OT: Meeting the Parents

  1. You have chosen to ignore posts from lucy7368. Show lucy7368's posts

    OT: Meeting the Parents

    Does anyone have any advice?  I am going to spend Thanksgiving with my SO's parents, who I have never met, as they live way out of state. 

    I can't bring flowers or a bottle of wine, because I can't carry them on the plane.  I don't really know what to do, as no boyfriend of mine has ever introduced me to his parents (at least, not since I stopped dating guys who still lived at home).

    I'm not worried about Dad, because all men over the age of about 55 seem to love me.  I am worried about Mom.  Moms terrify me.
     
  2. You have chosen to ignore posts from jasmine09. Show jasmine09's posts

    Re: OT: Meeting the Parents

    No wine or flowers doesn't mean no host(ess) gift.  Bring chocolates (something nice--maybe from LA Burdicks' or Teuschers or Hotel Chocolat or Beacon Hill Chocolates or whereever).  Unless they are the chocolate hating sort (but who is?).  If so, consider tea (Teavana? Tealuxe?), or coffee (something special), or a sweet bread from your favorite bakery (or that you baked, if you bake) that can be served for breakfast.  Or send flowers after you leave thanking them for the visit.

    Moms can be complicated.  Relax and do your best and don't worry too much.  :)

     
  3. You have chosen to ignore posts from wendy98. Show wendy98's posts

    Re: OT: Meeting the Parents

    I think unless your guy is a Momma's boy things will be better than you expect.   I agree with bringing a gift can be done.  If you are concerned about chocolates melting or anything like that you could have something sent to arrive at their place as a thank you....perhaps have a local florist deliver a mixed bouquet? 

    I keep meaning to try this place for cookies, they are based in vermot and have some fun themes, I linked to their Thanksgiving themes.

    As best as you can try to be relaxed, your guy likes you enough to take you home so I would like to think his parents will like you as well because if he likes you really how bad can you be? :)  I tend to be optimistic and think that most parents are actively trying to find the good in their child's SO because they want their child to be happy. 
     
  4. You have chosen to ignore posts from FriarGirl03. Show FriarGirl03's posts

    Re: OT: Meeting the Parents

    I really don't have any experience with this (My bf and I met when we were 10 because his cousin is my best friend. I called his parents "Auntie" and "Uncle" up until we started dating. Then it got weird!) but I'm not sure a hostess gift is expected in this situation, especially where you're arriving by plane. If you're good in the kitchen, I would say maybe offer to take care of something for dinner. Once you get there, maybe your boyfriend can help you by bringing you to a florist to get a centerpiece or something like that.

    If you really think wine is the way to go and you're checking a bag, you can pack a bottle in there. A friend of mine just brought 4 bottles of beer back from Europe and they did fine. You just have to make sure you wrap them well. She used bubble wrap and a shopping bag. If you're going to do bring something with you, I'd suggest bringing something local that they can't get where they are.

    Just be your sweet and loving self and I'm sure his family will like you. The fact that you're flying out to meet them over the holiday says a lot about you and how you feel about their son.


     
  5. You have chosen to ignore posts from lucy7368. Show lucy7368's posts

    Re: OT: Meeting the Parents

    Those cookies are adorable, Wendy!  I love them.

    And cookies (or any dessert, really) are a good idea, because I don't eat pumpkin pie.  That way, they wouldn't have to try to come up with something special for me to eat.  I also really like Jasmine's tea or coffee idea (espcially if coffee isn't something they would usually have on hand).

    I think a large part of my fear stems from the fact that his mother is very, very religious, and he has told her that we will be sharing a room while we're there.  So, I have in my head that she already thinks a lot of terrible things about me.
     
  6. You have chosen to ignore posts from lucy7368. Show lucy7368's posts

    Re: OT: Meeting the Parents

    In Response to Re: OT: Meeting the Parents:
    [QUOTE]The fact that you're flying out to meet them over the holiday says a lot about you and how you feel about their son.
    Posted by FriarGirl03[/QUOTE]

    If they knew the absurdly ridiculous price of the ticket, they would appreciate it about three times more than they do now.  :)
     
  7. You have chosen to ignore posts from cicirose. Show cicirose's posts

    Re: OT: Meeting the Parents

    How about sending an edible arrangement to arrive the same day you do? When FI's parents came to our engagement party to meet my family for the first time, they sent one and it went over very well! Was great since there were a lot of people around, same as for the holidays.

    Also, don't stress out too much. Have you asked your SO what his parents are like? Just be nice and friendly and offer to help in the kitchen! And of course tell them what a great job they did raising their son Smile
     
  8. You have chosen to ignore posts from kmt09. Show kmt09's posts

    Re: OT: Meeting the Parents

    Lucy, if you haven't already, talk to your SO about his mom.  Find out what she's like, her hobbies, interests, etc.  It might make it easier to initiate conversations if you know more about her.  I like the idea of bringing cookies or chocolates with you, and then maybe sending a note after Thanksgiving saying thanks for having us, it was great to meet you...you get the idea.

    I wouldn't worry too much about it.  You're a genuinely sweet person, very smart, you have a great sense of humor -- what mother wouldn't like you?  Smile
     
  9. You have chosen to ignore posts from pinkkittie27. Show pinkkittie27's posts

    Re: OT: Meeting the Parents

    be yourself, but have your best filter on. around my in-laws I don't say anything unless it's positive or 100% relevant or unless I strongly, strongly disagree. for the first few visits it's far better to wish you said more than wish you'd said less.
     
  10. You have chosen to ignore posts from ALF72. Show ALF72's posts

    Re: OT: Meeting the Parents

    Lucy, I agonized over this when I met DH's mom.  I had never met anyone's mom either so I was really freaked out.  I was also horrified that DH and I were sharing a room. I was so worried what his mom would think.  lol.  But she was a hippie, so nothing fazed her.

    I don't think I ended up bringing anything b/c I was going on a plane too.  I wrote a very nice thank you note when I got home and mailed it out ASAP. You could do that. If you don't think it's enough, send flowers after your visit.  We did take her out for a very nice dinner while we were down there as a thank you as well.

    What about stopping somewhere between the airport and his parents' place when you land?  Of course, if they are picking you up, that won't work.  You could always pick up a nice bottle of wine or something while you are down there and give it to her over the course of your visit. Nothing requires that you hand it to her when you walk in the door.  Good luck!!!
     
  11. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: OT: Meeting the Parents

    lucy, I know you've heard FMIL or just "his mom" horror stories your whole life.  But, take heart.  I had a great relationship with my ex's mom, and have a very natural, easygoing relationship with my DH's mom, too.  They aren't all out to get or compete with you.  Go in with an open mind and be yourself.  Trite sounding, but it's the best advice I can give you.

    As for gifts, these are great ideas.  Do you bake a specialty?  Or does your family have a special recipe that would travel well or that you could pack well and send ahead?  My dad sends me baked good all the time.  Quick breads are no fail if you are new to baking.  Well, actually, they can fail, but only by being underdone.  Test with a toothpick and ask me more if you're interested.  My anonymous email is kargiverbdc at gmail com.

    You are a special person with tons to offer; I've known you here a long time and feel qualified to make such a comment if you would allow me.  Let that be enough to give you confidence, lucy.

    Best,
    kar
     
  12. You have chosen to ignore posts from lucy7368. Show lucy7368's posts

    Re: OT: Meeting the Parents

    Awww.  Thank you, all of you.  Embarassed

    My SO says generally unhelpful things like "She'll love you because I love you," or "You're totally fine, she likes everyone who dislikes" certain politicians that probably won't help me now that they are out of office.  Like we're going to spend four days talking about politics of the past?  In that case, I'll bulk up on my knowledge of Gary Powers and the Cuban Missile Crisis.  That stuff is pretty interesting.

    Baking is actually one of my specialties.  I hesitate to bring baked goods on a plane, although I appreciate the suggestion, because it's a long flight, with a layover, and any food that's in my hands at the beginning of the trip may not make it.  :)  But I also fear that baked goods in checked luggage won't make it, either. 

    Thank you for giving me some stuff to think about.
     
  13. You have chosen to ignore posts from jasmine09. Show jasmine09's posts

    Re: OT: Meeting the Parents

    haha--do a quick bread then lucy!  Easy to make, can be served for breakfast, snack, or dessert, depending...  And you won't want to eat it on the plane--how would you slice it?  it would end up a big crumbly mess! 

    You could do pumpkin bread with chocolate chips (or raisins) and walnuts.  That would be seasonal.
     
  14. You have chosen to ignore posts from whatawagSBNy. Show whatawagSBNy's posts

    Re: OT: Meeting the Parents

           I was NOT looking forward to meeting my FMIL ( only dated a few months, not engaged)  whom I had heard from my honey and 2 sibs we visited was an old fashioned Italian matriarch who ruled the roost, mother of 11 now adults  yada yada -  we get on great, have since the beginning. 
        Now FIL - we are very careful and polite, but know we are opposites - we eye each other like 2 predators each at the border of our territory who don't really want to get bloody Today...   Still do 4 years later.
          As for hostess gifts- flying, I have always had great success with roasted cashews by the pound, or a couple of separate kinds of nuts  (always including cashews- healthy and you can cook with them or eat as is, or dress up chex mix, etc.)  They are fine in cellophane taped shut and tied with a ribbon, or you can make a little satin bag.  They keep, don't crumble, don't melt, don't have liquid or glass.   Sometimes I will bring a box of pitted dates too. (Thanksgiving/ harvest holiday -make dates stuffed with cashews or cream cheese, rolled in regular sugar - easy to make at a destination.) 
        Your Mama will love you - tell her how great her son is.
     
  15. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: OT: Meeting the Parents

    Oh, I love the idea of roasted nuts.  My grandmother actually made the best candied pecans I'd ever tasted.  Easy and delicious, whatawag - great idea.

    Also, you can easily pack those in your stowed luggage so you won't be able to get at them before you arrive. :)
     
  16. You have chosen to ignore posts from pingo. Show pingo's posts

    Re: OT: Meeting the Parents

    Lucy, I am glad you are a caring person and want to bring something for your SO's parents. I do believe a hostess gift is a must.
    If you met your SO here, I somehow feel, he must have been in Boston for some time. What about a framed Boston watercolor. We brought that the first time we met my son's future in-laws. It was a big hit. 
    You can also order a flower arrangement to arrive the day of your arrival. I would wait bringing liquor or chocolate until you know them better. Nothing worse than to bring chocolate to a diabetic.
    I know there are lots of other things, one can think of. But I would be careful, until you know the parents well - or it could backfire.
    I congratulate you to have come so far as to meet your SOs parents. Best of luck to you - Pingo


    In Response to OT: Meeting the Parents:
    [QUOTE]Does anyone have any advice?  I am going to spend Thanksgiving with my SO's parents, who I have never met, as they live way out of state.  I can't bring flowers or a bottle of wine, because I can't carry them on the plane.  I don't really know what to do, as no boyfriend of mine has ever introduced me to his parents (at least, not since I stopped dating guys who still lived at home). I'm not worried about Dad, because all men over the age of about 55 seem to love me.  I am worried about Mom.  Moms terrify me.
    Posted by lucy7368[/QUOTE]
     
  17. You have chosen to ignore posts from pingo. Show pingo's posts

    Re: OT: Meeting the Parents

    "Baking is actually one of my specialties"
    Lucy, why are you worried? Bake something special.
    People say my Pecan Pies are the best. So, when my son is not around for TG, I bake two Pecan Pies and mail them to him for TG. Lots of packing material - but they have always gotten there in pristine shape. Maybe that will be something for you to think about. Whether pecans or pumpkin - just something really oozing of Thanksgiving. You will definitely "hit a nerve".
    Last year, I brought all the stuff and baked them in my son's home. I was surprised of the rave views they got.  - And TX is Pecan country, where you drive on fallen Pecans all over. I guess that Pecans are such a nuicense to them, they never thought of using them in a good way.
    Good luck!
     
  18. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: OT: Meeting the Parents

    If you do a pecan pie, may I suggest using Brown Rice Syrup instead of corn syrup?  It is much less sweet so it lets the flavor of the pecans come through very nicely.  It's a Cooking Light recipe modification, and everyone that has had any I've made says it's the best they've ever had.
     
  19. You have chosen to ignore posts from lucy7368. Show lucy7368's posts

    Re: OT: Meeting the Parents

    In Response to Re: OT: Meeting the Parents:
    [QUOTE]If you do a pecan pie, may I suggest using Brown Rice Syrup instead of corn syrup?  It is much less sweet so it lets the flavor of the pecans come through very nicely.  It's a Cooking Light recipe modification, and everyone that has had any I've made says it's the best they've ever had.
    Posted by kargiver[/QUOTE]

    That's actually a good baking tip, no matter what I'm making.  I have a receipe for frosting that uses powdered sugar and corn syrup, and I always thought it was too sweet, so I usually don't make it.  Thanks!
     
  20. You have chosen to ignore posts from pingo. Show pingo's posts

    Re: OT: Meeting the Parents

    Thanks Kar for the suggestion. I generally just cut down on sugar and syrup, when I bake. But this I will definitely try instead. I have never seen it in the stores. Where do you buy it? I have a Trader Joes but no Whole Foods around.


    In Response to Re: OT: Meeting the Parents:
    [QUOTE]If you do a pecan pie, may I suggest using Brown Rice Syrup instead of corn syrup?  It is much less sweet so it lets the flavor of the pecans come through very nicely.  It's a Cooking Light recipe modification, and everyone that has had any I've made says it's the best they've ever had.
    Posted by kargiver[/QUOTE]
     
  21. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: OT: Meeting the Parents

    I always get mine at Whole Foods, and I can't remember if I've ever seen it at TJs.  It might be at Stop and Shop; they seem to be carrying a lot of more "natural" food items.   It's just sweet enough to be delicious and not overpowering even using the amount called for.

    The most popular brand is Lundberg.  One jar makes two pies (if you use the Cooking Light recipe, anyway).  Here's their website.  I'm sure you can find who sells it from there. I believe if all else fails you can get it from Amazon.

    Lundberg Brown Rice Syrup


     
  22. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: OT: Meeting the Parents

    Regarding where to buy the rice syrup, this would have been the more logical link to post. :)

    Where to Buy
     
  23. You have chosen to ignore posts from lucy7368. Show lucy7368's posts

    Re: OT: Meeting the Parents

    I have been informed by my SO that his family does not believe in gift-giving.  So, that's interesting, and puts a whole new spin on the hostess gift question.  I wonder if I'll be better off just offering to help with dinner.

    One of my big concerns is that I don't like Thanksgiving food.  When I picture meeting his parents, all I see is that Friends episode where Ross brings Chandler home for Thanksgiving, and says, "Mom.  Chandler hates Thanksgiving and doesn't eat any Thanksgiving food."  Her response is like, "Well, isn't that nice.  Thanks for bringing this freak."  I mean, I eat stuffing and mashed potatoes (and bread, if there is any).  But I don't eat turkey, yams, pumpkin pie, etc.

    Really, instead of Thanksgiving Day, I should just call it "Carb Overload Day."
     
  24. You have chosen to ignore posts from jasmine09. Show jasmine09's posts

    Re: OT: Meeting the Parents

    huh lucy--that's an unusual one.  some people are uncomfortable having money spent on them.  but would baking something and bringing it be offensive?  oh well, it doesn't matter.  you can just offer to help, as you said.  :)
     
  25. You have chosen to ignore posts from pingo. Show pingo's posts

    Re: OT: Meeting the Parents

    Oh dear! Went on line to look for the Rice Syrup. Sure, I can buy it a Lundbergs. But truly, I don' t think I need 55lbs - for $135. Want to share? LOL
    Will take a ride to one of the Whole Foods around here if my new just opened  store does not have it.


    In Response to Re: OT: Meeting the Parents:
    [QUOTE]Regarding where to buy the rice syrup, this would have been the more logical link to post. :) Where to Buy
    Posted by kargiver[/QUOTE]
     

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