Postpone wedding due to same venue

  1. You have chosen to ignore posts from Sept2010Bride. Show Sept2010Bride's posts

    Re: Postpone wedding due to same venue

    Oh God, snow...if it is 4-6 months apart, then she will just need to get over it.

    Give me her phone number, I'll put her in her place Tongue out

     
  2. You have chosen to ignore posts from downtoearth. Show downtoearth's posts

    Re: Postpone wedding due to same venue

    book it.  if 'friend' or 'bride' appears upset or asks you why - ask her the name of her band or bakery, then take out a notebook... (just kidding.)

    If 'friend or 'bride' mentions it, tell them the truth - oh, I've always planned my wedding there.  I hear you're having yours there too!! I don't blame you - isn't it great?

    Don't bother getting defensive or explaining yourself.  A bride doesn't own the year - she only gets to be bride for one day.  Enjoy your wedding!!

    AB
     
  3. You have chosen to ignore posts from Missy509. Show Missy509's posts

    Re: Postpone wedding due to same venue

    In Response to Re: Postpone wedding due to same venue:
    I don't think you even need to give her a heads up. 
    Posted by WhirledPeasPlease

    Definitely disagree with this statement. This is your good friend. Tell her you are going to book the same place. 

    I do wonder why though when your friend first booked it, if you loved it so much, you never said anything like"really? I love that place! How funny because when FI and I get married we were thinking of it too, etc etc" or something like that. 

     
  4. You have chosen to ignore posts from Goodness1. Show Goodness1's posts

    Re: Postpone wedding due to same venue

    I would do the same thing that Missy just said.  Just say, "Oh, wow, that's what we were thinking and doing, too".  What a coincidence. 

    No need to find another venue, or book at a later date.  It's your wedding.  No one should tell you what to do with it.
     
  5. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: Postpone wedding due to same venue

    Forget all the psychobabble I've tried to share, and go with the practical.  If you talk to her about it prepare for a big, fat, unnecessary and hurtful argument.  If you book it without talking to her first, which as we've ALL said is perfectly reasonable, mature, and wise, you might get a pissy "friend" but no arguement.  It will make your life so much easier to just do it and let the chips fall where they may.
     
  6. You have chosen to ignore posts from Goodness1. Show Goodness1's posts

    Re: Postpone wedding due to same venue

    I'm still confused.  What's the big deal if they get married in the same spot?
     
  7. You have chosen to ignore posts from Sept2010Bride. Show Sept2010Bride's posts

    Re: Postpone wedding due to same venue

    In Response to Re: Postpone wedding due to same venue:
    Didnt this happen in Bride Wars?
    Posted by amschnittger


    You seriously crack me up!
     
  8. You have chosen to ignore posts from pinkkittie27. Show pinkkittie27's posts

    Re: Postpone wedding due to same venue

    Good point

    In Response to Re: Postpone wedding due to same venue:
    In Response to Re: Postpone wedding due to same venue : I do wonder why though when your friend first booked it, if you loved it so much, you never said anything like"really? I love that place! How funny because when FI and I get married we were thinking of it too, etc etc" or something like that. 
    Posted by Missy509

     
  9. You have chosen to ignore posts from pinkkittie27. Show pinkkittie27's posts

    Re: Postpone wedding due to same venue

    oh, then it's sort of a non-issue. I thought we were talking only 1-3 months apart. It could be seen as you trying to compete with her, even though I know that' not your intention. but 4-5 months... that's a horse of a different color.

    In Response to Re: Postpone wedding due to same venue:
    I am 99.9 % sure that the other bride will be upset, hopefully just initially.  Thank you for all of the advice and reassurance.  We are still keeping this venue on our list.  If it should be the place we are still in love with I will talk to the bride directly.  I am just going to explain that we have wanted this venue for years (before her and her fiance even met!) and still feel it is the place for us.  Explain how our weddings will be completely different and special in their own right.  It might even help her to make modifications for her wedding after attending mine!  Oh, and to answer some posts we are looking to get married about 4-6 months before her wedding - not even weeks!
    Posted by snowbuns00

     
  10. You have chosen to ignore posts from Missy509. Show Missy509's posts

    Re: Postpone wedding due to same venue

    In Response to Re: Postpone wedding due to same venue:
    Forget all the psychobabble I've tried to share, and go with the practical.  If you talk to her about it prepare for a big, fat, unnecessary and hurtful argument .  If you book it without talking to her first, which as we've ALL said is perfectly reasonable, mature, and wise, you might get a pissy "friend" but no arguement.  It will make your life so much easier to just do it and let the chips fall where they may.
    Posted by kargiver

    Having common courtesy and telling your friend you are booking it does not mean you are asking permission. You can have it at the same venue, just be mindful that the bride may be annoyed and that is human nature. Not telling her at all is just not right. You are fully aware of where that bride is having it, and it will come up in conversation and be much worse then. She will wonder why you kept it secret for so long and then yes, an argument may happen at that point. If you like this girl, then the OP should tell this bride as she is telling all of her other close friends about the venue. 

     
  11. You have chosen to ignore posts from Goodness1. Show Goodness1's posts

    Re: Postpone wedding due to same venue

    I agree.  Not telling her is just as bad as telling her (in her eyes anyway).  Just let her know.  If she gets mad, then fine.  Not your issue.
     
  12. You have chosen to ignore posts from Sept2010Bride. Show Sept2010Bride's posts

    Re: Postpone wedding due to same venue

    In Response to Re: Postpone wedding due to same venue:
    I agree.  Not telling her is just as bad as telling her (in her eyes anyway).  Just let her know.  If she gets mad, then fine.  Not your issue.
    Posted by Goodness1


    If she gets mad, she is immature and not a true friend. You know that friend who I didn't ask to be in my wedding, but asked to sing at it? Well, I have not heard from her since I asked her....I think she is so mad at me for not asking her to be a BM. Oh well. I guess we aren't friends anymore. I have emaild her, called her, etc. If she is so mad at me over something like that and wants to end a friendship because of one day, than that is her loss. May sound harsh, but I don't need people like that in my life.
     
  13. You have chosen to ignore posts from Peonie. Show Peonie's posts

    Re: Postpone wedding due to same venue

    In Response to Re: Postpone wedding due to same venue:
    In Response to Re: Postpone wedding due to same venue : If she gets mad, she is immature and not a true friend. You know that friend who I didn't ask to be in my wedding, but asked to sing at it? Well, I have not heard from her since I asked her....I think she is so mad at me for not asking her to be a BM. Oh well. I guess we aren't friends anymore. I have emaild her, called her, etc. If she is so mad at me over something like that and wants to end a friendship because of one day, than that is her loss. May sound harsh, but I don't need people like that in my life.
    Posted by Sept2010Bride


    That's obnoxious.....
     
  14. You have chosen to ignore posts from dougas. Show dougas's posts

    Re: Postpone wedding due to same venue

    Sept., you have all of us anyway.
     
  15. You have chosen to ignore posts from Goodness1. Show Goodness1's posts

    Re: Postpone wedding due to same venue

    Hey, no fair!  I don't know any of these posters personally :(
     
  16. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: Postpone wedding due to same venue

    But telling her and letting her have the satisfaction of argueing with you is a ridiculous concession to someone who isn't even your friend to begin with.  What is with trying to make sure she isn't offended when it's obviously a lost cause either way? 

    Ladies, being nice isn't necessarily always what it seems to be.  In this case, being nice is actually avoiding an irrational argument over something that shouldn't be an issue in the first place for either bride.
     
  17. You have chosen to ignore posts from Missy509. Show Missy509's posts

    Re: Postpone wedding due to same venue

    In Response to Re: Postpone wedding due to same venue:
    But telling her and letting her have the satisfaction of argueing with you is a ridiculous concession to someone who isn't even your friend to begin with.  What is with trying to make sure she isn't offended when it's obviously a lost cause either way?  Ladies, being nice isn't necessarily always what it seems to be.  In this case, being nice is actually avoiding an irrational argument over something that shouldn't be an issue in the first place for either bride.
    Posted by kargiver


    1) Currently she is the OP's friend
    2) No one knows for sure how she will react
    3) She will find out sooner than later. Why hide it? Be upfront. What would you say when she asks about the OPs wedding? Ignore the venue questions?
     
  18. You have chosen to ignore posts from WhirledPeasPlease. Show WhirledPeasPlease's posts

    Re: Postpone wedding due to same venue

    In Response to Re: Postpone wedding due to same venue:
    In Response to Re: Postpone wedding due to same venue : 1) Currently she is the OP's friend 2) No one knows for sure how she will react 3) She will find out sooner than later. Why hide it? Be upfront. What would you say when she asks about the OPs wedding? Ignore the venue questions?
    Posted by Missy509


    It doesn't sound like she's that great of a friend and OP is pretty sure she'll freak out.

    No need to hide it; it'll come up in conversation at some point, and OP can mention it in passing. If OP doesn't make a big deal about it, maybe her *friend* won't either.
     
  19. You have chosen to ignore posts from somethingold. Show somethingold's posts

    Re: Postpone wedding due to same venue

    Everyone wants their wedding to be special and unlike anyone elses but the miss the point that it will be unlike anyone elses by the sheer fact that there are different people getting married! And lots of people want the wow factor and the "credit" for finding a new and unusual place, photographer etc.

    But truth be told there is one person who would aggravate me by doing that and it is someone who always tries to one up me.  We gave presents to a bride once (both of us were bridesmaids) and she was dating someone rich and I was struggling she asked what I got for a gift I told her and she then told me "well a real friend would have saved up for the wedding I'm giving such and such extravagant gift" (not paid for by her mind you).  When I said I was engaged - she claimed to be considering it too, but realized what a bad idea it is for anyone our age to commit to a guy with baggage (hello, they're kids!!!)  But I would never let her know how much she gets under my skin - though I would vent here probably (and get slammed for it) and tell my sis so we could laugh it off.

    So I understand it - but now, with first anniversary coming up, I'd love to go back for another wedding there.  We are planning our anniversary dinner at the reception site...
     
  20. You have chosen to ignore posts from framerican51008. Show framerican51008's posts

    Re: Postpone wedding due to same venue

    Not gonna lie, I would be upset if I had booked my reception and then one of my close friends booked hers at the same place a few months before mine.  I wouldn't throw a fit or be a b*tch, but I would be bummed.  That being said, if you explain how much you love the venue and how long you have hoped to have your reception there, hopefully it won't be a big deal.

    How many people will be at both weddings?  It always helps to consider that.  My friend and I had our weddings 3 weeks apart so we were a bit conscious of choosing different colors and that kind of thing, but then we realized there would be less than 10 guests attending both weddings (including us).  That reminded us that it didn't matter.  Not that we were in competition - we had a blast planning together - but that helped.
     
  21. You have chosen to ignore posts from framerican51008. Show framerican51008's posts

    Re: Postpone wedding due to same venue

    Also wanted to add - hopefully your friend understands that if you have a long engagement, other people might get engaged and married before you.  That's life!  It doesn't matter!  What matters is you are marrying your one and only.
     
    We were engaged for almost 3 years so we certainly ran that risk, but somehow it didn't happen.  If it had, I certainly would not have been angry with the couple!  How immature would that have been?
     
  22. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: Postpone wedding due to same venue

    In Response to Re: Postpone wedding due to same venue:
    In Response to Re: Postpone wedding due to same venue : 1) Currently she is the OP's friend 2) No one knows for sure how she will react 3) She will find out sooner than later. Why hide it? Be upfront. What would you say when she asks about the OPs wedding? Ignore the venue questions?
    Posted by Missy509


    Can't argue with these list of facts.  True, indeed.

    OK, if she goes the route of calling, I suggest doing what I do when I have reason to believe it could be quite confrontational.  I come up with all possible responses from best case to worst case and a couple between.  Maybe 3 or 4 scenarios.  Then, I jot down notes of things I'd want to respond with.  I make the notes over a couple of days as I think of things that would diffuse the situation and keep things calm and positive.  Then, of course, I have the notes at my disposal during the call.

    This calms me beforehand; I know I can handle anything she throws at me.  It also tends to keep things under control that easily could spiral quickly otherwise.  When tensions are high, my mind goes blank and I end up thinking of all the things I should have said afterwards. 
     
  23. You have chosen to ignore posts from Sept2010Bride. Show Sept2010Bride's posts

    Re: Postpone wedding due to same venue

    In Response to Re: Postpone wedding due to same venue:
    In Response to Re: Postpone wedding due to same venue : See, I can understand getting a little irritated.  I get a little irritated 200 times a day.  I just can't imagine TELLING anyone I was irritated over something so trivial, except maybe my very best friend, who would tell me I was being an idiot, and then we would go for a drink.
    Posted by lucy7368

    God, you make me laugh, lucy! Laughing
     
  24. You have chosen to ignore posts from staci1. Show staci1's posts

    Re: Postpone wedding due to same venue

    well girls it's a touch situation.. however "friends" should want their "friends" happy, and that I think is getting missed here... so what if she booked the same venue... your not getting married the same day...I say go with what is going to make you happy.. afterall your getting married to the love of your life.. that is what is important.. it's not about a date or a place!!!

    Hope this helps!!!

    Staci
    Bottom line your friend should be happy for you!!!
     
  25. You have chosen to ignore posts from scorpio1969. Show scorpio1969's posts

    Re: Postpone wedding due to same venue

    Ummmmm....since your "friend" didn't have any idea that you had your hearts set on this place for 2 years, how close of a friend is she really?  I mean, when I planned my wedding my closest friends knew every detail from the minute we got engaged.  Book the venue, it's what you want!
     
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