Speeches at the reception? Who gives them?

  1. You have chosen to ignore posts from engagedkat. Show engagedkat's posts

    Speeches at the reception? Who gives them?

    posted at 8/18/2009 4:48 PM EDT

    Who is giving a speech or toast at your reception? 

    We are having the BM and MOH...and then who?
    My dad has passed, so maybe my mom will do the traditional father of the bride speech instead...

    BUT here's my predicament, is anyone having their FIL - Groom's dad make toast/speech? Is there anything wrong with it? (Keep in mind they haven't contributed to the wedding.) 
    Should he maybe just say something at the rehearsal dinner?
    What's the etiquette?

     

  2. You have chosen to ignore posts from framerican51008. Show framerican51008's posts

    Re: Speeches at the reception? Who gives them?

    posted at 8/18/2009 5:48 PM EDT

    Hi Kat,
    I think the MOST traditional speeches at the wedding would be the FOB and BM. 
    Nowadays you will often see the the BM and MOH, or the bride/groom instead of the FOB.  It would be perfectly fine for your mother to give one if she wants, of course.  As for the FOG, I don't see anything wrong with that, but I wouldn't feel obligated.  Perhaps that is more for the RD?  The FOG gave a speech at the last RD I went to.

    We did BM and MOH at the wedding.  At the RD my FMIL (host) and I each gave speeches.
     

  3. You have chosen to ignore posts from wendy98. Show wendy98's posts

    Re: Speeches at the reception? Who gives them?

    posted at 8/19/2009 8:25 AM EDT

    My Dad said a blessing and our MOH and BM each gave a toast and that was it.
     

  4. You have chosen to ignore posts from kmt09. Show kmt09's posts

    Re: Speeches at the reception? Who gives them?

    posted at 8/19/2009 8:32 AM EDT

    These days I don't think it really matters who gives a toast at the reception.  You can have pretty much whoever you want.

    At ours, only the best man gave a toast.  My dad isn't much for public speaking, so he didn't want to give one.  Nobody did any toasts at our RD.

    At my cousin's wedding, the best man and FOG (my uncle) gave a toast.  I think his toast was the best one I've ever seen at any wedding...I don't think there was a dry eye in the place.

     

  5. You have chosen to ignore posts from ALF72. Show ALF72's posts

    Re: Speeches at the reception? Who gives them?

    posted at 8/19/2009 8:40 AM EDT

    Honestly, if you are lucky, no one give a speech at the reception. ;-)  Then again, I may be the only person in the world who hates reception speeches.  I think they are better suited to the RD. We didn't have any speeches at the wedding.

    That being said, basically anyone who wants to can give a speech or toast.  Neither of our dads or moms was into speeches, so only DH gave a 'speech' which was really just to thank everyone for coming, and was given at the RD.
     

  6. You have chosen to ignore posts from Prill. Show Prill's posts

    Re: Speeches at the reception? Who gives them?

    posted at 8/19/2009 8:51 AM EDT

    We had my mom & dad.
    Best Man
    MOH
    DH and I.

    DH's mom said grace.

    The thing that drives me nutty is when people have  an 'open mic'... so any drunken uncle, cousin or friend can get up and ramble on. 
     

  7. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: Speeches at the reception? Who gives them?

    posted at 8/19/2009 8:52 AM EDT

    Our Best Man was the groom's Dad so two birds, one stone there.  Not sure if his Dad would have done something either way, but my dad didn't.  Our MOH gave a speech, too.  They were both very good, by the way - a highlight of the reception, actually.  But, I know that's usually not the case!

    I'd say you don't have to worry about it.  BM and MOH is plenty, and if anyone is really dying to give one they should come to you beforehand.  Give instructions to the DJ/band to not hand over the mic to anyone who asks before they talk to you first.

    Oh, yeah, Prill's post reminded me that my brother is the pastor who married us, and he said the blessing before dinner.  Not that that was a toast or speech, per se, but he did speak.
     

  8. You have chosen to ignore posts from miss-cellaneousJones. Show miss-cellaneousJones's posts

    Re: Speeches at the reception? Who gives them?

    posted at 8/19/2009 9:25 AM EDT

    In Response to Speeches at the reception? Who gives them?:
    Who is giving a speech or toast at your reception?  We are having the BM and MOH...and then who? My dad has passed, so maybe my mom will do the traditional father of the bride speech instead... BUT here's my predicament, is anyone having their FIL - Groom's dad make toast/speech? Is there anything wrong with it? (Keep in mind they haven't contributed to the wedding.)  Should he maybe just say something at the rehearsal dinner? What's the etiquette?
    Posted by engagedkat

    DH and myself gave a very quick "speech" at our rehearsal dinner - it was just a sincere thank-you to everyone that had helped us with all the wedding planning etc, etc, and for traveling far and wide to be with us on our special day :) BM and FOG each gave short, meaningful speeches (toasts) at the reception.
     

  9. You have chosen to ignore posts from heatherv1211. Show heatherv1211's posts

    Re: Speeches at the reception? Who gives them?

    posted at 8/19/2009 10:14 AM EDT

    I agree with Alf :)  If the speeches are happening before dinner, the fewer the better!  We just had the best man, and he kept it nice and short.  In the middle of the reception, DH made a quick speech thanking my mom and his parents for their support (I didn't speak, but stood there with him). 

    Rehearsal dinners are great forums for speeches because they are less formal, the people there tend to be the closest to the B and G, people can eat/drink while it's happening... it can just be fun.  Also much less nerve-wracking for the speakers!
     

  10. You have chosen to ignore posts from whatawagSBNy. Show whatawagSBNy's posts

    Re: Speeches at the reception? Who gives them?

    posted at 8/19/2009 10:14 AM EDT

         Generally fewer speeches is better.  People get restless long about the 3rd, or 15 minutes, though short 1 minute toasts rather than speeches  keep people's interest longer at a wedding.  I think the  RD is often a better place for a personal speech, with a smaller group of people closer to the bride and groom.
         Since the whole point of a short toast or speech is to make a gesture of welcome or happiness at the joining of families, or to wish the bride and groom happiness in their marriage,  The FOG is a quite appropriate speaker.
         A person who is the host is usually the first to speak, if they want to speak at all.  Sometimes it is only like an intro -  "My husband and I would like to welcome you here to celebrate the marriage of our daughter Susie Q to Frankenstein.  The first toast of the evening will be given by the groom's father, George Monsterfather. " was about the  substance of the first speech at the last wedding I went to, 4 speakers or toasts, not even 10 minutes total. 
          FOG was second and  spoke of son's dreams- sports and a car in high school,  worked hard in college to become an  engineer, now the most important thing, starting a family with the love of his life - and OVER. A toast next.  And another.  Bride's side (Mom hostess), Groom's side, wedding party (Best Man) and a long time mutual friend, pretty representative of the makeup of the guests.  Very nice, everyone still attentive by the end of the last word.
     

  11. You have chosen to ignore posts from pinkkittie27. Show pinkkittie27's posts

    Re: Speeches at the reception? Who gives them?

    posted at 8/19/2009 10:27 AM EDT

    No one in our wedding party or family is comfortable with public speaking. We didn't have any speeches.
     

  12. You have chosen to ignore posts from pinkkittie27. Show pinkkittie27's posts

    Re: Speeches at the reception? Who gives them?

    posted at 8/19/2009 10:30 AM EDT

    It's not just you ALF. :)

    In Response to Re: Speeches at the reception? Who gives them?:
    Honestly, if you are lucky, no one give a speech at the reception. ;-)  Then again, I may be the only person in the world who hates reception speeches.  I think they are better suited to the RD. We didn't have any speeches at the wedding. That being said, basically anyone who wants to can give a speech or toast.  Neither of our dads or moms was into speeches, so only DH gave a 'speech' which was really just to thank everyone for coming, and was given at the RD.
    Posted by ALF72
     

  13. You have chosen to ignore posts from trex509. Show trex509's posts

    Re: Speeches at the reception? Who gives them?

    posted at 8/19/2009 10:31 AM EDT

    At my sisters wedding, she had four:  myself, her best friend, groom's aunt reading a blessing from his grandparents (who couldn't make the trip) and groom's mom.  The key is to keep them short!  My dad was too shy to talk in front of so many people!

    Most other weddings I have been to have the Best Man and Maid of Honor giving toasts and the Father of the Bride.

    We went to a wedding where the bride was Russian, and I guess in their culture, almost *everyone* gives a toast.  Wow... it went on and on (through dinner), actually to the point where they finally stopped because no one was listening.  It was tough!
     

  14. You have chosen to ignore posts from kmt09. Show kmt09's posts

    Re: Speeches at the reception? Who gives them?

    posted at 8/19/2009 10:33 AM EDT

    It's not just you ALF. :) In Response to Re: Speeches at the reception? Who gives them? :
    Posted by pinkkittie27


    Actually, same goes for me.  I'm not a fan of "speeches" at the reception.  I don't really enjoy listening to a long, drawn out story of how the best man met the groom, their funny stories from college, etc. 

    However, a short, simple toast congratulating the bride and groom and wishing them well is fine with me!  :)
     

  15. You have chosen to ignore posts from NorthernLghts. Show NorthernLghts's posts

    Re: Speeches at the reception? Who gives them?

    posted at 8/19/2009 11:04 AM EDT

    that's a lot of speeches trex! Ours was the best man and i think his speech was 1 minute long and about how DH is patient because he let this guy roam a CD store for awhile without bugging him-random. This was apparently a good example of being patient with each other in a marriage.  The other was a good friend of ours. She did a really great job because she kept it to things most people knew about me-it wasn't random inside jokes or stories from college. Everyone said she gave a great speech and she kept it short which was even better.

     

  16. You have chosen to ignore posts from cosmogirl. Show cosmogirl's posts

    Re: Speeches at the reception? Who gives them?

    posted at 8/19/2009 11:05 AM EDT

    I know you mean "toast" or "greeting", not "speech"!!

    Perhaps one parent to welcome guests and thank them for coming, then it's traditional for the Best Man and (optional) MOH to make a brief toast!  That's it! 

    Any others are more appropriate at the RD with those who are closest to the B+G.  I agree that more than that and it starts to feel like Open Mic night.  And truly, no one wants to listen! 
     

  17. You have chosen to ignore posts from Epigal. Show Epigal's posts

    Re: Speeches at the reception? Who gives them?

    posted at 8/19/2009 11:15 AM EDT

    I think most of the weddings I've been to had best man and MOH speeches, and then some kind of parent speech. Most only did parents of the bride, but a couple had both sets of parents and/or other relatives, and I thought that was a little long. You can have as many people as you want (and feel are important to you), but maybe give them a time limit so people don't start to get fidgety and hungry. I think short and sweet is the key!

     

  18. You have chosen to ignore posts from framerican51008. Show framerican51008's posts

    Re: Speeches at the reception? Who gives them?

    posted at 8/19/2009 12:28 PM EDT

    I don't mind multiple toasts at all.  I don't see what the big deal is.  You'd be sitting at your table waiting for food either way.  But then I've never been subjected to a ridiculously long or boring toast so I am lucky so far :o)
     

  19. You have chosen to ignore posts from Goodness1. Show Goodness1's posts

    Re: Speeches at the reception? Who gives them?

    posted at 8/19/2009 12:37 PM EDT

    As far as I know, my MOH and the BM will be giving the toasts.  I don't know if my parents or his parents will say anything.  Maybe at the rehearsal.

    I don't like long, drawn out speeches, either.  I went to a wedding a couple years ago where there were 4 or 5 speeches that lasted about 15 minutes each.  The guests were standing the whole time, too.  Got exhausting listening to all these stories, and everyone was annoyed. 

    I like short and sweet.  Say some nice things, toast the B&G, clink the glasses, and start dinner.  Sounds good to me.

    Speaking of which, the B&G don't make toasts, right?  Should we think of saying something at the rehearsal if not the wedding?  EEK!
     

  20. You have chosen to ignore posts from dkb6248. Show dkb6248's posts

    Re: Speeches at the reception? Who gives them?

    posted at 8/19/2009 12:39 PM EDT

    Our MOH and best man were the only ones to give a toast.  I could tell my sis was nervous and I felt bad.  They were both short and sweet (actually best man's was funny).  I would have been fine if we skipped them altogether.
     

  21. You have chosen to ignore posts from kmt09. Show kmt09's posts

    Re: Speeches at the reception? Who gives them?

    posted at 8/19/2009 12:42 PM EDT

    I don't mind multiple toasts at all.  I don't see what the big deal is.  You'd be sitting at your table waiting for food either way.  But then I've never been subjected to a ridiculously long or boring toast so I am lucky so far :o)
    Posted by framerican51008


    The Best Man toast at my cousin's wedding was the WORST.  Way too long, and I don't think there was any mention of the bride and groom and well wishes for them.  It just included stories from the BM and groom's younger days that were so inappropriate for a wedding.  Like when my cousin punched a guy in the face at a party once.  And the time they hitched a drunken ride home on an ice cream truck.  WHY on earth would you think it's a good idea to bring that up in a toast???
     

  22. You have chosen to ignore posts from Goodness1. Show Goodness1's posts

    Re: Speeches at the reception? Who gives them?

    posted at 8/19/2009 12:46 PM EDT

    In Response to Re: Speeches at the reception? Who gives them?:
    The Best Man toast at my cousin's wedding was the WORST.  Way too long, and I don't think there was any mention of the bride and groom and well wishes for them.  It just included stories from the BM and groom's younger days that were so inappropriate for a wedding.  Like when my cousin punched a guy in the face at a party once.  And the time they hitched a drunken ride home on an ice cream truck.  WHY on earth would you think it's a good idea to bring that up in a toast???
    Posted by kmt09


    Aw, I'm sure it brought tears to some people's eyes.  HA!  Some people are so ridiculous.  Like, why would a room full of family and friends want to hear about that?  And, then in the end, forget to toast the reason why you're there in the first place?  So bizarre!
     

  23. You have chosen to ignore posts from engagedkat. Show engagedkat's posts

    Re: Speeches at the reception? Who gives them?

    posted at 8/19/2009 3:12 PM EDT

    thanks all, yes, i did mean "toast" rather than speech - if it's more than a minute or two I'll get 'itchy',  nevermind the poor guests.
    Okay, so I'm good with the BM and MOH...

    I don't have to ask the FOG...besides you are so right that his moment can be at the rehearsal dinner...thanks everyone.
     

  24. You have chosen to ignore posts from framerican51008. Show framerican51008's posts

    Re: Speeches at the reception? Who gives them?

    posted at 8/19/2009 4:37 PM EDT

    My friends tell a story of a wedding they went to where the FOB spoke for something like THIRTY SIX minutes, no joke.  They say people kept starting to clap to try to encourage him to finish up, but he didn't.  Then when he was done, he handed the bride his notes and said, "Here, read it sometime.  I didn't get to say it all."

    Goodness - You can do whatever you want!  We pretty much hosted our own wedding, but I figured I would be too shy to speak in front of 150 people, so I thanked everyone at the rehearsal.
     

  25. You have chosen to ignore posts from Goodness1. Show Goodness1's posts

    Re: Speeches at the reception? Who gives them?

    posted at 8/19/2009 4:43 PM EDT

    We're hosting a brunch for our parents and brother and sister the day after the wedding, so we'll thank them all there, too.  But, we're planning on thanking everyone in the wedding party at the rehearsal dinner.  I couldn't stand it if I didn't say something to all of those who did so much for us.