Postpone wedding due to same venue

  1. You have chosen to ignore posts from Missy509. Show Missy509's posts

    Re: Postpone wedding due to same venue

    KMT, I don't think it is territorial. It is human nature to be irritated. If your friend bought the same wedding dress as you, and wore it shortly before you, would you be irritated? I bet you would. Same thing with the venue. Like I said, being irritated is one thing, getting so angry you ruin a friendship is another story.
     
  2. You have chosen to ignore posts from kmt09. Show kmt09's posts

    Re: Postpone wedding due to same venue

    Missy, I'm not saying that it's territorial in this case, but I've definitely seen it happen.  I've known brides that think that their wedding is off-limits, and nobody can do anything the same way that they have.  I think it's a little ridiculous...it's one day.

    I really wouldn't be irritated at all if a friend wore the same dress as me.  If I thought I would be, I wouldn't have bought a Maggie Sottero that's sold in every dress shop around.  :)  But I'm also not as into my wedding and the planning as most women are, so I don't expect many people to feel the same way.
     
  3. You have chosen to ignore posts from tibird. Show tibird's posts

    Re: Postpone wedding due to same venue

    In Response to Re: Postpone wedding due to same venue:
    [QUOTE]Well, I should remind you that this message was conveyed to me from our mutual friend and not the other bride personally.  The mutual friend stated that if it were her she would be really upset with me even considering it.  Mind you all of this was completely unsolicited.  Don't you think I was upset when she booked it?! This leads me to believe that if I should book the same venue there will be non stop drama from these two throughout.  IF we should choose this venue I plan on sitting down with the other bride and discussing it.  I just didn't see the need to do it before it was set in stone. 
    Posted by snowbuns00[/QUOTE]

    Snow, it sounds like you are keeping a level head in realizing that the harsh reaction came not from the other bride, but a 3rd party.  It's a good heads up & causing you to think about how to proceed, which is awesome, even if the delivery was irritating.  I would not let her decision influence yours, but communication is a good thing.
    I think the other girls have given good advice on how to handle this if it becomes trouble, because the friendships may not be worth it.  BUT, I agree with your thoughts on discussing it directly with the bride.  She may be more understanding that your other friend expects if she hears your side of things directly. By not talking to her about it she may not know how you've felt about the venue and could see it as you being the mean one. 
    Good luck!
     
  4. You have chosen to ignore posts from pinkkittie27. Show pinkkittie27's posts

    Re: Postpone wedding due to same venue

    I agree with Ti- discuss it frankly with your friend the bride and tell her you've fallen in love with the venue. Tell her you know people can be territorial about these things sometimes, but that you know that since you are two different people that your weddings will be undeniably unique from each other, even if the venue is not.

    *ETA but do make sure if you do both book the same venue that they are at least two weeks apart, as I'm sure you have some guest overlap. This is a favor to your other friends, not the other bride.
     
  5. You have chosen to ignore posts from whatawagSBNy. Show whatawagSBNy's posts

    Re: Postpone wedding due to same venue

    In Response to Re: Postpone wedding due to same venue:
    [QUOTE]KMT, I don't think it is territorial. It is human nature to be irritated. If your friend bought the same wedding dress as you, and wore it shortly before you, would you be irritated? I bet you would. Same thing with the venue. Like I said, being irritated is one thing, getting so angry you ruin a friendship is another story.
    Posted by Missy509[/QUOTE]
         I can be territorial about things, possessions.  If someone hunts on my property, I want to preserve my family's safety, not have someone I do not know out there blasting away.  Though I gladly give away produce from our garden and apple trees in limited quantity, I do not want anyone taking our things without permission.
         Someone I know buying one of the 100,000 of my dress that have been sold?  She obviously has good taste.  My venue? Very good taste.  Plays some of my favorite music , in my same venue, wearing the same design dress -  this woman must be terrific, I should see more of her, we have so much in common.

         In fact, since there are a limited number of venues near where I mostly grew up, lots of family and friends have married at the same few places, 2 to 5 at some particular places each season (Big family. Group of small towns where generations of locals all know each other.)   I gave my cousin my dress to save her money, and she wore it within 5 months, with over half of her guests mutual family.  And she passed it on to a mutual younger cousin who wore it in the summer.  So Oct 06, Feb 07, June 07.  How nice. 
         We lucked out with a venue a friend dound- people who had owned a B & B and a son out of cooking school and with a new business degree, bought an Inn, with a restaurant that had been closed except for Inn guests.  We booked when they had no previous reservations beyond a couple of months, and I did recommend it to friends, a couple who booked the whole Inn as we did, a month before us, and others the following spring.
         No jealousy, no upset.  These are things in the common domain.  Getting upset with others for using them is foolish.
         The source of most traditions is someone doing something others like, and they repeat it.  Over and over.

         A couple of years ago, before I got married, a friend (the one who found our venue and told us, so we could use it)  had one of those runaway posts on BDC because a whole bunch of posters were going on about owning songs, venues, colors etc, thinking they had a right to give or deny permission to others.  She recommended that they read that classic preschooler storybook Mine, in which yon 3-4 year old keeps claiming everything he likes is his, leaving it to his parents to explain the world and how it works.
        This claiming stuff in common use  is a very, very childish mentality.  No adult should give a thought to those who are so immature. I think parents who let these notions persist into their child's teen years  make a mistake.  Yet for many parents, instead of teaching their children about common use and sharing, simply buy one of everything for every child, so they never need share.  Poor prep for the real world.  It breeds selfishness.

     
  6. You have chosen to ignore posts from Reader001. Show Reader001's posts

    Re: Postpone wedding due to same venue

    For myself, this is how I would count a true friend receiving the news that I booked at the same venue:
    "You booked there too? How awesome! Isn't it a great place? I love it! Good luck with your planning, let me know if I can help in any way."

    Not a true friend:
    Anything other than the first example.
     
  7. You have chosen to ignore posts from pinkkittie27. Show pinkkittie27's posts

    Re: Postpone wedding due to same venue

    whatawag- but you offered or suggested your gown/venue to these other people. That's not quite the same as being surprised when you find out your friend has booked the same venue as you a few weeks before. Anyone would have that twinge of "awwwww....". The only way it would be bad was if you expressed that feeling to the other bride.
     
  8. You have chosen to ignore posts from wendy98. Show wendy98's posts

    Re: Postpone wedding due to same venue

    whatawag I agree with Pinkie your situation is not the same since you offered.

    I have to say if it is the venue you like and your FI likes and it fits the budget go for it and book it.  Quite frankly no one is going to remember the details of the weddings other than the two brides in question.  I think the two of you can both have very lovely weddings without comparing them to each other.
     
  9. You have chosen to ignore posts from ALF72. Show ALF72's posts

    Re: Postpone wedding due to same venue

    Reader is absolutely correct. That is the only appropriate response.

    You should not feel a 'twinge' of anything if someone chooses to have their reception at the same venue.  My sister was like 'um, we kind of the like the venue too.  Would you mind if we have it there' and my response was 'why should I care? If you want it there, book it".  I offered her my dress too, as well as the contact info for my band and photographer.  She declined those offers, b/c we have really different tastes.  My dad suggested a joint wedding, but sis and I decided you do have to draw the line somewhere.  lol.  However, if we had 50% of the same guests and the same venue, and we lived, I think the OP's friend will live if she books the venue, esp if they have very little guest overlap.  
     
  10. You have chosen to ignore posts from kmt09. Show kmt09's posts

    Re: Postpone wedding due to same venue

    Let's be real:  how many of us go to a wedding, and then later on remember any details of it?  Even if you did it at the same place, with the same dress, and the same centerpieces, the majority of people wouldn't even pick up on it.  I know I wouldn't!  Obviously if it's a close friend or family member we may remember certain things, but the average wedding guest doesn't even pay attention to the details.

     
  11. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: Postpone wedding due to same venue

    Reader's example of an acceptable response was actually the real response I got from dear friends, let's call them Mr. & Mrs. Jones, who got married at the venue we wanted because we fell in love with the place at their wedding.  They said to go on in to the Wayside Inn and "Order up the Jones' wedding" and be done with the whole planning process!  They thoroughly enjoyed attending ours for the fact that they were thrilled to be there for our wedding and because it brought back fond memories of their own.  They even got to see some of the staff that had done such a great job for them, too.
     
  12. You have chosen to ignore posts from dougas. Show dougas's posts

    Re: Postpone wedding due to same venue

    Finally, a little fightin' goin' on!
     
  13. You have chosen to ignore posts from dkb6248. Show dkb6248's posts

    Re: Postpone wedding due to same venue

    I honestly wouldn't care if one of my friends or sisters booked the same venue as me, even if the wedding was before mine.  I wanted to sneak into a wedding when I chose my venue to get a feel for the set up, and this would provide a perfect opportunity for that.  Plus, if we had some guests overlap then they would have no problem finding the place and planning their trip (and Pinks suggestion for at least a 2 week gap is a very considerate idea). 

    It would also be fun to plan together and share ideas.  No two weddings are exactly the same and you can take one room and set it up a hundred different ways.
     
  14. You have chosen to ignore posts from Reader001. Show Reader001's posts

    Re: Postpone wedding due to same venue

    In Response to Re: Postpone wedding due to same venue:
    [QUOTE]For myself, this is how I would count a true friend receiving the news that I booked at the same venue: "You booked there too? How awesome! Isn't it a great place? I love it! Good luck with your planning, let me know if I can help in any way." Not a true friend: Anything other than the first example.
    Posted by Reader001[/QUOTE]
    I mean the above to express only what one does and not what one feels. Under these circumstances I would have many feelings much like a 3 year old, (my dress, my venue, mine, mine mine!!!) but I would not express that out loud.
     
  15. You have chosen to ignore posts from lucy7368. Show lucy7368's posts

    Re: Postpone wedding due to same venue

    In Response to Re: Postpone wedding due to same venue:
    [QUOTE]I think it depends. If any of you ladies had a venue booked, and your friend came to you and said they were booking the exact same one, deep down, you cannot say you wouldn't be a bit irritated.
    Posted by Missy509[/QUOTE]

    See, I can understand getting a little irritated.  I get a little irritated 200 times a day.  I just can't imagine TELLING anyone I was irritated over something so trivial, except maybe my very best friend, who would tell me I was being an idiot, and then we would go for a drink.
     
  16. You have chosen to ignore posts from lucy7368. Show lucy7368's posts

    Re: Postpone wedding due to same venue

    FWIW, if I decide to get married in my hometown, it will be at the same venue both of my sisters used.  My mother used to work there, and we won't have to pay for it.  I don't care at all that they were there first.
     
  17. You have chosen to ignore posts from kmt09. Show kmt09's posts

    Re: Postpone wedding due to same venue

    [QUOTE]FWIW, if I decide to get married in my hometown, it will be at the same venue both of my sisters used.  My mother used to work there, and we won't have to pay for it.  I don't care at all that they were there first.
    Posted by lucy7368[/QUOTE]

    FI's dad is a member at a nice country club near us, and same thing, we wouldn't have to pay to rent it.  When we got engaged, of course I suggested it, since it would be FREE and all.  FI's response:  "I don't want to!  My sister got married there; I can't have my wedding there too!"

    Surprised
     
  18. You have chosen to ignore posts from heatherv1211. Show heatherv1211's posts

    Re: Postpone wedding due to same venue

    Ditto Reader and Lucy.  this goes back to other similar threads regarding feelings vs. actions.  I wouldn't begrudge someone their feelings (especially if they are intial gut-feelings), but actions are controllable. 

    In this situation, it would be interesting to find out for sure whether the other bride really feels slighted and wants Snow to change her plans, or whether it's just the mutual "friend" expressing her own thoughts.  Snow, you seem pretty sure that the bride would feel this way, but if you ever hear from her directly I would be curious to know what happens!

    oh, and i agree with everyone else that you should not change your own plans in the slightest because of all this.
     
  19. You have chosen to ignore posts from lucy7368. Show lucy7368's posts

    Re: Postpone wedding due to same venue

    In Response to Re: Postpone wedding due to same venue:
    [QUOTE]FI's dad is a member at a nice country club near us, and same thing, we wouldn't have to pay to rent it.  When we got engaged, of course I suggested it, since it would be FREE and all.  FI's response:  "I don't want to!  My sister got married there; I can't have my wedding there too!"
    Posted by kmt09[/QUOTE]

    I can actually think of at least a couple reasons to reject the venue, but none of them are that my sisters were married there (Or that, if my third sister's SO ever gets his a-$-$ in gear, she, too, will be married there).
     
  20. You have chosen to ignore posts from WhirledPeasPlease. Show WhirledPeasPlease's posts

    Re: Postpone wedding due to same venue

    Snow, does this friend of yours frequent the knot? That place breeds madness.

    I don't think you even need to give her a heads up. She thinks she owns the year or so to her wedding and then the year after that? She's going to wake up to a harsh reality some day.

    Book your wedding at the place you and your FI love, and if these girls give you a hard time, cut the toxicity from your life.
     
  21. You have chosen to ignore posts from SilverFestiva. Show SilverFestiva's posts

    Re: Postpone wedding due to same venue

    Didnt this happen in Bride Wars?
     
  22. You have chosen to ignore posts from snowbuns00. Show snowbuns00's posts

    Re: Postpone wedding due to same venue

    I am 99.9 % sure that the other bride will be upset, hopefully just initially.  Thank you for all of the advice and reassurance.  We are still keeping this venue on our list.  If it should be the place we are still in love with I will talk to the bride directly.  I am just going to explain that we have wanted this venue for years (before her and her fiance even met!) and still feel it is the place for us.  Explain how our weddings will be completely different and special in their own right.  It might even help her to make modifications for her wedding after attending mine! 

    Oh, and to answer some posts we are looking to get married about 4-6 months before her wedding - not even weeks!

     
  23. You have chosen to ignore posts from booklover. Show booklover's posts

    Re: Postpone wedding due to same venue

    Kargiver, as usual your advice is spot-on.

    Snow, I think you know what to do and I wish you the best of luck in doing it!

    We'll be watching your friend on "Bridezillas," no doubt.  I am so weirdly addicted to that show!
     
  24. You have chosen to ignore posts from snowbuns00. Show snowbuns00's posts

    Re: Postpone wedding due to same venue

    HAHAHA I know!  I thought of that this morning!  It's not like I'm planning it for the same day!
     
  25. You have chosen to ignore posts from snowbuns00. Show snowbuns00's posts

    Re: Postpone wedding due to same venue

    In Response to Re: Postpone wedding due to same venue:
    [QUOTE]Kargiver, as usual your advice is spot-on. Snow, I think you know what to do and I wish you the best of luck in doing it! We'll be watching your friend on "Bridezillas," no doubt.  I am so weirdly addicted to that show!
    Posted by booklover[/QUOTE]

    It's a great way to remind FI that no matter how stressed out I get... I'm not that bad! :o)
     

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