OT - Why is everyone so mean

  1. You have chosen to ignore posts from allreadymarried. Show allreadymarried's posts

    OT - Why is everyone so mean

    Everyone has noticed a decrease useage of the boards the past few months. I think for various reasons but am wondering if one big reason is because individuals are afraid to post anything for fear of others being mean or "highjacking" the post.
    I believe that we all have our opinions and it is ok to express. I DO NOT think there is a need to call others out, put words in their mouth or be downright mean.
     
  2. You have chosen to ignore posts from SilverFestiva. Show SilverFestiva's posts

    OT - Why is everyone so mean

    Well...there are a few ways to answer this, I think.

    First of all, it is VERY hard to communicate electronically without words being misconstrued, misinterpreted, etc. It is hard to do this with people who know you, let alone strangers. So, just given the method here that's one reason things can get a little out of hand.

    On the same hand, because we are essentially strangers and because we can hide behind our computer screens it makes it a little easier to voice a strong opinion where otherwise we may be a little more bashful.

    I also think that lately, times are tough for a lot of people. Tensions are a little higher. Wallets are tighter. Jobs are scarce. I think we're experiencing a time where people just need to let their frustration out on someone, and mabye these boards are the way to do that.

    I'm not excusing anyting or anyone. I'm certainly not innocent, I've definitely had my moments...although in my own defense I often immediately feel guilty and delete my "mean" post.
     
  3. You have chosen to ignore posts from allreadymarried. Show allreadymarried's posts

    OT - Why is everyone so mean

    I agree that most people intents are to contribute constructively (very well put pink, of course I am now calling you out:)).
    What I find disheartening is that some are always calling certain people out and then a bunch gang up on the poster as well.
    I also agree with arms that is very easy to take something the wrong way. I am in management and do not take anything personal, I have learned the hard way but all the better for it but others do take things personally.
    I think the boards would be more fun if we can let all the bickering of each other go.
    I do enjoy the post when they become controversial in regards to the actual post not the person.
     
  4. You have chosen to ignore posts from Goodness1. Show Goodness1's posts

    OT - Why is everyone so mean

    I think we have all had our moments of being totally and utterly honest on these boards. I have to say, I am honest with my opinions and thoughts. I can't really say that I would "call someone out" and put words in their mouths. It's not fair. I don't do this because it's been done to me many times.

    Amschnittger is right, though. We can easily hide behind our computers. No one (for the most part) knows who we are. So, we can get away with "voicing" our true opinions. It's easier to feel that you don't have to be nice to spare someone's feelings.

    I do not agree with the fact that I have seen many attacks on these boards. It does make me not want to reply to certain posts. It's too bad because I think many of these posters (I can name so many) have so much good advice to offer. I really like reading the posts from kargiver, armschnittger, misslily, framerican to name a few. I believe they are honest and have good ideas without throwing it in your face. Or, make you feel badly about your choices, etc.

    Just my thoughts.
     
  5. You have chosen to ignore posts from pinkkittie18. Show pinkkittie18's posts

    OT - Why is everyone so mean

    I don't know anything about the other posters besides that which they choose to post. Likewise, they don't know anything about me besides what I post.

    One really shouldn't take anything on a message board personally. At the end of the day, what happens in cyberspace adds up to a whole lot of nothing.
    Take it with a grain of salt.
    If you don't want to argue with someone, then don't reply to their posts.

    I think most posters here do their best to contribute constructively.

     
  6. You have chosen to ignore posts from onecoolchick. Show onecoolchick's posts

    OT - Why is everyone so mean

    Pink - that's what I am saying. It is one thing if someone asks what do you think for X for favors. I would have no problem saying well X is not my cup of tea, but it may be someone elses. I would also try to offer some other options.

    I realize people can be more brazen on a chat board. Try to think of the one thing you loved that you did for your wedding and without being asked having someone tell you your idea s--ks! That will sting.

     
  7. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    OT - Why is everyone so mean

    I didn't mean to imply that we should stiffle meaningful dissenting discussion, just not respond to snarkiness thereby allowing it to spiral out of control.

    Goodness, you're making me blush, now, girl. I've said the same of you, and, of course, meant it then and still do. Many others, too, but since you "called me out" I wanted to thank you personally.
     
  8. You have chosen to ignore posts from laryan. Show laryan's posts

    OT - Why is everyone so mean

    Well, the main reason I don't post in here as much as I used to is because they have changed the boards, and I find them harder to navigate. Not because of opinions, etc.

    Quite frankly, I'm going to continue to post my thoughts, ideas, opinions and 2 cents whenever I feel the need to, and really don't care what others think..

    You don't always agree with everyone, and you can't please everyone. We're all entitled to our thoughts, ideas and opinions.

     
  9. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    OT - Why is everyone so mean

    I think it's natural for people to get defensive when their ideas are shot down or they are challenged in any manner, thoughtfully or disdainfully. Since this is a forum in which we don't and shouldn't all agree, defensiveness, then, is a part of it. But, it doesn't have to spiral out of control. That's a matter of pride that we can all let go.

    Before we hit "Submit" lets all agree to ask if our post contributes positively to our community or if it merely would fulfill a selfish desire to defend ourselves. If it falls into the latter category how about deleting it instead (or going back to delete it asap as I have before, too!).

    Because, as others have already astutely said, things that sound snarky or attacking happen for all sorts of reasons. Some purposeful, but not all. So, in addition to not responding merely to defend ourselves, let's add giving each other the benefit of the doubt to our new commitment to each other.

    Thanks, Goodness, for your kind compliment.

    Blessings,

    ~kar
     
  10. You have chosen to ignore posts from pinkkittie18. Show pinkkittie18's posts

    OT - Why is everyone so mean

    Totally. I know that sometimes when I go out of my way to not be offensive in a post, people think I'm being harsh anyways.
    It's so easy to take something the wrong way! I find it's when a poster takes something the wrong way is when words get put in people's mouths and then it all goes downhill.
    We can all do our best and be careful, but you never know what someone's going to think you're implying.

    [Quote]

    Talk about splitting hairs!! Right, pink?

    [/Quote]

     
  11. You have chosen to ignore posts from Goodness1. Show Goodness1's posts

    OT - Why is everyone so mean

    It's so easy to misunderstand people over e-mail. Yikes!

    Yes, even your drunken posts, amschnittger. People are more honest when they have a little drinky in them, right? Ha!!

     
  12. You have chosen to ignore posts from Goodness1. Show Goodness1's posts

    OT - Why is everyone so mean

    Phew, thank you :)


    [Quote]we all have the right to defend ourselves and our opinions to the bitter end, if we see fit to do so. And we all have the common sense to call stalemate when we have to.


    [Quote]

    I might not be totally innocent here. I was attacked once a couple weeks ago, and I came right back and attacked right back. There was no other contribution to my post, but to merely attack me.

    THAT'S what I don't appreciate.

    [/Quote][/Quote]

     
  13. You have chosen to ignore posts from Goodness1. Show Goodness1's posts

    OT - Why is everyone so mean

    Talk about splitting hairs!! Right, pink?

     
  14. You have chosen to ignore posts from Goodness1. Show Goodness1's posts

    OT - Why is everyone so mean

    I might not be totally innocent here. I was attacked once a couple weeks ago, and I came right back and attacked right back. There was no other contribution to my post, but to merely attack me.

    THAT'S what I don't appreciate.

     
  15. You have chosen to ignore posts from Goodness1. Show Goodness1's posts

    OT - Why is everyone so mean

    [Quote]I think it's natural for people to get defensive when their ideas are shot down or they are challenged in any manner, thoughtfully or disdainfully. Since this is a forum in which we don't and shouldn't all agree, defensiveness, then, is a part of it. But, it doesn't have to spiral out of control. That's a matter of pride that we can all let go.

    Before we hit "Submit" lets all agree to ask if our post contributes positively to our community or if it merely would fulfill a selfish desire to defend ourselves. If it falls into the latter category how about deleting it instead (or going back to delete it asap as I have before, too!).

    Because, as others have already astutely said, things that sound snarky or attacking happen for all sorts of reasons. Some purposeful, but not all. So, in addition to not responding merely to defend ourselves, let's add giving each other the benefit of the doubt to our new commitment to each other.

    Thanks, Goodness, for your kind compliment.

    Blessings,

    ~kar[/Quote]

    Kargiver, no need to thank me here. I mean it. Even over computer, I can tell you are one of the good ones out there in this world.
     
  16. You have chosen to ignore posts from SilverFestiva. Show SilverFestiva's posts

    OT - Why is everyone so mean

    Even my drunken posts? ;-)

    Thanks, goodness! And I agree.

    See...its not all bad we can be warm and fuzzy when we wanna be.

    speaking of, my next meeting today is with a couple of people who think I come across too mean in emails at work. I think they are sissys personally, but just goes to show...you never know how someone might interpret what you're saying even if you really meant no harm at all. Sigh. Here I go...

     
  17. You have chosen to ignore posts from pinkkittie18. Show pinkkittie18's posts

    OT - Why is everyone so mean

    oh, that happened to a friend of mine! Good luck!

    [Quote]

    Even my drunken posts? ;-)

    Thanks, goodness! And I agree.

    See...its not all bad we can be warm and fuzzy when we wanna be.

    speaking of, my next meeting today is with a couple of people who think I come across too mean in emails at work. I think they are sissys personally, but just goes to show...you never know how someone might interpret what you're saying even if you really meant no harm at all. Sigh. Here I go...

    [/Quote]

     
  18. You have chosen to ignore posts from pinkkittie18. Show pinkkittie18's posts

    OT - Why is everyone so mean

    we all have the right to defend ourselves and our opinions to the bitter end, if we see fit to do so. And we all have the common sense to call stalemate when we have to.


    [Quote]

    I might not be totally innocent here. I was attacked once a couple weeks ago, and I came right back and attacked right back. There was no other contribution to my post, but to merely attack me.

    THAT'S what I don't appreciate.

    [/Quote]

     
  19. You have chosen to ignore posts from pinkkittie18. Show pinkkittie18's posts

    OT - Why is everyone so mean

    aw, you can call me out any time you''d like ;) just teasing!

    I think it's easy to get carried on way on here. And I agree that's it's important to try your best to keep your comments, or debate, based on the topic of discussion. It's also important to not hold grudges.
    I think I have both agreed and disagreed with every "reg" on this board. But I certainly don't keep a tally or declare anyone an enemy. I'd be hard-pressed to remember who's opinion was what.

     
  20. You have chosen to ignore posts from pinkkittie18. Show pinkkittie18's posts

    OT - Why is everyone so mean

    it's tough to choose the right words though, people can find anything offensive if they want to. I remember someone calling me out for using the word "silly" for once.
    Barney says "silly" for pete's sake!
     
  21. You have chosen to ignore posts from pinkkittie18. Show pinkkittie18's posts

    OT - Why is everyone so mean

    You're very right.

    I find it's best to avoid the words "stupid", "tacky", "ugly", "wrong" or "cheap" when refering to anyone or their choices.


    [Quote]

    The one thing I have noticed lately that some people do is offer unsolicited negative advice. For example, if someone says they are giving X for favors should I have them on a seperate table or on the tables?

    You have some that will come on telling the poster that there idea for favor X is tacky and they should not be giving those for favors. When really she just wants to know how people have decided to give their favors.

    There are many ideas that people have on this board that I wouldn't do and vice versa, but unless asked I would not give unsolicited negative advice.



    [/Quote]

     
  22. You have chosen to ignore posts from onecoolchick. Show onecoolchick's posts

    OT - Why is everyone so mean

    The one thing I have noticed lately that some people do is offer unsolicited negative advice. For example, if someone says they are giving X for favors should I have them on a seperate table or on the tables?

    You have some that will come on telling the poster that there idea for favor X is tacky and they should not be giving those for favors. When really she just wants to know how people have decided to give their favors.

    There are many ideas that people have on this board that I wouldn't do and vice versa, but unless asked I would not give unsolicited negative advice.

     
  23. You have chosen to ignore posts from Missy509. Show Missy509's posts

    OT - Why is everyone so mean

    People really should not be getting all huffy about what is said on an anonymous message board.

    People also need to learn that everyone is different, has their own ideas, thoughts and opinions. If we all agreed, or if a poster said should I do this for favors and the automatic response was always "sure!" then this board would not have a purpose.

    If you come here looking for everyone to agree with you and get upset wen people don't, then why did you ask the question in the first place if you truly did not care what the audience thought?

    However, it does get annoying when one poster doesnt even acknowledge the posts anymore and just continues to hijack threads. THAT gets quite old. Other than that, it is a public chat on the internet. Post your question or suggestion and be prepared that others will disagee, and if you can't handle that, you need some growing up. I am being blunt becaue quite frankly, that is the truth. People nowadays are always trying to shelter their kids from everything in the world. People WILL disagee with you. Weigh the responses, take what you do from them, and move on and make your decision. Whining over someone disagreeing with you on a message board is just sad.

    And yes, things can be taken out of context when reading text. You should take that into consideration, be a big girl, and move on without getting so upset. Sugar coating things, being fake, lying, or pretending to agree because that is what someone wants to hear gets no one anywhere fast.
     
  24. You have chosen to ignore posts from princess-cal. Show princess-cal's posts

    OT - Why is everyone so mean

    I agree, it's a public message board an no one should take any comments personally.
     
  25. You have chosen to ignore posts from pingo. Show pingo's posts

    OT - Why is everyone so mean

    Hi allready married,
    I do understand your concern. Is has been quite apparent, that there have been more "mean" posts lately. And even though you don't say so directly, I feel you are referring to Missy's and mine lates "disputes".
    Let me first say, I am not a mean person at all. In fact quite the opposite, and I know many posters will agree to that.
    Secondly, referring to the latest post about buying a dress in New York. It was my fault, that I did not read it right. I will be the first to admit that. I did not realize, that the OP was visiting her sister in New York. So I thought it was odd, that a bride - who has so many other things on her mind, should have to travel in order to buy dresses for her BMs. That is what my post was indicating.
    I have been posting here for many years - and so have Missy. I don't know how far it goes back - but Missy definitely have a "thing" about me. The first chance she gets - she will attack me. Like with the NY dress buying - immediately she had to harp:
    How do you figure? Why would her sister need to come to MA? They sell dresses in NY
    .
    Such an unwarranted reply. I know, no one in New York run around naked. These attacks have been going on for quite some time. I will not attack her, but I am just not sitting around here and let her insult me.
    I agree with you - Missy has a lot to contribute to these boards. But one thing I and several others found strange was, that she as a future bride never had anything to contribute to the forum about her own wedding (remember, I am talking about years - not just the past few months). Several times other posters have questioned her about the truth of her marrying. No answer. That I asked her (first time I might add) and pressured her is new for me, but not on these boards. Several posters have wondered and asked her the same thing.
    I appreciate we finally got an answer - and I hope for her it is a true one. I have only the best wishes for her in mind. Hope for her, she has a wonderful wedding day and a long and happy marriage.
     

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