Rant

  1. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Rant

    I'd say that while the registry enclosure in an invitation was in extremely poor taste, I'd have assumed it would be a gift giving event to replace the lost wedding celebration and would have brought a "wedding" gift.
     
  2. You have chosen to ignore posts from Missy509. Show Missy509's posts

    Rant

    So, a couple I know recently got married quickly because the hubby to be was to be deployed. Fine. Now I get in the mail an invitation to their celebration, a year later because hubby is now home. Ok fine. I figured that this warrants attending with a card and some money in it I guess. Then I notice that tucked in the envelope is a registry card! I could care less when they are included in shower invites, because they are gift giving occassions, but with this? It just really really ticked me off. So I had to rant about it.

    What is the gift giving norm for attending a wedding celebration?
     
  3. You have chosen to ignore posts from pingo. Show pingo's posts

    Rant

    Bump!
     
  4. You have chosen to ignore posts from lucy7368. Show lucy7368's posts

    Rant

    Did they have any kind of celebration or formal announcements when they first got married?

    Either way, they shouldn't include the registry information in the invitation. But, if there was no formal ceremony or anything when they first got married, I could see why they would consider this a gift-giving occasion.
     
  5. You have chosen to ignore posts from pingo. Show pingo's posts

    Rant

    We all know it is bad etiquette to place a registry card in a formal wedding invitation - still people do it. Personally. I would rather see that - than 'cash only' or 'no boxed gifts'.
    You are right, a wedding reception is not a gift giving event, but most guests give gifts. Some send them ahead of time to the couple - some bring them to the reception.
    But if you don't fell like giving a gift, the good news are - you don't have to. Do what you feel is right for you. If that is bringing a congratulation card - with or without money - you are fine and have broken no etiquette rules.
    Attend the weddiing celebration and appreciate the fact, that hubby made it back home safely.
     
  6. You have chosen to ignore posts from Missy509. Show Missy509's posts

    Rant

    I was going to bring a card with some cash in it anyhow, but when I noticed the registry card, I was just annoyed. To me, it is understood people will bring gifts, but to blatantly ask for them just rubbed me the wrong way. It's kind of like a regular wedding reception is normally a gift giving occassion, but you dont put a registry card in the invite, know what i mean?

    Originally no formal ceremony took place. Just some quick thing between the two of them.
     
  7. You have chosen to ignore posts from Goodness1. Show Goodness1's posts

    Rant

    I'm confused about the issue. They wanted to get married as he was about to be deployed. Now, he's back and they are having a reception to celebrate their marriage. Did they have any type of party (shower)? That's probably the reason why they included a registry card in the invite. I don't agree that it's the best method, but in any event, I would assume that most people wouldn't show up empty handed. They were probably just being naive and including the registry card, so people would know what they wanted if they were interested in getting them something for their house.

    It's all innocent here. Don't get so upset.
     
  8. You have chosen to ignore posts from Missy509. Show Missy509's posts

    Rant

    thanks Alf. I havent ever been to a "celebration" before, and I really didnt know if people just treated them differently.

    Am, I agree, there are definitely bigger fish to fry. I just got ticked off when I opened the envelope and saw that.

    I dont know if anyone agrees with me or not (and if you disagree that is fine), but I personally think people should only register if they are having a shower. I just dont think it is polite or whatever you want to call it to register for stuff just for the wedding. I know weddings are occassions where people bring gifts (and for the record, i always do!) but something about registering for the wedding just comes across as gift grubbing to me, and as the whole 'i expect gifts' attitude.

    I can agree to disagree. that is partly why i posted this, to see if i am in the minority on this or not. and because it bothered me, i needed to vent about it. so there, i did =)

     
  9. You have chosen to ignore posts from ALF72. Show ALF72's posts

    Rant

    The norm is the same as a wedding reception. You are celebrating the marriage, and can give whatever you want [physical gift, cash, etc]. Having the celebration after the wedding [when he gets back from his tour] is not weird. However, putting a registry card in the invitation was wrong. We all know that you don't include registry information in most invitations. For a shower invitation, you can get away with it [I still find it icky], but for anything else, you don't include a registry card. Personally, I tossed all the registry cards in the trash the minute I got out of the store.
     
  10. You have chosen to ignore posts from Vanessa11382. Show Vanessa11382's posts

    Rant

    ....
     
  11. You have chosen to ignore posts from pinkkittie18. Show pinkkittie18's posts

    Rant

    In the couple's defense: when they give you those registry cards at the store, they tell you to put them in the invitations. So, if you don't know any better, you put them in.
    They most likely weren't trying to be selfish, they just didn't know it was a faux pas.
    Just another reason why I think engagement rings should come with a few weddimng etiquette do's and don'ts.

    But it is a little annoying. Like when someone uses poor grammar in a professional letter. You know it's wrong, they don't, but it's also rude to correct them. It's enough to give you a facial tic.
     
  12. You have chosen to ignore posts from SilverFestiva. Show SilverFestiva's posts

    Rant

    but your actual question was, "What is the gift giving norm for attending a wedding celebration?"

    So...are you confused as to the ettiquette of gift giving? It doesn't sound like you are.

     
  13. You have chosen to ignore posts from ALF72. Show ALF72's posts

    Rant

    [Quote][Quote]

    but your actual question was, "What is the gift giving norm for attending a wedding celebration?"

    So...are you confused as to the ettiquette of gift giving? It doesn't sound like you are.

    [/Quote]

    My post was more than just the question at the end. But, I was wondering if people give more, less or the same for just a celebration as opposed to attending the entire wedding.

    [/Quote]

    I would not give more or less to the couple just b/c they are having a party some time after the ceremony [ie, the ceremony does not immediately follow the wedding itself]. What I give a couple depends on my degree of closeness to them, not on whether or not I was invited to all the parties/ceremonies associated w/ their union. If you would have given them $50 for their wedding gift had you witnessed the actual ceremony, then give them $50 now. I don't see the issue. They had a very valid reason for getting married and then having the reception at a later date.

     
  14. You have chosen to ignore posts from SilverFestiva. Show SilverFestiva's posts

    Rant

    I dont get it -- are you annoyed because it was in there all together or annoyed because it was in there and its a year after their "official" wedding?

    It sounds like they never had the chance to do the full reception/celebration but if they had, they would have included the registry card in that invitation over a year ago. sounds like its just something they don't see any problem with.

    I agree it's tacky, but I don't get why you're so hot and bothered. They are friends, right?
     
  15. You have chosen to ignore posts from Missy509. Show Missy509's posts

    Rant

    [Quote]

    but your actual question was, "What is the gift giving norm for attending a wedding celebration?"

    So...are you confused as to the ettiquette of gift giving? It doesn't sound like you are.

    [/Quote]

    My post was more than just the question at the end. But, I was wondering if people give more, less or the same for just a celebration as opposed to attending the entire wedding.

     
  16. You have chosen to ignore posts from SilverFestiva. Show SilverFestiva's posts

    Rant

    [Quote]

    My post was more than just the question at the end. But, I was wondering if people give more, less or the same for just a celebration as opposed to attending the entire wedding. [/Quote]

    But it is the entire wedding. Its not like they had a huge party before he was deployed and now they're having another one. this is it. So I dont see where the confusion is.

    My point is that regardless of when they are throwing the party, they didnt know any better and they would have put the registry card in their invitation regardless of when he was deployed/when the reception was held. That's like asking, what is the gift giving norm for a destination wedding where the couple hosts a formal reception at home for those who couldnt fly to Hawaii or wherever for their ceremony.

    We all agree that its not the greatest show of class to put a registry card in the invitation, but I really don't see what the point is in complianing about it.

    I think I'm coming off as kind of a b*tch and I don't intend to so don't take it that way. I just think there are bigger fish to fry.
     
  17. You have chosen to ignore posts from Missy509. Show Missy509's posts

    Rant

    [Quote]I dont get it -- are you annoyed because it was in there all together or annoyed because it was in there and its a year after their "official" wedding?

    It sounds like they never had the chance to do the full reception/celebration but if they had, they would have included the registry card in that invitation over a year ago. sounds like its just something they don't see any problem with.

    I agree it's tacky, but I don't get why you're so hot and bothered. They are friends, right?

    [/Quote]

    I am "hot and bothered" because they included a registry card in with the invitation. It to me says "hey, we want you to celebrate our wedding with us, and by the way, this is all the stuff we want. k? thanks"

    registry cards in shower invites to me is fine. registry cards in wedding reception invites is super tacky to me.

    Like I said, I was going to bring a card with cash to the celebration. I know gifts are normally given at wedding receptions, and i always do give a gift. however, sticking a registry card in with the invite to me says that they EXPECT a gift.

    sometimes i think people really forget that a gift is a gift, something you should be thankful for, and something that is optional and done because the giver wants to. nowadays, it seems too many people forget that and just expect things. that, i have a problem with.
     
  18. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Rant

    I understand - it irks me when people are flagrantly igornant about such things; it's not like the information isn't out there for them to find out what is proper and what isn't.

    Money works! :)
     
  19. You have chosen to ignore posts from Goodness1. Show Goodness1's posts

    Rant

    I don't think anyone is attacking Missy. She was the one who thought it was poor etiquette.

    I don't know about anyone else, but I'm certainly not caught up in all the stupid etiquette stuff. Who cares if the registry card was in the invite??
     
  20. You have chosen to ignore posts from Goodness1. Show Goodness1's posts

    Rant

    "Proper etiquette" or not. I have NEVER shown up to anyone's wedding empty handed. If I got a registry card in the mail along with a wedding invitation, I never thought twice about it. Maybe I thought of it as a way of giving me ideas for gifts. Regardless, aren't we splitting hairs here?

    You're planning on giving a gift in any case, so what difference does it make that the card was slipped in there? They were probably just making it easy for their guests since they didn't have a shower.
     
  21. You have chosen to ignore posts from SilverFestiva. Show SilverFestiva's posts

    Rant

    The protocol doesn't change if the couple gets married in Florence and then has a reception at home with all their family and friends so it wouldn't change if they get married before the groom is deployed and then they have a reception when he gets home safely.

    Did I say that already? I feel lke I did, sorry. i'm way too lazy to look. :-)

    a-m
     
  22. You have chosen to ignore posts from Goodness1. Show Goodness1's posts

    Rant

    Well, they made an error in judgement. Give them a break! Besides, who cares. They are still married, and having a reception to celebrate with their family and friends.

    Not everyone knows the proper etiquette.

    This shouldn't be that big a deal.
     
  23. You have chosen to ignore posts from Goodness1. Show Goodness1's posts

    Rant

    So, if a couple doesn't have a shower, then they shouldn't register for the wedding?

    I don't get that. If I could skip my wedding shower I would, but I can't. I would STILL register, though. My fiance and I are still starting our lives together.

    I don't get the big deal. If it bothers you so much, then don't give them a gift.
     
  24. You have chosen to ignore posts from allreadymarried. Show allreadymarried's posts

    Rant

    Who really cares.
    Why is everyone so caught up on etiquette and what it says?
    I am confident that we all don't live our lives to perfection or follow what is proper according to what someone else dictates.
    I personally think some the etiquette stuff is way out dated and overrated. I also believe some of the rules should be followed.
    I don't think there is reason to attack Missy on this.

     
  25. You have chosen to ignore posts from Missy509. Show Missy509's posts

    Rant

    [Quote]I think Missy's just trying to express her annoyance at the clear faux pas of the registry card in the invitation, and tacked on the question at the end as a "by the way, since they got married and are having the party later, does that change the gift-giving protocol?"

    [/Quote]

    Yes, whirled, exactly! that is what I have been trying to say.

    To Goodness, what bothers me about the registry card in there is that to me it says "come celebrate our wedding, and bring us a gift, and here is what we want"

    I am not trying to be a biotch about it, just trying to express my annoyance because to me, that is what the registry card says...to others, apparently it does not, which will maybe help me become a little less annoyed ;)

    I would be just as annoyed if the registry card was in a regular wedding invitation too, not just this celebration invitation..

     
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