Wedding Guests' Secret Gripes

  1. You have chosen to ignore posts from Peonie. Show Peonie's posts

    Re: Wedding Guests' Secret Gripes

    Well, Pingo, I'm sorry but when someones parent's aren't paying and a young couple are paying for their own wedding, and they "have" to have certain people at their wedding, than it may be impossible for them to afford an open bar.

    That is all I am going to say on this issue.

     
  2. You have chosen to ignore posts from Missy509. Show Missy509's posts

    Re: Wedding Guests' Secret Gripes

    In Response to Re: Wedding Guests' Secret Gripes:
    [QUOTE]Missy, I can only agree with pinkey. If you host a party, you pay for whatever. If you can only afford this much, you invite guests accordingly. Doesn't matter if t is a 6 people dinner party or a 100 or more people wedding. If you cannot afford a 100 people wedding, then cut down the invitations, and then maybe have a back yard barbeque or a potluck dinner later on for the rest of the friends, you would have wanted to be there. I sounds like you haven't been to a liquor store lately. $100 do not strech very far. Unless you only want beer and some lousy wine. But you could serve the exact same at a wedding. No one needs exotic drinks or hard liquor. Most people will be happy with beer and wine. And for heavens sake make soda and water FREE. Even though, I would love to have a drink, I would be more than happy to attend your wedding, just having a glass of tonic water with a slice of lime or lemon. In fact, that is often what I ask for at business functions.
    Posted by pingo[/QUOTE]

    Pingo, please actually read my post. I said right in it if the host can only afford to provide soda, water, juice, etc for free, then that is fine and if you prefer alcohol, you can buy it yourself. The host does not have to provide alcohol to be a good host. Providing non alcoholic drinks is perfectly fine.
     
  3. You have chosen to ignore posts from dougas. Show dougas's posts

    Re: Wedding Guests' Secret Gripes

    People need to make it clear on the invitations that they are total cheapos.
     
  4. You have chosen to ignore posts from Missy509. Show Missy509's posts

    Re: Wedding Guests' Secret Gripes

    It is also sickening to me that people always say "cut your guestlist and provide me alcohol at no cost to me". well, how do you know you wouldnt be one of those cut from the guestlist? how would you feel being told that you are not invited to your close friends wedding because too many people in her family bi@ch that they want open bar and the free soda and juice is not enough for them, so she had to make cuts? not too happy id think. weddings are about sharing the biggest day of someones life. Some people have huge families. very difficult to scale back on a guest list. So when you attend a wedding and you are provided at no cost to you dinner, desert, drinks, and entertainment be happy. Stop complaining that your drink of choice is not available at no cost to you. If you dont want to spend money, drink what is available to you at no charge, or s.u.c.k. it up and buy it.
     
  5. You have chosen to ignore posts from Goodness1. Show Goodness1's posts

    Re: Wedding Guests' Secret Gripes

    I'm going to keep going back to the couple and their families should provide what they can afford for their wedding.  In my opinion, I feel it's shameful for people to complain that they didn't get free drinks all night, and the the hosts are cheap.  I think that's rude to assume that people are cheap, or would much rather spend their money elsewhere.  No one knows what the families paid for their wedding, they can only assume.  So, if it's on them to assume that the family paid more for this and that and didn't supply their guests with a bottomless glass of liquor all night, then so be it. 
     
  6. You have chosen to ignore posts from pingo. Show pingo's posts

    Re: Wedding Guests' Secret Gripes

    Peonie you are right and so is Missy.
    Even if someones parents are paying for the wedding - it is the same thing. If one can't afford it, then don't have a big wedding you cannot afford. That is what I actually was trying to say.
    And Peonie, sometimes these days the younger generation earn a lot more money, than their retired parents does or ever had. If they need to have "certain" people at their wedding and cannot afford them, then they will have to rethink their other expenses.
    And please don' t misunderstand me. I am not for an all open bar, but if you host a party - you pay. If you can' t afford certain things - then offer, what you can afford.
    Just saying.
     
  7. You have chosen to ignore posts from dkb6248. Show dkb6248's posts

    Re: Wedding Guests' Secret Gripes

    I would hope people wouldn't complain about not having top shelf liquor.  Actually, I don't think I've been to a wedding that offered a full bar. 

    I offered only beer, wine and champagne at my wedding.  I didn't do full bar for several reasons; too expensive, I would have to hire an additional bar tender, I had a daytime wedding, and in general I feel that with hard liquor it can be a bit harder for some people to pace themselves. 

    One of DH's friends brought a bunch of nips with him and was hammered by the time we got to the reception.  Someone threw up in the bathroom and we can only assume it was him. 
     
  8. You have chosen to ignore posts from Peonie. Show Peonie's posts

    Re: Wedding Guests' Secret Gripes

    Missy I totally agree!! What if, the bride and groom are paying, and their parents INSIST they invite all these people, i.e. the parent's friends, all these family members, etc. Are the b&g supposed to say, well we can either not invite all these people you want to be there, OR have an open bar??
     
  9. You have chosen to ignore posts from Peonie. Show Peonie's posts

    Re: Wedding Guests' Secret Gripes

    Well, I of course think any venue you provide free water, juice, soda, etc. That is ridiculous if they make you pay for that.
     
  10. You have chosen to ignore posts from dougas. Show dougas's posts

    Re: Wedding Guests' Secret Gripes

    Whoa whoa. So some of your guests who may have had to travel a good distance, maybe buy airfare, kennel the pets, pay for a sitter, buy an expensive gift and maybe buy outfits for the wedding are now being punished to buy a little drink? Maybe they should make you pay for their gift. THAT is sickening!
     
  11. You have chosen to ignore posts from ash. Show ash's posts

    Re: Wedding Guests' Secret Gripes

    Pinkie took the words right out of my mouth (Thanks!).  This has nothing to do with what guests want, deserve, need or the expense of weddings.  It is not about people "needing" alcohol to have fun.  You don't "need" anything to get married except the couple and an officiant and however much it costs to get a license.  Everything else is what you WANT.

    There is not a single culture in the world where a guest would be expected to pay for any kind of refreshments at a party to which they were invited.  In fact, being able to provide these things for your relatives and friends is looked at as a positive thing...that you are able to do this.  There was a time in this country when only really wealthy people had the kinds of weddings everyone has today.  Other people had cake and punch in the church basement, went to the clergyman's study or the city hall.  As I pointed out, I myself would have had a very small had my parents not been paying.
     
    And I will repeat...as Pink did...these are standards I set for myself, not others.  I do go to weddings to celebrate with my friends and family because I love them and want to share their milestones.  I've been to plenty of cash bars and bought plenty of drinks to toast my friends and never complained to anyone.  I don't need to drink at weddings.  If there was no alcohol, I wouldn't miss it.  I've even been to a no alcohol wedding and it was pretty fun.  My post was simply to point out that I don't really think you are having the wedding you can afford if someone else is paying for the alcohol you are serving.  I do get that weddings as we have them today are very expensive and I understand that people are trying to reduce the costs.  I really do.

    One issue that I have never fully understood is how alcohol got separated out from everything else as sort of an option, but I am guessing that it is the expense and the vendors.  You would not say "We're serving pasta because that's all we can afford, but if you want steak you can pay for it yourself" like you would say "Well, we're serving sodas and juice, but if you want alcohol you have to pay". 

    This is not the same as going to a bar.  Its not the same as watching someone et married and then saying to them "Let us take you out for a few drinks to celebrate".  This is a party to which you are invited by the hosts (and with a formal invitation in many cases) and the implication from all sides of etiquette is that the host pays.  Pink is right--it is the same thing as a dinner party, only you are holding it somewhere else because your house is not big enough.


    So...these are my final thoughts.  I do love a good open/cash bar discussion, but I guess after a while they just go around in circles.
     
  12. You have chosen to ignore posts from pingo. Show pingo's posts

    Re: Wedding Guests' Secret Gripes

    To all on this thread,
    I have been to weddings, where all the brand names of liquor plus fancy wines and most brand names of beer were flowing, and I have attended weddings, where just juice, soda, water as well as coffee and tea was served for free. And you know what? I had the exact same kind of fun.
    Why is it so important for guests, that alcohol is a must at weddings? Are weddings really that boring, that one needs to be half drunk to enjoy? Just asking.
     
  13. You have chosen to ignore posts from ALF72. Show ALF72's posts

    Re: Wedding Guests' Secret Gripes

    Sorry, but if the only thing you offered at a wedding to drink free of charge was ice water, I would most definitely think you are beyond cheap.  I wouldn't say anything to you, but you can bet I'd vent to my DH on the drive home. 

    If you can only afford to offer soft drinks, juice and water, then just offer that.  I don't need alcohol to have a good time. What gets me is when the bar is a cash bar -for any kind of alcoholic drink. If you can't afford to pay for any alcohol for your guests [whether it's beer only, wine only or a full open bar], then don't offer alcohol. I don't understand the need to have alcohol available at a wedding. If it's going to break the bank, then offer just soft drinks, juice, water tea and coffee. 
     
  14. You have chosen to ignore posts from downtoearth. Show downtoearth's posts

    Re: Wedding Guests' Secret Gripes

    this is a test.  how come I can't 'reply?'

    There are only 'report abuse' and 'ignore' buttons on the posts - no 'reply' button.

    At first I thought the thread was closed, then I worried I'd been banned.
     
  15. You have chosen to ignore posts from Goodness1. Show Goodness1's posts

    Re: Wedding Guests' Secret Gripes

    In Response to Re: Wedding Guests' Secret Gripes:
    [QUOTE]Sorry, but if the only thing you offered at a wedding to drink free of charge was ice water, I would most definitely think you are beyond cheap.  I wouldn't say anything to you, but you can bet I'd vent to my DH on the drive home.  If you can only afford to offer soft drinks, juice and water, then just offer that.  I don't need alcohol to have a good time. What gets me is when the bar is a cash bar -for any kind of alcoholic drink. If you can't afford to pay for any alcohol for your guests [whether it's beer only, wine only or a full open bar], then don't offer alcohol. I don't understand the need to have alcohol available at a wedding. If it's going to break the bank, then offer just soft drinks, juice, water tea and coffee. 
    Posted by ALF72[/QUOTE]

    ALF72, I asked my venue about wine and beer only at my reception and it was a whopping $4,000 for the amount of guests I'm having (150 - 160).  And, I'm not even having a large wedding.  I was actually hoping that price included a bottle of wine and a case of beer per guest, but I was wrong ;)
     
  16. You have chosen to ignore posts from downtoearth. Show downtoearth's posts

    Re: Wedding Guests' Secret Gripes

    hmmm

    ok then ash, pinkie, pingo and Alf are right.  everyone else is wrong.

    giggle.

    just kidding.  pretty much.

    musical playlist:
    introduction: 76 Trombones - the Music Man
    first dance: There were Bells on the Hills - also from the Music Man 
    Parents dance: I must have done something good - the Sound of Music
    Cake cutting:  Feed me Seymore - Little Shop of Horrors
    Departure: So Long Farewell - sound of Music
     
  17. You have chosen to ignore posts from pingo. Show pingo's posts

    Re: Wedding Guests' Secret Gripes

    Ash,
    Your sentiment is mine. You said it better, than anyone else on this thread. You are so right, weddings were not like this in "the olden days". Now they have turned into a bash no one can't afford, and everyone are complaying.
    IMO it is so ridiculous, that young people (or their parents for that matter) have to spend a downpayment for a home for their wedding. Just insane.
    Is one evening really worth that much?
    I have been to two weddings, where refreshments (cake, coffee and soda) were served at the church's basement. And you know what? No one complained and the couples are still living happily ever after.


    In Response to Re: Wedding Guests' Secret Gripes:
    [QUOTE]Pinkie took the words right out of my mouth (Thanks!).  This has nothing to do with what guests want, deserve, need or the expense of weddings.  It is not about people "needing" alcohol to have fun.  You don't "need" anything to get married except the couple and an officiant and however much it costs to get a license.  Everything else is what you WANT. There is not a single culture in the world where a guest would be expected to pay for any kind of refreshments at a party to which they were invited.  In fact, being able to provide these things for your relatives and friends is looked at as a positive thing...that you are able to do this.  There was a time in this country when only really wealthy people had the kinds of weddings everyone has today.  Other people had cake and punch in the church basement, went to the clergyman's study or the city hall.  As I pointed out, I myself would have had a very small had my parents not been paying.   And I will repeat...as Pink did...these are standards I set for myself, not others.  I do go to weddings to celebrate with my friends and family because I love them and want to share their milestones.  I've been to plenty of cash bars and bought plenty of drinks to toast my friends and never complained to anyone.  I don't need to drink at weddings.  If there was no alcohol, I wouldn't miss it.  I've even been to a no alcohol wedding and it was pretty fun.  My post was simply to point out that I don't really think you are having the wedding you can afford if someone else is paying for the alcohol you are serving.  I do get that weddings as we have them today are very expensive and I understand that people are trying to reduce the costs.  I really do. One issue that I have never fully understood is how alcohol got separated out from everything else as sort of an option, but I am guessing that it is the expense and the vendors.  You would not say "We're serving pasta because that's all we can afford, but if you want steak you can pay for it yourself" like you would say "Well, we're serving sodas and juice, but if you want alcohol you have to pay".  This is not the same as going to a bar.  Its not the same as watching someone et married and then saying to them "Let us take you out for a few drinks to celebrate".  This is a party to which you are invited by the hosts (and with a formal invitation in many cases) and the implication from all sides of etiquette is that the host pays.  Pink is right--it is the same thing as a dinner party, only you are holding it somewhere else because your house is not big enough. So...these are my final thoughts.  I do love a good open/cash bar discussion, but I guess after a while they just go around in circles.
    Posted by ash[/QUOTE]
     
  18. You have chosen to ignore posts from ALF72. Show ALF72's posts

    Re: Wedding Guests' Secret Gripes

    I realize that some of these places gouge on price [seriously, I had a full open bar for 100 people for less than $4k; in fact,  I think it was about half of that price and I know people were drinking Grey Goose].  It was something we factored into pricing/packages when we looked at places.  I would not look at any place that didn't offer a consumption bar; pp prices gouge big time.  Again, if it's too much money, simply don't offer alcohol.  
     
  19. You have chosen to ignore posts from Goodness1. Show Goodness1's posts

    Re: Wedding Guests' Secret Gripes

    Everything is pricey, pricey, pricey when the word "wedding" comes into play.  It changes EVERYTHING.
     
  20. You have chosen to ignore posts from lucy7368. Show lucy7368's posts

    Re: Wedding Guests' Secret Gripes

    In Response to Re: Wedding Guests' Secret Gripes:
    [QUOTE]Well, Pingo, I'm sorry but when someones parent's aren't paying and a young couple are paying for their own wedding, and they "have" to have certain people at their wedding, than it may be impossible for them to afford an open bar. That is all I am going to say on this issue.
    Posted by Peonie[/QUOTE]

    Darling, the only people you "have" to have at your wedding are you, the groom, the officiant, and two witnesses (who, I imagine, have to be over 18).
     
  21. You have chosen to ignore posts from lucy7368. Show lucy7368's posts

    Re: Wedding Guests' Secret Gripes

    In Response to Re: Wedding Guests' Secret Gripes:
    [QUOTE]Missy I totally agree!! What if, the bride and groom are paying, and their parents INSIST they invite all these people, i.e. the parent's friends, all these family members, etc. Are the b&g supposed to say, well we can either not invite all these people you want to be there, OR have an open bar??
    Posted by Peonie[/QUOTE]

    If my parents start insisting that I invite a bunch of people I don't know or don't want, then my parents can pay for the added cost of having them there.  Leaving me free to do what I want with my money - including an open bar, if that's what I decide to do. 

    I'm with Pinkie.  I would never host a party and expect my guests to pay, unless it was a BYOB background BBQ.
     
  22. You have chosen to ignore posts from Peonie. Show Peonie's posts

    Re: Wedding Guests' Secret Gripes

    In Response to Re: Wedding Guests' Secret Gripes:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Wedding Guests' Secret Gripes : Darling, the only people you "have" to have at your wedding are you, the groom, the officiant, and two witnesses (who, I imagine, have to be over 18).
    Posted by lucy7368[/QUOTE]

    Wel, I have to have you, too! lol ;)
     
  23. You have chosen to ignore posts from Missy509. Show Missy509's posts

    Re: Wedding Guests' Secret Gripes

    In Response to Re: Wedding Guests' Secret Gripes:
    [QUOTE]  I'm with Pinkie.  I would never host a party and expect my guests to pay, unless it was a BYOB background BBQ.
    Posted by lucy7368[/QUOTE]

    Lucy, the host is offering juice, soda and water free of charge to you. They are not expecting you to pay for drinks. They are providing drinks and that is what is going to make them a good host. If you don't like what they are offering, you are free to purchase something other than what they provide. When a wedding does not offer an open bar but offers other drinks of choice for free, that is perfectly acceptable.
     
  24. You have chosen to ignore posts from Goodness1. Show Goodness1's posts

    Re: Wedding Guests' Secret Gripes

    People should have 2 drink tickets underneath their dinner plates at their table.  Or, better yet, raffle drink tickets at the wedding. 

    That'll make things fun, right?  HA!! 

    Imagine the behind the back talk on that one.  Wow, that would be fun.  That would be a fun gripe.
     
  25. You have chosen to ignore posts from lucy7368. Show lucy7368's posts

    Re: Wedding Guests' Secret Gripes

    In Response to Re: Wedding Guests' Secret Gripes:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Wedding Guests' Secret Gripes : Wel, I have to have you, too! lol ;)
    Posted by Peonie[/QUOTE]

    I can officiate or witness.  I don't mind.  :)
     
Sections
Shortcuts

Share