Thank you note etiquette
posted at 11/20/2009 9:39 AM EST
- Lizard
- Posts: 6
- First: 6/17/2009
- Last: 6/8/2011
I went to a good friend's wedding in August and gave her a generous check as a gift. The check was cashed 2 days after the wedding, but she has not so much as verbally acknowledged that I gave her anything. I know you "have a year" to send thank you notes, but how long should I wait before saying something like "Hey...did you get my gift"?
As a side (but important) note ... my concern is that the card box may have been dipped into by a known thief who was in attendance and I'd hate for my friend to think a lot of people didn't get anything because this other girl stole cards.
Re: Thank you note etiquette
posted at 11/20/2009 11:10 AM EST
- twinklie12
- Posts: 0
- First: 6/17/2009
- Last: 6/8/2011
In Response to
Thank you note etiquette:
I went to a good friend's wedding in August and gave her a generous check as a gift. The check was cashed 2 days after the wedding, but she has not so much as verbally acknowledged that I gave her anything. I know you "have a year" to send thank you notes, but how long should I wait before saying something like "Hey...did you get my gift"? As a side (but important) note ... my concern is that the card box may have been dipped into by a known thief who was in attendance and I'd hate for my friend to think a lot of people didn't get anything because this other girl stole cards.
Posted by Lizard
Not that it is neccessarily proper, because I'm sure you will gat varying answers on when TYs should be sent (earlier the better, not a year!)...but I know a girl at work who got married in August and she is just sending TYs now. She was waiting for a photo from her photographer and did cute cards with a picture of them on the front. So, not saying it's right, but the bride could just be a tad slow. I'd wait until the next time you see her in person and maybe casually mention it.
Re: Thank you note etiquette
posted at 11/20/2009 11:32 AM EST
Can you look at the check image to see who signed the back? My bank lets you do that online. If she signed it, at least you'd know right? Of course, if it says "For Deposit Only" etc, that doesn't mean it was stolen, but it could put your mind at ease.
Re: Thank you note etiquette
posted at 11/20/2009 12:09 PM EST
No offense, but I don't really think you're worried about the checks. I think you're annoyed you haven't received a TY note and that's OK! A lot of us have been there! I'd say TY notes are 50/50. Some people get them out right away and some people take a few months. I haven't received a TY yet for the weddings I attended in June, August, or September.
ETA: Mine went out about 2 months after the wedding.
Also ETA: In general, people need don't worry too much about the wrong person cashing their checks. The bank will give you the money back anyway. Been there, done that.
Re: Thank you note etiquette
posted at 11/20/2009 12:35 PM EST
- booklover
- Posts: 331
- First: 4/2/2007
- Last: 12/30/2011
I had to add a comment - it is a common misconception that you "have a year" to get your thank you notes out. That is completely incorrect. Thank yous should be sent promptly. I believe the "year" is for guests to give a gift to the couple. Which, unfortunately, is probably a good idea since I am personally acquainted with some couples who didn't even last the year!
I second the poster who suggested you look at the image of the check online. And give your friend until after the holidays, then gently ask her if she received your check because you were worried something may have happened to it. You don't have to get into specifics.
Re: Thank you note etiquette
posted at 11/20/2009 12:37 PM EST
do you know anyone else who attended the wedding?
If so, ask them first if they've received a TYN. If they say no, rest assured your check was int he right hands. If they say they did get a TYN, you should ask your friend ever so gently.
Re: Thank you note etiquette
posted at 11/20/2009 1:42 PM EST
- ajuly09
- Posts: 1334
- First: 7/15/2008
- Last: 4/15/2013
Personally, I sent mine out when we got back from our hm, but that is beacuse if I had waited I would never have done them! I think everyone is different. Last year we went to a wedding in Sept. and got the TYN in May! Most others have come about 1-2 mon after the wedding. DH just sent out his to his co-workers and we got married in july (what can I say guys are slow).
Re: Thank you note etiquette
posted at 11/20/2009 1:57 PM EST
- LilSprout
- Posts: 577
- First: 7/10/2008
- Last: 7/3/2012
In Response to
Re: Thank you note etiquette:
Personally, I sent mine out when we got back from our hm, but that is beacuse if I had waited I would never have done them! I think everyone is different. Last year we went to a wedding in Sept. and got the TYN in May! Most others have come about 1-2 mon after the wedding. DH just sent out his to his co-workers and we got married in july (what can I say guys are slow).
Posted by ajuly09
Noooo! She does
NOT have a year to send them - Emily Post says three months
MAX. Definitely send an email to her asking if she's received it. It's inconsiderate of her to have kept you waiting for so long. Maybe she's just busy...but still, she apparently needs a fire lit under her! There is no excuse, seriously. I got married in September and every single one of my thank you notes (shower in August and wedding) is finished.
Re: Thank you note etiquette
posted at 11/20/2009 2:41 PM EST
I do not often write checks for weddings, and the last 2 where we did, we used a prepaid insured bank check, and 1 travelers check. 94 days after purchasing the Bank cashier's check, we got a notice in the mail, why hasn't this been either cashed by recipient or the unused check returned for a refund?
Theft Alert, Theft Alert - on a ferry party boat between 2 countries, questionable security, yada yada DH had insisted on the insured bank check, like $3 rather than a personal check. So happy he did. Explained not getting a TY that mentioned the check, they never got it.
Re: Thank you note etiquette
posted at 11/20/2009 2:56 PM EST
do not send an email. emails can be misunderstood. plus, if your rent check, electric bill check etc. went missing, you wouldn't just send and email asking about it.
You call. You say you're concerned about whether or not they received your gift. You make no mention of a TYN at all, as no one likes the etiquette police.
In Response to
Re: Thank you note etiquette:
In Response to Re: Thank you note etiquette : Noooo! She does NOT have a year to send them - Emily Post says three months MAX . Definitely send an email to her asking if she's received it. It's inconsiderate of her to have kept you waiting for so long. Maybe she's just busy...but still, she apparently needs a fire lit under her! There is no excuse, seriously. I got married in September and every single one of my thank you notes (shower in August and wedding) is finished.
Posted by LilSprout
Re: Thank you note etiquette
posted at 11/20/2009 3:51 PM EST
- Lizard
- Posts: 6
- First: 6/17/2009
- Last: 6/8/2011
In Response to
Re: Thank you note etiquette:
No offense, but I don't really think you're worried about the checks. I think you're annoyed you haven't received a TY note and that's OK! A lot of us have been there! I'd say TY notes are 50/50. Some people get them out right away and some people take a few months. I haven't received a TY yet for the weddings I attended in June, August, or September. ETA: Mine went out about 2 months after the wedding. Also ETA: In general, people need don't worry too much about the wrong person cashing their checks. The bank will give you the money back anyway. Been there, done that.
Posted by framerican51008
You're right....I AM annoyed that I haven't gotten a TYN yet....but I'm also worried about the check being taken and cashed by someone else (signature line is all scribbly ... can't tell who signed it)
I have a personal policy of sending TYNs out within 2 weeks and I NEVER cash a check until the TYN is in the mail. And yes, I have written over a hundred in a batch over that 2 week deadline...
Re: Thank you note etiquette
posted at 11/20/2009 3:55 PM EST
- JKFDais15
- Posts: 317
- First: 6/22/2009
- Last: 8/28/2012
I went to a wedding almost 2 years ago now that I gave a generous check as well and never got a thank you. I asked others and they didnt either.. yes, rude, but I wasn't about to call the bride out on it either.. She actually was a friend of a friend and I got close to her while she was single, but when she started dating her now husband and got a new job, she kind of dropped off the face of the earth anyway so I don't even talk to her anymore.. still can't believe I never got a thank you though.. but oh well. She's not invited to my wedding anyway. I went to a wedding last November too and I just got the thank you two weeks ago.. so they did in fact wait the year.. personally I do them right away all the time.
