Was I supposed to ask?
posted at 4/14/2011 1:53 PM EDT
Hi ladies, longtime lurker first time writer :-) I'm getting married November 12 this year. Super super super excited!
So here's my story- it starts many moons ago, 11 years ago actually, on a phone call. My cousin in New Jersey who I used
to be close to got married at 23 (11 years ago!). 11 years ago,she called and told me she was getting married. She then spent 30 minutes complaining that she was short one bridesmaid. I'll never forget it because at the time I was really confused whether she was asking me to be in the wedding or just complaining. I told her I'd do it for her if she needed an extra. I thought that was the most reasonable response since I wasn't sure what she was getting at. I didn't mean to invite myself into her bridal party but she was complaining and I thought I was being nice at the time (I was 21,what the heck did I know!) She "let me " be in the wedding and I traveled back and forth to New Jersey for her bridal shower, engagement party, bachellorette, wedding. Like I said, back then we were close.
But as life and 11 years will do, we went in different directions and we went quickly. I stayed the party girl well into my late 20s and she was popping out kids by they time she was 24. She has three kids now, and I'm just getting married. We barely talk to each other. Nothing bad, it's just we haven't had anything in common in years. I wasn't even going to invite family from out of state until she called to tell me she had heard the news that I was getting married. She said to me "I better be in your wedding because you were in mine." I was kind of confused. I barely talk to this girl anymore, maybe once a year or when one of us has big news. I have 2 sisters and a best friend and they are the ONLY bridesmaids I wanted.
I told her I wasn't sure about that but of course she would be invited. She got upset about that. Now we've got our wedding party all set and she isn't in it. I don't know if she'll come to the wedding or not but now I feel totally awkward about having her there because I know she got upset that I didn't ask her. But I was in her wedding 11 years ago! Some of her family have said I should have asked her because I "invited myself" into her wedding party (I didn't think I was at the time, I thought I was offering to help, she could have said no to me). My family says if I had to reciprocate a spot in the bridal party for every wedding I've been in then I'd have no guests left!
Do I have anything to feel awkard about or should I just not worry about it and go on with my days content? Should I apologize? But apologize for what?