Rehearsal Dinner - Bar Question...

  1. You have chosen to ignore posts from ALF72. Show ALF72's posts

    Re: Rehearsal Dinner - Bar Question...

    If you are having a RD in a restaurant, you can only control the menu so much, and that includes alcohol.  If you only want to offer 3 choices, then that's what you do and the guests either select ahead of time, or else they get a special 'event menu' listing the 3 choices and sides. I've been to both kinds of events [we had our guests preselect their choices].  However, at both kinds of events, the waitstaff still takes drink orders. They do not tell you ahead of time that drinks are not covered and I've been in situations where I'm surprised to get a drink bill at the end of the event.  I don't drink soda so it's either water, iced tea or an alcoholic beverage for me.  Either pay for the drinks, or else alert your guests ahead of time that drinks are not being covered - you could put something on the menu or put signs on the table.  Honestly,  I would think it easier and less embarassing to just cover drinks. No one is going to get smashed at a RD, even if you have a large one. We did [about 40 pp] and the the bar bill was minimal.  I don't think many people had more than 3 [we had a lot of men and 3 beers during a several hour event is not alot]. 
     
  2. You have chosen to ignore posts from heatherv1211. Show heatherv1211's posts

    Re: Rehearsal Dinner - Bar Question...

    My RD was a long trip up 95 or 93 North for everyone, at rush hour on a Thursday!!  (the only time the venue could do it)  I felt so badly about that, there's no WAY we weren't going to provide some alcohol to the poor souls! 
    Wink
     My MIL also recognized that, so luckily it didn't even need to be a discussion.  I recognize, however, that I am very lucky with my in-laws...

    This may be neither here nor there, but we (DH, ILs and I) all agreed to have the RD at a place that was inexpensive enough that we could allow our guests to order whatever they wanted, to avoid the "set menu" type thing, also taking beverages into consideration.
     
  3. You have chosen to ignore posts from wendy98. Show wendy98's posts

    Re: Rehearsal Dinner - Bar Question...

    From my RD experiences if there was no alcohol served, you were given an 'event menu' with about 3 selections, and the wait staff asked if you would like soda, water, coffee, tea, or juice as they took the order.

    I guess I never really gave much thought about an RD and what was served.  I just took what was available because that is what the host provided.  Obviously I don't think that no drinks being included is a big deal, but many others do so c'est la vie.  I will agree to disagree with what appears to be the majority.
     
  4. You have chosen to ignore posts from engagedkat. Show engagedkat's posts

    Re: Rehearsal Dinner - Bar Question...

    In Response to Re: Rehearsal Dinner - Bar Question...:
    Do your IL's drink? Sure it would be great to get a drink but quite frankly I don't see what the big deal is. The IL's are hosting and it is not like the guests will not have anything to drink they just won't have alcohol, and it is their prerogative to serve or not serve alcohol for whatever reason. Yes I drink occasionally but not all the time and not for every celebration.  I cannot imagine looking down on someone hosting a party and not offering alcohol, it is their choice as to what to provide.  If you are having one meal option (lets say chicken) at your wedding how would you feel if someone said well I really wanted steak so they will just pay for it?    It is the same thing you are the host and you determine what to provide. A glass of wine or a cocktail is nice but it is not essential to a party or celebration.  I think you are making a mountain out of a mole hill.  As long as the guests are being feed and provided with some type of beverage, why do you get to determine what that is if you are not the host?  Are people that consumed by alcohol that it must be present at every dinner, party or celebration? 
    Posted by Scorpio75


    By all means, I could very easily eat dinner without a drink, as could many in attendance, but that's not the matter at hand. It's that there WILL be a bar that our guests (family and loved ones!) will be asked to pay for... I just equate this all with inviting people to my house, I wouldn't ask for $8 for each glass of wine I pour...and maybe I should just let it go, I was raised to be gracious and appreciative of every little thing, but that's one of the reasons I want to thank the people in our wedding party.


     
  5. You have chosen to ignore posts from downtoearth. Show downtoearth's posts

    Re: Rehearsal Dinner - Bar Question...

    In Response to Re: Rehearsal Dinner - Bar Question...:
    but you still had a choice. It wasn't soda or nothing. They gave you a limited menu, you can do the same with wine and beer. It's just not proper for a guest to have to pay for food or drink when you've invited them out to a place of your choosing for an occasion of yours that  you want them to celebrate with you . MOST people will want a beer or glass of wine, sure, not ALL people- but then that's one less drink you'll be buying, but MOST people will want one. To charge them for wanting what most people would want is just petty. At a RD it's your closest friends and family. If these people aren't the people who you'd want to buy a drink for, then who? And if you just never want to buy anyone a drink, aside from moral objections, then I don't know what to say about that. Buying someone a drink is an almost universal sign of goodwill and comraderie. It's woven into the fabric of our society. In Response to Re: Rehearsal Dinner - Bar Question... :
    Posted by pinkkittie27



    My best friends are recovered alcoholics.  When they have us to their house for dinner, they always have a bottle of wine.  Because they are good hosts. 

    They had a party last month for friends of another circle - we did not go.  The next day they brought us all the leftover booze.  they supplied it, but they sure didn't want to keep it!!

    A good host anticipates the group and makes her guests comfortable. 
     
  6. You have chosen to ignore posts from trex509. Show trex509's posts

    Re: Rehearsal Dinner - Bar Question...

    And I think a good guest appreciates her host's graciousness and doesn't complain about it.
     
  7. You have chosen to ignore posts from downtoearth. Show downtoearth's posts

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    In Response to Re: Rehearsal Dinner - Bar Question...:
    And I think a good guest appreciates her host's graciousness and doesn't complain about it.
    Posted by trex509


    absolutely.  the two are not mutually exclusive! 

    In the case of our op - she is upset because she wants to be a good host and is worried that her in-laws actions will appear less gracious than she wishes to be.  At the same time, she is worried that by interjecting her thoughts to her in-laws, she will appear as an ungrateful guest.

    So the question becomes, are the bride and groom hosts or guests at the rehearsal dinner?  I suppose it depends upon circumstances.

     
  8. You have chosen to ignore posts from pinkkittie27. Show pinkkittie27's posts

    Re: Rehearsal Dinner - Bar Question...

    I think that by offering to pay for the bar, you are offering to co-host. And as we all know, hosting your own rehearsal dinner is not unusual these days.

    But I know that if I were a guest of honor and I knew of something going on that I didn't agree with, I think there's nothing wrong in expressing that beforehand, tactfully.

    In Response to Re: Rehearsal Dinner - Bar Question...:
    In Response to Re: Rehearsal Dinner - Bar Question... : absolutely.  the two are not mutually exclusive!  In the case of our op - she is upset because she wants to be a good host and is worried that her in-laws actions will appear less gracious than she wishes to be.  At the same time, she is worried that by interjecting her thoughts to her in-laws, she will appear as an ungrateful guest. So the question becomes, are the bride and groom hosts or guests at the rehearsal dinner?  I suppose it depends upon circumstances.
    Posted by downtoearth
     
  9. You have chosen to ignore posts from ALF72. Show ALF72's posts

    Re: Rehearsal Dinner - Bar Question...

    In Response to Re: Rehearsal Dinner - Bar Question...:
    And I think a good guest appreciates her host's graciousness and doesn't complain about it.
    Posted by trex509


    That's true, but if you are in a restaurant and your graciousness is limited in terms of the bar, please let your guests know ahead of time, and not have them be surprised by a tab at the end of the night.  If I knew ahead of  time that my glass of Pinot was not going to be covered, I probably would not order it - not b/c I am too cheap to pay for my own glass of wine, but b/c I wouldn't want to offend my host by ordering something he/she did not want to pay for. 
     
  10. You have chosen to ignore posts from pinkkittie27. Show pinkkittie27's posts

    Re: Rehearsal Dinner - Bar Question...

    exactly.

    In Response to Re: Rehearsal Dinner - Bar Question...:
    In Response to Re: Rehearsal Dinner - Bar Question... : That's true, but if you are in a restaurant and your graciousness is limited in terms of the bar, please let your guests know ahead of time, and not have them be surprised by a tab at the end of the night.  If I knew ahead of  time that my glass of Pinot was not going to be covered, I probably would not order it - not b/c I am too cheap to pay for my own glass of wine, but b/c I wouldn't want to offend my host by ordering something he/she did not want to pay for. 
    Posted by ALF72

     
  11. You have chosen to ignore posts from dkb6248. Show dkb6248's posts

    Re: Rehearsal Dinner - Bar Question...

    All this talk of beer and wine is making me thirsty.  May have to grab a glass on my way home.
     
  12. You have chosen to ignore posts from pinkkittie27. Show pinkkittie27's posts

    Re: Rehearsal Dinner - Bar Question...

    not at the drive-thru, right? ;)

    I think after all of the action on here today and yesterday I need a drink too! Hope DH has some wine in the fridge.

    In Response to Re: Rehearsal Dinner - Bar Question...:
    All this talk of beer and wine is making me thirsty.  May have to grab a glass on my way home.
    Posted by dkb6248

     
  13. You have chosen to ignore posts from downtoearth. Show downtoearth's posts

    Re: Rehearsal Dinner - Bar Question...

    Hope????  don't leave life to chance - call him!!!!!

    When I get home at night, dh hands me  glass of chilled wine before I get my coat off.  He's a good man!!
     
  14. You have chosen to ignore posts from dkb6248. Show dkb6248's posts

    Re: Rehearsal Dinner - Bar Question...

    In Response to Re: Rehearsal Dinner - Bar Question...:
    not at the drive-thru, right? ;) I think after all of the action on here today and yesterday I need a drink too! Hope DH has some wine in the fridge. In Response to Re: Rehearsal Dinner - Bar Question... :
    Posted by pinkkittie27


    LOL!  If only it were that easy.  I don't have a car, but I could mime my way through the drive-thru...a walk-thru would be nice.
     
  15. You have chosen to ignore posts from dkb6248. Show dkb6248's posts

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    In Response to Re: Rehearsal Dinner - Bar Question...:
    Hope????  don't leave life to chance - call him!!!!! When I get home at night, dh hands me  glass of chilled wine before I get my coat off.  He's a good man!!
    Posted by downtoearth


    That is a good man!

    And Pink, you're a lucky lady.  Isn't your DH a wine buyer? 
     
  16. You have chosen to ignore posts from heatherv1211. Show heatherv1211's posts

    Re: Rehearsal Dinner - Bar Question...

    In Response to Re: Rehearsal Dinner - Bar Question...:
    All this talk of beer and wine is making me thirsty.  May have to grab a glass on my way home.
    Posted by dkb6248


    Yes - all this talk, combined with some of the viscious posts in the past couple of days definitely puts me in the mood for a drink!!  (and NOT diet coke)
     
  17. You have chosen to ignore posts from lucy7368. Show lucy7368's posts

    Re: Rehearsal Dinner - Bar Question...

    In Response to Re: Rehearsal Dinner - Bar Question...:
    In Response to Re: Rehearsal Dinner - Bar Question... : Yes - all this talk, combined with some of the viscious posts in the past couple of days definitely puts me in the mood for a drink!!  (and NOT diet coke)
    Posted by heatherv1211


    Seriously.  Is anyone else down by the waterfront?
     
  18. You have chosen to ignore posts from dkb6248. Show dkb6248's posts

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    In Response to Re: Rehearsal Dinner - Bar Question...:
    In Response to Re: Rehearsal Dinner - Bar Question... : Seriously.  Is anyone else down by the waterfront?
    Posted by lucy7368


    I usually am!  Unfortunately working from a different location today, which is not the norm.
     
  19. You have chosen to ignore posts from cosmogirl. Show cosmogirl's posts

    Re: Rehearsal Dinner - Bar Question...

    well, you all know what I'm having in approximately 2 hours and 2 minutes!   It has been a tough day, hasn't it, ladies?

    Queen Of All Things Vodka/Cointreau/Cranberry (stirred, not shaken)
     
  20. You have chosen to ignore posts from lucy7368. Show lucy7368's posts

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    In Response to Re: Rehearsal Dinner - Bar Question...:
    In Response to Re: Rehearsal Dinner - Bar Question... : I usually am!  Unfortunately working from a different location today, which is not the norm.
    Posted by dkb6248


    Cry
     
  21. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: Rehearsal Dinner - Bar Question...

    I agree with lucy's first post.

    It's also a big no-no to go against the hosts of a party behind their backs about anything let alone this issue.  This is NOT your party.  Discuss this openly with them even if it's uncomfortable.  I can guarantee that it won't be nearly as uncomfortable as the ramifications of doing it behind their backs and surprising them with it that night.  Not all surprises are fun, and you'd regret that decision big time.


     
  22. You have chosen to ignore posts from downtoearth. Show downtoearth's posts

    Re: Rehearsal Dinner - Bar Question...

    In Response to Re: Rehearsal Dinner - Bar Question...:
    well, you all know what I'm having in approximately 2 hours and 2 minutes!   It has been a tough day, hasn't it, ladies? Queen Of All Things Vodka/Cointreau/Cranberry (stirred, not shaken)
    Posted by cosmogirl


    thank gosh! you have your own title -   so you're not mad at me!!!! 

    tempting Lucy - I'm right above Fanueil Hall.  but have a date tonight. 
     
  23. You have chosen to ignore posts from pinkkittie27. Show pinkkittie27's posts

    Re: Rehearsal Dinner - Bar Question...

    I am, I work by the Fiduciary Trust.

    In Response to Re: Rehearsal Dinner - Bar Question...:
    In Response to Re: Rehearsal Dinner - Bar Question... : Seriously.  Is anyone else down by the waterfront?
    Posted by lucy7368

     
  24. You have chosen to ignore posts from Goodness1. Show Goodness1's posts

    Re: Rehearsal Dinner - Bar Question...

    In Response to Re: Rehearsal Dinner - Bar Question...:
    I agree with lucy's first post. It's also a big no-no to go against the hosts of a party behind their backs about anything let alone this issue.  This is NOT your party.  Discuss this openly with them even if it's uncomfortable.  I can guarantee that it won't be nearly as uncomfortable as the ramifications of doing it behind their backs and surprising them with it that night.  Not all surprises are fun, and you'd regret that decision big time.
    Posted by kargiver


    I completely agree with kar.  I think it's best to openly discuss the option of having some wine/beer at the RD with the in-laws.  I might be an uncomfortable conversation to have, but I think it's something that needs to be discussed being that it's a party for the bridal party, the b&g, and their families, etc. 

    I think it would be a HUGE mistake to not talk to them about it, and make arrangements for the alcohol.  Just let them know your feelings on it, and tell them that it would be a "nice gesture" to have it for them.  Everyone there will be toasting to everyone anyway.  Nice to toast with a glass of wine.
     
  25. You have chosen to ignore posts from lucy7368. Show lucy7368's posts

    Re: Rehearsal Dinner - Bar Question...

    In Response to Re: Rehearsal Dinner - Bar Question...:
    I am, I work by the Fiduciary Trust. In Response to Re: Rehearsal Dinner - Bar Question... :
    Posted by pinkkittie27


    I'm on the other side of Christopher Columbus Park, near the cannolis.  :)
     
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