No gifts

  1. You have chosen to ignore posts from booklover. Show booklover's posts

    Re: No gifts

    If you are invited to an event that is a gift-giving event such as a wedding, birthday party, anniversary party, etc., I think it is perfectly appropriate to say "no gifts please" or "your present is your presence" or something along those lines.  My husband had about 10 friends over for my birthday this winter and I asked him to please tell them no gifts.  I just wanted to see them and hang out with them, I did not want them to give me a birthday gift.  If I'm invited to a birthday party (like an upcoming 40th party for a friend) then I am gong to bring a gift unless otherwise directed not to.

    But if my invite says "no gifts please" then I will give a card with a heartfelt message and take them at their word that they don't want a gift.
     
  2. You have chosen to ignore posts from pinkkittie27. Show pinkkittie27's posts

    Re: No gifts

    Agree with booklover 100%, even though I can't remember the last time I received an actual invitation to a birthday party. My group's usually more casual than that. But even though I do love giving gifts, I'm more than happy to be informed it's not necessary.

     
  3. You have chosen to ignore posts from cosmogirl. Show cosmogirl's posts

    Re: No gifts

    ash, so funny!  I saw that, too, and it really got me thinking.  I went to a big fiftieth bday party in a hall recently and they had put "Please, no gifts" on the invite.  So I didn't bring one, where normally I would have.

    I think we've all been squeamish in the past about putting it on the invitation (perfectly fine if by word of mouth). 

    But, especially in a situation like Miss Conduct cited, I'm beginning to think it's perfectly okay.

    See, I can roll with the flow.  I used to also be adamant about no black dresses for wedding guests.  Then I bought one!  Now I'm just adamant about no cleavage-licious dresses at weddings.

    :)
     
  4. You have chosen to ignore posts from ash. Show ash's posts

    Re: No gifts

    Hi Cos!  It actually does not bother me that much in certain situations.  But like I said in comments on the post, some of those scenarios should not involve gifts anyway.  When you're turning 50 and all your friends are turning 50 at the same time (eek, that's me next year), it feels like you are simply exchanging gift cards at various functions and everyone "breaks even".

    That said, I absolutely hate it when people put this on little kid's birthday party invitations and act all holier than thou about why their kids don't need gifts.  I also think for a first time wedding, even if the couple is older and doesn't need stuff, I'd still like to be able to do something to help them get started and I don't like being told not to.

     
  5. You have chosen to ignore posts from cosmogirl. Show cosmogirl's posts

    Re: No gifts

    Ash, the year that all my h.s. friends and I turned 50, we had a get together every three months, exchanged grab gifts, and ate birthday cake and cocktails!  The only thing we didn't get to do was our getaway weekend in Bermuda.  Now we're saving for the big six-oh! 

     
  6. You have chosen to ignore posts from lucy7368. Show lucy7368's posts

    Re: No gifts

    In Response to Re: No gifts:
    [QUOTE]That said, I absolutely hate it when people put this on little kid's birthday party invitations and act all holier than thou about why their kids don't need gifts.
    Posted by ash[/QUOTE]

    I agree with this, but I also hate it when people act like a one-year old needs a bunch of big, expensive gifts.  Why?  The infant will shun the gift and play with the wrapping paper happily, then drool all over everything, whether you gave him a pair of socks or a Playstation.
     
  7. You have chosen to ignore posts from augustbride20. Show augustbride20's posts

    Re: No gifts

    This is interesting. My mom's best friend just told her that she wants to give my FI and I an engagement party, just something smallish, with about 20-30 people. I told my mom that was extremely sweet of her, but to tell her we want no gifts, but how do you address that? I know that a  lot of people don't bring gifts to engagement parties, but I know this group of people, they will, but I really don't want them to. Them being there is gift enough, and I mean that.
     
  8. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: No gifts

    Does anyone care what the guests realllllly want?  I LOVE giving gifts, everything about it from contemplating to wrapping!

    If I'm "forced" to go to a party empty handed something was taken away from ME.   You don't get a gift, and I don't get to give you one.  What's so great about that arrangement?
     
  9. You have chosen to ignore posts from pinkkittie27. Show pinkkittie27's posts

    Re: No gifts

    In Response to Re: No gifts:
    [QUOTE]This is interesting. My mom's best friend just told her that she wants to give my FI and I an engagement party, just something smallish, with about 20-30 people. I told my mom that was extremely sweet of her, but to tell her we want no gifts, but how do you address that? I know that a  lot of people don't bring gifts to engagement parties, but I know this group of people, they will, but I really don't want them to. Them being there is gift enough, and I mean that.
    Posted by augustbride20[/QUOTE]

    August- it used to be that the guests would call the host to find out where the couple is registered or what they should bring. if you think all 20-30 people will call and ask, just tell whomever you think they'll call that it's a gift-free event. the word will get passed along.

    Kar- I get that people like to give gifts, I do too. But DH and I share a small apartment, we really don't have room for stuff. I'm overwrought with guilt when someone gives me something that I know will just get stuffed into the closet or onto an already crowded shelf. I usually can't bear to donate it or return it knowing that someone put thought into picking it out for me. If I could have avoided the engagement party or bridal shower situation all-together, I would have. But people insisted on throwing them for me, so what am I to do? I requested no gifts.
     
  10. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: No gifts

    People who know the couple and are thoughtful give gifts according to their needs.  I'd have given you a restaurant gift certificate or something like that and been pissed if I couldn't.
     
  11. You have chosen to ignore posts from lucy7368. Show lucy7368's posts

    Re: No gifts

    In Response to Re: No gifts:
    [QUOTE]People who know the couple and are thoughtful give gifts according to their needs.  I'd have given you a restaurant gift certificate or something like that and been pissed if I couldn't.
    Posted by kargiver[/QUOTE]

    Aren't engagement gifts usually things like bottles of wine, anyway? You could still bring something like that.

    It's really too-bad there isn't a tactful way to say, "No non-consumable gifts, please."
     
  12. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: No gifts

    Wine is one of many gifts that would be meaningful, thoughtful, useful, and non-burdensome to the recipient. 
     
  13. You have chosen to ignore posts from pinkkittie27. Show pinkkittie27's posts

    Re: No gifts

    My DH works for a wine distributer. I have literally cases and cases of wine crowding my apartment. Unless it's champagne or a storable vintage, I really do not want any more wine in my apartment.

    restaurant gift certfiicates are nice- if you know where the couple likes to go. DH won't set foot in a chain restaurant, I'm a picky eater, and very few of our friends and family live in the city and are able to go and buy a gift certificate on-site. If people really want to buy us dinner, we'd much rather go have dinner at their house with them.

    The gift I like best is quality time spent with my friends and family. That's really all I ever want from anyone.

     
  14. You have chosen to ignore posts from lucy7368. Show lucy7368's posts

    Re: No gifts

    But, on the plus side, you won't have to buy a gift for an engagement party for a very, very long time.  Sealed
     
  15. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: No gifts

    Again, anyone who would be in a position to choose a gift for you would know that and wouldn't hopefully be mindful enough to not give you more wine.
     
  16. You have chosen to ignore posts from poppy609. Show poppy609's posts

    Re: No gifts

    Ugh, the "no gifts" thing is so difficult because of all of the issues described above, but also because you will ALWAYS have people who either didn't know about the "no gifts" rule or knew but brought a gift anyway, then the people who didn't bring a gift feel badly because they followed the rule, and it's all just awkward and depending on the personalities of your family/friends, you'll hear about it for years to come.

    I would say, for an engagement party don't rush to register anywhere (and really, that's way too soon for people to expect a couple to have a registry, IMO) and just let people do what they want. 
     
  17. You have chosen to ignore posts from Prill. Show Prill's posts

    Re: No gifts

    The gift I like best is quality time spent with my friends and family. That's really all I ever want from anyone.

    I'm with you exactly on this Pink.  I too love buying and giving gifts, but totally understand and respect it if people don't want them - I will still give a card and come along with some well wishes and the plan to have a good time!

    We had no gifts for our wedding, and most people adhered to that - we did get some cash and gift certificates, but nothing ridiculous.  Except for the people who interpreted "no gifts" to mean "I must buy them a vase".  Which is great, only I hate cut glass and suffer dreadfully from hay fever.  So they are now all stored in boxes in a spare closet.  Along with anything trinket-like or ornamental that we have ever received. 
     
  18. You have chosen to ignore posts from Prill. Show Prill's posts

    Re: No gifts

    Oh and wine is a great gift for me.... only, DH comes from a family with a history of alcoholism and therefore, he doesn't touch the stuff.
     
  19. You have chosen to ignore posts from pinkkittie27. Show pinkkittie27's posts

    Re: No gifts

    In Response to Re: No gifts:
    [QUOTE]The gift I like best is quality time spent with my friends and family. That's really all I ever want from anyone. I'm with you exactly on this Pink.  I too love buying and giving gifts, but totally understand and respect it if people don't want them - I will still give a card and come along with some well wishes and the plan to have a good time! We had no gifts for our wedding, and most people adhered to that - we did get some cash and gift certificates, but nothing ridiculous.  Except for the people who interpreted "no gifts" to mean "I must buy them a vase".  Which is great, only I hate cut glass and suffer dreadfully from hay fever.  So they are now all stored in boxes in a spare closet.  Along with anything trinket-like or ornamental that we have ever received. 
    Posted by Prill[/QUOTE]

    I know what you man. DH's aunt came to the engagement party knowing full well we did not want gifts with a pair of silver candlestick holders. They're lovely, but we have used them twice in the 4 years since she gave them to us. Other than that, they sit in the closet in a box, and I feel guilty about it. They're lovely, and I appreciate the sentiment, but I really wish she had just given us a card.

    Only two people brought gifts to my shower, the rest brought cards. I opened nothing, just put them with the cards in a bag by my chair. I didn't want the people who honored my request to feel awkward because a couple well-meaning friends couldn't bear to not bring a gift.
    That's what people should do when no gifts are requested, but show up anyway- Put them out of sight and open them in private at a later time.
     
  20. You have chosen to ignore posts from poppy609. Show poppy609's posts

    Re: No gifts

    In Response to Re: No gifts:
    [QUOTE]That's what people should do when no gifts are requested, but show up anyway- Put them out of sight and open them in private at a later time.
    Posted by pinkkittie27[/QUOTE]

    I think that's a great idea.
     
  21. You have chosen to ignore posts from lucy7368. Show lucy7368's posts

    Re: No gifts

    In Response to Re: No gifts:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: No gifts : I think that's a great idea.
    Posted by poppy609[/QUOTE]

    I agree.  Unless, say, the gift is cake, and you want to serve it. 
     
  22. You have chosen to ignore posts from pinkkittie27. Show pinkkittie27's posts

    Re: No gifts

    oh my, YES! But I think my dearest friends know that I will never turn down cake or pie. My mom always says of parties "When in doubt, bring dessert. There can never be too many desserts."
     
  23. You have chosen to ignore posts from augustbride20. Show augustbride20's posts

    Re: No gifts

    Hey....I'll take wine, or dessert. Most engagement parties I go to, the B&G don't expect gifts, but often get things like wine, cake cutters, or toasting flutes.
     
  24. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: No gifts

    Exactly.  And, "no gifts" means nothing.  Nada.  No cake.
     
  25. You have chosen to ignore posts from pinkkittie27. Show pinkkittie27's posts

    Re: No gifts

    But bringing cake to a party isn't really a gift. I'm not going to put a cake in a bag and eat it by myself later. It's something everyone is going to share. Even if an invitation says "no gifts", if I know the host I'll call and ask if there's anything I can bring, like wine or dessert. I don't think of it as a gift, I think of it as helping out the host. And if they say no, then I don't bring anything.

    I guess the point is that I understand that you want to give people gifts. But if the person doesn't want a gift, sometimes honoring that request is the best gift you can give.
     

Share