Wedding Guests' Secret Gripes

  1. You have chosen to ignore posts from downtoearth. Show downtoearth's posts

    Re: Wedding Guests' Secret Gripes

    In Response to Re: Wedding Guests' Secret Gripes:
    [QUOTE]I just don't think it should be as big of an issue as some people make it out to be.  If you go to a wedding and there's no open bar, then leave.  If you go to a wedding and there is an open bar, then stay.  Who cares.  I thought the whole point of going to a wedding was to be in the presence of love and to celebrate the couple.  For me, it's not a big deal.  I'm not there for the free drinks.
    Posted by Goodness1[/QUOTE]

    It is.  But you are changing the subject.  If the only point were to be in the presence of love and celebrate, then we surely wouldn't need expensive clothes and flowers and limos and favors and gifts and before and after parties. 

    The question before us is not, should we have a wedding, it is, when one is entertaining, is it proper to charge one's guests for refreshment.  The answer is, no, it is not proper. 

    One should provide the level of entertainment and refreshment of which one is capable.  In other words, throw the kind of party you can afford, do not rely on your guests to pick up some of the cost. 

    To another point earlier, yes, I was once offended by having to buy drinks while the couple spent over an hour taking pictures in their limousine with their fancy champagne.  And yes, the flowers were lovely. 

    In most cases, I simply buy myself a drink and don't think anything of it - but as Ash has said, I would never do that at a party I hosted.
     
  2. You have chosen to ignore posts from pinkkittie27. Show pinkkittie27's posts

    Re: Wedding Guests' Secret Gripes

    But guests don't care about your flowers, centerpieces, limo or your DJ. If you have a cash bar to pay for those other things it's offensive to your guests. It says "My flowers/dress/limo/whatever was more important to me than your comfort." Like in the example AB gives above.
    As a host I prefer to spend money on the comfort of my guests, not things for myself. I could never charge my guests for drinks. What's next? They have to pay for their meals too?

    In Response to Re: Wedding Guests' Secret Gripes:
    [QUOTE]I think everyone should do the best to their own ability.  And, when finances come into play, I don't think it's right for anyone (a guest) to gripe about what someone else paid for when it comes to their wedding. 
    Posted by Goodness1[/QUOTE]
     
  3. You have chosen to ignore posts from Goodness1. Show Goodness1's posts

    Re: Wedding Guests' Secret Gripes

    Ha, I have actually heard people complaining that the music isn't good.

    I've always heard that people remember two of the most important things from a wedding.  The music and the food. 

    All the more reason why we're having terrific food and music at our wedding.  Can't wait!!!
     
  4. You have chosen to ignore posts from Peonie. Show Peonie's posts

    Re: Wedding Guests' Secret Gripes

    I would much prefer good food and music at a wedding than an open bar. I went to a wedding last Saturday, and wasn't on the dance floor for more than 2 songs, because the DJ was seriously out of 'The Wedding Singer', it was awful. It was open bar, but I barely drank, and the food was pretty bad, I actually got sick when I got back to the hotel Embarassed

    So, Goodness is right....
     
  5. You have chosen to ignore posts from lucy7368. Show lucy7368's posts

    Re: Wedding Guests' Secret Gripes

    I like good food.  I honestly won't notice the music unless it's awful, but I guess that still means I like good music. 

    I don't care at all whether the bride and groom arrive in the limo, or what the flowers look like, and I guarantee you that I won't notice the difference between a $200 dress and a $3,500 dress.  And, as a guest, I probably wouldn't drink more than a few glasses of wine.

    It's like Aunt Beth said: it's not about whether to have a wedding.  But once you decide to have it, you shouldn't charge you guests for drinks.  Throw the party you can afford to throw.

    But, if you're at the point where, if you have an open bar, you can't afford to have the wedding at all, then by all means, skip it.  In that situation, I would serve free beer and wine and let people know there was a bar nearby if they wanted something extra.
     
  6. You have chosen to ignore posts from pinkkittie27. Show pinkkittie27's posts

    Re: Wedding Guests' Secret Gripes

    I had an iPod DJ and people commented all night how much they liekd the music.
    Cost: $15 for the cable to hook it up.
     
  7. You have chosen to ignore posts from lucy7368. Show lucy7368's posts

    Re: Wedding Guests' Secret Gripes

    In Response to Re: Wedding Guests' Secret Gripes:
    [QUOTE]I had an iPod DJ and people commented all night how much they liekd the music. Cost: $15 for the cable to hook it up.
    Posted by pinkkittie27[/QUOTE]

    I love this idea.  However, my ipod is about 93% full of musicals, so if I tried to DJ a party with it.... well... it would be interesting.  Undecided 

    Much of the remaining 7% is Madonna, circa 1984.
     
  8. You have chosen to ignore posts from pinkkittie27. Show pinkkittie27's posts

    Re: Wedding Guests' Secret Gripes

    My mother was concerned about that when she used an iPod to DJ her wedding to my stepfather. Their solution? They sent an email out to everyone on the guest list and asked for song requests (with a stipulation that they had veto power). One the requests were in, they went on iTunes and downloaded the songs. A lot of their friends burned them cds, and I did too, so that they wouldn't have to pay for the songs we wanted to hear.
    In the end it only ended up costing about $80. It was what convinced me that an iPod DJ was the way to go. The excitement when people heard their song come on "It's my song!" was fantastic.

    In Response to Re: Wedding Guests' Secret Gripes:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Wedding Guests' Secret Gripes : I love this idea.  However, my ipod is about 93% full of musicals, so if I tried to DJ a party with it.... well... it would be interesting.    Much of the remaining 7% is Madonna, circa 1984.
    Posted by lucy7368[/QUOTE]
     
  9. You have chosen to ignore posts from cicirose. Show cicirose's posts

    Re: Wedding Guests' Secret Gripes

    In Response to Re: Wedding Guests' Secret Gripes:
    [QUOTE]I had an iPod DJ and people commented all night how much they liekd the music. Cost: $15 for the cable to hook it up.
    Posted by pinkkittie27[/QUOTE]

    We are thinking of doing this too since FI is crazy obsessed with his music. How did it work out? Did you have issues being introduced or announcing that it was time for the first dance, etc.? I thought that was usually the DJ that did that but maybe I'm completely wrong?
     
  10. You have chosen to ignore posts from lucy7368. Show lucy7368's posts

    Re: Wedding Guests' Secret Gripes

    In Response to Re: Wedding Guests' Secret Gripes:
    [QUOTE]My mother was concerned about that when she used an iPod to DJ her wedding to my stepfather. Their solution? They sent an email out to everyone on the guest list and asked for song requests (with a stipulation that they had veto power). One the requests were in, they went on iTunes and downloaded the songs. A lot of their friends burned them cds, and I did too, so that they wouldn't have to pay for the songs we wanted to hear. In the end it only ended up costing about $80. It was what convinced me that an iPod DJ was the way to go. The excitement when people heard their song come on "It's my song!" was fantastic. In Response to Re: Wedding Guests' Secret Gripes :
    Posted by pinkkittie27[/QUOTE]

    That's a really good idea.  My brother-in-law is the chief engineer for a company that operates several radio stations, so I might not even have to pay for the songs, if I knew what to ask for.  Or if I said, "Here, you do it."
     
  11. You have chosen to ignore posts from lucy7368. Show lucy7368's posts

    Re: Wedding Guests' Secret Gripes

    In Response to Re: Wedding Guests' Secret Gripes:
    [QUOTE]Ha, I have actually heard people complaining that the music isn't good. I've always heard that people remember two of the most important things from a wedding.  The music and the food.  All the more reason why we're having terrific food and music at our wedding.  Can't wait!!!
    Posted by Goodness1[/QUOTE]

    You know, someone who is drunk enough will remember neither the music nor the food.  You could just set out loads of booze and saltine crackers.  Kiss
     
  12. You have chosen to ignore posts from downtoearth. Show downtoearth's posts

    Re: Wedding Guests' Secret Gripes

    In Response to Re: Wedding Guests' Secret Gripes:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Wedding Guests' Secret Gripes : I love this idea.  However, my ipod is about 93% full of musicals, so if I tried to DJ a party with it.... well... it would be interesting.    Much of the remaining 7% is Madonna, circa 1984.
    Posted by lucy7368[/QUOTE]

    lol
     
  13. You have chosen to ignore posts from pinkkittie27. Show pinkkittie27's posts

    Re: Wedding Guests' Secret Gripes

    I am also crazy obsessed with my music Embarassed it was great to have complete control over what songs would be played. No surprises except for the order in which the iPod decided to play them. My brother worked the controls for the ceremony, the parent/child dances and the first dance, then he just had to hit play on the "reception playlist" and then he could go enjoy himself.

    We rented a mic from the aquarium for $20 and the coordinator did our announcements for us. All we had announced was our first dance and the cake cutting.
    At a smaller venue, anyone could do announcements with no mic at all, but most places do keep a P.A. system around and rent it for a reasonable fee.

    In Response to Re: Wedding Guests' Secret Gripes:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Wedding Guests' Secret Gripes : We are thinking of doing this too since FI is crazy obsessed with his music. How did it work out? Did you have issues being introduced or announcing that it was time for the first dance, etc.? I thought that was usually the DJ that did that but maybe I'm completely wrong?
    Posted by cicirose[/QUOTE]
     
  14. You have chosen to ignore posts from pinkkittie27. Show pinkkittie27's posts

    Re: Wedding Guests' Secret Gripes

    Oh my gosh! With a connection like that, why not??

    In Response to Re: Wedding Guests' Secret Gripes:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Wedding Guests' Secret Gripes : That's a really good idea.  My brother-in-law is the chief engineer for a company that operates several radio stations, so I might not even have to pay for the songs, if I knew what to ask for.  Or if I said, "Here, you do it."
    Posted by lucy7368[/QUOTE]
     
  15. You have chosen to ignore posts from cicirose. Show cicirose's posts

    Re: Wedding Guests' Secret Gripes

    In Response to Re: Wedding Guests' Secret Gripes:
    [QUOTE]I am also crazy obsessed with my music  it was great to have complete control over what songs would be played. No surprises except for the order in which the iPod decided to play them. My brother worked the controls for the ceremony, the parent/child dances and the first dance, then he just had to hit play on the "reception playlist" and then he could go enjoy himself. We rented a mic from the aquarium for $20 and the coordinator did our announcements for us. All we had announced was our first dance and the cake cutting. At a smaller venue, anyone could do announcements with no mic at all, but most places do keep a P.A. system around and rent it for a reasonable fee. In Response to Re: Wedding Guests' Secret Gripes :
    Posted by pinkkittie27[/QUOTE]

    Thanks for the info! This is really useful!!
     
  16. You have chosen to ignore posts from Peonie. Show Peonie's posts

    Re: Wedding Guests' Secret Gripes

    In Response to Re: Wedding Guests' Secret Gripes:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Wedding Guests' Secret Gripes : You know, someone who is drunk enough will remember neither the music nor the food.  You could just set out loads of booze and saltine crackers. 
    Posted by lucy7368[/QUOTE]

    You do have a point. Like my friend who doesn't 'remember' her lovely time after the wedding with one of the groomsmen....
     
  17. You have chosen to ignore posts from whatawagSBNy. Show whatawagSBNy's posts

    Re: Wedding Guests' Secret Gripes

    In Response to Re: Wedding Guests' Secret Gripes:
    [QUOTE]But guests don't care about your flowers, centerpieces, limo or your DJ. If you have a cash bar to pay for those other things it's offensive to your guests. It says "My flowers/dress/limo/whatever was more important to me than your comfort." Like in the example AB gives above. As a host I prefer to spend money on the comfort of my guests, not things for myself.  In Response to Re: Wedding Guests' Secret Gripes :
    Posted by pinkkittie27[/QUOTE]

         Who says that the flowers, centerpieces and lovely linens are not very much enjoyed by many guests who enjoy eating in elegant surroundings - and may not drink alcohol?
         Or that there are not guests who can eat rubber chicken anytime, but love to get out and dance to a live band or a DJ with great music choices?  Some care more about that, and since they keep  their own steady beer supply for watching sports and playing poker, they don't care what the liquor situation is at a wedding.
         Not everyone cares about liquor more than anything else, as you do.

    For the record, I do not ever expect people to pay when I host a party, at home or at a function.   But I do not get upset if the hosts want 450 in flowers and cannot afford (or do not want) a 6,000 dollar bar bill.  Their house or hosted party, their choice. 
     
  18. You have chosen to ignore posts from pingo. Show pingo's posts

    Re: Wedding Guests' Secret Gripes

    I am entering this discussion late, but yes - please count me as one of those who do enjoy looking at nice table setting and beautiful flower arrangements. If there is no open bar - it would not bother me the least. But I would never host a function myself and have my guests pay for their drinks. I have been to both open bar weddings as well as cash bar weddings, and it does seem that people drink a lot less if they have to pay for their drinks. Lots of the younger generation will keep trying different cocktails, only to decide they don' t like them and then ask for something else - leaving several 2/3 full drinks to be thrown out.
    At our son's wedding (hosted by the bride's parents), there was an open bar with a signature cocktail (no other cocktail mixing) plus wine, beer and the general hard liquor and sodas. At some point after dinner, when the coffee and cake was served, the bar "closed" and only after dinner drinks and sodas were served. It seemed to work well and we heard no complaints afterwards.
    On a funny note, which was not so funny at the time - my husband had offered to pick up a couple of guest at the airport at a friend's wedding. Their flight was 4 hours late. So I went on my own with him joining me later. I never carry money to weddings and little did I know, that there would be a cash bar. I was terribly thirsty and had to ask a friend to borrow money for a soda. It was embarrassing. Well, he was more than happy to buy my the soda, but lesson learned. Now, I always bring a $10 bill with me.
     
  19. You have chosen to ignore posts from ash. Show ash's posts

    Re: Wedding Guests' Secret Gripes

    In Response to Re: Wedding Guests' Secret Gripes:
    [QUOTE]I think it's hard to make sure that everyone's pleased.  I think the whole point of the "Wedding Guests' Secret Gripes" article is that some people aren't easily pleased, and it takes a lot to make some happy.  Plus, when it comes to weddings, people usually find something (anything) to complain about.  Whether it's no open bar, dress code, location, length of ceremony, no kids allowed, kids allowed, food, music, B&G not available to have a 15 minute conversation with every single guest, receiving lines, gifts.  I could go on, and on, and on.
    Posted by Goodness1[/QUOTE]

    I agree, Goodness, that what bothered me was more the tone of the article (as a guest, this is what you should do not to annoy me, this is what I expect) as opposed to what is good manners and hospitality.  I didn't have an open bar at my wedding because the guests wanted it, but because I believe that your guests should not have to pay for their drinks at a party that I am hosting (or in my case my parents...more on that later).

    But there is one thing about the cash bar issue that does bother me, and I am being really honest here, so I am sure it will come out wrong.  I don't mean to slam anyone.  But the usual "defense" for having a cash bar is that people can't afford it and that its ok because you should have the wedding you can afford.  But if you have a cash bar, you aren't having the wedding you could afford, you are passing the cost on to someone else.  There, I said it.

    I am often asked what I would do if I could not have afforded an open bar at my wedding.  I was very lucky--my parents wanted to plan and pay for my wedding, and as I've mentioned before, there is no way my mother would have a wedding with a cash bar, which she unabashedly proclaimed as "tacky" (rest her soul).  SO that worked.  But if my husband and I had to pay for our own wedding and reception?  Then we would have had the wedding and reception we could have afforded--10 people in the Rabbi's study with dinner and drinks afterward, on us. 
     
  20. You have chosen to ignore posts from laryan. Show laryan's posts

    Re: Wedding Guests' Secret Gripes

    I can be quite the stickler.  2 things that I really look for in a wedding: food & music.  I like a good meal and good music.  

    I can be uncomfortable around people I don't know, but I will chat with them during the meal.  If I don't like the company, watch out world..LOL   
     
  21. You have chosen to ignore posts from Gipples. Show Gipples's posts

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    In Response to Re: Wedding Guests' Secret Gripes:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Wedding Guests' Secret Gripes : I agree, Goodness, that what bothered me was more the tone of the article (as a guest, this is what you should do not to annoy me, this is what I expect) as opposed to what is good manners and hospitality.  I didn't have an open bar at my wedding because the guests wanted it, but because I believe that your guests should not have to pay for their drinks at a party that I am hosting (or in my case my parents...more on that later). But there is one thing about the cash bar issue that does bother me, and I am being really honest here, so I am sure it will come out wrong.  I don't mean to slam anyone.  But the usual "defense" for having a cash bar is that people can't afford it and that its ok because you should have the wedding you can afford.  But if you have a cash bar, you aren't having the wedding you could afford, you are passing the cost on to someone else.  There, I said it. I am often asked what I would do if I could not have afforded an open bar at my wedding.  I was very lucky--my parents wanted to plan and pay for my wedding, and as I've mentioned before, there is no way my mother would have a wedding with a cash bar, which she unabashedly proclaimed as "tacky" (rest her soul).  SO that worked.  But if my husband and I had to pay for our own wedding and reception?  Then we would have had the wedding and reception we could have afforded--10 people in the Rabbi's study with dinner and drinks afterward, on us. 
    Posted by ash[/QUOTE]
     
  22. You have chosen to ignore posts from Gipples. Show Gipples's posts

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    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Wedding Guests' Secret Gripes :
    Posted by Gipples[/QUOTE]
     
  23. You have chosen to ignore posts from Gipples. Show Gipples's posts

    Re: Wedding Guests' Secret Gripes

    Great post, Ash. My sentiments exactly.
     
  24. You have chosen to ignore posts from ash. Show ash's posts

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    In Response to Re: Wedding Guests' Secret Gripes:
    [QUOTE]Great post, Ash. My sentiments exactly.
    Posted by Gipples[/QUOTE]

    Why thanks, Gipples.  I'm waiting for the flame fest, though!
     
  25. You have chosen to ignore posts from whatawagSBNy. Show whatawagSBNy's posts

    Re: Wedding Guests' Secret Gripes

    In Response to Re: Wedding Guests' Secret Gripes:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Wedding Guests' Secret Gripes : Why thanks, Gipples.  I'm waiting for the flame fest, though!
    Posted by ash[/QUOTE]

    As a host, I agree with you, never a cash bar if I have anything to do with it. 

    But when other's host,  I think they should haveto make an arrangement for tea, coffee, iced t & C, soda, water with a twist of lime or lemon, and some 1 juice  to go with the food bill and be paid by the host.  Even in profit making restaurants, those get added to a host's meal bill for under a dollar  for an anniversary dinner or a baby shower or teens' party, any  mainly non alcoholic function.  The host should have to pay those.  And people should refuse to let anyone charge their guests 3-4 dollars for a 12 ounce soda that is 42 cents RETAIL in a separate can,  when the restaurant pays less than 20 cents and already makes an 80% charge for the service  at a dollar price.  That is a wedding industry Gouge  that customers need to stand strong and refuse to pay. 
         If they do that, then I guess hosts have the privilege of choosing different priorities than I would.

         Mostly I have seen laptop spreadsheets keeping track of individual guest consumption used when a host is paying, and under the liquor laws in many states they can now insist on it to reduce liability for excess drinks served.
    But 2x now I have been to functions where the host (1 a hospital staff party, one a wedding)  had a hosted bar not by time but by individual guest,  each person can order 4 drinks  on the host, after that each guest is on their own.
         Frankly, in my home I do not serve unlimited booze.  Enough is enough.  Just as I choose to serve lasagna to a big crowd, not lobster and caviar.  So Hosts do have choices now that will not leave them paying for 12 drinks served to a person, half of six abandoned and thrown out, or thrown up by a now drunk guest. 
     

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