new to board - wedding guest dilemma

  1. You have chosen to ignore posts from Sept2010Bride. Show Sept2010Bride's posts

    Re: new to board - wedding guest dilemma

    Goodness, I REALLY wanted it...:( I also thought 10/10/10 was SO cool. But now that I think about it, I have a feeling it is going to be really popular.
     
  2. You have chosen to ignore posts from Brighton1. Show Brighton1's posts

    Re: new to board - wedding guest dilemma

    In Response to Re: new to board - wedding guest dilemma:
    [QUOTE]Hi Clocktower, Yes, Friday weddings are becoming more common.  But I'm sure the bride and groom are aware that it is less convenient than a weekend, and will understand if people cannot take the time off from work.  So if you and your family can't get the time off, just send your regrets. A close friend of mine got married on a Friday afternoon, and FI and I took the day off.  We couldn't imagine missing their wedding!  And it was a beautiful start to the weekend. Regarding traffic, depending on where you are coming from, if you plan to be at the ceremony site by 3:30 pm (for a 4 PM wedding), you should miss most of the evening traffic up 128.  Then, at say 5 PM when you drive into Boston for the reception, you will be going opposite the traffic, so hopefully it won't be too bad. Good luck with your decision.
    Posted by trex509[/QUOTE]

    Getting into the city on a Friday night most likely means heading south on 93.  Southbound traffic usually backs up through the tunnel, often into Somerville and Medford, so you're not going against the traffic;  there is no going against the traffic in Boston. 
     
  3. You have chosen to ignore posts from cicirose. Show cicirose's posts

    Re: new to board - wedding guest dilemma

    In Response to Re: new to board - wedding guest dilemma:
    [QUOTE]Ok, this is a little OT...would people be more likely to reply "no" to a Friday wedding or a Sunday wedding?
    Posted by Sept2010Bride[/QUOTE]

    I would not reply "no" to either unless there were other reasons. However, if it was a Sunday evening wedding, I probably would not stay very late.
     
  4. You have chosen to ignore posts from Goodness1. Show Goodness1's posts

    Re: new to board - wedding guest dilemma

    Anyone's feelings of being attacked are clearly not the case.  I know these boards very well.  I was on the relationship boards before I came onto the wedding boards.  You're not always going to like what people have to say, but you have to take it with the grain of salt.  In any case, I know why I come on these boards... to get the cold, hard truth. 

     
  5. You have chosen to ignore posts from trex509. Show trex509's posts

    Re: new to board - wedding guest dilemma

    I have been to many weddings on the Sunday of Columbus Day weekend.  I think it is great that you get the discount and people usually have the next day off so they don't have to leave early. 

    Friday vs Sunday?  I prefer Sunday because you don't have to take the vacation day.  Although, for a close friend, I'd be there regardless of the day (even if it was a Tuesday).

    PS.  Clocktower, I'm sorry you feel so attacked.  But you asked for our opinions, and that is what you got.  Also, we tend to keep discussing the issues in a general way long past when the original question has been answered, so it is not just at you.
     
  6. You have chosen to ignore posts from Brighton1. Show Brighton1's posts

    Re: new to board - wedding guest dilemma

    In Response to Re: new to board - wedding guest dilemma:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: new to board - wedding guest dilemma : That's when I'm having mine this year.  A lot of people have Columbus Day off from work. 
    Posted by Goodness1[/QUOTE]

    I'd still go to a wedding on that Sunday, but I know very few people who actually get Columbus Day off.  Aside from teachers and maybe state workers, for most of us it's business as usual. 
     
  7. You have chosen to ignore posts from heatherv1211. Show heatherv1211's posts

    Re: new to board - wedding guest dilemma

    Wow.  I say forget it and retract the question, and you "ladies" have to continue to bash me.  Can't you end it?  Taking a day off from work is stressful in the healthcare industry.  I guess you can only see your perspective.  I didn't come here to "vent and hope you would agree" I also didn't come here to get personally attacked.  I came for your perspective on what a bride would think if she knew it was stressful.  I guess I got my answer.  I can see why the Boston boards are dying - you people are vipers.
    Posted by clocktower1

    Clocktower - I'm not sure what you meant when you wrote "your perspective" - you got about 10 perspectives answering your post, people giving their own opinions.  When you ask a question to an online forum, aren't you looking for feedback and multiple opinions?  I don't think anyone was cruel or hurtful to you - we certainly didn't call you names, as you did us. 

    It's too bad you pulled your post down - I think a lot more people would have chimed in over the next few days that haven't had a chance to write yet.  You might have gotten a lot MORE opinions.

    We didn't know you were in the healthcare field, and we also have no idea when this wedding is.  If it's in 3 days and you just got notice, our answers probably would have been very different.  Because we only had limited information, I think probably we assumed (sorry in advance - I'm speaking for others here) that you got the invitation with the normal amount of time (a couple of months).  Since the wedding is of a very close family member, you probably got even more notice than that, as those pieces of news tend to fly quickly within family.  I personally would love to know more information, as this is what my answer was based on since it's all the info we had.

    Good luck with whatever you decide.
     
  8. You have chosen to ignore posts from WhirledPeasPlease. Show WhirledPeasPlease's posts

    Re: new to board - wedding guest dilemma

    Why is the post gone? I didn't see anyone attacking the poster; people said if it's an inconvenience, don't go and don't worry about it. Their church won't be empty.

    My wedding was a Friday night and we had most people coming from out of town. We knew that people would have to take off work and if they couldn't get a day off, they couldn't make it. No big deal. The B&G won't hold it against you for not taking the time off work. At the same time, they probably had reasons for having it on a Friday. We saved $6k over doing it Saturday. We didn't want Sunday because we were going for an evening shindig. They're not doing it to make your life difficult; don't stress about it.

    My college roommate, who lives 8 hours away, told me, "I wouldn't miss your wedding if it was on Mars on a national holiday."

    If you can't go, OP, send your regrets and don't worry about it. People here aren't attacking you; they're just saying that this isn't a terrible thing.
     
  9. You have chosen to ignore posts from ilovebeagles. Show ilovebeagles's posts

    Re: new to board - wedding guest dilemma

    I go to the wedding whenever they invite me- friday, saturday, sunday or a tuesday.

    However, I am not a fan of three day weekend weddings, only because my parents have a lake house, and we always go up memorial day, labor day, and the fourth of july. If I have a wedding on any day, I usually cant go.
    That is my and DH's really only vacations during the year, and we really enjoy it there.

    However, in the past three years, I have had a wedding or shower or bachelorette on one of my three day weekend every year. And I have gone to all three. The holidays do come around every year, while those events dont (or at least we hope not lol!)
     
  10. You have chosen to ignore posts from ilovebeagles. Show ilovebeagles's posts

    Re: new to board - wedding guest dilemma

    And to clocktower:

    If you cant get out of work, then you cant get out of work. The bride will understand since she planned the 4 pm ceremony.
    If you can, great. I know the bride will be pleased.

    As for her thought process, you could always ask her why she picked the Friday.
    Maybe the venue was booked for Saturday, maybe it is her and DH's first date anniversary, maybe they couldnt meet the minimum on Saturday, maybe you all had to stay 2 nights in the hotel block for a Saturday wedding and she thought that would be asking a lot of guests versus a few hours off work?

    We dont know her and only have your short story to go on -we simply cant help you there.

    I guess I am confused what you are looking for from us?

    It is not like she can or is going to change the ceremony date now. Plus, I am suprised you only found out it was on a Friday when the invitation came, how close of a niece is this?

     
  11. You have chosen to ignore posts from miss-cellaneousJones. Show miss-cellaneousJones's posts

    Re: new to board - wedding guest dilemma

    Also, IMO, accepting to attend a Friday evening wedding does not give one an excuse to skip the ceremony and only show up for the reception! :)
     
  12. You have chosen to ignore posts from trex509. Show trex509's posts

    Re: new to board - wedding guest dilemma

    Clocktower:  please don't take this the wrong way, but do you really think she should rearrange her wedding to accomodate one guest, YOU?  I'm sorry that it is so stressful for you and that it is so difficult for you to take the time off to be able to make the ceremony.  However, you must also look at it from her perspective:  she cannot accomodate everyone and she probably chose Friday afternoon because it was most convenient for HER.

    I'm also very sorry if we came across as being rude to you.  We really are just voicing our opinions and unfortunately, most of us agree with the bride.

    I really hope you can manage to figure out a way to make it for the ceremony because it is obviously very important to you.  Good luck!
     
  13. You have chosen to ignore posts from pinkkittie27. Show pinkkittie27's posts

    Re: new to board - wedding guest dilemma

    The thought process is that to have the wedding of your dreams, but be able to afford it, sometimes you have to cut corners.
    That can mean trimming the guest list, skipping flowers, or having your wedding off-season or on a weekday.
    I'm sorry that you feel that the bride was inconsiderate in picking her date.
    However, I assure you she didn't pick your date to spite you or create hardships for anyone.
    I know that summer Saturday evening weddings are the easiest for guests to attend. However, the fact that they are ideal and the most desirable makes it so that a summer Saturday evening wedding is the most expensive type of wedding to have. Becvause it is so crazy expensive, not everyone is lucky enough to be able to have a summer Saturday evening wedding.
    But you must understand that the ones who are sacrificing the most is the bride and groom. So many of their family and friends will not be able to make their wedding because of the date. But in order to have the wedding they can afford, this is what they felt was their best option.

    I hope you will be able to attend the reception and have a good time, and maybe see the ceremony on video. Just don't see this choice fo a date as something being done to you, but as something that just had to be.

    In Response to Re: new to board - wedding guest dilemma:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: new to board - wedding guest dilemma : I wasn't coming back - but - you are all missing the point of my post completely.  I am a close family member with a job that is very difficult to get Fridays off.  The bride is a beloved family member who is getting married at 4pm on a Friday.  I DO NOT WANT TO MISS THE CEREMONY.  This is causing all kinds of stress for me because I DON'T WANT TO MISS THE CEREMONY.  NOT HAVING ME THERE WILL MAKE HER SAD, AND ME VERY SAD.  I posted because I was trying to understand the bridal thought process when planning and the consideration/lack of consideration of the hardships it causes loving FAMILY when they have to perform miracles to get to the ceremony.  I have to either miss the ceremony (very important part of the whole day) and arrive later at the reception or move heaven and earth to get out of work.  Obviously you all think I am self centered (calling me Miss Inconvenienced).  I am a relative in pain trying to navigate a rediculous situation.  Thanks for understanding.
    Posted by clocktower1[/QUOTE]
     
  14. You have chosen to ignore posts from June09. Show June09's posts

    Re: new to board - wedding guest dilemma

    I had a Friday night wedding, granted it wasn't in Boston, the ceremony and reception were at the same place and most guests were local to the venue. We chose Friday because the place was booked every Saturday through the summer/fall of the year we wanted to get married. We didn't want a winter wedding and we didn't want to be engaged for longer than a year. It doesn't really matter what you do or when you do it, someone will be inconvenienced. When planning a wedding you have to realize early on that you will not be able to please everybody. That was most likely what the bride was thinking. (Also, with a Boston venue, they're probably saving big $$ by not having it on a Saturday)

    We realized not everyone would make it to the ceremony and we were fine with that. We realized some people would not be able to make it at all and we were fine with that, too.

    Does the bride know how hard it is for you to get time off of work? It's not realistic to think that she knows everyone's situation, even if she is family, or even to expect that she could find something that worked for everyone...
     
  15. You have chosen to ignore posts from dkb6248. Show dkb6248's posts

    Re: new to board - wedding guest dilemma

    Clocktower - when is the wedding? 

    Most people have already answered your question about the reasons for the B&G choosing a Friday - it was probably a LOT cheaper for them, but there could be other reasons.  If you are a close family member, why not ask the mother of the bride or someone who is helping plan the wedding if you really want to know their reasons?

    My wedding was on a Saturday, a normal day for weddings.  My grandmother had to move heaven and earth to get time off to come from out of town, and she did it and we were both happy.  It doesn't matter when a wedding is planned...it is always going to be hard for someone to come.
     
  16. You have chosen to ignore posts from downtoearth. Show downtoearth's posts

    Re: new to board - wedding guest dilemma

    You women are hysterical.  Not one, "Welcome to the boards!"  Not one, "I understand!" 

    Clocky - I understand why you are upset and I would be too.  Have you asked your cousin?  It is entirely possible that she doesn't understand how inflexible your hours are.  Or, like some have suggested, she may have other reasons for chosing a Friday night wedding.

    But here is where the 'advice' comes in.  Unfortunately you have to do what you have to do.  You may miss the ceremony.  When you respond to the invitation, you can respond in writing by saying something like, I am so so sorry I won't be there for your wedding ceremony, but I am looking forward to the reception - wouldn't miss it!!" 

    Then call her (before she gets the response) and tell her specifically that you tried to get work off and simply cannot.  And tell her how sorry you are to be missing part of the day but looking forward to seeing her at the reception. 

    Bride mindset?  I think you may have been treated to a small hint of that here today! lol  but this is not some 'bride.'  It is your close relative and you love her.  So be open with her.  AB 
     
  17. You have chosen to ignore posts from SilverFestiva. Show SilverFestiva's posts

    Re: new to board - wedding guest dilemma

    awww I missed the whole thing!
     
  18. You have chosen to ignore posts from trex509. Show trex509's posts

    Re: new to board - wedding guest dilemma

    Wow, I'm starting to get offended.  In this thread we've been called: vipers, b*tches, heartless and now hysterical.  seriously, if you aren't ready for people's opinions, don't post in a public forum.

    Not sure if you saw all of Clocktower's original posts, but she is obviously very upset and mainly was looking for someone to agree with her.  When we didn't she got very upset and took it very personally, when we are really just trying to help her understand it from the brides point of view.  If she really must be at the wedding, maybe she should offer to pay the extra 20% so the bride can have it on a Saturday!

    ETA:  clocktower, I am not of the mindset "it is my day".  I am of the mindset "weddings are wicked expensive and you have to do what you have to do in order to have one".  Your bride is quite lucky that the parents are paying for the wedding.
     
  19. You have chosen to ignore posts from pinkkittie27. Show pinkkittie27's posts

    Re: new to board - wedding guest dilemma

    I assure you that the bride's midset was not to pick a date and time where it would be difficult to attend so that your family would be mad at you.
    Again, this is not something being done to you. It's something that's just been done for some other reason. It's not a personal slight, it's not an attempt to create hardship for guests. That's just the way you're looking at it.
    "Nothing is good or bad, but thinking makes it so."- from Shakespeare's Hamlet

    In Response to Re: new to board - wedding guest dilemma:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: new to board - wedding guest dilemma : Then why post at all?  I was clear what I was looking for in my last post.  Perhaps you brides can just take a cautionary from my distress on being put in such a sad position.  Brides need to know some of us do NEED to be there (it is a command performance for close family) and they need to remember what our work situations are and be kind.  As for "just finding out" we knew it was a Friday and begged her to reconsider.  We didn't know the TIME until the invite arrived.  Thanks for questioning how "close" our family is.  Thanks for being heartless.  you really don't get it.
    Posted by clocktower1[/QUOTE]
     
  20. You have chosen to ignore posts from Sept2010Bride. Show Sept2010Bride's posts

    Re: new to board - wedding guest dilemma

    In Response to Re: new to board - wedding guest dilemma:
    [QUOTE]awww I missed the whole thing!
    Posted by amschnittger[/QUOTE]

    LOL, A-M. Not even worth your time. Apparently we are vipers, b*tches and horrible women.
     
  21. You have chosen to ignore posts from ALF72. Show ALF72's posts

    Re: new to board - wedding guest dilemma

    Why was the original post deleted?  Thsi is far from a hostile response.

    People can plan weddings for whatever day or time they want. If you can't make it, that's unfortunate.  We did plan our wedding around the schedule of VIPs.  In fact, we had planned to get married on a Saturday in April, but DH's brother, SIL and kids would not be able to make it b/c the state legislature would still be in session and DH's brother would not be able to get the time off.  So we ended up moving it to the next available Saturday, which happened to be Memorial Day weekend.  Did that probably mess up people's vacation plans? Yes, but too bad. Really, too bad. We made sure that VIPs would be able to be there [parents, brothers and sisters] and that was it. You cannot check the schedule of every single person when planning your wedding. 

    I find it hard to believe that a place of employment would give someone a hard time for taking a Friday off to attend the wedding of a close family member. Bring in the invitation as proof that you actually have a wedding to go to and that you aren't just going to the beach. Most places only give people a hard time about taking Fridays off b/c they don't like people making a long weekend out of it.  Which is just silly b/c if you are entitled to time off, you should be able to take the time off w/o jumping through hoops. 
     
  22. You have chosen to ignore posts from trex509. Show trex509's posts

    Re: new to board - wedding guest dilemma

    Yeah, tell me about it.  i have never felt attacked in a thread before, this is a first for me.  Yet somehow in Clocktower's mind, we are the bad guys.  And yes: she called us both vipers and heartless.

    In Response to Re: new to board - wedding guest dilemma:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: new to board - wedding guest dilemma : LOL, A-M. Not even worth your time. Apparently we are vipers, b*tches and horrible women.
    Posted by Sept2010Bride[/QUOTE]
     
  23. You have chosen to ignore posts from Scorpio75. Show Scorpio75's posts

    Re: new to board - wedding guest dilemma

    In Response to Re: new to board - wedding guest dilemma:
    [QUOTE]Downtoearth - thank you for getting it.  Yes, I have spoken already to the B's mom.  She is actually paying for the entire thing.  I love her and she loves me -so I did not go at her with claws out.  She realizes how stressful this is for me, and for the family members who are school teachers (they have the same problem, they don't get vacation days, only sick days).  We agreed not to upset her daughter.  I guess coming here was a mistake - I'm more upset now than I was before.  I guess I now realize the general "bride mindset" here is "it's my day."  I know that is not how my bride feels, and that is why I AM SO STRESSED.  I don't want to let her down, but why oh why do churches allow such a stupid time for a wedding!!!!! Thanks for the kind thoughts.
    Posted by clocktower1[/QUOTE]

    Why do churches allow "such a stupid time"?  Umm because it is not a stupid time and churches are apt to want to encourage marriage so they are open to having them when a couple would like them within reason of course.  I am guessing the church doesn't have a whole lot of stuff going on on a Friday afternoon so it would be a great time for them.

    And I have to say based on your posts, about family members asking the bride not to have it on a Friday and the bride's Mom knowing it would be difficult for your family (based on your previous post you make it seem like there are a number of school teachers and others in the family where it is well know that getting time off of work is difficult at best) then they are where you should be directing your anger and not us for pointing out reasons why a bride and groom would pick a Friday.

    As a bride I floated the idea of when we wanted the wedding with my family and his family before we booked anything because we wanted the most people to be able to come.  It doesn't sound like your family member did the same for you, or if she did she ignored it.  It sounds like she is the one with the attitude of "its my day" and not the rest of us that are pointing out why a Friday could have been chosen.
     
  24. You have chosen to ignore posts from Goodness1. Show Goodness1's posts

    Re: new to board - wedding guest dilemma

    In Response to Re: new to board - wedding guest dilemma:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: new to board - wedding guest dilemma : Then why post at all?  I was clear what I was looking for in my last post.  Perhaps you brides can just take a cautionary from my distress on being put in such a sad position.  Brides need to know some of us do NEED to be there (it is a command performance for close family) and they need to remember what our work situations are and be kind.  As for "just finding out" we knew it was a Friday and begged her to reconsider.  We didn't know the TIME until the invite arrived.  Thanks for questioning how "close" our family is.  Thanks for being heartless.  you really don't get it.
    Posted by clocktower1[/QUOTE]

    I am very close to my family members, too.  But, if someone asked me ("begged me to reconsider") and change my wedding date, I don't think so.  I can see that it would make sense to accommodate 100 out of 200 guests.  But, to accommodate a few out of 200, no. 

    I don't think anyone on these boards is being "heartless".  No offense, but how could you openly ask someone to change their wedding date to fit your scheduling needs?  Family or not.  Try and take the time off if you can.  If you can't, then try and make it to the reception.  If you STILL can't, then kindly send your regrets. 

    Look, we all have jobs here, for the most part, and we all have sacrifices to make in life, in general.  You can't always assume that people will make special arrangements to suit your needs.  Yes, life would be lovely that way, but it literally barely happens.

    I remember when I was asking my job for time off to get married and go on honeymoon.  I am not lying when I tell you that I had to speak to my supervisor twice, BEG her to let me take time off, and eventually had to go speak with HR about the time off request.  I told them that I'm willing to take the time unpaid.

    See, we all make sacrifices.  Mine was to take time unpaid in order to accommodate my needs... by getting married and going on honeymoon. 
     
  25. You have chosen to ignore posts from Sept2010Bride. Show Sept2010Bride's posts

    Re: new to board - wedding guest dilemma

    In Response to Re: new to board - wedding guest dilemma:
    [QUOTE]Why was the original post deleted?  Thsi is far from a hostile response. People can plan weddings for whatever day or time they want. If you can't make it, that's unfortunate.  We did plan our wedding around the schedule of VIPs.  In fact, we had planned to get married on a Saturday in April, but DH's brother, SIL and kids would not be able to make it b/c the state legislature would still be in session and DH's brother would not be able to get the time off.  So we ended up moving it to the next available Saturday, which happened to be Memorial Day weekend.  Did that probably mess up people's vacation plans? Yes, but too bad. Really, too bad. We made sure that VIPs would be able to be there [parents, brothers and sisters] and that was it. You cannot check the schedule of every single person when planning your wedding.  I find it hard to believe that a place of employment would give someone a hard time for taking a Friday off to attend the wedding of a close family member. Bring in the invitation as proof that you actually have a wedding to go to and that you aren't just going to the beach. Most places only give people a hard time about taking Fridays off b/c they don't like people making a long weekend out of it.  Which is just silly b/c if you are entitled to time off, you should be able to take the time off w/o jumping through hoops. 
    Posted by ALF72[/QUOTE]

    I really honestly do not think I could have worded it better myself.
     

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