Should I Stay or Should I go?

  1. You have chosen to ignore posts from ghotieyes. Show ghotieyes's posts

    Should I Stay or Should I go?

    Hi Ladies,

    It's been a while since I've posted, but a wedding-related dilemma has come up for me. It's somewhat of a long story so bear with me...

    DH & I got married last May and still haven't taken our honeymoon yet because of several job-related issues. A friend of mine is getting married in October in LA and we thought that since we're planning to go to Hawaii for our honeymoon, it'd be a good opportunity for us to lump the 2 together so we didn't have to make 2 separate trips out west. As our wedding gift, DH's family decided to book a week in Hawaii for us whenever we were ready to go. We told them the dates that would work for us and the only thing that was available in Hawaii had us checking out the morning of my friend's wedding. I scoured the airlines to find a reasonable flight that would get us back to LA for the wedding and the first flight out of Hawaii that morning leaves us 1.5 hrs to get to the wedding. I thought that would be enough time, so I booked it.

    Unfortunately, everyone we've talked to who is familiar with the LA area has doubts that we'd make it to the wedding on time because traffic is so unpredictable and horrendous around LAX. Now this has me worried because I don't want to be late, but my only other option is to forfeit a night in the hotel that's already paid for, and change my flight to take a redeye.

    Now a mutual friend of ours who is a bridesmaid in the wedding called me up and basically said that I should really consider changing my flight and cutting my honeymoon short to have better chances of making it to the ceremony. She said that if I miss the ceremony, then I'd just be there for the dinner, and if that's the case, why not give up our seats to other people whom them B&G had to cut off the guest list because they couldn't accomodate all the people they wanted to invite. She said that she hasn't talked to the bride about this because she doesn't want to upset her, but thought that she should bring it up with me since we've all known each other since we were 5 and that she thinks the bride would really want us there to witness the ceremony.

    I understand that the wedding planning process is tough, and that weddings are expensive, but I also feel that we're already making the effort to go across the country for this wedding. If I were in the bride's shoes, I'd rather have a good friend come late than not at all. Heck, I was so distracted during my ceremony that I didn't even notice who was missing from the guest list! I'm *planning* on making it to the ceremony, barring traffic in the area. DH is against changing our travel plans. Unless this mutual friend is playing it off innocent but is really relaying the message from the bride, I don't think we should change our plans either. I feel that it is beyond the bridesmaid's duties to try to control the guest list, and that someone will always be late to a wedding. Now the question is, should I bring this up with the bride directly and give her the chance to uninvite us, or let it be and stick to our plans? We already booked the airfare and hotels, so we would just be exploring LA if we didn't go to the wedding.
     
  2. You have chosen to ignore posts from NorthernLghts. Show NorthernLghts's posts

    Re: Should I Stay or Should I go?

    I agree with you. I didn't pay any attention to who wasn't at the ceremony but at my reception. It was most important that my friends and family made the effort to be there with us. So don't charge your plans, try and make it to the ceremony. It's better you be a little late then not show up at all. I think you are being a great friend trying to lump your honeymoon with this trip to begin with.
     
  3. You have chosen to ignore posts from SilverFestiva. Show SilverFestiva's posts

    Re: Should I Stay or Should I go?

    I would say do not cut your own honeymoon short - the fact that you're even trying to do this at all says a lot. Go with your plan, if you make it to the ceremony great...if not, oh well. You'll still be in LA for your friend on her big day and I'm sure she'll appreciate it. It really doesn't matter what her bridesmaids think - and how rude of her to say any of that to you.

    I'm sure there are other people who will be traveling that day, and ANYTHING can happen with flights/traffic so those people have just as good a chance of being late as anyone.
     
  4. You have chosen to ignore posts from Sept2010Bride. Show Sept2010Bride's posts

    Re: Should I Stay or Should I go?

    Are you kidding me? Tell that bridesmaid to mind her own business. My God...Why do other people meddle so much. You have every right to enjoy your honeymoon. The most important thing is that you are actually showing up at all!
     
  5. You have chosen to ignore posts from trex509. Show trex509's posts

    Re: Should I Stay or Should I go?

    I agree with everyone else.  The fact that you are making the long and expensive trip out to LA for the wedding is a big deal.  You are going to do your best to make it to the ceremony on time, so what is the bridesmaid complaining about?  I honestly think the bride will just be happy to have you there, especially since you guys have been friends for so long! 

    I'm a little worried about why this mutual friend/BM is making such a big deal about it.  I almost think you might want want to talk to the bride just to make sure the BM isn't saying things to her behind your back.
     
  6. You have chosen to ignore posts from ilovebeagles. Show ilovebeagles's posts

    Re: Should I Stay or Should I go?

    Ok, here is my POV, take it for what you want.

    I totally understand you wanting to stay the night in Hawaii for your honeymoon. Hello- honeymoon!!! Hawaii!!

    That being said, you definitely wont make the ceremony. I travel for work weekly, so I am always at the mercy of the airlines.
    Landing time means wheels down. That doesnt include taxing to the gate or offboarding the plane. Tack on 30 mins for that.

    Then, LAX is huge. It will take you at least 10 mins to walk to baggage claim, then about 15 to get your luggage.

    You now have 35 minutes to get to the ceremony and be dressed for it.

    Wont happen.

    However, as you pointed out, she wont even notice you arent there. So, I vote for staying the night in Hawaii and praying your flight doesnt get delayed, cuz then you will miss the reception too!

    Tell BM to mind her business, not yours or the brides, or lie and say you changed your travel plans. She wont notice you arent there either.
     
  7. You have chosen to ignore posts from allreadymarried. Show allreadymarried's posts

    Re: Should I Stay or Should I go?

    call the bride and discuss this with her.
     
  8. You have chosen to ignore posts from Sept2010Bride. Show Sept2010Bride's posts

    Re: Should I Stay or Should I go?

     Now the question is, should I bring this up with the bride directly and give her the chance to uninvite us, or let it be and stick to our plans?

    Why would she uninvite you just because you can't go to the ceremony? That would be a little over-the-top.
     
  9. You have chosen to ignore posts from cicirose. Show cicirose's posts

    Re: Should I Stay or Should I go?

    While I think you absolutely deserve to get the most out of your honeymoon, I would also consider your relationship with this person. What would she do if the situation were reversed? I'm guessing if you are good friends she would tell you that she would be ecstatic just to see you at the reception, well rested and relaxed from a wonderful honeymoon.

     
  10. You have chosen to ignore posts from ash. Show ash's posts

    Re: Should I Stay or Should I go?

    In Response to Re: Should I Stay or Should I go?:
    [QUOTE]Ok, here is my POV, take it for what you want. I totally understand you wanting to stay the night in Hawaii for your honeymoon. Hello- honeymoon!!! Hawaii!! That being said, you definitely wont make the ceremony. I travel for work weekly, so I am always at the mercy of the airlines. Landing time means wheels down. That doesnt include taxing to the gate or offboarding the plane. Tack on 30 mins for that. Then, LAX is huge. It will take you at least 10 mins to walk to baggage claim, then about 15 to get your luggage. You now have 35 minutes to get to the ceremony and be dressed for it. Wont happen. However, as you pointed out, she wont even notice you arent there. So, I vote for staying the night in Hawaii and praying your flight doesnt get delayed, cuz then you will miss the reception too! Tell BM to mind her business, not yours or the brides, or lie and say you changed your travel plans. She wont notice you arent there either.
    Posted by ilovebeagles[/QUOTE]
    What beagles said about those flights and LAX is true.  You are probably going to miss the ceremony.  Depending on where you are going, you stand a pretty big chance on missing a good part of the reception also.  Traffic is really, really bad in Los Angeles, even on the weekends.  It would be a shame to miss everything.

    However, this is none of the bridesmaid's concern and she really spoke out of turn.  Your travel plans are none of her concern.  I would do what Beagles said in that department. 

    However, if YOU are concerned about missing anything, then you should discuss it with your husband and go from there.
     
  11. You have chosen to ignore posts from Goodness1. Show Goodness1's posts

    Re: Should I Stay or Should I go?

    I would keep your plans as is.  You are making every effort to try and make it to your friend's wedding ceremony/reception.  Do not change your plans.  Just try and make it to the ceremony, and if you can't, then the bride/groom will see you at the reception. 

    I think it was very wrong of the bridesmaid to interfere and tell you what you should do with your plans.  I also would not call the bride to discuss it with her.  You don't want her or you to be in a weird spot.  Just do your best.  I think it's great that you're even making a solid effort to try and make it.  I know of a LOT of people who wouldn't make that effort.
     
  12. You have chosen to ignore posts from Goodness1. Show Goodness1's posts

    Re: Should I Stay or Should I go?

    In Response to Re: Should I Stay or Should I go?:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Should I Stay or Should I go? : What beagles said about those flights and LAX is true.  You are probably going to miss the ceremony.  Depending on where you are going, you stand a pretty big chance on missing a good part of the reception also.  Traffic is really, really bad in Los Angeles, even on the weekends.  It would be a shame to miss everything. However, this is none of the bridesmaid's concern and she really spoke out of turn.  Your travel plans are none of her concern.  I would do what Beagles said in that department.  However, if YOU are concerned about missing anything, then you should discuss it with your husband and go from there.
    Posted by ash[/QUOTE]

    Yes, the traffic is bad in the county Los Angeles, but it depends on the time of day, what city, etc.  Things can get moving easily.  I think they may not make it to the ceremony, but they'll make it to the reception.  She and her husband shouldn't change their honeymoon plans.
     
  13. You have chosen to ignore posts from lucy7368. Show lucy7368's posts

    Re: Should I Stay or Should I go?

    In Response to Re: Should I Stay or Should I go?:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Should I Stay or Should I go? : What beagles said about those flights and LAX is true.  You are probably going to miss the ceremony.  Depending on where you are going, you stand a pretty big chance on missing a good part of the reception also.  Traffic is really, really bad in Los Angeles, even on the weekends. [/QUOTE]

    Yes, and it's not just the traffic on the roads.  Your odds of landing on time in LAX are next to nil.  If you're lucky, you'll only be 10-15 minutes late off the plane.  But, also, LAX is HUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGE.  Are you renting a car?  That alone could take an hour.  You have to find the baggage claim, get your luggage, find the rental car counter, find the car...

    With that said, I pretty much agree with everyone else.  I guess it depends on how much you would pay to leave the hotel a day early (it might be worth talking to them to ask), and how important it is to see the ceremony. 

    But, as a CA girl, I want to be really sure that you understand the logistics involved.
     
  14. You have chosen to ignore posts from Goodness1. Show Goodness1's posts

    Re: Should I Stay or Should I go?

    I'm a CA girl, too.  And, I don't think that she should change her plans.  I think it's rude of the bm to ask her to.
     
  15. You have chosen to ignore posts from lucy7368. Show lucy7368's posts

    Re: Should I Stay or Should I go?

    In Response to Re: Should I Stay or Should I go?:
    [QUOTE]Ok, here is my POV, take it for what you want. I totally understand you wanting to stay the night in Hawaii for your honeymoon. Hello- honeymoon!!! Hawaii!! That being said, you definitely wont make the ceremony. I travel for work weekly, so I am always at the mercy of the airlines. Landing time means wheels down. That doesnt include taxing to the gate or offboarding the plane. Tack on 30 mins for that.
    Posted by ilovebeagles[/QUOTE]

    Hmmm....they could shave a few minutes off that if they're flying first class.  (Do real people actually do that??)

    Try to find seats as close as possible to the front of the plane, preferably on an aisle.
     
  16. You have chosen to ignore posts from pinkkittie27. Show pinkkittie27's posts

    Re: Should I Stay or Should I go?

    I agree with allreadymarried- call the bride and discuss. I'm sure she'll have no problem with you coming late. We had a few folks who came late because DH used to work for Saks and he invited his whole department to the wedding. Those that had to work that night came to the reception after Saks closed at 8pm. We were just happy to have them there. But they did call and ask if it would be okay if they came late. I appreciated knowing that so that we could make sure we went and said hello to them as they wouldn't be there for the recieving line.
     
  17. You have chosen to ignore posts from lucy7368. Show lucy7368's posts

    Re: Should I Stay or Should I go?

    In Response to Re: Should I Stay or Should I go?:
    [QUOTE]I'm a CA girl, too.  And, I don't think that she should change her plans.  I think it's rude of the bm to ask her to.
    Posted by Goodness1[/QUOTE]

    Oh, I agree completely.  I just want her to understand that she's not going to make the ceremony.
     
  18. You have chosen to ignore posts from Goodness1. Show Goodness1's posts

    Re: Should I Stay or Should I go?

    I just feel bad for this girl.  She's making so much effort to try and make it, and she might miss the ceremony, but she'll be there for the reception.  I think her trying is worth more. 

    I'm getting married in a couple months, and I would never try and make any of my out-of-town guests feel badly if they couldn't make it to the ceremony because they're flying in from CA.  I know what it's like to fly back and forth from MA to CA.  It's tough!! 
     
  19. You have chosen to ignore posts from easydoesit2. Show easydoesit2's posts

    Re: Should I Stay or Should I go?

    I know this is a "ladies" board, but I just gotta comment. Let's see if I've got this right. You and hubby have been married for months and haven't had time to schedule your own honeymoon, and this bridesmaid is giving you whatfor to make sure you cut it short so you don't come LATE!?!  How many guests, LOCAL guests, will blow off the wedding that day and just not show up!?!  What will the BM do to them - hunt them down and kill them?  I'd go to the wedding, getting there when I got there...and not leave before letting that persnickety busybody know just what I thought about her concerns. 
     
  20. You have chosen to ignore posts from WhirledPeasPlease. Show WhirledPeasPlease's posts

    Re: Should I Stay or Should I go?

    Wow, that's a mouthy bridesmaid.

    Don't change your plans. My friend and her husband came to my wedding from out of state, got caught in traffic, and missed out ceremony. The only reason I knew was because we were lining up to get announced in the reception when they walked in. I was soooo excited to see her! It was awesome that she and her husband could make it, especially because they just got married and I know that money's tight for traveling.

    You're trying your best and this BM doesn't like that you're trying to save time, money, etc by not taking multiple trips out west?

    Have a great time in Hawaii (just got back, it's amazing) and at your friend's wedding!
     
  21. You have chosen to ignore posts from Sept2010Bride. Show Sept2010Bride's posts

    Re: Should I Stay or Should I go?

    I'm sorry...but I would tell this BM to go fly a kite. Maybe that's just me, or maybe I am so sick of other people getting involved and annoying BM's and there being so much drama around weddings. If someone called me and was like "Hey, so I am really stressed out because I don't think I will be able to make it to your ceremony unless I cut my honeymoon short." I would be like "OMG, please don't even worry about it." And that is exactly that this bride should do.
     
  22. You have chosen to ignore posts from Goodness1. Show Goodness1's posts

    Re: Should I Stay or Should I go?

    I think that bm was totally out of line for saying anything.  For thinking she had any right to say anything or speak for the B&G. 

    If one of my bm's did that, I would be upset with them.  It's not their place.
     
  23. You have chosen to ignore posts from lucy7368. Show lucy7368's posts

    Re: Should I Stay or Should I go?

    In Response to Re: Should I Stay or Should I go?:
    [QUOTE]I know this is a "ladies" board, but I just gotta comment. Let's see if I've got this right. You and hubby have been married for months and haven't had time to schedule your own honeymoon, and this bridesmaid is giving you whatfor to make sure you cut it short so you don't come LATE!?!  How many guests, LOCAL guests, will blow off the wedding that day and just not show up!?!  What will the BM do to them - hunt them down and kill them?  I'd go to the wedding, getting there when I got there...and not leave before letting that persnickety busybody know just what I thought about her concerns. 
    Posted by easydoesit2[/QUOTE]

    We may be mostly ladies, but that doesn't mean we don't appreciate the male perspective.  Especially where, as here, you're absolutely right.  :)
     
  24. You have chosen to ignore posts from ghotieyes. Show ghotieyes's posts

    Re: Should I Stay or Should I go?

    Thanks for the unanimous vote, everyone. I just wanted a sanity check to make sure I wasn't the bad one here. Like everyone said, I'm going to do my best to get there on time and having heard everyone's perspective on getting around LAX, I'm prepared for the worst. And if I do make it to the ceremony, then I'll just hunt out the BM friend and say "i toldya so..."

    Oh, and btw, I did mention my arrival time to the bride a few weeks before the bm called me up. She thinks I'll be late too. =P Although when I mentioned it to her, it was through IM, so I couldn't tell if she was upset about it or not. This is total speculation on my part, but the bride could've been upset and was venting to the bm who in turn called me to try to "fix" things, but I really can't imagine the bride suggesting that I cut my honeymoon short or not show up at all.
     
  25. You have chosen to ignore posts from whatawagSBNy. Show whatawagSBNy's posts

    Re: Should I Stay or Should I go?

         Whatever her possible good intentions, this bridesmaid should not be making your schedule and attendance at ceremony or reception her business.

         Enjoy your honeymoon in Hawaii,  and when you RSVP, send a note to the bride that says, we have scheduled a flight from our honeymoon to LA just to see you on your wedding day. 
         If you make it to the ceremony, great.  If you don't, you will still be there for the celebration after.  Under the circumstances, I would not ask any more of a good friend.
         As for giving your space to someone else - crowded ceremony sites are rarely the issue in cutting the list.  Usually it is the reception, and you should make that. The BM should, again, mind her own business.  Juggling the invitation list is no more her business than the legitimacy of your effort to attend as much of the celebration as possible.
     

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