Wedding Guests' Secret Gripes

  1. You have chosen to ignore posts from dkb6248. Show dkb6248's posts

    Re: Wedding Guests' Secret Gripes

    I wanted an open bar, and we did it with just beer wine and champagne.  I also was able to bring in my own liquor which saved me a bundle, and that was something I looked for when considering venues.  But i'll tell ya, I bought a ton of alcohol, and there was barely a drop left at the end of the night (apparently, DH's extended family are quite the drinkers!).  If we had a consumption bar, we may have been in trouble.

    It depends on what is acceptable in your circle.  When my friend was getting married, a cash bar was unacceptable in her family/circle of friends and their weddings averaged about 150 people.  Her FI's family always did a cash bar - that was acceptable to them and they had huge weddings of 400+ people.  When they got engaged, her family would not allow a cash bar, and his family refused leave anyone out to make the wedding smaller.  They ended up eloping (for many reasons, but this started it).
     
  2. You have chosen to ignore posts from ash. Show ash's posts

    Re: Wedding Guests' Secret Gripes

    In Response to Re: Wedding Guests' Secret Gripes:
    [QUOTE]Do you think it is possible to please everyone? I agree that I would expect at least to be offered a glass of wine or champagne for a toast and to have with my meal. But I think other people expect no less than a full open bar for the entire wedding while some do not like going to weddings where there are so many drunk people. It's a tricky situation at best.
    Posted by cicirose[/QUOTE]
    Its really not about making everyone happy, but about hospitality.  I was raised to believe that if you invite people to a party you do not make them pay for anything, even a drink.  If you can not afford a full bar, you pay for wine and beer.  If you can not afford to pay for even that, or do not want people to drink, then you have no bar.
    Again, this is simply how I was raised.
     
  3. You have chosen to ignore posts from WhirledPeasPlease. Show WhirledPeasPlease's posts

    Re: Wedding Guests' Secret Gripes

    People I know would have been WAAAAY more pi$$ed with no bar than a bar they have to pay for.

    This is just one of those things that we can argue about forever, but no one will change their minds.
     
  4. You have chosen to ignore posts from Goodness1. Show Goodness1's posts

    Re: Wedding Guests' Secret Gripes

    In Response to Re: Wedding Guests' Secret Gripes:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Wedding Guests' Secret Gripes : Its really not about making everyone happy, but about hospitality.  I was raised to believe that if you invite people to a party you do not make them pay for anything, even a drink.  If you can not afford a full bar, you pay for wine and beer.  If you can not afford to pay for even that, or do not want people to drink, then you have no bar. Again, this is simply how I was raised.
    Posted by ash[/QUOTE]

    I was raised to believe the same thing, Ash.  But, some things are different.  The mere cost of having an open bar could pay for a lot of other things that a couple/family might want for their wedding.  I don't think we should DAMN anyone for not being able to afford an open bar for their wedding.  That's not fair, people.  Come on. 

    And, the option of not having one at all... wow, I think that would be way worse.
     
  5. You have chosen to ignore posts from lucy7368. Show lucy7368's posts

    Re: Wedding Guests' Secret Gripes

    I think there are times when no bar might be a viable option.  For example, a morning wedding with a lot of children. 

    I mean, I wouldn't do it.  But if I went to a wedding with no bar, I don't think I'd be mad about it, as long as there was coffee, tea, soda, etc.  I don't think anyone's suggesting not serving any beverages at all.  "Hey, guys!  If you get thirsty, the ocean's right there!"
     
  6. You have chosen to ignore posts from Goodness1. Show Goodness1's posts

    Re: Wedding Guests' Secret Gripes

    I went to a wedding where they served coffee (regular) coffee after the meal.  They had a coffee bar with all the syrups, powders, whipped cream, the works.  It was actually a really cute touch. 
     
  7. You have chosen to ignore posts from pinkkittie27. Show pinkkittie27's posts

    Re: Wedding Guests' Secret Gripes

    I'm not damning anyone, but it does say alot if someone would rather have fancy flowers, a DJ or a pricey wedding dress than give their guests drinks.
    If you cannot afford an open bar, that's fine, but I'd better not be looking at a big fancy centerpiece all night while having to pay for my own drinks.

    In Response to Re: Wedding Guests' Secret Gripes:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Wedding Guests' Secret Gripes : I was raised to believe the same thing, Ash.  But, some things are different.  The mere cost of having an open bar could pay for a lot of other things that a couple/family might want for their wedding.  I don't think we should DAMN anyone for not being able to afford an open bar for their wedding.  That's not fair, people.  Come on.  And, the option of not having one at all... wow, I think that would be way worse.
    Posted by Goodness1[/QUOTE]
     
  8. You have chosen to ignore posts from Goodness1. Show Goodness1's posts

    Re: Wedding Guests' Secret Gripes

    To each their own.  This is their wedding, after all.  And, the point of going to a wedding is to celebrate the couple.  Not for a free meal and drinks all evening.
     
  9. You have chosen to ignore posts from lucy7368. Show lucy7368's posts

    Re: Wedding Guests' Secret Gripes

    BTW - where's dougas when you need him?  He complains that all we ever do is agree with and compliment each other, and then he misses the open bar thread.
     
  10. You have chosen to ignore posts from Goodness1. Show Goodness1's posts

    Re: Wedding Guests' Secret Gripes

    In Response to Re: Wedding Guests' Secret Gripes:
    [QUOTE]BTW - where's dougas when you need him?  He complains that all we ever do is agree with and compliment each other, and then he misses the open bar thread.
    Posted by lucy7368[/QUOTE]

    I was about to say the same thing!!  He thinks it's all flowers and sunshine when in reality, we do have some opposing opinions.  As we should.  That's the whole point of these boards.  Get ideas, and see things from different angles.
     
  11. You have chosen to ignore posts from lucy7368. Show lucy7368's posts

    Re: Wedding Guests' Secret Gripes

    In Response to Re: Wedding Guests' Secret Gripes:
    [QUOTE]To each their own.  This is their wedding, after all.  And, the point of going to a wedding is to celebrate the couple.  Not for a free meal and drinks all evening.
    Posted by Goodness1[/QUOTE]

    That's true.  But, traditionally, the way to celebrate the couple is through food and drink. 

    I like the coffee bar idea.  Especially for a morning ceremony. 
     
  12. You have chosen to ignore posts from Goodness1. Show Goodness1's posts

    Re: Wedding Guests' Secret Gripes

    In Response to Re: Wedding Guests' Secret Gripes:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Wedding Guests' Secret Gripes : That's true.  But, traditionally, the way to celebrate the couple is through food and drink.  I like the coffee bar idea.  Especially for a morning ceremony. 
    Posted by lucy7368[/QUOTE]

    Yes, but what I've learned from these boards is that traditions vary and they differ.  What might be right or wrong for one couple is opposite for another. 
     
  13. You have chosen to ignore posts from WhirledPeasPlease. Show WhirledPeasPlease's posts

    Re: Wedding Guests' Secret Gripes

    There are always people who get few, inexpensive flowers, a cheap dress, and an inexpensive DJ and STILL can't afford open bar.

    My wedding came in around 10k. We did a TON of DIY, got a lot of deals, skipped a lot of "traditional* things. My guests told me that their food was awesome, they loved our ($120) ceremony, and the venue was beautiful. Sorry, we can't afford open bar. We have a mortgage and I'm trying to go back to school full time.
     
  14. You have chosen to ignore posts from Peonie. Show Peonie's posts

    Re: Wedding Guests' Secret Gripes

    WPP, your wedding was only 10k? WOW, from the pics, it looked like a lot more!! GOOD JOB!!
     
  15. You have chosen to ignore posts from heatherv1211. Show heatherv1211's posts

    Re: Wedding Guests' Secret Gripes

    It's funny, I guess I have different expectations depending on whether I am the host or the guest!!  

    As the host of my own wedding, it was important to me to not have the guests pay for anything.  As a guest, it doesn't bother me too much.  I just kind of go with the flow and if I don't like something, I know it's just a few hours out of my life (and perhaps a few dollars out of my pocket).  I don't tend to go (or be invited to) weddings where I am not extremely close to either the bride or groom.  So when I'm at the wedding, I'm usually just so happy for the couple that I don't care if the actual reception isn't what I would choose.  But then again, I've never been to a wedding where I felt slighted, as in "there is a $2000 centerpiece but I have to pay for my soda".  Perhaps that would bother me!

    Conversely, it was not important to me to make sure all of the folks who were not in relationships had the opportunity to bring a date, and it was not important to me to constrict myself to only a saturday evening wedding to be most convenient for people.  I know those two things are very important to other hosts.
     
  16. You have chosen to ignore posts from ash. Show ash's posts

    Re: Wedding Guests' Secret Gripes

    In Response to Re: Wedding Guests' Secret Gripes:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Wedding Guests' Secret Gripes : I was raised to believe the same thing, Ash.  But, some things are different.  The mere cost of having an open bar could pay for a lot of other things that a couple/family might want for their wedding.  I don't think we should DAMN anyone for not being able to afford an open bar for their wedding.  That's not fair, people.  Come on.  And, the option of not having one at all... wow, I think that would be way worse.
    Posted by Goodness1[/QUOTE]
    Not damning anyone.  Just telling you how I was raised.  I simply can not do it any other way.  I would have a small reception, or no reception, before I would ever charge a guest for anything at any party I ever threw (and I don't mean the pot luck BBQ you have for a few friends on a Saturday night). 


    I would never say anything to a friend, though.  I've been to plenty of cash bar receptions and whatever I think, I keep to myself (or my husband).  I don't think any less of my friends, I just think they were raised differently than me.


    But if people on here are going to ask opinions, or comment on them, I am going to freely share that I could never have a cash bar and I don't really think you should charge your guests for drinks.  People are free to take or leave my advice.

     
  17. You have chosen to ignore posts from pinkkittie27. Show pinkkittie27's posts

    Re: Wedding Guests' Secret Gripes

    Yes, of course if you can't afford an open bar you shouldn't have one. The point I was trying to make was that I dislike the idea of charging one's guests for their drinks so that one can have the fancy flowers or dress one wants. That leaves a bad taste in my mouth. And I do understand that not everyone who has a cash bar at their wedding does so because they want to spend that money on flowers or something like that, but I know it happens.
    Like I said before, I was raised to view a wedding as a large dinner party hosted by the either the bride and groom or their family. At dinner parties it's usually BYOB or the drinks are provided by the host. No host goes around the table and says "If you'd like a glass of wine just give me $4". It's just my opinion, that's all.


    In Response to Re: Wedding Guests' Secret Gripes:
    [QUOTE]There are always people who get few, inexpensive flowers, a cheap dress, and an inexpensive DJ and STILL can't afford open bar. My wedding came in around 10k. We did a TON of DIY, got a lot of deals, skipped a lot of "traditional* things. My guests told me that their food was awesome, they loved our ($120) ceremony, and the venue was beautiful. Sorry, we can't afford open bar. We have a mortgage and I'm trying to go back to school full time.
    Posted by WhirledPeasPlease[/QUOTE]
     
  18. You have chosen to ignore posts from Goodness1. Show Goodness1's posts

    Re: Wedding Guests' Secret Gripes

    Okay, then we agree on that.  I think people can do with the advice what they may.  I'm feeling for the bride and groom and their parents.  If they can do it, fine.  If they can't, fine. 

    I don't care.
     
  19. You have chosen to ignore posts from lucy7368. Show lucy7368's posts

    Re: Wedding Guests' Secret Gripes

    In Response to Re: Wedding Guests' Secret Gripes:
    [QUOTE]Conversely, it was not important to me to make sure all of the folks who were not in relationships had the opportunity to bring a date, and it was not important to me to constrict myself to only a saturday evening wedding to be most convenient for people.  I know those two things are very important to other hosts.
    Posted by heatherv1211[/QUOTE]

    You know, I go back and forth on this one all the time.  I have been to weddings where virtually all of my friends were in the wedding party, so I didn't know anyone at my table, and it would have been nice to have a date.  But I also know that some people feel like there's tremendous pressure to FIND someone, ANYONE to take just because the invitation says "and guest."  And that's really stressful.  I also remember, vividly, being invited to a wedding with a guest, telling everyone I was taking my boyfriend, and then having to explain at the wedding that he dumped me.  I think I would have preferred if I'd been invited alone.

    FWIW, I have never actually attended a wedding with a date.  However, about 80% of the weddings I have been to were before I was 18.  And looking back now, it's weird, because I can think of at least two weddings for my sisters' friends where, really, I shouldn't have been invited.
     
  20. You have chosen to ignore posts from Goodness1. Show Goodness1's posts

    Re: Wedding Guests' Secret Gripes

    I just don't think it should be as big of an issue as some people make it out to be.  If you go to a wedding and there's no open bar, then leave.  If you go to a wedding and there is an open bar, then stay.  Who cares.  I thought the whole point of going to a wedding was to be in the presence of love and to celebrate the couple. 

    For me, it's not a big deal.  I'm not there for the free drinks.
     
  21. You have chosen to ignore posts from pinkkittie27. Show pinkkittie27's posts

    Re: Wedding Guests' Secret Gripes

    I wouldn't leave if there wasn't an open bar. That would be horribly rude. Just as I wouldn't decline an invitation if the couple put their registry info on the invite, or anything else I viewed as a faux pas. It's not going to make me dislike anyone, but it will annoy me for a short while. It won't ruin my day or night.
    A cash bar is simply an inconvenience, there can be lots of those associated with going to a wedding. It doesn't mean I won't have a lovely time there or that I would skip it.
    But as a host, I do what I can make sure my guests won't encounter any inconveniences.

    In Response to Re: Wedding Guests' Secret Gripes:
    [QUOTE]I just don't think it should be as big of an issue as some people make it out to be.  If you go to a wedding and there's no open bar, then leave.  If you go to a wedding and there is an open bar, then stay.  Who cares.  I thought the whole point of going to a wedding was to be in the presence of love and to celebrate the couple.  For me, it's not a big deal.  I'm not there for the free drinks.
    Posted by Goodness1[/QUOTE]
     
  22. You have chosen to ignore posts from Goodness1. Show Goodness1's posts

    Re: Wedding Guests' Secret Gripes

    I think it's hard to make sure that everyone's pleased.  I think the whole point of the "Wedding Guests' Secret Gripes" article is that some people aren't easily pleased, and it takes a lot to make some happy.  Plus, when it comes to weddings, people usually find something (anything) to complain about.  Whether it's no open bar, dress code, location, length of ceremony, no kids allowed, kids allowed, food, music, B&G not available to have a 15 minute conversation with every single guest, receiving lines, gifts.  I could go on, and on, and on.
     
  23. You have chosen to ignore posts from pinkkittie27. Show pinkkittie27's posts

    Re: Wedding Guests' Secret Gripes

    you can't please everyone, but you can do what you can to the best of your ability and use what you know of your circle of friends and family to please them.
    You shouldn't kill yourself trying to please people, but you can and should go a little out of your way to make your guests happy. They're going a little out of their way to come and be there for you.

    In Response to Re: Wedding Guests' Secret Gripes:
    [QUOTE]I think it's hard to make sure that everyone's pleased.  I think the whole point of the "Wedding Guests' Secret Gripes" article is that some people aren't easily pleased, and it takes a lot to make some happy.  Plus, when it comes to weddings, people usually find something (anything) to complain about.  Whether it's no open bar, dress code, location, length of ceremony, no kids allowed, kids allowed, food, music, B&G not available to have a 15 minute conversation with every single guest, receiving lines, gifts.  I could go on, and on, and on.
    Posted by Goodness1[/QUOTE]
     
  24. You have chosen to ignore posts from Goodness1. Show Goodness1's posts

    Re: Wedding Guests' Secret Gripes

    I think everyone should do the best to their own ability.  And, when finances come into play, I don't think it's right for anyone (a guest) to gripe about what someone else paid for when it comes to their wedding. 
     
  25. You have chosen to ignore posts from downtoearth. Show downtoearth's posts

    Re: Wedding Guests' Secret Gripes

    In Response to Re: Wedding Guests' Secret Gripes:
    [QUOTE]I went to a wedding where they served coffee (regular) coffee after the meal.  They had a coffee bar with all the syrups, powders, whipped cream, the works.  It was actually a really cute touch. 
    Posted by Goodness1[/QUOTE]

    Sounds fun.  But in my family - the coffee bar is not complete without Bailey's, Kahlouha and Peppermint Schnapps! :)
     
Sections
Shortcuts

Share