We're going down this road...

  1. You have chosen to ignore posts from teeny331. Show teeny331's posts

    Re: We're going down this road...

    Ok, DH is waffling now.  My MIL was on vacation last week, so the subject of these two women hasn't been brought up.  DH asked "what if my mother insists that they be invited?"  I told him I feel very strongly about this, these people hurt us very badly.  Why would I want them at my wedding?  Why doesn't MIL understand what our reasons are?  He says that he doesn't know what she thinks because he hasn't spoken to her yet, but she has done an awful lot for us, so maybe we should do this for her.  Plus, he says, we don't know if they're still talking about us anyway, LMAO!  I said the only reason we don't know if they're still running their mouths is because I don't socialize with your sisters anymore, and they were the ones backstabbing us, talking about us while at the same time telling us what was being said.  I said it's bad enough that we have to invite them as it is.  He ended the argument with "I'll just argue with my mother about it then."  I'm dumbfounded.
     
  2. You have chosen to ignore posts from pinkkittie27. Show pinkkittie27's posts

    Re: We're going down this road...

    You and DH have the absolute final say on the guest list. Your MIL could insist you invite Mother Theresa, but you wouldn't have to if you don't want to.
    The wedding day is about you and those that love you and want you to be happy. Those women clearly couldn't care less.

     
  3. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: We're going down this road...

    Pikkie is right. You and your fiance are sending the invitations and are hosting the party in every sense.  That means, by definition, that no one but YOU can insist on anyone being included, or not included as the case may be, on the guest list.  He can tell her that you both appreciate her input and have carefully considered all her suggestions and the guest list will reflect who you ultimately WANT to have at YOUR wedding.
     
  4. You have chosen to ignore posts from teeny331. Show teeny331's posts

    Re: We're going down this road...

    Thanks Pink and Kar, you two always help to put things in perspective.  I guess I'm just stressing myself out about this. 
     
  5. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: We're going down this road...

    Don't be so hard on yourself for stressing over these things.  Disappointing people is stressful for nice people like yourself.  It will help if you can process that it's a fact, not a good or a bad thing, that even nice people can't please everyone all the time.  And, that people (even people who love us) ask us to do unreasonable things that we have every right to refuse to do.  Furthermore, it helps to internalize that generally people handle mild disappointment in constructive, not disastrous ways.  Unless she's a maladjusted adult not capable of handling any sort of disappointment, your MIL will s_ck it up and move on when you don't invite these people.  Who is invited to your wedding can't be THAT important to her in the grand scheme of things.  Often we imagine a response to our not doing what is asked of us way worse than what does end up happening.
     
  6. You have chosen to ignore posts from pinkkittie27. Show pinkkittie27's posts

    Re: We're going down this road...

    "Often we imagine a response to our not doing what is asked of us way worse than what does end up happening."

    This is so very true. Whenever DH is dreading a certain decision I always say "Imagine the worst thing that could happen if you do x. Now, accept the reality that the worst almost never happens."
     
  7. You have chosen to ignore posts from teeny331. Show teeny331's posts

    Re: We're going down this road...

    those are words to live by!
     
  8. You have chosen to ignore posts from ash. Show ash's posts

    Re: We're going down this road...

    Why doesn't MIL understand what our reasons are?

    I would imagine he's waffling because he doesn't want to have to discuss this with her.  It's easy being the person telling your fiance and mother in law what they have to say!

    I actually think this is the question that needs to be answered (what I put in pink).  If she knows what these people did and still wants to invite them, I think there are one of two reasons (or some slight variation on these 2).  I'm passing no judgement here, by the way.

    1) She doesn't want to have to deal with the confrontation and fall out of this.  Presumably these people are pretty good friends of hers; she (and obviously your husband) have known them for a while; they've probably discussed the wedding many, many times; under ordinary circumstances (you not being upset with them) they are probably not necessarily in the category of people you'd object to inviting.  She's the one whose going to have to tell them they aren't invited and then live next door to them afterwards.  She may also be concerned about adding fuel to the fire (they already have an issue with you, why give them another one--even if it isn't real).

    2) She thinks you are making a mountain out of a molehill over whatever happened between you and these ladies and your future sisters in law and it is not that big of a deal.

    I think not wanting to invite people who spread vicious rumors about you is perfectly fine and understandable.   Or people who object to your religion, race, socioeconomic or education status, or national origin.  Especially when you are probably not inviting some people you would actually like to be there.  But I do think you need to make sure your mother in law knows and understands your reasons.  Your fiance is just going to have to tell his mom the truth and go from there.

    Again, passing no judgement but I must confess, I do wonder that there are 4 people, including your husband's family who seem to be having an issue here.  My initial thought was--is she marrying into a family of judgemental kooks or was it something she said?  To be honest, if you were my friend in real life, I would ask you what the heck they said to make it so that you didn't want to invite your husband's sisters to your wedding.  For me, it would have to be something really, really bad.

     
  9. You have chosen to ignore posts from nantucket4life. Show nantucket4life's posts

    Re: We're going down this road...

    i would simply not invite anyone who spread rumors about you. they don't deserve to celebrate with you.
     
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