Offended? Plus 1 Issue...

  1. You have chosen to ignore posts from framerican51008. Show framerican51008's posts

    Re: Offended? Plus 1 Issue...

    I see where Shorty is coming from... No offense to the OP but she basically just said that the bride should have invited my fiance instead of inviting her friend because she hasn't spoken to the friend much in 8 months.  That is for the bride to decide, not a guest.

    But I do understand this kind of tricky relationship NYE!!  My friend and I got closer as we planned our weddings together and then one day she told me she had a fight with her fiance because he decided to have his bachelor party on the night of my wedding.  She ended the story with, So I told him it was fine because it wasn't worth fighting over.  Uuuuhhhh thanks... I know your life doesn't revolve around my wedding, but do you have to be so blunt?
    DH sooo wanted to skip their wedding, but I decided I'd rather not cause drama even though I was very tempted :o)
     
  2. You have chosen to ignore posts from Shortylicious. Show Shortylicious's posts

    Re: Offended? Plus 1 Issue...

    In Response to Re: Offended? Plus 1 Issue...:
    In Response to Re: Offended? Plus 1 Issue... : Sure, it's her day and she should do what she wants, but that doesn't extend to rudeness and breach of etiquette. Engaged and married couples aren't split up, no equivocations.  NYE, I think you handled it well. It sounds like this won't wreck your friendship or anything and you don't need to invite her to your wedding. And you can always throw back a lame excuse like she did. 
    Posted by WhirledPeasPlease


    I'm not saying I agree. Not at all. I'm just saying that there hundreds of ways to either follow or not follow etiquette rules when it comes to weddings. And if you (as an invitee) feel that etiquette has been breached, you are under no obligation to attend, send presents or even give excuses. Example- I was recently asked to participate in hosting a bridal shower (asked by the bride) and I wasn't even in the bridal party. Breach of etiquette, anyone? Instead of making a big production out of it, I simply said no. End of discussion. But- I did go to said shower and did bring a lovely gift. ;)
     
  3. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: Offended? Plus 1 Issue...

    Fram, I think the OP said what she did about inviting her fiance and not another friend (which could appear selfish) because serious, i.e. engaged, couples are NEVER split up under any circumstances when we're talking wedding guest lists.  The point was not that the friend was more or less important than the fiance, but instead that if the bride has room for another person the person etiquette DICTATES she invite is the fiance, not another friend.

    WPP is right, the guest list is 100% up to the bride, but that does not give any bride the right to be so rude as to invite someone without their fiance in favor of having more "first degree" friends there.
     
  4. You have chosen to ignore posts from pinkkittie27. Show pinkkittie27's posts

    Re: Offended? Plus 1 Issue...

    I've heard of weddings where they have a "work table" and co-workes are invited without their SOs.
    I think the bride was trying to execute something similar, but she made a faux pas in assuming everyone would be okay with it instead of asking them first.

    and I know that if I had limited space I'd rather invite my friend than the SO of a friend, who I may not even know very well. whether or not I'd act on that preference is uncertain.
     
  5. You have chosen to ignore posts from lucy7368. Show lucy7368's posts

    Re: Offended? Plus 1 Issue...

    In Response to Re: Offended? Plus 1 Issue...:
    I know that if I had limited space I'd rather invite my friend than the SO of a friend, who I may not even know very well. whether or not I'd act on that preference is uncertain.
    Posted by pinkkittie27


    Me, too.  To both. 

    But, remember, I'm still looking for a way to avoid inviting my brother-in-law and, quite possibly, my sister and her children.   And my mother.
     
  6. You have chosen to ignore posts from pinkkittie27. Show pinkkittie27's posts

    Re: Offended? Plus 1 Issue...

    lucy- elope and accidently tell your favorite people where and when they might want to show up if they want to be coincidently in the same place you'll eb getting hitched.
    Innocent
     
  7. You have chosen to ignore posts from lucy7368. Show lucy7368's posts

    Re: Offended? Plus 1 Issue...

    In Response to Re: Offended? Plus 1 Issue...:
    lucy- elope and accidently tell your favorite people where and when they might want to show up if they want to be coincidently in the same place you'll eb getting hitched.
    Posted by pinkkittie27


    That could work.  I know that most of my favorite people tend to just randomly hang out at City Hall for no reason...  City Hall is one happening place.  Innocent
     
  8. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: Offended? Plus 1 Issue...

    Love that idea.  "Fancy meeting you here, look we're getting married!"  That works. :)
     
  9. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: Offended? Plus 1 Issue...

    And, I'd rather have another friend, too, but she sent STDs to both of them.  That would nail it shut for me whether I liked it or not.  My mistake, my living with it.
     
  10. You have chosen to ignore posts from trex509. Show trex509's posts

    Re: Offended? Plus 1 Issue...

    Haha!  Wasn't there a post on here somewhere where the bride & groom were having a party and then going to surprise their guests by getting married right then?  I think that is AWESOME!
     
  11. You have chosen to ignore posts from FriarGirl03. Show FriarGirl03's posts

    Re: Offended? Plus 1 Issue...

    My friend had a "work table" at her wedding. She told her coworkers (small hometown bank) that she didn't think she could afford to invite them all because all of the tellers plus dates would be like 20 people. It was one of her (married) bosses who said, "Why do we need dates?" and they all agreed that they would rather attend solo than not be invited. I don't think any of them missed the wedding and I definitely remember most of them out on the dance floor. That's kind of what I meant by the bride telling them that she can only afford to invite them as singles and rather than let them find out when they got the invitation.

    Side note: I'm so glad I didn't do STDs and that we have room to invite everyone with a guest! I feel like I'm dodging a few bullets. (Probably just to walk into a few others, but we'll see!)
     
  12. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: Offended? Plus 1 Issue...

    If it's talked about beforehand like that, getting around the etiquette rule of only inviting serious couples together, it's not rude, agreed.  A lot of what's rude vs. what's gracious is social expectations.
     
  13. You have chosen to ignore posts from WhirledPeasPlease. Show WhirledPeasPlease's posts

    Re: Offended? Plus 1 Issue...

    This work table/Italia table thing doesn't convince me of anything. I had a college friends table, but it included friends' fiances and husbands. 

    We did have a small-ish wedding though, so we got to narrow it down to people we really like. Plus my dad's side of the family. 
     
  14. You have chosen to ignore posts from NYEBride2010. Show NYEBride2010's posts

    Re: Offended? Plus 1 Issue...

    I respect her decision to just invite the "work or friend table". We did talk on the phone this afternoon and hashed it out.  I clarified that I am having the same issue and want that friend table at my wedding next winter but where she is a Mrs then the etiquette dictates DH should be invited. I told her I would try to make sure he is but if it doesn't work then I hope she's okay with that.  I understand that if she does decline it's not personal and that she wants to be home with DH and the new baby.  So looks like I'm attending with the friends and we are all happy again.
     
  15. You have chosen to ignore posts from NYEBride2010. Show NYEBride2010's posts

    Re: Offended? Plus 1 Issue...

    In Response to Re: Offended? Plus 1 Issue...:
    This work table/Italia table thing doesn't convince me of anything. I had a college friends table, but it included friends' fiances and husbands.  We did have a small-ish wedding though, so we got to narrow it down to people we really like. Plus my dad's side of the family. 
    Posted by WhirledPeasPlease


    We posted at the same time Whirled. I agree that there should be husbands and FIs invited. However it looks like she tried to invite everyone, including all her new co-workers who are going as a group minus hubbys and fis.  Personally it's not something I agree with what she did but I am respecting her reasoning and may have jumped a little to quick to decide to not attend.  My friends and I will go together and enjoy the night. And if its not fun we can leave early.
     
  16. You have chosen to ignore posts from pinkkittie27. Show pinkkittie27's posts

    Re: Offended? Plus 1 Issue...

    oh good, I love a happy ending! Cool
     
  17. You have chosen to ignore posts from Lizard. Show Lizard's posts

    Re: Offended? Plus 1 Issue...

    Wow...

    I'm constantly amazed with how rude people can be when it comes to their own wedding...if you invited only her to YOUR wedding I'm sure she'd just bring her husband since she'd figure it was a mistake.  I always wonder why boyfriends and FI's take a back seat!??!!!

    This summer I was IN a wedding and my live in boyfriend was not invted, I didn't say anything, BUT the ENTIRE wedding weekend everyone (bride and groom included) kept giving me a hard time that I didn't bring him....um, you didn't invite him.

    So, my point is, maybe she made a mistake.  BUT, if she didn't...she's just being rude.  I wouldn't call her to find out since this might put her in an awkward situation if she did only invite you.  So, I'd just decide if there are enough other people there that you could have fun with alone... or decide not to go if you don't want to shell out a lot more money for a gift, dress, hotel, etc and give up a Saturday night without your man.
     
  18. You have chosen to ignore posts from pinkkittie27. Show pinkkittie27's posts

    Re: Offended? Plus 1 Issue...

    lizard- the reason I think male SOs are often left out is because people assume guys don't really care about weddings and will be more than happy to get to stay home instead of going. I don't think I've ever heard a story where a guy was invited without his female SO.
     
  19. You have chosen to ignore posts from downtoearth. Show downtoearth's posts

    Re: Offended? Plus 1 Issue...

    In Response to Offended? Plus 1 Issue...:
    Hi All, Okay, so I just got a wedding invitation for a friend's wedding next month.  I live with my FI and am getting married 12/31 and she is on my guest list.  The envelope was only addressed to me and the inner envelope the same.  I am kind of offended and thought the etiquette for plus one is serious relationships or you live together?  Am I wrong?  I will know a few other friends who are going but I feel like I wouldn't put her at a stag table when she is going to be married at mine so what is the difference?
    Posted by NYEBride2010


    Proper, traditional etiquette would have you invited as a couple because you are an engaged couple.   But I see her reasoning.  She is having a great old long term friends table.  Sounds like fun. 

    I think there is a lesson here about making assumptions and getting angry when we don't have all the facts.  Give people a break once in awhile. 
     
  20. You have chosen to ignore posts from NYEBride2010. Show NYEBride2010's posts

    Re: Offended? Plus 1 Issue...

    Proper etiquette aside, she wanted the friends table.  Her defense was that her FI doesn't enjoy weddings when he does know people and that she didn't have the budget. I didn't mind not bring FI (he's elated that he doesn't have to go).  But she's a very irrational person so dealing with her is touchy...especially now she's pregnant. 

    All this aside, I am going to be the bigger person and invite both of them after all to my wedding. I always try to take the high road. When I got the invitation, pride got the best of me and I assusmed it was personal.  We are two very different people and I respect her decision but it would never be the one I would have chosen.  
     
  21. You have chosen to ignore posts from pinkkittie27. Show pinkkittie27's posts

    Re: Offended? Plus 1 Issue...

    yeah, that's why my first bit of advice was to not take it personally. but it's hard because that's always the first impulse for everyone, because it hurts.
     
  22. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: Offended? Plus 1 Issue...

    That's great, NYE, I'm glad if you wanted to invite them before that you still are.
     
  23. You have chosen to ignore posts from WhirledPeasPlease. Show WhirledPeasPlease's posts

    Re: Offended? Plus 1 Issue...

    Aww, NYE, you're so much nicer than I am. 

    Is your wedding this coming New Year's Eve (2010)?
     
  24. You have chosen to ignore posts from framerican51008. Show framerican51008's posts

    Re: Offended? Plus 1 Issue...

    Glad you worked out it out NYE.  People do some wacky things when it comes to guest lists!!
    My brother didn't invite several of our first cousins, but he and the bride each invited a table full of co-workers.  What the heck?!!
     
  25. You have chosen to ignore posts from cosmogirl. Show cosmogirl's posts

    Re: Offended? Plus 1 Issue...

    This just sounds like a big misunderstanding.  I would also assume that there was an error when someone wrote out the invitation.  Of course your fiance should be invited.

    I would just shoot her a quick email and ask her to confirm whether she left FI off the invitation by mistake and let her take it from there.  

    Of course, after all you've said, it doesn't sound like you're really friends.  Nothing wrong with that, but it helps put things in perspective.  Best wishes. 

     

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