new to board - wedding guest dilemma

  1. You have chosen to ignore posts from heatherv1211. Show heatherv1211's posts

    Re: new to board - wedding guest dilemma

    AB - I was wondering if you would contribute to this discussion!! :)

    I think part of why Clocktower did not get a warmer welcome is because her original post had a very "what's WRONG with this SELFISH bride!!!" feel to it.  (I would like to be able to re-read it, but it's been deleted.)  It did not say, "how do I tell her I may not make her wedding and how sad that makes me??" it pretty much said, "why is she making this so stressful for her guests??"  So people proceeded to give opinions but may have been slightly defensive of the bride. 

    The history of this board, in my experience, has been that when new posters come cheerfully on board, say hello, give us a bit of history, they get a warm welcome.  That's not how this post originated, so that's not where it went.
     
  2. You have chosen to ignore posts from WhirledPeasPlease. Show WhirledPeasPlease's posts

    Re: new to board - wedding guest dilemma

    Clocktower, we're trying to explain the mindset for why people sometimes choose Fridays. We're trying to calm you down by saying that the bride isn't out to make you miserable, Friday just may have been most convenient for 90% of the family. They're not trying to exclude you; they're trying to accommodate everyone they can, but someone will, unfortunately, always be left out.

    Talk to the bride and explain your work situation. Tell her that you may only make the reception. She'll probably be thrilled that you're rushing from work to her reception and she'll get to see you there.

    AuntBeth, the whole time I've read these boards, you've always been insightful, kind, and offered levity to tense threads. It's disappointing to see your recent disdain for the women posting, though. I don't understand why we're suddenly "hysterical" and why you comment on wishing you hadn't come back on other threads. I'm sorry you feel that way; you had a fresh perspective on many topics and it's unfortunate that you seem to think we've become vicious. 

    No one is attacking here, though. People have always been blunt on here, but still respectful. One person said something about "Ms. Inconvenience," but that was rather mild. There's no need to call these women vipers, b!itches, etc. We're trying to help. We simply have different opinions.
     
  3. You have chosen to ignore posts from downtoearth. Show downtoearth's posts

    Re: new to board - wedding guest dilemma

     If she really must be at the wedding, maybe she should offer to pay the extra 20% so the bride can have it on a Saturday!

    Oh, now that is helpful!! (sarcasm, by the way.) 

    People can plan weddings for whatever day or time they want.

    Alf - you're right (hi, btw!) But that wasn't the issue.  The issue is how hurt Clocky is and wondering why she was left out.

    AB, don't call us hysterical. What are you? The Queen and ruler of all BDC?

    I am someone who used to enjoy giving good advice to nice people planning a huge event.  I rarely hang out here anymore because I don't enjoy the tone of many of the conversations.  And, ummm, who are you? I don't recall ever having a conversation with you before today. 

    Downtoearth - thank you for getting it.

    Clocky - you are quick!! I don't see this post. I only see a reply to it!! My, you come and go so quickly!!

    Ok, regroup and everyone play nice. 
     
  4. You have chosen to ignore posts from Sept2010Bride. Show Sept2010Bride's posts

    Re: new to board - wedding guest dilemma

    AB, just because you haven't spoken to me, doesn't mean I am not here.....

     
  5. You have chosen to ignore posts from Scorpio75. Show Scorpio75's posts

    Re: new to board - wedding guest dilemma

    In Response to Re: new to board - wedding guest dilemma:
    [QUOTE]  AB, don't call us hysterical. What are you? The Queen and ruler of all BDC? I am someone who used to enjoy giving good advice to nice people planning a huge event.  I rarely hang out here anymore because I don't enjoy the tone of many of the conversations.  And, ummm, who are you? I don't recall ever having a conversation with you before today. 
    Posted by downtoearth[/QUOTE]

    Sept has been around for a while, if you had stayed with the boards you would know this.  However even if she was brand new today of course she has the right to ask if you are the Queen and ruler of BDC.

    You have said a few times you don't like the tone and you are leaving, yet you always come back. 

    I feel the tone has been appropriate based on how the original post was written adn the CAPS that may have been used to add some oompf to her post.  Your original response was a bit lame considering you didn't see the original post, so commenting on responses that people wrote that actually saw the original post is a bit lame.

    Feel free to stick around because as another posted said you used to give good advice, but please if you could stop writing that you hate what the boards have become. 
     
  6. You have chosen to ignore posts from trex509. Show trex509's posts

    Re: new to board - wedding guest dilemma

    AB:  I really would like to know if you saw all the original posts.  Clocky was quite mean and defensive.  So maybe we got a little mean back.  Nice of you to jump in at the end and pretend to be the hall monitor.  Who put you in charge?

    And I do think it is interesting that Clocktower can post mean comments at us, then deletes them, and then pretends to be the victim.  The truth is that she is being selfish.  The invitations have already gone out to 200 guests and she seems to think it is okay to talk to the MOB about changing it. 

    And, she started the name calling.
     
  7. You have chosen to ignore posts from downtoearth. Show downtoearth's posts

    Re: new to board - wedding guest dilemma

    In Response to Re: new to board - wedding guest dilemma:
    [QUOTE]AB - I was wondering if you would contribute to this discussion!! :) I think part of why Clocktower did not get a warmer welcome is because her original post had a very "what's WRONG with this SELFISH bride!!!" feel to it.  (I would like to be able to re-read it, but it's been deleted.)  It did not say, "how do I tell her I may not make her wedding and how sad that makes me??" it pretty much said, "why is she making this so stressful for her guests??"  So people proceeded to give opinions but may have been slightly defensive of the bride.  The history of this board, in my experience, has been that when new posters come cheerfully on board, say hello, give us a bit of history, they get a warm welcome.  That's not how this post originated, so that's not where it went.
    Posted by heatherv1211[/QUOTE]

    It is true I did not see the original post. 
     
  8. You have chosen to ignore posts from heatherv1211. Show heatherv1211's posts

    Re: new to board - wedding guest dilemma

    um... you tell US we're rude?  now you, AB, are stereotyping and doing just want you constantly admonish others for doing?  am I not supposed to be offended at that comment? 

    it was either an innocent oversight, or you are a hypocrite.

    In Response to Re: new to board - wedding guest dilemma:
    [QUOTE]  As helphelpimsmarterthanyou always says, "mustn't upset the Heathers!"
    Posted by downtoearth[/QUOTE]
     
  9. You have chosen to ignore posts from Brighton1. Show Brighton1's posts

    Re: new to board - wedding guest dilemma

    AB IS the Queen and ruler of all BDC.
     
  10. You have chosen to ignore posts from pinkkittie27. Show pinkkittie27's posts

    Re: new to board - wedding guest dilemma

    All of those quotes you pulled were from after the OP let the bile fly and started calling people names.
    I noticed that, even though OP deleting her posts makes it tricky to understand who said what and when.

    Ansd your comment to Sept was just vicious, and ironically you followed it up by calling US heathers after YOU'RE the one asking "who are you?" as if Sept has to grovel to you because you're prom queen in the BDC high school.
    I mean really, practice what you preach, AB.

    In Response to Re: new to board - wedding guest dilemma:
    [QUOTE] If she really must be at the wedding, maybe she should offer to pay the extra 20% so the bride can have it on a Saturday! Oh, now that is helpful!! (sarcasm, by the way.)  People can plan weddings for whatever day or time they want. Alf - you're right (hi, btw!) But that wasn't the issue.  The issue is how hurt Clocky is and wondering why she was left out. AB, don't call us hysterical. What are you? The Queen and ruler of all BDC? I am someone who used to enjoy giving good advice to nice people planning a huge event.  I rarely hang out here anymore because I don't enjoy the tone of many of the conversations.  And, ummm, who are you? I don't recall ever having a conversation with you before today.  Downtoearth - thank you for getting it. Clocky - you are quick!! I don't see this post. I only see a reply to it!! My, you come and go so quickly!! Ok, regroup and everyone play nice.  I'm leaving. As helphelpimsmarterthanyou always says, "mustn't upset the Heathers!"
    Posted by downtoearth[/QUOTE]
     
  11. You have chosen to ignore posts from tibird. Show tibird's posts

    Re: new to board - wedding guest dilemma

    Wow... this thread has been so b@stardized by the removal of posts, I really wonder what I missed!  I don't see anything too snippy (at least not until the name calling by the OP started), but I also think I'm missing some posts that were deleted.
    I feel for the OP, from what I can read, but I'm sure the bride & groom had their reasons for picking that time.  I thnk many of us have been in that boat recently and can relate to many opposing forces pushing on us, which is why we weren't more sympathetic, as a whole.
    And as for vacation, not to be argumentative, but if it's really a huge deal, it should not be impossible. I had many workers from the health field at my Sunday wedding, and some were from out of state, requiring vacation time.  My DH's oncologist & radioligist both took personal time that we had to reschedule around during his treatments, hell, even the president gets to take vacation.  Employment doesn't equal slavery.  Have you discussed this with your employer yet?
     
  12. You have chosen to ignore posts from Sept2010Bride. Show Sept2010Bride's posts

    Re: new to board - wedding guest dilemma

    In Response to Re: new to board - wedding guest dilemma:
    [QUOTE]All of those quotes you pulled were from after the OP let the bile fly and started calling people names. I noticed that, even though OP deleting her posts makes it tricky to understand who said what and when. Ansd your comment to Sept was just vicious, and ironically you followed it up by calling US heathers after YOU'RE the one asking "who are you?" as if Sept has to grovel to you because you're prom queen in the BDC high school. I mean really, practice what you preach, AB. In Response to Re: new to board - wedding guest dilemma :
    Posted by pinkkittie27[/QUOTE]

    Goodness, thank you for sticking up for me, but honestly, I could care less. And if I were to vote anyone queen and ruler of the bdc, it would be NO ONE. This is a PUBLIC forum, or has no one noticed?
     
  13. You have chosen to ignore posts from Brighton1. Show Brighton1's posts

    Re: new to board - wedding guest dilemma

    In Response to Re: new to board - wedding guest dilemma:
    [QUOTE]Wow... this thread has been so b@stardized by the removal of posts, I really wonder what I missed!  I don't see anything too snippy (at least not until the name calling by the OP started), but I also think I'm missing some posts that were deleted. I feel for the OP, from what I can read, but I'm sure the bride & groom had their reasons for picking that time.  I thnk many of us have been in that boat recently and can relate to many opposing forces pushing on us, which is why we weren't more sympathetic, as a whole. And as for vacation, not to be argumentative, but if it's really a huge deal, it should not be impossible. I had many workers from the health field at my Sunday wedding, and some were from out of state, requiring vacation time.  My DH's oncologist & radioligist both took personal time that we had to rescedule around during his treatments, hell, even the president gets to take vacation.  Employment doesn't equal slavery.  Have you discussed this with your employer yet?
    Posted by tibird[/QUOTE]

    Just to paraphrase, the ceremony is on a Friday on the North Shore, the reception is immediately following in Boston.  The OP was PO'd.  I would be too.  That's a major inconvenience.  I'm cool with Friday night weddings, just don't make your guests drive all over the place during rush hour traffic.
     
  14. You have chosen to ignore posts from pinkkittie27. Show pinkkittie27's posts

    Re: new to board - wedding guest dilemma

    If we had a vote on here as to who would be queen, I'd just leave.
    And I wouldn't threaten to leave just to get attention, either. I'd just do it.

    In Response to Re: new to board - wedding guest dilemma:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: new to board - wedding guest dilemma : Goodness, thank you for sticking up for me, but honestly, I could care less. And if I were to vote anyone queen and ruler of the bdc, it would be NO ONE. This is a PUBLIC forum, or has no one noticed?
    Posted by Sept2010Bride[/QUOTE]
     
  15. You have chosen to ignore posts from downtoearth. Show downtoearth's posts

    Re: new to board - wedding guest dilemma

    Pinkie - last post I promise.

    But my "who are you" was meant to be ironic because it was in response to this:

    What are you? The Queen and ruler of all BDC?

    How in the world am I supposed to respond to that???  It was mean. And angry. 

    My use of the word, 'hysterical' was meant to mean 'very funny.'  Not 'having hysterics.'  My thought was to calm and redirect the posts away from picking on the new kid to being helpful. 

    there is an awful lot of 'picking on the new kid' and not as much 'helpful' in many posts.  Such as, for example, What are you? The Queen and ruler of all BDC?
     
  16. You have chosen to ignore posts from Sept2010Bride. Show Sept2010Bride's posts

    Re: new to board - wedding guest dilemma

    Well AB, you seem to act like your opinion is always the right one...and I am not the only one who thinks this, that for a fact, I know to be true.

    But, I am done talking about this, because I really don't care....at all.
     
  17. You have chosen to ignore posts from trex509. Show trex509's posts

    Re: new to board - wedding guest dilemma

    I'm a new kid, and everyone here has been very nice to me (other than Clocktower).  I think it depends on how you present yourself.  Clocktower did not present herself in a way looking for constructive help.  She was basically complaining that this wedding is going to be inconvenient for her and came across as selfish.

    By the way Clocktower, do you live in Waltham?  Just curious if that is where you name came from.  I used to live on Clocktower Drive.
     
  18. You have chosen to ignore posts from tibird. Show tibird's posts

    Re: new to board - wedding guest dilemma

    In Response to Re: new to board - wedding guest dilemma:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: new to board - wedding guest dilemma : I just tried to leave you a personal message, but I must be a "personal friend" to do that.  So - yes, I've deleted all my posts because I am done with this.  I was never snarky about my relative - I lamented that this was a horrible situation to be put into.  I asked for bridal perspective - but I did neglect to tell everyone that the day was chosen by the bride to save her mother money.  no harm was meant.  I did speak to MOB (very close family member) asking her to reconsider a year ago.  She didn't want to upset her daughter, and because I thought it was a 6pm wedding, I let it go too.  I only found out about 4pm yesterday, it's not a common topic, we talk about the shower, the wedding the honeymoon, the flowers, not the actually time.  Also, Bride's sister had a 6pm Friday wedding, locally so I assumed it would not be a problem. I planned to wear business attire and go straight from work.  There, now everyone knows.  Loving family, everyone trying to take care of everyone else's feelings, I am just distraught that I cannot see a way to get to the ceremony on time.  This was the wrong forum to ask for bridal perspective.  I did get attacked.  I won't upset the bride, what is done is done.  A year ago I should have asked the time.  We set our vacation schedules in January where I work (healthcare, remember????) so I don't have a lot of flexibility even two months out.  The teachers in the family have ZERO flexibility - they will be late.  Period.  Bride is adorable but caught up in her own plans.  MOB wishes she knew last year that the time was a problem, and I wish I had discussed it then.  As for insults, I agreed with Sept2010 that her tone was b*tchy (her word).  I did call many here vipers for their snarky responses, and said I was done with this board in the same breath.  I called somebody heartless for saying I should pay 20% for the wedding.  I've been told I'm unimportant, self centered, whiney and more than I can remember...this is not a healthy environment for a civil exchange.  In 10 minutes I will delete this too.  I just cannot believe how words get twisted and jumped on here.
    Posted by clocktower1[/QUOTE]

    Teachers, as well as health care workers, get personal leave time.  It is the law.
     
  19. You have chosen to ignore posts from pinkkittie27. Show pinkkittie27's posts

    Re: new to board - wedding guest dilemma

    It's really tough to say without seeing the original post. The original post always sets the tone for a thread.
    I think on here you're also dealing with a lot of brides who've had to cut corners and pick unpopular times or places in order to have the wedding they can afford, or that most of the VIPs can come to, so they're going to be defensive of any bride they feel might be in the same position.

    If clocky felt from the get-go that there was no defending the decision, then why ask?

    In Response to Re: new to board - wedding guest dilemma:
    [QUOTE]Pinkie - last post I promise. But my "who are you" was meant to be ironic because it was in response to this: What are you? The Queen and ruler of all BDC? How in the world am I supposed to respond to that???  It was mean. And angry.  My use of the word, 'hysterical' was meant to mean 'very funny.'  Not 'having hysterics.'  My thought was to calm and redirect the posts away from picking on the new kid to being helpful.  there is an awful lot of 'picking on the new kid' and not as much 'helpful' in many posts.  Such as, for example, What are you? The Queen and ruler of all BDC?
    Posted by downtoearth[/QUOTE]
     
  20. You have chosen to ignore posts from Sept2010Bride. Show Sept2010Bride's posts

    Re: new to board - wedding guest dilemma

    In Response to Re: new to board - wedding guest dilemma:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: new to board - wedding guest dilemma : Teachers, as well as health care workers, get personal leave time.  It is the law.
    Posted by tibird[/QUOTE]

    I'm calling Obama right now!!!!
     
  21. You have chosen to ignore posts from princess-cal. Show princess-cal's posts

    Re: new to board - wedding guest dilemma

    Sorry, but I don't like Fri, Sun, or holiday weekend weddings.  I understand it's the "B&G's" day, but I wouldn't want to put out my 200+ friends, I find it selfish.

     
  22. You have chosen to ignore posts from heatherv1211. Show heatherv1211's posts

    Re: new to board - wedding guest dilemma

    I used to put stock into AB's posts, but after today (especially the 'heathers' comment) i'm done.  The 'queen' is... nevermind, won't joke about it.

    and to think I had been sad that activity had quieted on these boards!
     
  23. You have chosen to ignore posts from dkb6248. Show dkb6248's posts

    Re: new to board - wedding guest dilemma

    In Response to Re: new to board - wedding guest dilemma:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: new to board - wedding guest dilemma : I asked for bridal perspective - but I did neglect to tell everyone that the day was chosen by the bride to save her mother money.  no harm was meant.  I did speak to MOB (very close family member) asking her to reconsider a year ago.  Posted by clocktower1[/QUOTE]

    Just curious, Clocktower.  If you already knew why the bride picked a Friday, why did you ask us?
     
  24. You have chosen to ignore posts from Sept2010Bride. Show Sept2010Bride's posts

    Re: new to board - wedding guest dilemma

    Dkb, I was just about to email you, and there you are!!!
     
  25. You have chosen to ignore posts from cosmogirl. Show cosmogirl's posts

    Re: new to board - wedding guest dilemma

    Of course the bride and groom can pick any day and time they want (blah blah blah) but choosing 4 p.m. on a Friday in Boston is pretty ridiculous.   The traffic is guaranteed to be a nightmare, and quite stressful for those not used to driving in Boston. 

    If the guest does everything possible to attend the ceremony but can't make it, of course she has the right to go to the reception. 
     

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