There are many reaons, but at the end of the day it's because my name is who I am I didn't become a different person when I got married. And it's not like DH and I are any less of a family because we don't share a name. We have to share just about everything else and that's what really matters.
     
  7. You have chosen to ignore posts from Epigal. Show Epigal's posts

    Re: Name change regrets?

    Thank you for posting this beagles! I am having a hard time right now trying to figure out what to do about my name. I thought I would just take FI's name, but I recently got a paper published under my maiden name in a research journal. Co-workers, etc, are saying it's easiest to keep your maiden name, at least professionally, so all your research gets attributed to you, but I was worried about the different personal/professional names thing.

    Do you find it's just more of an inconvenience, or have you had any serious problems with documents not getting to you, people confusing you for someone else, etc?
     
  8. You have chosen to ignore posts from lucy7368. Show lucy7368's posts

    Re: Name change regrets?

    In Response to Re: Name change regrets?:
    I know that I and other people would try to get a rise out of opposing counsel w/ whom we had a contentious relationship by calling them by their first name in correspondence or on the phone.  [Yeah, wicked mature, but it's done all the time].
    Posted by ALF72


    That's funny.  I only call opposing counsel by their first name when it's someone I like.  Apparently, I'm doing it wrong.

    I just hate when people call me "Attorney LastName."  It makes me feel like an imposter.  Embarassed

    Beagles - hyphenated names always confuse me.  Not that my personal confusion should have any impact on what you do.  But, since I'm reasonably intelligent, if I get thrown, people who are less so might have similar issues (or not, since I  cannot seem to manage to get from point A to point B without walking into obvious obstacle C).
     
  9. You have chosen to ignore posts from ALF72. Show ALF72's posts

    Re: Name change regrets?

    In Response to Re: Name change regrets?:
    In Response to Re: Name change regrets? : That's funny.  I only call opposing counsel by their first name when it's someone I like.  Apparently, I'm doing it wrong. I just hate when people call me "Attorney LastName."  It makes me feel like an imposter.  Beagles - hyphenated names always confuse me.  Not that my personal confusion should have any impact on what you do.  But, since I'm reasonably intelligent, if I get thrown, people who are less so might have similar issues (or not, since I  cannot seem to manage to get from point A to point B without walking into obvious obstacle C).
    Posted by lucy7368



    I'll call ones I like their first name too.  But usually I've been invited to do it. 

    If you are dealing w/ a real asshat and you know he likes to be called Joseph or David, not a nickname, it's just so satisfying to hear him grit his teeth and say "my name is not Joe/Dave", and to know that steam is pouring out his ears when he gets your next letter that says "Dear Joe".  lol. 
     
  10. You have chosen to ignore posts from ilovebeagles. Show ilovebeagles's posts

    Re: Name change regrets?

    hey everyone
    thanks for your thoughts!! I appreciate it very much.

    Work is not a problem - everyone knows me as Maiden name.
    The problem sometimes comes up in HR, who has me under hyphenated, because thats my legal name. Sometimes I dont get emails from conferences, or outside people because they get told my name is hyphen.

    The real problem is outside life - as someone mentioned, doctors offices, CVS prescriptions, etc, the gym. I am constantly having people check under maiden, DH's, and the hyphen. No one files things correctly! Also, my husband has trouble picking up my prescriptions because the names dont exactly match.
    I have trouble at the airport, since I cant fit my first name in with the hyphenated last name on a ticket. I was told to pick one name, didnt matter which, by one airline and then yelled at by another for not having matching information!

    Its been almost a year (this month!) since we got married, and I am increasingly sick of it. My reasons for being adamant about keeping my maiden name dont seem so important anymore.
    I dont know though......
    I am thinking about just switching to DHs name, which I know he would love.
     
  11. You have chosen to ignore posts from ilovebeagles. Show ilovebeagles's posts

    Re: Name change regrets?

    ETA: I dont care about mail being addressed to whoever, etc. I am perfectly happy to respond to DH's or maiden name! Its really just an inconvenience in so many ways!

    I do want to keep practicing under Maiden name, but I am thinking it's not worth all this trouble!
     
  12. You have chosen to ignore posts from lucy7368. Show lucy7368's posts

    Re: Name change regrets?

    In Response to Re: Name change regrets?:
    ETA: I dont care about mail being addressed to whoever, etc. I am perfectly happy to respond to DH's or maiden name! Its really just an inconvenience in so many ways! I do want to keep practicing under Maiden name, but I am thinking it's not worth all this trouble!
    Posted by ilovebeagles


    I think you can do what Alf suggested and just have your maiden name as your middle name and your DH's last name as your last name.  You'll be able to put "I Love Beagles" on your pleadings, and you can sign either "I Love" or "I Beagles," and it shouldn't matter.  Or, heck, you can sign a giant "X" if it makes you happy.
     
  13. You have chosen to ignore posts from pinkkittie27. Show pinkkittie27's posts

    Re: Name change regrets?

    I suppose you could go about it two ways.
    One is what ALF suggested, change it to get rid of the hyphen and then be consistent about using your maiden name for work and then DH's name for everything else. But because you've used the hyphen for a year, people may keep on using it and need to be reminded and corrected anyway.

    The other is that if you keep using the hyphen you may eventually fall into a routine with it. Unless you change pharmacies and jobs frequently, you may be able to gain some consistency and avoid confusion. Maybe talk to IT at your work and find a solution for the email issues? And maybe after two years people won't need to be corrected and reminded anymore? As for airlines, just put as much of the name as you can. You can't possibly be the first or last person with a name too long to fit, so it really falls to the airline to take care of that problem.

     
  14. You have chosen to ignore posts from framerican51008. Show framerican51008's posts

    Re: Name change regrets?

    Hi Beags!
    I think part of it's normal given it's been less than a year.  We've been married just over a year and I changed my last name, and I also have to deal with some issues because I have updated some things and not others.  I have to remember to sign former name for credit card and married name for debit, for example.

    Can you have your work set it up so that various email addresses still get to you?  Even though I changed my email address at work, if someone were to email me at name.formername@work.com, it would still get to me.

    Also this is kind of random, but I have never had to show an ID to pick up someone else's prescription so I wonder why DH would have an issue with it.  He doesn't need to tell them it's not for him - just say the name and sign away.
     
  15. You have chosen to ignore posts from cosmogirl. Show cosmogirl's posts

    Re: Name change regrets?

    My DH picks up my Rxs all the time with no problem and I kept my own name.

    Trying to go by your maiden name at work but not elsewhere is tricky.  Your work needs to use your legal name as it affects payroll, tax withholding, social security, health insurance, travel arrangements, and your legal signature on documents.

    I suspect part of your problem, beagles, was because maybe you didn't make "the switch" officially, all at one time. 

    Ideally, you come back from your honeymoon, you get your email, voice mail, business cards, etc. changed immediately to your new name or hyphenated name, and send an email to all your clients and co-workers announcing the change.  Problems occur when it's a "soft" change - that you just "ease into" without the big formal announcement.

    I'm very glad that I kept my name and did not incur these problems.  We get Christmas cards, invites, etc. addressed to Mr. and Mrs. Bud Wiser, but it doesn't bother me a bit.  I just keep using our two-name address labels and realize people will figure it out eventually. 

    Good luck! 
     
  16. You have chosen to ignore posts from trex509. Show trex509's posts

    Re: Name change regrets?

    Fram:  with the new Hippa (hippo?) privacy laws, actually he shoudln't be able to pick up your prescriptions if the names don't match.  However, FI picks mine up at CVS no problem now, so I'm figuring it will be the same after we're married (I don't plan to change my name).

    Oh and on the original topic, I think that hyphenating is the most confusing way to change your name.  I think it is much easier for people to get used to you either keeping your name or changing it, but using both is just harder.  Sorry it is such a pain!
     
  17. You have chosen to ignore posts from spinningwheel. Show spinningwheel's posts

    Re: Name change regrets?

    Thanks for posting this!  Especially since I'm mere weeks away from my wedding and I'm STILL obsessing over what to do about this.  (Though I got some good advice in a post a bunch of weeks ago.)
     
  18. You have chosen to ignore posts from spinningwheel. Show spinningwheel's posts

    Re: Name change regrets?

    In Response to Re: Name change regrets?:
    In Response to Re: Name change regrets? : That's funny.  I only call opposing counsel by their first name when it's someone I like.  Apparently, I'm doing it wrong. I just hate when people call me "Attorney LastName."  It makes me feel like an imposter. 
    Posted by lucy7368

    My old boss did the nickname thing, and it drove people crazy.  And I had one opposing attorney who always used sir or madam when he wanted to be annoying.  And it was. 

    And I HATE being called Attorney LastName.  Not sure why it bugs me so much, but to me, attorney is a position/profession, not a title, so it just sounds weird to me.
     
  19. You have chosen to ignore posts from lucy7368. Show lucy7368's posts

    Re: Name change regrets?

    In Response to Re: Name change regrets?:
    IAnd I HATE being called Attorney LastName.  Not sure why it bugs me so much, but to me, attorney is a position/profession, not a title, so it just sounds weird to me.
    Posted by spinningwheel


    Every time I hear it (or see it on a letter), I look around to see who they're talking to.
     
  20. You have chosen to ignore posts from Scorpio75. Show Scorpio75's posts

    Re: Name change regrets?

    I am not a fan of hyphen names so I didn't get one but if it is something you want then you should definately take your HR and IT department to task.  Hyphenated names are not a novel concept, and are quite common in many countries as the standard thing to do and I bet there is a normal way around it but HR an IT are too lazy to do it unless they are forced to do so.  I am big into being your own advocate.

    Whirled I don't get the feminisim argument either.  For me my identity is in my first name and not my last, even if that is not the case legally.  So changing my last name was still a bit emotional but I didn't see it as some big statement one way or another.

    Of course I am not in a profession that relies on licenses and I am not publishing research so I bet that makes my decision easier than it would for others.
     
  21. You have chosen to ignore posts from lucy7368. Show lucy7368's posts

    Re: Name change regrets?

    Scorpio, I've published research articles, and I'm in a profession that relies on licenses and I STILL can't wait to ditch my name and take his.  Hyphenating is not an option, as that would make my last name 17 letters and my full name 31.

    To each her own, though.

    ETA:  By the way, I still have about 70 copies of one of the articles in my closet, if anyone would like one.  Wink
     
  22. You have chosen to ignore posts from NYEBride2010. Show NYEBride2010's posts

    Re: Name change regrets?

    Thanks for posting on this Beagles. I was just starting to ponder this question and even asked my minister about options for the name change. I always thought I would change my name especially because people get my maiden name wrong sometimes and it's 3 letters.  It's such a hard thing to decide on and be totally confident in your choice when people get it wrong.  I'm thinking of moving my maiden to my middle (I don't have a legal middle name anyways) like Alf's suggestion and use my maiden in work and Fi's everywhere else. 
     
  23. You have chosen to ignore posts from framerican51008. Show framerican51008's posts

    Re: Name change regrets?

    In Response to Re: Name change regrets?:
    In Response to Re: Name change regrets? : Did everyone that changed their name do this? I am still using my name for work and pretty much all other purposes because I haven't changed it with SS yet. I am most likely going to change it legally but still thinking about it. Since I haven't yet, does this mean I should expect complete confusion if/when I get around to it?
    Posted by cicirose


    I can't remember exactly, but I think I didn't change anything until I had gone to SS 2-3 months after the wedding.  I see Cosmo's point, but most people at work don't even know you got married, so I don't think it makes a difference if you make the change official right away or a little while later, but I do agree that you should make some kind of announcement/make it clear. 
    I also still have my former name in my email signature in case people get confused: First (Former) Last.
     
  24. You have chosen to ignore posts from WhirledPeasPlease. Show WhirledPeasPlease's posts

    Re: Name change regrets?

    In Response to Re: Name change regrets?:
    In Response to Re: Name change regrets? : Did everyone that changed their name do this? I am still using my name for work and pretty much all other purposes because I haven't changed it with SS yet. I am most likely going to change it legally but still thinking about it. Since I haven't yet, does this mean I should expect complete confusion if/when I get around to it?
    Posted by cicirose

    I did it right away; I went to the SS office the day after we got back from our honeymoon and then to the DMV as soon as I got my new SS card in the mail. Both were surprisingly easy; I was preparing for several hours in line and a couple more hours arguing with them about paperwork or whatever else they usually tell you is wrong. 

    I also switched jobs recently after changing my name, which made things really easy because no one knew my former name so there couldn't be any confusion (not that I'm suggesting that everyone who changes their names needs to get a new job...). 

    Oh, and I didn't say this earlier because I thought it might read as snarky, but I agree with those who said that hyphenating is annoying/confusing on its own. To me, it's indecisive. Change it or don't change it, but hyphenating gets long and perplexing after awhile. What do you name your kids?

     
  25. You have chosen to ignore posts from ilovebeagles. Show ilovebeagles's posts

    Re: Name change regrets?

    I agree - hyphenated names are a pain!!
    Oh, we decided the kids would be DH's name, no way would I hyphenate my kids names (no offense to anyone who did!)

    I guess my main issue is the only reason I hyphenated was for work - I have to have my maiden name as part of my legal name for work. I could not just move it to my middle name.
    I wanted to change to DHs for my personal life.

    But, I am now stuck in a neither-either world, and a lot of hassle and confusion. I guess I could have foreseen it, but I thought it would be so easy - personal life is DH, work is maiden! So, I thought I was getting the best of both worlds, but I am so not!!

    I also found out I have to pay $165 to change it again. ugh!!!!
    I
    n Response to Re: Name change regrets?:
    In Response to Re: Name change regrets? : I did it right away; I went to the SS office the day after we got back from our honeymoon and then to the DMV as soon as I got my new SS card in the mail. Both were surprisingly easy; I was preparing for several hours in line and a couple more hours arguing with them about paperwork or whatever else they usually tell you is wrong.  I also switched jobs recently after changing my name, which made things really easy because no one knew my former name so there couldn't be any confusion (not that I'm suggesting that everyone who changes their names needs to get a new job...).  Oh, and I didn't say this earlier because I thought it might read as snarky, but I agree with those who said that hyphenating is annoying/confusing on its own. To me, it's indecisive. Change it or don't change it, but hyphenating gets long and perplexing after awhile. What do you name your kids?
    Posted by WhirledPeasPlease

     

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