Postpone wedding due to same venue

  1. You have chosen to ignore posts from snowbuns00. Show snowbuns00's posts

    Postpone wedding due to same venue

    My fiance and I have had our hearts set on a certain venue for our wedding for a couple of years.  The only problem is a friend got engaged a few months before me and booked it for her wedding in a year and a half.  She did not know that I wanted that venue as I never knew she was considering it. 

    I am planning on getting married before my friend and now have been told if I want the same venue I should not even be considering it until after her wedding.  I am definitely not willing to add a year to my engagement.  Our plans are completely different and will not be similar in any way except for a few friends and the venue.

    Thoughts?
     
  2. You have chosen to ignore posts from Peonie. Show Peonie's posts

    Re: Postpone wedding due to same venue

    Wait, why can't you consider it until after her wedding? There is no rule that says you can't have your wedding before hers. Or is it the venue saying there is no room for you to have your wedding there before yours?

    If it is your friend saying this to you, than I would seriously consider your friendship with this girl. Weddings are one day of your life, a friendship is a lifetime. I know it may bug her, but she will just have to deal with it. Explain to her that you have always had your heart set on this venue, if she doesn't understand, she was never a true friend to begin with. But this is just my opinion. I would never let a friend manipulate me into something like this; it's toxic, rude, and disrespectful.

    I would first talk to your friend, don't make a rash decision you will regret in the end.
     
  3. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: Postpone wedding due to same venue

    You're both nuts, frankly.  Her for having a problem with it, and you for actually caring that she has a problem with it.

    If you're serious, she's no friend of yours, just an aquaintence masquerading as a friend.  And, you need to grow a back bone before you get married; it will serve you well.

    Best to you as you sort out who your real friends are and learn to do what is best for you and your future husband within reason, and booking this venue is certainly reasonable.  Many, many, people get married there.  You certainly both can.

    P.S.  I disagree, respectfully, with the advice to talk this over with your "friend" first.  Some people really do pretend to be our friends, and when we figure it out we should just cut our emotional losses.  Do what you want; it's absolutely none of her business and she has NO SAY in your decision whatsoever.  If this "ruins your friendship" so be it - it clearly wasn't worth saving to begin with.
     
  4. You have chosen to ignore posts from snowbuns00. Show snowbuns00's posts

    Re: Postpone wedding due to same venue

    Oh, I'm not ruling anything out.  I was just trying to post it impartially.  This was actually conveyed to me from a mutual friend and not the other bride.  I do know that the other bride will share the same opinion as our mutual friend though. 
     
  5. You have chosen to ignore posts from Peonie. Show Peonie's posts

    Re: Postpone wedding due to same venue

    Snow...then your mutual friend and the bride aren't really good friends. I'm not trying to be harsh or mean here, but seriously? They do not own the rights to this venue. If they honestly get truthfully mad at your for booking your wedding at this venue, then tell them to go fly a kite. This is just ridiculous! I am just angry reading this, not at you, at these stupid selfish girls you associate yourself with, no offense...
     
  6. You have chosen to ignore posts from snowbuns00. Show snowbuns00's posts

    Re: Postpone wedding due to same venue

    HAHA!! You are reading me and FH's minds!!  I am not dillusional to think they are great friends.  Unfortunately old habits, as do old group friendships, die hard.
     
  7. You have chosen to ignore posts from Peonie. Show Peonie's posts

    Re: Postpone wedding due to same venue

    Snow, I know all too well, I have slowly weeded out friends to make my life easier. Of course it is easier said than done, but my life is SO much better now. I can honestly say I have about 4 close girlfriends now instead of 10 just OK ones...and I am 100% more happy with my life than I have ever been.

    I really hope you figure something out, I just really hope you don't fall trap to these girls...that would be a big shame.
     
  8. You have chosen to ignore posts from lucy7368. Show lucy7368's posts

    Re: Postpone wedding due to same venue

    In Response to Re: Postpone wedding due to same venue:
    [QUOTE]You're both nuts, frankly.  Her for having a problem with it, and you for actually caring that she has a problem with it.
    Posted by kargiver[/QUOTE]

    That is exactly what I was going to say.

    To the OP, book the venue where you want to have your wedding.  Don't even mention it unless she asks.  She'll know where the wedding is when she gets the invitation... although, if she really told you not to even consider having your wedding there, I don't think you should send her one.
     
  9. You have chosen to ignore posts from Peonie. Show Peonie's posts

    Re: Postpone wedding due to same venue

    In Response to Re: Postpone wedding due to same venue:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Postpone wedding due to same venue : That is exactly what I was going to say. To the OP, book the venue where you want to have your wedding.  Don't even mention it unless she asks.  She'll know where the wedding is when she gets the invitation... although, if she really told you not to even consider having your wedding there, I don't think you should send her one.
    Posted by lucy7368[/QUOTE]
    I would honestly take her address out of my address book and her phone number out of my cell phone....
     
  10. You have chosen to ignore posts from whatawagSBNy. Show whatawagSBNy's posts

    Re: Postpone wedding due to same venue

         She is either terribly insecure, or a total egomaniac.  Who cares if it is the same venue?
         It probably rents out 2 x a week - over the years, lots of weddings.  Each has the stamp of the Bride and Groom.
         There is no copyright or charter on venues giving exclusive use to 1 wedding for a season or a year.  She needs to get over herself.  What a nerve.
     
  11. You have chosen to ignore posts from lucy7368. Show lucy7368's posts

    Re: Postpone wedding due to same venue

    In Response to Re: Postpone wedding due to same venue:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Postpone wedding due to same venue : I would honestly take her address out of my address book and her phone number out of my cell phone....
    Posted by Peonie[/QUOTE]

    That sounds like too much effort.  Some day, I'll get a new phone, and she won't be in it.  Sealed
     
  12. You have chosen to ignore posts from lucy7368. Show lucy7368's posts

    Re: Postpone wedding due to same venue

    In Response to Re: Postpone wedding due to same venue:
    [QUOTE]     She is either terribly insecure, or a total egomaniac.  Who cares if it is the same venue?      It probably rents out 2 x a week - over the years, lots of weddings.  Each has the stamp of the Bride and Groom.      There is no copyright or charter on venues giving exclusive use to 1 wedding for a season or a year.  She needs to get over herself.  What a nerve.
    Posted by whatawagSBNy[/QUOTE]

    Seriously - the only way to have a wedding in a place that is 100% yours is to use your own backyard.  Then, if you have kids, don't let them marry there in 20 years.
     
  13. You have chosen to ignore posts from Peonie. Show Peonie's posts

    Re: Postpone wedding due to same venue

    The sad thing is that there are a lot of manipulative girls out there who are essentially the "leader of the pack". Unfortunately for a lot of girls it can be hard for them to break away from their friend(s) who are like that. You tend to see it a lot in Middle and High School. The girl who runs the group; if you leave, or turn against, me I will turn everyone else against you. However, acting like this post-college, even in college, is just pitiful.
     
  14. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: Postpone wedding due to same venue

    In Response to Re: Postpone wedding due to same venue:
    [QUOTE]Snow, I know all too well, I have slowly weeded out friends to make my life easier. Of course it is easier said than done, but my life is SO much better now. I can honestly say I have about 4 close girlfriends now instead of 10 just OK ones...and I am 100% more happy with my life than I have ever been. I really hope you figure something out, I just really hope you don't fall trap to these girls...that would be a big shame.
    Posted by Peonie[/QUOTE]

    Amen, sistah, preach it!
     
  15. You have chosen to ignore posts from snowbuns00. Show snowbuns00's posts

    Re: Postpone wedding due to same venue

    Well, I should remind you that this message was conveyed to me from our mutual friend and not the other bride personally.  The mutual friend stated that if it were her she would be really upset with me even considering it.  Mind you all of this was completely unsolicited.  Don't you think I was upset when she booked it?!

    This leads me to believe that if I should book the same venue there will be non stop drama from these two throughout.  IF we should choose this venue I plan on sitting down with the other bride and discussing it.  I just didn't see the need to do it before it was set in stone. 
     
  16. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: Postpone wedding due to same venue

    Nope, no need to discuss it with her.  It's none of her business whatsoever, and there is no reason to act as if it is.  Book the venue you want.  Period.  If she's ticked, she's too immature to get married...or at least happily married.
     
  17. You have chosen to ignore posts from Peonie. Show Peonie's posts

    Re: Postpone wedding due to same venue

    Snow, why do you care what your other friend thinks in the first place? And, if they provide you with this much drama, why are you friends with them?

    And, you should have not been upset with her booking that venue. It is a wedding venue. No one on God's green earth has to ask anyones permission to have their wedding anywhere, unless it's at someone's private residence. Done and done.

    I have given as much advice with this as I can. Good luck with these girls. I really hope you evaluate your friendships in the future.
     
  18. You have chosen to ignore posts from lucy7368. Show lucy7368's posts

    Re: Postpone wedding due to same venue

    That just means you can get rid of two toxic friends at once.  Way to be efficient!
     
  19. You have chosen to ignore posts from Sept2010Bride. Show Sept2010Bride's posts

    Re: Postpone wedding due to same venue

    In Response to Re: Postpone wedding due to same venue:
    [QUOTE]That just means you can get rid of two toxic friends at once.  Way to be efficient!
    Posted by lucy7368[/QUOTE]
    Kill two birds with one stone.

    I agree with everything these girls have said, so I don't need to give you any advice, yay!
     
  20. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: Postpone wedding due to same venue

    Choosing friends wisely, knowing the difference between being considerate and being a doormat, recognizing what are reasonable expectations and what are outrageous demands...these are all skills we tend to gain the most of between our teen years and through our 20s.  (Of course, though, it hopefully starts earlier than that with our parents' guidance and continues at some level throughout our lives.)  They are the traits of a mature adult and are necessary for a healthy life filled with rewarding and successful relationships (including marital).  The lack thereof is a painful disaster waiting to happen around every turn.

    We all are hoping that you learn from us, not the hard way.  As my mom would say, "Guess how we know."
     
  21. You have chosen to ignore posts from ALF72. Show ALF72's posts

    Re: Postpone wedding due to same venue

    There are only so many wedding venues in the world.  Book it and schedule your wedding for whenever you want it.  I honestly do not understand the problem.

    I know I tell this story over and over, but one of my sisters and I got married at the same church and had our receptions in the same venue 11 weeks apart from each other.  We had all the same guests on our side, obviously.  Both weddings were completely unique b/c my sister and I have totally different tastes.  She was engaged before I was [by over a year] but is 8 years younger. She didn't have a firm date picked when my DH and I picked a date, booked the church and found the reception venue.  She liked the venue too so she booked it. 

    Everything worked out for us, even w/ the same guests on one side, and it will work out for you and your friend. If you don't even have the same guests coming, why is it even an issue? 
     
  22. You have chosen to ignore posts from Sept2010Bride. Show Sept2010Bride's posts

    Re: Postpone wedding due to same venue

    In Response to Re: Postpone wedding due to same venue:
    [QUOTE]Choosing friends wisely, knowing the difference between being considerate and being a doormat, recognizing what are reasonable expectations and what are outrageous demands...these are all skills we tend to gain the most of between our teen years and through our 20s.  (Of course, though, it hopefully starts earlier than that with our parents' guidance and continues at some level throughout our lives.)  They are the traits of a mature adult and are necessary for a healthy life filled with rewarding and successful relationships (including marital).  The lack thereof is a painful disaster waiting to happen around every turn. We all are hoping that you learn from us, not the hard way.  As my mom would say, "Guess how we know."
    Posted by kargiver[/QUOTE]

    Listen to Kar, she gives the best advice about friendships....
     
  23. You have chosen to ignore posts from dkb6248. Show dkb6248's posts

    Re: Postpone wedding due to same venue

    You said you AND your FI have wanted this venue?  If I were your FI, I would be upset that you would consider this "friend" in your decision over his desire to have the reception there.  Like everyone else said, who cares if it's the same venue - it will be a completely different wedding. 
     
  24. You have chosen to ignore posts from Missy509. Show Missy509's posts

    Re: Postpone wedding due to same venue

    I think it depends. If any of you ladies had a venue booked, and your friend came to you and said they were booking the exact same one, deep down, you cannot say you wouldn't be a bit irritated. Especially if the your wedding was already booked there and your friend is telling you hers will be there and be before yours. It is a perfectly normal reaction to at first think, "Are you kidding me? there are hundreds of venues and you pick mine, and want to do it before me?"

    However, how you handle the situation means everything. If you can understand that maybe you are such good friends because you have the same taste and like the same things then things can be okay. You can accept that your friend will have her wedding at the same venue as you. If you act bridezillaish and get angry about it, then that is silly. Feeling irritated, normal. Ending a friendship over it, stupid.
     
  25. You have chosen to ignore posts from kmt09. Show kmt09's posts

    Re: Postpone wedding due to same venue

    I just can't understand how some women get so territorial over their weddings.  They act as if nobody can ever do anything the same way ever again, because that's what they did.  Guess what?  Tons of other brides did and will get married at your venue, use your florist, have the same photographer, pick the same invitations, and maybe even wear the same dress, unless you picked one that isn't mass-produced.  Get over yourself!

    Can you tell I've known a few bridezillas before?  Rant over!  Smile
     
Sections
Shortcuts

Share