possible missing card/gift

  1. You have chosen to ignore posts from preserves. Show preserves's posts

    possible missing card/gift

    thanks for everyone's help in planning--will do a review soon.
    we have a bit of a sticky situation. we went through our cards/gifts and made a list for thank you notes, when we realized that we did not get a card/gift from one of his first cousins. there has been a bit of drama with the family in the past so we don't want to cause any waves. but both my DH & I were very surprised that they didn't send anything.  now, my DH thinks that the cousin might have handed him a card, which he misplaced. given the craziness of the day, it wouldn't surprise me. how do we find out if they gave us something ? i'd hate to call and ask, b/c we know its not about the gift, but at the same time we don't want to be rude and not send a thank you...any suggestions on how to handle.

     
  2. You have chosen to ignore posts from Goodness1. Show Goodness1's posts

    Re: possible missing card/gift

    preserves, that is quite a sticky situation.  Is there any way you could ask a parent to follow up with the parent of the cousin?  Maybe let them know that you have gone through all the gifts/cards, and you just want to make sure it's all accounted for?  That's the only thing I can think of!  EEK!  I don't even know what I would do or how I would handle.
     
  3. You have chosen to ignore posts from pinkkittie27. Show pinkkittie27's posts

    Re: possible missing card/gift

    I would err on the side of caution and thank them for their generous or thougthful gift. I think that is preferable from asking them or having someone ask them, which puts them in the embarassing position of saying "we didn't give anything".
    If they didn't give anything, they'll think you got confused and thanked them for smeone else's gift. If they did give something, they'll know you appreciated it and won't know you lost it.

     
  4. You have chosen to ignore posts from Goodness1. Show Goodness1's posts

    Re: possible missing card/gift

    I went to a wedding where I dropped a card with cash into the card box.  I've been thinking the whole time if they've lost it as I didn't receive a thank you card. 

    On some level, I wish they would've asked, but then I can see how it would be uncomfortable and weird.  Who knows.  I also wish I would've gotten a thank you card regardless.
     
  5. You have chosen to ignore posts from ilovebeagles. Show ilovebeagles's posts

    Re: possible missing card/gift

    We had several "missing" gifts from people we know would have at the very least have given a card!
    Two of the people called my mom the day after the wedding, one had simply walked back out with the card, and another had forgotten her checkbook and was going to mail it to my mom for us. We got two more in the mail the week after the honeymoon.
    Six of DH's friends (two couples, two singles) gave nothing, no cards or anything. We did think that was weird, but I told DH to wait it out. Unbeknownst to me, he texted his friends about it. Not saying "hey goober where is my gift" but saying, hey i am doing my thank you notes, just double checking nothing got lost. Now, since they were all boys, I know they probably dont care, but I was a little horrified and told DH he shouldnt have done that.
    That being said - three guys had cards on their desks and needed our address. Havent heard anything from one friend, I told DH to let it go, at least he came and celebrated with us!
    Which is more than 2 of DH's good friends did - no response to invitation from one, one cancelled at the last minute. I feel badly for DH about that, as he is pretty hurt, but I pointed out that he had 25-30 really good friends there with us!

     
  6. You have chosen to ignore posts from heatherv1211. Show heatherv1211's posts

    Re: possible missing card/gift

    The only problem is, if they did hand DH a card and it had a check in it, they'll know if it was never cashed (unless you find the card that DH thinks might have been handed to him).  I suppose you could still send a thank-you and perhaps one day the cousin will say, "dude, you never cashed our check!" then DH can embarassedly confess that you guys can't find it.

    Silly cousin for handing your DH a card on his wedding day!! He kind of had a lot going on!

    In Response to Re: possible missing card/gift:
    [QUOTE]I would err on the side of caution and thank them for their generous or thougthful gift. I think that is preferable from asking them or having someone ask them, which puts them in the embarassing position of saying "we didn't give anything". If they didn't give anything, they'll think you got confused and thanked them for smeone else's gift. If they did give something, they'll know you appreciated it and won't know you lost it.
    Posted by pinkkittie27[/QUOTE]
     
  7. You have chosen to ignore posts from Goodness1. Show Goodness1's posts

    Re: possible missing card/gift

    In Response to Re: possible missing card/gift:
    [QUOTE] Silly cousin for handing your DH a card on his wedding day!! He kind of had a lot going on! In Response to Re: possible missing card/gift :
    Posted by heatherv1211[/QUOTE]

    Exactly!  Isn't that what the card box is for?  That's its whole purpose. 
     
  8. You have chosen to ignore posts from framerican51008. Show framerican51008's posts

    Re: possible missing card/gift

    If it were me, I'd let it go and hope they didn't give anything and thus I wasn't doing anything wrong by not sending a thank you.  I don't think there is any good way to ask if they gave a present.  We had at least 10 people/couples not give us gifts.  It happens.  (There were more, but their cards straggled in via mail after the wedding.)
     
  9. You have chosen to ignore posts from framerican51008. Show framerican51008's posts

    Re: possible missing card/gift

    In Response to Re: possible missing card/gift:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: possible missing card/gift : Exactly!  Isn't that what the card box is for?  That's its whole purpose. 
    Posted by Goodness1[/QUOTE]

    LOL there is always one!  My godmother gave me her card because she didn't want it to get bent in the birdcage... and then I went and put it in the birdcage.
     
  10. You have chosen to ignore posts from Prill. Show Prill's posts

    Re: possible missing card/gift

    Could you send them a thank you note thanking them for coming and celebrating your special day, yadda yadda... and politely skirt around the issue of a gift?
     
  11. You have chosen to ignore posts from Goodness1. Show Goodness1's posts

    Re: possible missing card/gift

    In Response to Re: possible missing card/gift:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: possible missing card/gift : LOL there is always one!  My godmother gave me her card because she didn't want it to get bent in the birdcage... and then I went and put it in the birdcage.
    Posted by framerican51008[/QUOTE]

    The wedding card box lives to receive cards!  That's what it's made for :)

    Sometimes I wonder if people hand the cards to the bride/groom to make sure that they KNOW they gave a gift. 
     
  12. You have chosen to ignore posts from lucy7368. Show lucy7368's posts

    Re: possible missing card/gift

    In Response to Re: possible missing card/gift:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: possible missing card/gift : The wedding card box lives to receive cards!  That's what it's made for :) Sometimes I wonder if people hand the cards to the bride/groom to make sure that they KNOW they gave a gift. 
    Posted by Goodness1[/QUOTE]

    I feel like that's the purpose of signing the card....

    Is there anywhere your DH might possibly have left the card that you could check before you have to make a decision?  If not, I would probably send a "Thank you for spending the day with us" card, as suggested above, and not mention the gift (or lack thereof).

    ETA:  If they did write you a check, eventually they will call to ask why you never cashed it.  You can all have a good laugh.
     
  13. You have chosen to ignore posts from trex509. Show trex509's posts

    Re: possible missing card/gift

    In the off chance they didn't give a gift, please remember that (as one of the wise women on this board said in another thread), a gift is just that, not an admission fee.  I only say this because years ago a friend got married and a bunch of us from college traveled to NJ for the wedding.  About a year later, we were talking about the wedding and the bride said "yeah, and So and So never gave us a gift.  Can you believe it?!".  I was horrified, first that she so obviously expected a gift and second that she told us, who were still friends with So and So.  I remember thinking thank goodness we gave her a gift and wondering if she complained about us to our other friends.  Especially since we were all poor college students and attending her wedding required travel costs plus hotel rooms.  Anyway, my mini-rant for the day...
     
  14. You have chosen to ignore posts from pinkkittie27. Show pinkkittie27's posts

    Re: possible missing card/gift

    That is stil preferable to putting them on the spot about a gift they may not have given or not thanking them for one they did give.

    In Response to Re: possible missing card/gift:
    [QUOTE] I suppose you could still send a thank-you and perhaps one day the cousin will say, "dude, you never cashed our check!" then DH can embarassedly confess that you guys can't find it. Silly cousin for handing your DH a card on his wedding day!! He kind of had a lot going on! In Response to Re: possible missing card/gift :
    Posted by heatherv1211[/QUOTE]
     
  15. You have chosen to ignore posts from pinkkittie27. Show pinkkittie27's posts

    Re: possible missing card/gift

    Perhaps this is a better solution. A thank you is a thank you.

    In Response to Re: possible missing card/gift:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: possible missing card/gift :  I would probably send a "Thank you for spending the day with us" card, as suggested above, and not mention the gift (or lack thereof). ETA:  If they did write you a check, eventually they will call to ask why you never cashed it.  You can all have a good laugh.
    Posted by lucy7368[/QUOTE]
     
  16. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: possible missing card/gift

    In Response to Re: possible missing card/gift:
    [QUOTE]Could you send them a thank you note thanking them for coming and celebrating your special day, yadda yadda... and politely skirt around the issue of a gift?
    Posted by Prill[/QUOTE]

    I gave a $50 shower gift and got a thank you that said "thanks for coming."  I was ticked.  If she hadn't sent one at all I'd have been happier.

    P.S.  But, I suppose I shouldn't shoot down this idea since I don't have any ideas at all...  Sorry!
     
  17. You have chosen to ignore posts from Goodness1. Show Goodness1's posts

    Re: possible missing card/gift

    In Response to Re: possible missing card/gift:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: possible missing card/gift : I gave a $50 shower gift and got a thank you that said "thanks for coming."  I was ticked.  If she hadn't sent one at all I'd have been happier. P.S.  But, I suppose I shouldn't shoot down this idea since I don't have any ideas at all...  Sorry!
    Posted by kargiver[/QUOTE]

    Kar, I'm right there with you.  I have been reading that it's important to note of the gift given.  Otherwise, guests get upset.  In my shower thank you's, I thanked them for coming, thanked them for their gift (specific gift), and told them we're excited to see them at the wedding. 
     
  18. You have chosen to ignore posts from LilSprout. Show LilSprout's posts

    Re: possible missing card/gift

    Hmmm, tricky one.  Preserves, is there any way you can have your FIL/MIL slyly ask his/her sibling (the cousin's parent) about the gift?  That way you don't have to ask the cousin directly, but you can find out either way.  The parents don't have to mention why they asked. 

    I wouldn't write a "thank you for coming" note because they might think that's their thank you note and then they're put in the awkward situation of asking you if you received the gift because your thank you note was weird. 

    If they actually did give you something, they probably will eventually ask... (Think about how many posts you've read on this board about ladies who've sent gifts and never got a note...they eventually had to ask if they'd ever received it.)  At that time, you can say "Oh no, we never received it."  And then the air will be clear :)
     
  19. You have chosen to ignore posts from miss-cellaneousJones. Show miss-cellaneousJones's posts

    Re: possible missing card/gift

    I would send a non-specific thank you anyway. Save you both from the possible embarassment that asking could cause. On a side note, I have a pretty funny (now looking back) gift giving situation to share: DH and I received a card along with a check from a single friend of mine that attended our wedding...Well, the check bounced and for some strange reason - that I can't fully remember the exact details of now - WE had to pay the returned/bounced check fee. It was a $30 fee, lol! Thanks, I mean you're welcome for coming to our wedding! Some people ;)
     
  20. You have chosen to ignore posts from framerican51008. Show framerican51008's posts

    Re: possible missing card/gift

    When we went to the bank to deposit our checks, the manager asked if we had made copies for ourselves.  Did that happen to anyone else?? 

    It made sense, in case something went wrong, but seriously does he think we have a xerox machine at home?  He made copies of all 49 checks for us which was incredibly nice!

     
  21. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: possible missing card/gift

    In Response to Re: possible missing card/gift:
    [QUOTE]...I wouldn't write a "thank you for coming" note because they might think that's their thank you note and then they're put in the awkward situation of asking you if you received the gift because your thank you note was weird...
    Posted by LilSprout[/QUOTE]

    That's exactly what I chose to do when I got that "thanks for coming" note - I asked her if she got the $50 gift card.  She had to admit that she had and wrote the same note for everyone.  Yeah, it was awkward. 
     
  22. You have chosen to ignore posts from preserves. Show preserves's posts

    Re: possible missing card/gift

    kar-i agree about the thank you for coming note..i really don't care about the gift...if they gave one great, if not, whatever. what i don't want to have happen is the rumblings with the inlaws that we never sent them a note...esp. since this couple initiated quite a bit of pre-wedding drama (long stories).
     
  23. You have chosen to ignore posts from pingo. Show pingo's posts

    Re: possible missing card/gift

    This is a very sticky situation. If I were you, I would just send them a TY card
    "Thank you for your generous gift!"
    If they indeed give you a gift, you are then responding the way you should. If they didn't - well, that is their problem.
    But maybe they will think about it, and do what most couples do - send a gift. I am not saying you are looking for gift, but it will be a win win situation for you.
     
  24. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: possible missing card/gift

    preserves,take heart, this will blow over just like all the other dramas involved with these folks.  This "sticky" situation will be a distant memory soon enough.  Not even meddling in-laws will go ballistic forever over a missing thank you note.
     
  25. You have chosen to ignore posts from Sept2010Bride. Show Sept2010Bride's posts

    Re: possible missing card/gift

    Preserves, this is OT, but I LOVE your bouquet! I am dying to read reviews!!
     

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