Significant Other Not Invited...

  1. You have chosen to ignore posts from Tanner007. Show Tanner007's posts

    Significant Other Not Invited...

    Hey everyone, 

    My boyfriend and I have been together for almost two years, we are mid-twenties, and in law school. He received a save the date some months ago for his friends wedding. He has known these friends since high-school. Over the past year and a half I have met them several times, attended all parties with my boyfriend, and have also attended two separate weddings of friends from this group who have gotten married. 
    Recently the Bride sent him a facebook message asking him if he was attending... My BF does not recall receiving an invitation, but it very easily may have been lost in mail when he moved a few months ago, and changed addresses, and had some things sent home to his parents house. Obviously, she was wondering because he did not RSVP. My BF responded that we would be attending and we were looking forward to it.... (He did not mean to "invite" me, he just assumed, and I heard about this days later...). The B responded that due to the G's large family... I would be on the B list, and would be kept in mind when people declined.. 
    Honestly, I can understand this.. but I am wondering whether or not it is appropriate to not invite an SO when they live together?  My BF officially moved in with me a few months ago, but before that we essentially lived together for over a year anyways.. We are moving into our own new apartment together in May. I have always thought that proper etiquette mandated that fiances, and couples that live together should be invited as a whole... but am I wrong about the couples that live together part? 
    I am also not sure that the B actually knows we have been living together for quite some time, as we only see them a couple times a year, and always down where they live.. Advice? My feeling is the only polite options are for my boyfriend to decline, or just go without me and not say anything.


     
  2. You have chosen to ignore posts from Winter2011Bride. Show Winter2011Bride's posts

    Re: Significant Other Not Invited...

    Usually it is proper etiquette to invite a SO of a long term relationship, especially when you live together.  Does the groom to be know that you live together?  I'm not sure what your bf should do but I think it was quite rude for her not to invite you and then to say you are B listed. I hate the B list. 
     
  3. You have chosen to ignore posts from chazz508. Show chazz508's posts

    Re: Significant Other Not Invited...

    A similar thing happened to my husband and me.  We had just moved in together, but it wasn't widely known. His friends' wedding was going to be big and their cut-off was "engaged" couples.  My husband was invited and I wasn't.  My husband did not make a big deal out of it and politely declined the invitation.  Later they apologized and we were the ones they spent their first anniversary with.  Twenty years later and we're still friends.
     
  4. You have chosen to ignore posts from laryan. Show laryan's posts

    Re: Significant Other Not Invited...

    where you & your so rarely see this couple its a good chance this couple dosen't know that the two of you are living together. 

    i think if i were your SO, i'd either go myself or decline..his call
     
  5. You have chosen to ignore posts from Leila32. Show Leila32's posts

    Re: Significant Other Not Invited...

    Was the save-the-date address to both of you or just your SO?  If so, they intended to invite him solo from the beginning, and I assume he received the STD before you moved in together.  Although you have been around them at events a few times in the last year or so, it doesn’t sound like you hang out on a regular basis and have established a relationship with this couple yourself.  I do think that people in serious relationships should get the invite just like married and engaged couples, but unfortunately this isn’t always the case.  Every wedding has a budget, space limitations, etc so you have to cut back somewhere and it sounds like the large family is taking up most of the guest list. 

    I don't think they were trying to be rude so I wouldn’t take it personally...it sounds like bad timing to me (you weren’t living together when they set the guest list and sent out the STD’s). 
    I’d leave it up to your SO to decide if he wants to go.  Since they have been friends for so long he probably wants to be there but is probably feeling a little awkward about accepting.   
     
  6. You have chosen to ignore posts from cosmogirl. Show cosmogirl's posts

    Re: Significant Other Not Invited...

    It's obvious the bride and groom don't know that you live together if the invitation wasn't even mailed to the correct address.

    Unfortunately, the only hard-and-fast rule regarding inviting couples to weddings is that engaged or married couples must be invited together.  And, yes, most people do extend that rule to "living together".

    But, we all know that too-many-relatives creates a major space problem with guest lists, so do be understanding and do NOT take this personally.  If you are good friends, then you boyfriend should go and have fun if he wants to.  It's quite possible that a space will open up and you'll be able to attend, too.

    Best wishes! 
     
  7. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: Significant Other Not Invited...

    Yes, if they know you are living together it's a faux pas not to invite you.  If they didn't have the space to invite both of you, neither of you should have been invited.  And, 2 years of their knowing you're dating is plenty for them to know you're a "real" SO even if you weren't living together.

    However, it is what it is, and correctness aside, I'd hope you wouldn't take it as a personal attack.  They made a mistake not inviting both or neither of you, but they probably don't know that.  And, since they'll not be doing this again, they don't need to know it at this point.

    If he wants to go, book a girls' night out for yourself or curl up with a good book and glass of wine and enjoy your night.  Or, if he doesn't want to go without you, he can decline, but I hope he won't feel he has to decline to make you happy.

    Chances are, the B list will get invited, anyway, and you'll both be able to attend.  A good portion of A listers can't go for various reasons.


     
  8. You have chosen to ignore posts from Tanner007. Show Tanner007's posts

    Re: Significant Other Not Invited...

    Thank you all for the advice, along the same lines as what I was thinking. I do not think they "know" we have been living together for quite some time... but I still find it weird since they know how long we have been dating. However I will try my best to not feel bad about this, and just see what happens! 
     
  9. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: Significant Other Not Invited...

    I'm not one for invalidating feelings; you feel how you feel, but in this case their faux pas wasn't a pesonal slight against you so there's honestly nothing to "feel bad" about.  Plan a nice evening to yourself whether it's an evening of watching what you want on TV or going out with some girlfriends.  It's just one night, and their mistake of inviting both or neither of you is nothing against you whatsoever.  
     
  10. You have chosen to ignore posts from EnjoyEverySandwich. Show EnjoyEverySandwich's posts

    Re: Significant Other Not Invited...

    In Response to Re: Significant Other Not Invited...:
    [QUOTE]Thank you all for the advice, along the same lines as what I was thinking. I do not think they "know" we have been living together for quite some time... but I still find it weird since they know how long we have been dating. However I will try my best to not feel bad about this, and just see what happens! 
    Posted by Tanner007[/QUOTE]


    There is so much stress putting together a wedding.  Perhaps your gift to the bride and groom could be to cut them a mile of slack on this one.

    I mean, think of the details that go into a wedding and think of all the people that the couple (mostly the bride) have to make happy -- the parents, the relatives, the bridal party and all of the guests.  Layer on top of that the need to keep within a certain budget, the constraints of the venue, and oh yeah, the fact that they're taking this huge step in their relationship.

    Absolutely everyone has an opinion about the wedding, and there is always some percentage that has complaints -- and each one of the people who are unhappy think their complaint is number one -- understandable, because they don't see the myriad of details (and sniping) that the couple does.

    In my opinion -- and maybe you can guess that I had one of those unbelievably stressful weddings!  ;)  -- the bride learned that you wished you were invited and instead of saying tough, the guest list is set, she said she was sorry to have overlooked you and she'll try her best to add you in.  If I were you, I'd be happy with that, but then, I've been on the other side as a bride.  (That was before the wheel was invented, but wedding dynamics haven't changed that much in the last 50,000 years.)

    Anyway, I hope you find some peace about this, whether you stay home or are able to attend.



     
  11. You have chosen to ignore posts from pinkkittie27. Show pinkkittie27's posts

    Re: Significant Other Not Invited...

    I can practically guarantee you that it wasn't meant personally. Like Leila said, they're just doing the best they can with the space/money they have.

    And speaking from personal experience, unless the groom's entire family lives in the area, chances are you'll be able to go.

    sorry that you found yourself in that situation, it always stinks to be left out, even if it wasn't intentional.
     
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  13. You have chosen to ignore posts from buddyjo143. Show buddyjo143's posts

    Re: Significant Other Not Invited...

    I know that some people who  have known each other since high school and are now in law school can be very close friends. However, since the bride and groom didn't pick up on the clues that you two live together, I guess y'all aren't that close after all.

    In that case, I don't think either of you should go to the wedding and don't worry about inviting them to yours some day.  If people invited guests that they were truly close to and wanted to have at their wedding, there would be no such thing as A list and B list guests.
     
  14. You have chosen to ignore posts from mezzogal1124. Show mezzogal1124's posts

    Re: Significant Other Not Invited...

    If the bride and groom aren't close enough to you and your boyfriend to know that you were living together, how would they even necessarily know you're still dating?  Would they then have had to invite everyone in this close-but-not-very-close high school circle of friends with a +1 to allow for a possible SO?  I'm just playing devil's advocate - of course I hope you can ultimately go to the wedding with your boyfriend, but please do cut the bride and groom some slack.  They probably just didn't know, and guest lists can get awfully unwieldy.
     

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