Separate ceremony and reception?

  1. You have chosen to ignore posts from spinningwheel. Show spinningwheel's posts

    Separate ceremony and reception?

    What are everyone's thoughts/opinions on having the ceremony separate from the reception (i.e. ceremony with immediate family only and a reception soon after, maybe the next week, for friends and extended family)? 

    He does not want a large wedding (he's much more interested in "being married" than "getting married" and would elope tomorrow if I wanted to).  I would also prefer to keep it small (I totally respect and mostly agree with his perspective) but we are blessed with large families and a lot of friends, so truly small seems logistically impossible.  There is a lot of "if we invite X, we have to invite Y" -- and rightfully so -- so I couldn't just pick out the closest of the close.  So, although it's far from my favorite option, I'm thinking that this arrangement might be the best compromise for us. 

    I feel like I'm torn between hurting the feelings of friends and family (if we have a tiny ceremony, and regardless of whether we have a separate reception) and hurting the feelings of FI (well, his feelings won't truly be hurt -- he is willing to have the large wedding, he just won't be psyched about it).  Anyone else gone through something like this?

     
  2. You have chosen to ignore posts from Prill. Show Prill's posts

    Re: Separate ceremony and reception?

    Could you have small ceremony with just family (thus saving if we invite X, we have to invite Y & Z along too), even just at town hall.  And then have a party with everyone else (nothing formal, like a hotel with sit down meal etc), just a big party with food, drinks and dancing.

    Or, get married 'secretly' then invite everyone to your place for a BBQ and at that announce that you got married?

    ETA - I had friends get married one week day with just immediate family and then had their 'engagement party' on the Saturday night, at which they announced they got married.  I have also had friends have their son christened and at a party at their house afterwards have a ceremony as a surprise for all the guests.
     
  3. You have chosen to ignore posts from downtoearth. Show downtoearth's posts

    Re: Separate ceremony and reception?

    If you don't want a big wedding, don't have one.  When you draw the lines of who to invite and who not to, draw them brightly and logically.  Example, it would hurt feelings if you invite two of your best friends from high school, and you were a group of 5. 

    But if you only include your parents, or your parents and siblings, or your parents, siblings and Grandparents.... then even if people are disappointed, they won't be hurt.  They will understand.

    There is no rule that says you have to have a big party because you got married. 

    AB
     
  4. You have chosen to ignore posts from downtoearth. Show downtoearth's posts

    Re: Separate ceremony and reception?

    Onthe other hand - if you WANT to have a big party - why not have it the same day?  You can still have an intimate ceremony and follow it with a large party the same day. 

    AB
     
  5. You have chosen to ignore posts from pinkkittie27. Show pinkkittie27's posts

    Re: Separate ceremony and reception?

    Have your nice formal ceremony with your closest loved ones and have dinner with them somewhere cozy afterwards (this can include your own home)

    A week later have a more laid-back reception or "coming out party" as a married couple with the whole big gang.

    I think skipping the big formal reception is a huge releif to everyone- your guests included. No seating chart, no wondering what to wear, no hoping there's no chicken dance or garter toss- justt he best part, the friends family and food.
    Go for it!

     
  6. You have chosen to ignore posts from downtoearth. Show downtoearth's posts

    Re: Separate ceremony and reception?

    In Response to Re: Separate ceremony and reception?:
    [QUOTE]Have your nice formal ceremony with your closest loved ones and have dinner with them somewhere cozy afterwards (this can include your own home) A week later have a more laid-back reception or "coming out party" as a married couple with the whole big gang. I think skipping the big formal reception is a huge releif to everyone- your guests included. No seating chart, no wondering what to wear, no hoping there's no chicken dance or garter toss- justt he best part, the friends family and food. Go for it!
    Posted by pinkkittie27[/QUOTE]

    I still do not understand why the reception has to be a different day in order to be casual.  Simply plan a casual reception.  What is the purpose of having the reception on a different day?
     
  7. You have chosen to ignore posts from ajuly09. Show ajuly09's posts

    Re: Separate ceremony and reception?

    This is your wedding, your marriage, do it the way that makes you happy, don't worry about everyone else.  I say do the party after, whether it is the same day, next day or next week.   I went to a wedding where the couple was already married, just had a small intimate immediate family only ceremony, and then the reception was the following weekend. The reception was more of a party, and I think I enjoyed myself more than any other wedding I have been to.  It was truly just a party, no throwing of the bouquet, cake cutting, etc. It was kind of a relief.   
    You could have a party, have drinks and appetizers, and call it a cocktail reception, do it early and end it early, that way people don't feel that they are starving and want a big meal.   
     
  8. You have chosen to ignore posts from pinkkittie27. Show pinkkittie27's posts

    Re: Separate ceremony and reception?

    it doesn't, I was only suggesting that since it seems to be what she wants in the first place.

    In Response to Re: Separate ceremony and reception?:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Separate ceremony and reception? : I still do not understand why the reception has to be a different day in order to be casual.  Simply plan a casual reception.  What is the purpose of having the reception on a different day?
    Posted by downtoearth[/QUOTE]
     
  9. You have chosen to ignore posts from WhirledPeasPlease. Show WhirledPeasPlease's posts

    Re: Separate ceremony and reception?

    Make a guest list of everyone you want to invite, then start lopping off groups. Repeat as necessary. It's easier to not invite whole groups; ie, no work friends for either of you; no kids under 18; no second cousins; only people you've seen in the past year. Like someone else said, this way people may be disappointed but they won't think that you're excluding them maliciously. The guest list is the hardest part, but choose a quota and stick with it!
     
  10. You have chosen to ignore posts from kmt09. Show kmt09's posts

    Re: Separate ceremony and reception?

    Hi Spinning!  My DH and I actually just did the separate ceremony and reception, though not quite for the same reasons.  We had a formal ceremony/reception planned for this Saturday, and we're still going to do both, but we had our legal ceremony last Friday with just immediate family present. 

    It was really intimate and special, and if you're thinking about doing something like this I'd say go for it.  None of our friends or extended family members were disappointed at all.  They'll still get to see us re-do the ceremony next week, but it won't be the legal one.  In your case I'd think they be thrilled, because most people hate the church part!
     
  11. You have chosen to ignore posts from spinningwheel. Show spinningwheel's posts

    Re: Separate ceremony and reception?

    In Response to Re: Separate ceremony and reception?:
    [QUOTE]Have your nice formal ceremony with your closest loved ones and have dinner with them somewhere cozy afterwards (this can include your own home) A week later have a more laid-back reception or "coming out party" as a married couple with the whole big gang. I think skipping the big formal reception is a huge releif to everyone- your guests included. No seating chart, no wondering what to wear, no hoping there's no chicken dance or garter toss- justt he best part, the friends family and food. Go for it!
    Posted by pinkkittie27[/QUOTE]

    I think this sums up my feelings pretty perfectly.  Anyhow, thanks everyone for the advice and support!
     
  12. You have chosen to ignore posts from ash. Show ash's posts

    Re: Separate ceremony and reception?

    I think its all in the execution, especially in really being able to keep the ceremony "small and intimate".  I think that is definately the most difficult part.

    I went to a wedding like this, but the reception was immediately following the ceremony at the same venue.  And the ceremony was really not that small in the end, because this group needed to be invited and that group needed to be invited and if you invited this one from this side you needed to invite that one from the other side and can you really invite a group of friends over a group of cousins you grew up with.

    Personally, I thought it was executed very awkwardly and came off as kind of rude, even though that was not the intention.  I think if you can keep the ceremony very, very small, say twenty people or less, you can pull it off.
     
  13. You have chosen to ignore posts from spinningwheel. Show spinningwheel's posts

    Re: Separate ceremony and reception?

    In Response to Re: Separate ceremony and reception?:
    [QUOTE]I think its all in the execution, especially in really being able to keep the ceremony "small and intimate".  I think that is definately the most difficult part. I went to a wedding like this, but the reception was immediately following the ceremony at the same venue.  And the ceremony was really not that small in the end, because this group needed to be invited and that group needed to be invited and if you invited this one from this side you needed to invite that one from the other side and can you really invite a group of friends over a group of cousins you grew up with. Personally, I thought it was executed very awkwardly and came off as kind of rude, even though that was not the intention.  I think if you can keep the ceremony very, very small, say twenty people or less, you can pull it off.
    Posted by ash[/QUOTE]

    It would be under 20, because it would be immediate family only (which is the only line I can draw without rapidly heading toward triple digits...).  Of course, I just realized that even immediate family only is awfully close to 20 people! 

    You make a good point about keeping the ceremony and reception clearly separate.  Now I'm thinking a small Friday ceremony and a Saturday party.  Close but not too close?
     
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