Wedding Guests' Secret Gripes

  1. You have chosen to ignore posts from pinkkittie27. Show pinkkittie27's posts

    Re: Wedding Guests' Secret Gripes

    if they're your guests, it's not rude for them to ask if it's an open bar or not. If they don't ask how will they know whether or not to bring cash?
    I've been stuck at a wedding with no cash so I couldn't get a drink. I wish I had known in advance.

    I had limited open bar, so wine and beer was free. To do this I skipped having a DJ and a florist, we did iPod DJ and I made my own bouquets and centerpieces instead. I couldn't imagine serving my guests dinner and not giving them a glass of wine to go along with it. As that's what would happen if I had people over for dinner at my home or if my family hosted guests. If I was having a dinner party and realized I wouldn't be able to afford to have wine for everyone, I'd cut down the guest list. I never gave it a second thought.

    In Response to Re: Wedding Guests' Secret Gripes:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Wedding Guests' Secret Gripes : This topic will always be an on-going debate, always. If anyone asks me if my wedding is open bar or not, my response will simply be "Well, you will see at the wedding." Don't even ask me. So rude.
    Posted by Sept2010Bride[/QUOTE]
     
  2. You have chosen to ignore posts from WhirledPeasPlease. Show WhirledPeasPlease's posts

    Re: Wedding Guests' Secret Gripes

    I always bring cash to a wedding just in case. I never heard of open bar being a big deal until I moved to Boston.
     
  3. You have chosen to ignore posts from cicirose. Show cicirose's posts

    Re: Wedding Guests' Secret Gripes

    In Response to Re: Wedding Guests' Secret Gripes:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Wedding Guests' Secret Gripes : Me too!  I specifically asked our photographer for a photo of my DH's face when he first saw me come down the aisle. He did a before and after shot. Those are 2 of my favorite photos. :-) 
    Posted by ALF72[/QUOTE]

    That is such a good idea! I will have to remember it for when we get to that point in the planning process.
     
  4. You have chosen to ignore posts from lucy7368. Show lucy7368's posts

    Re: Wedding Guests' Secret Gripes

    In Response to Re: Wedding Guests' Secret Gripes:
    [QUOTE]I always bring cash to a wedding just in case. I never heard of open bar being a big deal until I moved to Boston.
    Posted by WhirledPeasPlease[/QUOTE]

    I never carry cash, period, unless someone specifically tells me that I'm going to need it.  I never think to get it.  So, if it's not an open bar, someone is going to have to tell me.

    I never heard of it being a big deal before I moved here, either, but that's because it was always a given that guests at a weddding didn't pay for anything (another reason I wouldn't think to bring cash).
     
  5. You have chosen to ignore posts from Goodness1. Show Goodness1's posts

    Re: Wedding Guests' Secret Gripes

    I never assume that someone is able to afford to have open bar for a wedding.  I've gone to weddings that have open bar, and those that are cash bar.  Regardless of what I think it's going to be, I always bring cash.  I never carry cash with me, ever, but when I go to a wedding or event that's going to have a reception at a venue, I NEVER assume that I'm going to be drinking for free all day.  That's just sillly.  I even think it's rude to ask, "Hey, is it open bar or what?".  Just bring cash, who cares.
     
  6. You have chosen to ignore posts from Peonie. Show Peonie's posts

    Re: Wedding Guests' Secret Gripes

    And yet again... I agree with Goodness....

    Pinkkittie, I have to disagree with you. I think it is rude to ask the B&G if the wedding is open bar, unless you guys are like best friends forever. Because if it is not, that can very easily make them feel bad or inadequate, if they can not afford it. What is the big deal of just bringing cash with you? I always have cash on me if I go to a wedding. I also have noticed that a lot of venues nowadays take credit cards.

    I personally would have open bar at my wedding, at least beer and wine, but a lot of people simply can not afford it, and there is nothing wrong with that.

     
  7. You have chosen to ignore posts from Goodness1. Show Goodness1's posts

    Re: Wedding Guests' Secret Gripes

    I've heard of quotes of $5,000 for all night open bar depending on what type of alcohol you want to have.  It's not that easy for some people, so don't make judgements that the B&G and their families are rude to not be able to supply their guests with alcohol all night. 

    Out of all the questions I have been asked about my wedding, that's the one that makes me feel most uncomfortable.  How about you wait and find out?  No use in asking now as I'll never tell you.  I think it's rude to ask.

     
  8. You have chosen to ignore posts from Peonie. Show Peonie's posts

    Re: Wedding Guests' Secret Gripes

    Goodness, my best friend is getting married next June and the hotel she is getting married at quoted her $7,000, and she said that is just way too expensive. If people are so upset about there not being an open bar, than don't come. I mean, you are getting an $85-$100 free meal, you know.

    Ok, I think we should all agree to disagree.
     
  9. You have chosen to ignore posts from Goodness1. Show Goodness1's posts

    Re: Wedding Guests' Secret Gripes

    It's just a touchy subject, which I understand.  Some people think when they go to a noticeably expensive wedding and wonder why they didn't have open bar.  You know, it might be more than a cost issue.  Maybe the B&G don't want a lot of alcohol at their wedding.  Maybe, just maybe, they're concerned with their guests safety from getting home from the wedding.  Maybe the venue is out in the middle of nowhere with no street lights.  Who knows! 

    In my opinion, to each their own.  I applaud those who put forth the expense and pay for their guests alcohol consumption for the entire night.  Good for them.  But, if someone can't afford it, and it was more important for them to have as many of their loved ones at the wedding (and, wanted to afford to feed them all), then how could you blame them for wanting that, too? 
     
  10. You have chosen to ignore posts from Sept2010Bride. Show Sept2010Bride's posts

    Re: Wedding Guests' Secret Gripes

    I think that the bride and groom should do whatever they want at their own wedding. I do agree with Goodness that many components can go into the decision on whether or not to have open-bar. If the venue does not provide overnight accommodations, than the bride and groom may be concerned for their guests getting home safely. And yes, open bar is expensive, and it is no ones business what someone spends on their own wedding.

    And, pinkkittie, while I agree with a lot of your ideas and opinions, I completely disagree with yours on this topic. I find it very rude for people to ask me if my wedding will have free alcohol. If you don't know, then stop by an ATM on the way, it is that simple.

    That is all I am going to say on this topic, because we could all go back and forth for ever on it.

     
  11. You have chosen to ignore posts from whatawagSBNy. Show whatawagSBNy's posts

    Re: Wedding Guests' Secret Gripes

    Something I dislike in the article, and when it comes up here, is the attitude that this is a guest's date night and party occasion.
    It is never an occasion to get drunk or wasted.  You did not pay an admission ticket in the form of a gift.  If you are married or engaged or living with someone, expect to be asked as a couple.  But singles - sometimes yes and sometimes NO.
          Food and drink are reasonable expectations.  Liquor is not.  If hosts provide it, fine.  If not, buy it or don't have it.  It is not necessary to having a good time unless you are addicted.  People eat meals without any liquor, or with 2-3 drinks in an evening, all the time.  It won't kill you. 
         There are some legitimate gripes in the article.  Most people do not want to stretch an event from noon or 2 pm to midnight, for an hour ceremony  and a reception.  They do not want to get some city place, park, then relocate an hour away after 45 minutes.  These I understand.
         The sense of entitlement people show is ridiculous.  Very selfish, very self focused.
         The last wedding I was at, an older friend's daughter's, people were on cell phones during toasts and the dinner.  3 at our table.  Not 1 checking up on kids, or family in the hospital.  Just chatting, talking about social sites and shopping.  At another, it was a dead zone for cell phones.   People were BS about it, when they were told they would not be readmitted if they left, and were directed to use any of 10 lobby telephones.
    A wedding is not a party boat cruise for future AA and liver transplant candidates, or a restaurant where you choose and pay for a meal and a floor show.
    The article comments or Gripes show people think it is.  My wedding guest gripe is the pi$$ poor attitude of a lot of the other wedding guests.
     
  12. You have chosen to ignore posts from Sept2010Bride. Show Sept2010Bride's posts

    Re: Wedding Guests' Secret Gripes

    In Response to Re: Wedding Guests' Secret Gripes:
    [QUOTE]Something I dislike in the article, and when it comes up here, is the attitude that this is a guest's date night and party occasion. It is never an occasion to get drunk or wasted.  You did not pay an admission ticket in the form of a gift.  If you are married or engaged or living with someone, expect to be asked as a couple.  But singles - sometimes yes and sometimes NO.       Food and drink are reasonable expectations.  Liquor is not.  If hosts provide it, fine.  If not, buy it or don't have it.  It is not necessary to having a good time unless you are addicted.  People eat meals without any liquor, or with 2-3 drinks in an evening, all the time.  It won't kill you.       There are some legitimate gripes in the article.  Most people do not want to stretch an event from noon or 2 pm to midnight, for an hour ceremony  and a reception.  They do not want to get some city place, park, then relocate an hour away after 45 minutes.  These I understand.      The sense of entitlement people show is ridiculous.  Very selfish, very self focused.      The last wedding I was at, an older friend's daughter's, people were on cell phones during toasts and the dinner.  3 at our table.  Not 1 checking up on kids, or family in the hospital.  Just chatting, talking about social sites and shopping.  At another, it was a dead zone for cell phones.   People were BS about it, when they were told they would not be readmitted if they left, and were directed to use any of 10 lobby telephones. A wedding is not a party boat cruise for future AA and liver transplant candidates, or a restaurant where you choose and pay for a meal and a floor show. The article comments or Gripes show people think it is.  My wedding guest gripe is the pi$$ poor attitude of a lot of the other wedding guests.
    Posted by whatawagSBNy[/QUOTE]
    THANK YOU whata....couldn't have said it better myself.
     
  13. You have chosen to ignore posts from whatawagSBNy. Show whatawagSBNy's posts

    Re: Wedding Guests' Secret Gripes

         Actually, the highlight of the last wedding was people talking on their cell phones who did not want to get up to go to the free open bar, or wait for the staff taking drink orders every 15 - 20 minutes.  They took their nips that were favors, and one guy asked for ours.  Hubby said, take 'em both - and choked back laughing while 1 guy filled his  glass from a nearby punchbowl, then his date's.  Then added 3 nips to his glass and 3 to hers,  some  scrounged from another table.  Both on their blue tooth or cell.  They were both more than half way through their 12 oz glasses when the guy actually picked up his nips to read the labels.
         Maple syrup , 3 x 1.5 oz of it with 7 oz of punch.  Not too great.
         A nice party around them, an excellent band, and they are on the phone .  Good thing B & G shelled out about 120 dollars per person.  Including Maple syrup for favors.
     
  14. You have chosen to ignore posts from Sept2010Bride. Show Sept2010Bride's posts

    Re: Wedding Guests' Secret Gripes

    Whata, I went to a wedding in May at the Griffin Photography Museum in Winchester, MA. There is absolutely no smoking allowed on the premises. I was really annoyed to hear people complaining about it at the wedding. One guy even said something to the groom about it, which I thought was incredibly rude.
     
  15. You have chosen to ignore posts from downtoearth. Show downtoearth's posts

    Re: Wedding Guests' Secret Gripes

    In Response to Re: Wedding Guests' Secret Gripes:
    [QUOTE]     Actually, the highlight of the last wedding was people talking on their cell phones who did not want to get up to go to the free open bar, or wait for the staff taking drink orders every 15 - 20 minutes.  They took their nips that were favors, and one guy asked for ours.  Hubby said, take 'em both - and choked back laughing while 1 guy filled his  glass from a nearby punchbowl, then his date's.  Then added 3 nips to his glass and 3 to hers,  some  scrounged from another table.  Both on their blue tooth or cell.  They were both more than half way through their 12 oz glasses when the guy actually picked up his nips to read the labels.      Maple syrup , 3 x 1.5 oz of it with 7 oz of punch.  Not too great.      A nice party around them, an excellent band, and they are on the phone .  Good thing B & G shelled out about 120 dollars per person.  Including Maple syrup for favors.
    Posted by whatawagSBNy[/QUOTE]

    lol!!!!!!!!!!!
     
  16. You have chosen to ignore posts from ash. Show ash's posts

    Re: Wedding Guests' Secret Gripes

    oooh, are we having an open bar discussion????
    I agree with Waggie's sentiments about certain aspects of this article and some of the silly gripes that guests have and the current self centeredness of the world.  But I would not exempt today's brides and grooms from that unfortunately, with the current "it's my day, I can do whatever I want mentality".

    As to open bar, I was raised to never dream of making a guest pay for anything.  That includes open bar--for whatever is being served--which at the hosts' discretion.  In fact this is pretty common in the majority of the world.  I'm never going to change my mind about this.

    I don't see what the length of the ceremony has to do with its meaningfulness.  Mine was 20 minutes and was just as meaningful to me as my friend's 1 hour mass was to her.  I think the hard thing for non-Catholics about Catholic weddings (nad I mean no insult at all in this, just as observation) is that a good part of this is not about the marriage at all--it is a religious service that occurs weekly, whereas most other religious weddings are a wedding and that's it.
    As to plus ones--having been a single guest for a long time, I have a certain amount of empathy for them.  At the same time, I feel for bridal couples who have to figure out what to do.  I think this was why the current etiquette guidelines stand as they do and the hosts can go from there.

     
  17. You have chosen to ignore posts from Ariel81916. Show Ariel81916's posts

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    In Response to Re: Wedding Guests' Secret Gripes:
    [QUOTE]Food and drink are reasonable expectations.  Liquor is not.  If hosts provide it, fine.  If not, buy it or don't have it.  It is not necessary to having a good time unless you are addicted.  People eat meals without any liquor, or with 2-3 drinks in an evening, all the time.  It won't kill you. 
    Posted by whatawagSBNy[/QUOTE]

    My major gripe as a wedding guest has been when no beverage has been available to the guests without opening their wallets (charging for soft drinks and water at the bar). Please, ladies, feed and water your guests. Argue about alcohol to your heart's content, but provide some liquid refreshment on the house - don't force your guests to look around for a water bubbler.
     
  18. You have chosen to ignore posts from Brighton1. Show Brighton1's posts

    Re: Wedding Guests' Secret Gripes

    I agree with Ash, the thought of charging my guests for anything never crossed my mind.  We picked our guest list, venue, and caterer based on the fact that we would be covering all expenses, including the bar.  We planned accordingly.
     
  19. You have chosen to ignore posts from pinkkittie27. Show pinkkittie27's posts

    Re: Wedding Guests' Secret Gripes

    I'm with you. I never carry cash, period. And I assume that as a guest I'm not going to have to pay for anything. Just as when I go to someone's house for a dinner party I don't expect to have to pay for my drinks or food.

    I don't see how asking if it's open bar is any different than asking what the menu will be or what the dress code is. Asking "Will there be a cash bar?" doesn't pass any judgment. It's a question.

    In Response to Re: Wedding Guests' Secret Gripes:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Wedding Guests' Secret Gripes : I never carry cash, period, unless someone specifically tells me that I'm going to need it.  I never think to get it.  So, if it's not an open bar, someone is going to have to tell me. I never heard of it being a big deal before I moved here, either, but that's because it was always a given that guests at a weddding didn't pay for anything (another reason I wouldn't think to bring cash).
    Posted by lucy7368[/QUOTE]
     
  20. You have chosen to ignore posts from pinkkittie27. Show pinkkittie27's posts

    Re: Wedding Guests' Secret Gripes

    I don't think wanting a glass of wine wo go along with a very nice meal makes anyone a selfish entitled brat or an alcoholic. Sure I have plenty of meals where I don't drink, but if I'm at a dinner party or out to eat I'm going to want one glass of wine to compliment my meal.
    I do not think everyone who is opposed to a cash bar at a wedding thinks so because they want to get wasted on someone else's dime.

    In Response to Re: Wedding Guests' Secret Gripes:
    [QUOTE]Something I dislike in the article, and when it comes up here, is the attitude that this is a guest's date night and party occasion. It is never an occasion to get drunk or wasted.  You did not pay an admission ticket in the form of a gift.  If you are married or engaged or living with someone, expect to be asked as a couple.  But singles - sometimes yes and sometimes NO.       Food and drink are reasonable expectations.  Liquor is not.  If hosts provide it, fine.  If not, buy it or don't have it.  It is not necessary to having a good time unless you are addicted.  People eat meals without any liquor, or with 2-3 drinks in an evening, all the time.  It won't kill you.       There are some legitimate gripes in the article.  Most people do not want to stretch an event from noon or 2 pm to midnight, for an hour ceremony  and a reception.  They do not want to get some city place, park, then relocate an hour away after 45 minutes.  These I understand.      The sense of entitlement people show is ridiculous.  Very selfish, very self focused.      The last wedding I was at, an older friend's daughter's, people were on cell phones during toasts and the dinner.  3 at our table.  Not 1 checking up on kids, or family in the hospital.  Just chatting, talking about social sites and shopping.  At another, it was a dead zone for cell phones.   People were BS about it, when they were told they would not be readmitted if they left, and were directed to use any of 10 lobby telephones. A wedding is not a party boat cruise for future AA and liver transplant candidates, or a restaurant where you choose and pay for a meal and a floor show. The article comments or Gripes show people think it is.  My wedding guest gripe is the pi$$ poor attitude of a lot of the other wedding guests.
    Posted by whatawagSBNy[/QUOTE]
     
  21. You have chosen to ignore posts from pinkkittie27. Show pinkkittie27's posts

    Re: Wedding Guests' Secret Gripes

    And I also agree with this, 100%

    In Response to Re: Wedding Guests' Secret Gripes:
    [QUOTE]I agree with Ash, the thought of charging my guests for anything never crossed my mind.  We picked our guest list, venue, and caterer based on the fact that we would be covering all expenses, including the bar.  We planned accordingly.
    Posted by Brighton1[/QUOTE]
     
  22. You have chosen to ignore posts from lucy7368. Show lucy7368's posts

    Re: Wedding Guests' Secret Gripes

    In Response to Re: Wedding Guests' Secret Gripes:
    [QUOTE]I'm with you. I never carry cash, period. And I assume that as a guest I'm not going to have to pay for anything. Just as when I go to someone's house for a dinner party I don't expect to have to pay for my drinks or food. I don't see how asking if it's open bar is any different than asking what the menu will be or what the dress code is. Asking "Will there be a cash bar?" doesn't pass any judgment. It's a question. In Response to Re: Wedding Guests' Secret Gripes :
    Posted by pinkkittie27[/QUOTE]

    Absolutely.  I also can't imagine going to the wedding of someone I don't know well enough to ask a question that, to me, is no different from "So what are your colors?" or "What time does the reception start?"  I need information so I can plan.

    Since I have never been to a wedding that doesn't have an open bar, before I started coming here, it would never have occurred to me to stop and pick up cash.  Yes, I have been to weddings where no alcohol was served, or where it was only beer and wine, but I've never had to pay for a drink.


     
  23. You have chosen to ignore posts from cicirose. Show cicirose's posts

    Re: Wedding Guests' Secret Gripes

    Do you think it is possible to please everyone? I agree that I would expect at least to be offered a glass of wine or champagne for a toast and to have with my meal. But I think other people expect no less than a full open bar for the entire wedding while some do not like going to weddings where there are so many drunk people. It's a tricky situation at best.
     
  24. You have chosen to ignore posts from pinkkittie27. Show pinkkittie27's posts

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    Seems we are of the same mind on this! Cool

     In Response to Re: Wedding Guests' Secret Gripes:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Wedding Guests' Secret Gripes : Absolutely.  I also can't imagine going to the wedding of someone I don't know well enough to ask a question that, to me, is no different from "So what are your colors?" or "What time does the reception start?"  I need information so I can plan. Since I have never been to a wedding that doesn't have an open bar, before I started coming here, it would never have occurred to me to stop and pick up cash.  Yes, I have been to weddings where no alcohol was served, or where it was only beer and wine, but I've never had to pay for a drink.
    Posted by lucy7368[/QUOTE]
     
  25. You have chosen to ignore posts from whatawagSBNy. Show whatawagSBNy's posts

    Re: Wedding Guests' Secret Gripes

         I can only remember 1 wedding where I ever bought a drink of liquor. Most, if not open bar all night, were open for at least 3 hours .  I think it is unconscionable not to include soft drinks, juice, hot or iced coffee and tea,  with whatever food, at no cost to guests.  I have been to numerous weddings with no alcohol served except either a champagne toast or a single dessert drink, like coffee and Kahlua.  These were all daytime weddings, starting 10 am to 1, with a breakfast or brunch, and over by 2-4pm.   All with many children present.  But some people complain if it is a wedding, and there are WHAT, NO DRINKS?  served at 11:30 am.   I will take a beer if offered at someone's house.  But I do not feel hosts must provide alcohol with breakfast and lunch in their homes, or at weddings either.

         At 2 of my sisters and brothers weddings, and at numerous friends',  many guests were underage.  Even for those over drinking age,  though hosts paid the full bar tab, and non-alcoholic drinks were free and plentiful. some people got upset.  They kept a laptop spreadsheet with a staff at the bar, and whether a waitstaff fetched your drink or you went to the bar, it was logged on your tally by time served.  The formula must have been  No more than 2 drinks the first hour and 1 an hour thereafter - because those who had 3 drinks in 2 hours were offered a soft drink if they wanted a fourth, and told to come back later.  No one was served more than 6 drinks in the usual 5 hour time the bar was open (plus the uncounted toast)  at any of these gatherings, and no one got drunk.
         Still, every wedding  had a few people, 23 or 18 or 60  in age, who went off angry, some basically saying, I can have what I want when I want it.  Give it to me.  Or, I gave 2 drinks to my son (underage)  so I really have only had 4 drinks and I want more.
         I too think that barring religious objections, hosts should provide a reasonable amount of refreshment for the time of day, setting and age of the guest.  But people are not entitled to 4 drinks by 1pm, or more than 6 drinks with and after dinner, ever.  A guest  rude enough to pi$$ and moan about it loudly is worse than a host setting a reasonable limit.
        My Dad always said, his nightmare was reading the paper the day after one of his kids married - Local physician who lost first wife and 3 children to a drunk driver buys the 9 drinks that sent guest and family of 5 to their death, with a picture of a crane pulling a car out of the river.
         Hosts have to balance what is reasonable, what is legal, and what is responsible,  and what they can pay for.  Guest are just that, they do not set the rules.

         How many brides on these boards have been shocked to find that the bar tab estimate for their vendor was an average of 6-9 drinks per person of age?  Count out the 1/3 of guest who never have more than 2 or three, if any, they figure on serving 9-12 drinks to a third of the crowd in 5 hours.  And some guests count on it.
         Reasonable provision for guests' happiness does seem required,  but people demanding more like it is their due need an attitude adjustment.
     

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