thank you notes to the parents

  1. You have chosen to ignore posts from ash. Show ash's posts

    thank you notes to the parents

    Have I lost my mind, or is this overkill to the nth degree.  The following question was posted on the Miss Manners website on MSN.com:

    "Today I had my five year old write out thank you notes for gifts he received for his recent birthday. He is still learning to write, so we kept it simple. i.e. "Dear friend, thank you for the cool car. Your friend, Ps's kid"

         Knowing full well that the parents were the ones who purchased said gifts, not to mention driving their child to the party, it was only fitting that they be properly thanked as well, of course. However, rather than write a separate note to the parent, I simply wrote a personal note to each parent on the same card as my DS wrote to the child... just on the opposite (left) side.

         I know that this will be more than acceptable in my circle, as we are about the only ones who write thank you notes. I am curios though, what your thoughts are on the issue of not sending seperate cards for the parents?"
    This was my response, though others thought this was a really nice thing to do.
    "I'm sure your intentions were good, but I do think this is overkill.  It is not necessary for you thank parents for taking their child to buy a gift for your child.  I still have to do that and my kids are teenagers and I would never expect a thank you note from a parent or child for doing what I consider to be my role as a parent.  The person who should be thanking the parent for buying the gift and driving them all over creation is their own child."
    I can provide the link to the entire thread if anyone wants to see it.  But this just bugged me.  I am all for thanking people and thank you notes, but do people really think this was necessary? I didn't say it on Miss Manners, but if my kid got a thank you note with a note from the parents, I think she was either pretentious or an idiot.

     
  2. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: thank you notes to the parents

    Separate cards for the parents?  Dumb.
     
  3. You have chosen to ignore posts from heatherv1211. Show heatherv1211's posts

    Re: thank you notes to the parents

    I want to know how many times the poor 5-year-old cried as he was forced to write sentences, a skill that most 5-year-olds don't (and shouldn't) have yet.
     
  4. You have chosen to ignore posts from pinkkittie27. Show pinkkittie27's posts

    Re: thank you notes to the parents

    teaching kids to write TYNs can, and should be, a fun learning experience. My mom never had me write TYNs. I sort of wish she had because it would be a force of habit to write them now as opposed to something I have to constantly remind myself to do.

    However, since the woman here is agonizing over wether or not the one TYN is enough, I wouldn't be surprised if her kid dreads the ordeal. People shouldn't fall all over themselves trying to be as proper as humanly possible. It's not worth the stress.

    In Response to Re: thank you notes to the parents:
    I want to know how many times the poor 5-year-old cried as he was forced to write sentences, a skill that most 5-year-olds don't (and shouldn't) have yet.
    Posted by heatherv1211

     
  5. You have chosen to ignore posts from ash. Show ash's posts

    Re: thank you notes to the parents

    I knew I could rely on my boston.com chums to be more sensible!

    Heather, I did have my 5 year olds write out a couple of lines--mostly copying.  They can write, though they usually can't read, so it is a parent-child activity.

    I have to say I still have to nag them to send out thank yous--the Bat Mitzvah ones for my youngest were a particular annoyance, BUT she did do them all even as she whined and complained (and yes, we reminded her how lucky she was to have friends and family who loved her so much as we nudged her along).  But of course this was the girl who wanted to send my aunt a thank you note that said "Thanks for all the gifts you have given me in the past, the one you just gave me and all the ones you are giving me in the future Love R." and be done with it!

    And I will say, that as annoying as they are about that, they do thank me for driving them all over creation!
     
  6. You have chosen to ignore posts from FriarGirl03. Show FriarGirl03's posts

    Re: thank you notes to the parents

    In Response to Re: thank you notes to the parents:
    teaching kids to write TYNs can, and should be, a fun learning experience. My mom never had me write TYNs. I sort of wish she had because it would be a force of habit to write them now as opposed to something I have to constantly remind myself to do. However, since the woman here is agonizing over wether or not the one TYN is enough, I wouldn't be surprised if her kid dreads the ordeal. People shouldn't fall all over themselves trying to be as proper as humanly possible. It's not worth the stress. In Response to Re: thank you notes to the parents :
    Posted by pinkkittie27


    I agree, I'm a terrible thank you note writer. I'm getting better but it definitely doesn't come natural to me. It's a good lesson that she's teaching her son.  It doesn't hurt to include the note to the parents but two thank you notes is a little much. Although, no one on this board has ever complained about someone being *too* thankful or polite...
     
  7. You have chosen to ignore posts from heatherv1211. Show heatherv1211's posts

    Re: thank you notes to the parents

    Don't misinterpret what I said - I didn't say kids shouldn't be taught to write them, I just said that typical 5-year-olds haven't learned to write in sentences yet.  I hear about parents (some of them friends of mine!) forcing kids who are too young to do certain skills to do things like this.  My mother taught me to write them, but not until I was old enough to write.  Once they're old enough, it's ok if it's torturous.  It was for me, yet writing thank-yous is now deeply instilled in me, as I believe it should be.  Wink

    Ash - as long as it's not pushing them to do something they can't, and instead is a fun parent-child activity, I'm all for it!  I particularly like your youngest's idea of writing one all-encompassing note!  Can we put that in the new etiquette book???

    ETA: I think writing a separate note to parents is unnecessary. 
     
  8. You have chosen to ignore posts from trex509. Show trex509's posts

    Re: thank you notes to the parents

    I agree, 2 notes is overkill.

    For kids who can't write, my friends had their kids draw us pictures and mailed them with a thank you note from the parents.  They were SO cute!!  Now their kids are old enough, they draw pics and write Thank You on them.  Adorable.

    Funny:  I sent a TYN to a friend for coming to my housewarming and bringing a thoughtful gift.  She emailed and wrote that she wanted to say thank you for my thank you note!  I had a vision of a never-ending cycle of thank yous!  But it was cute.
     
  9. You have chosen to ignore posts from cosmogirl. Show cosmogirl's posts

    Re: thank you notes to the parents

    Definite overkill (BUT we must never discourage the sending of a TYN!)

    I think 5 is a good age to get them started. 
     
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