wedding gift etiquette

  1. You have chosen to ignore posts from singlegirl. Show singlegirl's posts

    wedding gift etiquette

    ok, so last weekend i went to a college friends' wedding and i did not give a gift at that time cause i had not gone to an atm to get some cash and i have every intention to mail a card and "gift".  but this past week, i received a text from the bride asking if i mailed my gift yet? is this proper wedding etiquette? i'm offended that she is asking for a gift and now i kinda don't want to give her a gift, although the cash is now in my wallet and i got a stamp at the post office. i feel i should mail her a card and a "gift/cash" and perhaps distance my self from here in events where a gift is given.  what are your thoughts?
     
  2. You have chosen to ignore posts from LilSprout. Show LilSprout's posts

    Re: wedding gift etiquette

    My thoughts?  I'm horrified to know a bride asked where her gift is...  but either way, I'd send it with a card.  I'd be annoyed for a long time, though!  Fingers crossed she sends a thank you note! 
     
  3. You have chosen to ignore posts from capecod1818. Show capecod1818's posts

    Re: wedding gift etiquette

    Singlegirl,

    I can't believe your friend did this.  Perhaps she was wondering in case she was away and a package came to the house.  Just giving her the benefit of the doubt but this is definitely a big no no.  I would just be the bigger person and just send the card and be done with it.  She seems to not have the etiquette part down though....otherwise should wouldn't be sending you rude emails.
     
  4. You have chosen to ignore posts from poppy609. Show poppy609's posts

    Re: wedding gift etiquette

    Did her text actually say, "Did you mail your gift yet?" or did it say "Did you mail your gift?"  Did you say to her, "I'll be mailing my gift this week"? It could be that she just wants to make sure she didn't misplace it, or it could be that she's having her mail stopped if she's going on a honeymoon and wants to be able to keep track of anything important. 

    It could be rudeness, but it could be something else.
     
  5. You have chosen to ignore posts from jasmine09. Show jasmine09's posts

    Re: wedding gift etiquette

    This is rude, I agree. However, in her defense, she may have been worried that gift(s) were lost or stolen from her reception? I was a bit worried when a gift didn't turn up from one close relative. I would never have dreamed of asking him about it, but i was a bit stressed about it: what if it got lost, and i never were to send a thank you, and he just thought i was being rude?  

    I was quite relieved a year later when his wife told my mom they had forgotten to send a gift and could we use anything now.  She assured them we didn't need anything--it's true--and I was much more relaxed knowing that I hadn't lost anything or snubbed anyone, inadvertently.
     
  6. You have chosen to ignore posts from lucy7368. Show lucy7368's posts

    Re: wedding gift etiquette

    I'm pretty horrified.  Honestly, I'd be tempted to send half what I was planning before.  Or maybe an etiquette book, or a $10 gift card to Dunkin' Donuts with a note, "I was waiting for your gift to arrive, but you seemed impatient, so I got you this instead."

    I'm a b*tch.  Don't listen to me. 
     
  7. You have chosen to ignore posts from singlegirl. Show singlegirl's posts

    Re: wedding gift etiquette

    In Response to Re: wedding gift etiquette:
    [QUOTE]Did her text actually say, "Did you mail your gift yet?" or did it say "Did you mail your gift?"  Did you say to her, "I'll be mailing my gift this week"? It could be that she just wants to make sure she didn't misplace it, or it could be that she's having her mail stopped if she's going on a honeymoon and wants to be able to keep track of anything important.  It could be rudeness, but it could be something else.
    Posted by poppy609[/QUOTE]
    hey poppy609  her actual text to me was, " hey did u mail the gift? i have not recd yet."  she is not going on a honeymoon at this time, so i'm not sure why her receiving her wedding gift is so important. i plan to get it inthe mail by the end of the month. i just wanted to vent about this situation. and this has opened my eyes to her greediness. thanks for everyone's input.   
     
  8. You have chosen to ignore posts from cicirose. Show cicirose's posts

    Re: wedding gift etiquette

    That is really rude! The only thing I can think of is if you mentioned to her that you forgot to bring it with you and were mailing it - maybe she thought it got lost or something.
     
  9. You have chosen to ignore posts from trex509. Show trex509's posts

    Re: wedding gift etiquette

    Yeah, wow, that is rude.  Especially, we had a few people send us gifts this week, so she shoudl have given you a few weeks at least!!  We have a few who haven't given gifts (and like others, I worry a lot that they got misplaced!) but I would NEVER ask about it.  That is just the top of rudeness.

    I'd probably still send some kind of gift, but maybe not what I was planning to originally. 
     
  10. You have chosen to ignore posts from poppy609. Show poppy609's posts

    Re: wedding gift etiquette

    Yes, I still think she could just be making sure it didn't get lost... but it still seems very rude, I agree with you and others.  Like Jasmine, I would never actually ask someone a question like that...
     
  11. You have chosen to ignore posts from laryan. Show laryan's posts

    Re: wedding gift etiquette

    i think i'd be offended and would find it rude if i got a text wanting to know if i mailed the gift.  

    i like Lucy's idea of mailing an etiquette book as a gift, minus the dunkies gift card.. 
      
     
  12. You have chosen to ignore posts from singlegirl. Show singlegirl's posts

    Re: wedding gift etiquette

    In Response to Re: wedding gift etiquette:
    [QUOTE]That is really rude! The only thing I can think of is if you mentioned to her that you forgot to bring it with you and were mailing it - maybe she thought it got lost or something.
    Posted by cicirose[/QUOTE]

    hey cicirose, a mutual friend of mine and the bride mentioned to here, before she texted me, that i did not give a gift at the wedding and he told her that i did not have the gift ready at the weddign and that i would mail it when i had a chance. thats where the bride has this, i will be mailing the gift, thinking.
     
  13. You have chosen to ignore posts from LilSprout. Show LilSprout's posts

    Re: wedding gift etiquette

    Oohh, hm.  Did you tell her you were going to mail something?  Maybe she was just making sure it hadn't been lost in the mail... just letting you know in case you HAD sent it, that it hadn't arrived yet.  That could be the case...  makes you realize how quick we are so say oh-no-she-di'int!
     
  14. You have chosen to ignore posts from pingo. Show pingo's posts

    Re: wedding gift etiquette

    Ladies, you are much too nice to this very rude bride. Ideally one should send wedding gifts to the bride's home before the wedding, but one has up to a year to gift the bridal couple.
    http://www.wedding-ideas-guide.com/time-limit-for-wedding-gifts.html
    No need to excuse her rudeness. Not only should she have waited several more weeks to bring up the subject, but she could certainly have found a much more polite way to ask. "You mentioned (or I heard from xyz) that you had mailed us a wedding gift. We have not received it yet - so I am worried, it has gotten lost. If you have the tracking number, could you please track it for me?" This would have given the OP a chance to get a card and a gift in the mail and let the bride know, the gift was on it's way.


     
  15. You have chosen to ignore posts from ajuly09. Show ajuly09's posts

    Re: wedding gift etiquette

    This bride is CRAZY. I can't believe that she would ask about this a week after the wedding. I think that you're response to the text message should be "why do you ask??"  She has no right to ask if your gift is on the way regardless if she thinks it should be at her house already according to the friend who said you were sending the gift.   She has no etiquette.   At that point, I'm not sure I'd send a gift at all. 

    On another note, we have about 12 people who did NOT send us gifts at all. No card, nothing.  We have never once said a thing to these people, over a year later. Some of them have mentioned, oh, we need to get you something for your wedding, what do you want?  And we never gave them an answer, since our registry was empty, and what were we going to say, just give us cash? Others that thought they had the year to give a gift and when they mentioned our anniversary said something like, oh well, it's been a year I guess we don't have to give a gift now!   We still have never said anything to these 12 people, and will never.  I don't care about the "gifts," just about the fact that people these days don't think they have to give them.   
     
  16. You have chosen to ignore posts from cosmogirl. Show cosmogirl's posts

    Re: wedding gift etiquette

    omg, you guys are really overreacting.

    You obviously TOLD her you were going to send the card so she was (rightfully) concerned that an envelope full of cash went missing.  I don't think she did anything wrong.

    And, really, you knew about the wedding for months and couldn't write a check to put in the card?  Just sayin'.....
     
  17. You have chosen to ignore posts from framerican51008. Show framerican51008's posts

    Re: wedding gift etiquette

    Cos, I was thinking I wouldn't send that much cash in the mail, whether it was $50 or $200.  I'd be nervous about it getting lost.

    ajuly - I can't believe people actually said that about your anniversary!  (oh well, it's been a year I guess we don't have to give a gift now!) 
    I had one friend write us a check about 7 months later.  It was really funny.  He had opened a new account, but he saved the old check the whole time so he could show us that it had been in his pocket on the wedding night.  Totally not necessary, but funny and appreciated.
     
  18. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: wedding gift etiquette

    This bride was so darned rude I'd reconsider sending a gift at all and, if I didn't send it, I'd be sure to tell her in no uncertain terms what happened to it - that I decided to save it for a real friend.

     
  19. You have chosen to ignore posts from singlegirl. Show singlegirl's posts

    Re: wedding gift etiquette

    In Response to Re: wedding gift etiquette:
    [QUOTE]omg, you guys are really overreacting. You obviously TOLD her you were going to send the card so she was (rightfully) concerned that an envelope full of cash went missing.  I don't think she did anything wrong. And, really, you knew about the wedding for months and couldn't write a check to put in the card?  Just sayin'.....
    Posted by cosmogirl[/QUOTE]
    hey cosmogirl, if you must kow, i have been having banking issues, thats why i didn't have the funds on me at the time of her wedding. i wasn't acticipating on this banking issue lasting along time when it happened and wasn't prepared to write a check at the time of her wedding. and why would i write one months in advance?  just my thoughts. 
     
  20. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: wedding gift etiquette

    Wait, I missed the part where the OP actually TOLD the bride she would mail it.  Uh, DUH, the bride SHOULD ASK about it and wasn't rude at all.

    The rude one is singlegirl for making anything of this in the first place and wasting our time.
     
  21. You have chosen to ignore posts from singlegirl. Show singlegirl's posts

    Re: wedding gift etiquette

    In Response to Re: wedding gift etiquette:
    [QUOTE]This bride was so darned rude I'd reconsider sending a gift at all and, if I didn't send it, I'd be sure to tell her in no uncertain terms what happened to it - that I decided to save it for a real friend.
    Posted by kargiver[/QUOTE]
    hey kargiver, i will send a gift, i had originally planed to give one, but it will not be the gift i planned to give. she dosen't know what i was planning on sending and she will never know. i am just going to hope she would appericate a giftcard so she and her new husband can gwt something they really want or need. 
     
  22. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: wedding gift etiquette

    I changed my mind since I learned you told her you were sending cash.  Of course, she had every right to ask about it.  That was a key part of the story you left out of the OP and changes everything about it.
     
  23. You have chosen to ignore posts from pinkkittie27. Show pinkkittie27's posts

    Re: wedding gift etiquette

    If you or someone else told her you would be sending a gift she was 100% in the right to ask if you had sent it yet. Especially if she knew it would be cash, cash makes me incredibly nervous, it's so easy to steal.

    To change your gift now because she asked is petty. Are you really less happy for her marriage because she asked after the gift you (or someone else) told her you were going to send?

    We give gifts out of genuine thought and care. We do not give gifts with the expectation that the other person will be a paragon of etiquette in return.

    Had she not known you planned to send something, yes it would have been rude to ask, but it would also be rude to change your gift because she asked.
    Two wrongs don't make a right, and you certainly won't feel awesome afterwards.

     
  24. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: wedding gift etiquette

    The fact that she left out the fact that she told the bride to expect the card and gift in the mail from her original post makes me wonder if responding here at all is worth the time it takes to type the response.  Happily, I'm a very fast typist so it doesn't cost too much.
     
  25. You have chosen to ignore posts from lucy7368. Show lucy7368's posts

    Re: wedding gift etiquette

    I don't see that she specifically told the bride to expect the gift.  I see that some third party took it upon himself to tell the bride to expect the gift, which is weird.  And I'm not sure saying, "Hey, Joe said you were sending me a gift - where is it?" isn't still rude.

    Quite honestly, even if I said to you, "I'm going to mail a card, you'll get it soon!" I'd think you'd wait a week or so before asking me about it.
     
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